Child Support - opinions please!

[SillyMe]

Sounds like the ex-wife in this case needs to put on her big girl panties and ddeal with her issues, not the least of which is that she is still terribly bitter over the divorce and now seems to live to make this guy's life miserable. Truthfully, if she was my friend and she asked my opinion, I'd tell I thought she was pathetic.

Divorce is hard...no two ways about it. But I would really try my best not to make it worse by being a nasty, vindictive witch. She has a decent ex-husband who sounds like he is trying to do the best he can for their child, and she's going to go after him for a small amount of $$ that he may earn from some part-time job.

I think that if she does end up doing that, then he'll have to tell her that all the "extras" will have to stop. She'll get the child support payments and nothing else...no new clothes, no school supplies and so forth. She will be required to provide for all of that stuff out of the support payment.

I know a couple who divorced and their child literally has 2 complete sets of clothing, toys etc...one at each house...because of a situation like this. The Dad was providing child support plus extras. The Mom would send the kid for the visitation in the rattiest clothes imaginable so that Dad and stepmom would have to buy her decent clothing. Meanwhile, the kid had decent clothing at Mom's house...Mom just didn't let her bring it to Dad's, so that Dad would have to spend more $$$. For a while, Dad would let kid take new clothes back to Mom's, but it got to be that every time they got kid for visitation, they'd have to buy her clothes...Mom never sent her with the new clothes purchased the last time...just kept sending her in the same ratty stuff. Finally, Dad and stepmom decided that the stuff they bought kid would stay at their house when she left after visitation, so it would be there for her to change into the next time she came dressed in the ratty clothes that Mom always sent her in. It was sad in a way, but I could see their point in a way too.

I find women who have no desire to take care of themselves pathetic. I find women who continually play the "poor me" card to be pathetic. It's a bad example to set for your children. It's a pathetic, sad way to live your life.

Well said.

 

[jenks0718]

Sounds like the ex-wife in this case needs to put on her big girl panties and ddeal with her issues, not the least of which is that she is still terribly bitter over the divorce and now seems to live to make this guy's life miserable. Truthfully, if she was my friend and she asked my opinion, I'd tell I thought she was pathetic.

Divorce is hard...no two ways about it. But I would really try my best not to make it worse by being a nasty, vindictive witch. She has a decent ex-husband who sounds like he is trying to do the best he can for their child, and she's going to go after him for a small amount of $$ that he may earn from some part-time job.

I think that if she does end up doing that, then he'll have to tell her that all the "extras" will have to stop. She'll get the child support payments and nothing else...no new clothes, no school supplies and so forth. She will be required to provide for all of that stuff out of the support payment.

I know a couple who divorced and their child literally has 2 complete sets of clothing, toys etc...one at each house...because of a situation like this. The Dad was providing child support plus extras. The Mom would send the kid for the visitation in the rattiest clothes imaginable so that Dad and stepmom would have to buy her decent clothing. Meanwhile, the kid had decent clothing at Mom's house...Mom just didn't let her bring it to Dad's, so that Dad would have to spend more $$$. For a while, Dad would let kid take new clothes back to Mom's, but it got to be that every time they got kid for visitation, they'd have to buy her clothes...Mom never sent her with the new clothes purchased the last time...just kept sending her in the same ratty stuff. Finally, Dad and stepmom decided that the stuff they bought kid would stay at their house when she left after visitation, so it would be there for her to change into the next time she came dressed in the ratty clothes that Mom always sent her in. It was sad in a way, but I could see their point in a way too.

I find women who have no desire to take care of themselves pathetic. I find women who continually play the "poor me" card to be pathetic. It's a bad example to set for your children. It's a pathetic, sad way to live your life.

The clothes thing happened to us many many times. Just this past week we picked sds up for his two week visit and we leave for Disney this Thursday. We specifically asked his mom (via email because she never wants to speak to us live now that sds is 12 and can handle his own affairs) and told her to please pack ample clothes for the trip. We are paying for everything else, just PLEASE send some shorts and tees and stuff. What did she pack? 2 pair of beat up basketball shorts and three polo style shirts. Dh looked like a beaten man when he opened that duffel bag and realized we would have to go out and fork cash out for some clothes for sds. We always buy him clothes and things, but its funny how the nice clothes go home and the rags come back to us on our weekends and summer breaks. Now we keep the clothes at our house, unless of course sds really likes it and we feel bad about him not being able to wear it.

 

[pyrxtc]

well, I'm on both sides of the fence.My DD visits her father every other weekend but he doesn't pay his child support regularly and sometime not at all. he thinks it's ok if he is past due for months at a time cuz then when they take his taxes i get one lump sum and the rest of the time I can figure out how to buy what I need on my own. He was ordered to pay for insurance and stuff like that but never does. he went away for 6 months for job trianing and called his DD about 2 or three times during his whole time he was gone. When he has a GF, he sees our DD a lot more. His parents pay lots of attention to her. he has clothes for his house and i have some for mine. i used to send her over there with nice things on so she would look good and she would come home in clothes that were ragged or way too small.

he has a job where he works for himself now so he cannot have support taken from his check directly. He worked under the table for a long time so they couodn't take his checks. They do take his taxes every year though and now the state gives him 45 days to fight that before they give me the money. Well, if they take $2000 and he owes me over $5000 they why does he get the right to say no!? My DD is 9.

Now, my Dh was married before also and has a DD with his ex. She is 12. We have all our own clothes and stuff. nothing gets transported between houses or rarely anyways. He pays his support evry two weeks on time when he gets paid, it is the first check he writes out. His mother buys stuff for SDD for her moms house along with whatever is neccesary. We buy her things for school but our clothes are not what her mom wants. We bought her new jeans from JCPenney and her mom got upset cuz it wasn't the right brand. No thank you at all. We take her on vacation with us, have her every weekend and attend all school things that we are notified of. I bring her to the Dr and dentist cuz her mom won't and my DH is at work. I brought her to get new glasses cuz her mom wouldn't even after all the complaints of headaches. her mom complains that I try to keep her out of schoo too much for these appt's but she lives about an hour away and they don't do appt's on weekends. I always make them for a Monday morning or friday afternoon so she doesn't miss a whole day and her dad drops her of or picks her up early when appropriate. It's like pulling teeth with her mom to try to get SDD for more than the weekends. her mom is remarried with another DD and my Dh and I have 2 boys to add to our two girls we each had in our prior marriage.

She always comp[lains about money but she and her DH continue to quit their jobs ona whim and spend money faster than they make it. SDD just got a cell phone that they pay about $30 a month for and she uses it for about 20 minutes a month, usually when she is at home and can use the home phone instead. I can't wait until SDD is old enough that we don't ahve to send money to her mom anymore, and we will be sending money directly to her when she is in college. (yes, we have to pay until 18 or 21 if she goes to college). I continue to try to get my DH to talk to his ex about letting SDD live with us for high school in the country instead of the inner city where she lives now. I would love to go back to court to ask for more visitation time, especially in the summer.

However, to the OP, the mother has right to go after the 2nd job money even if it is not the right thing to do. you can either tell her how you feel or be quiet and be her friend. I would tell her how you feel about it!

 

[barkley]

one of my favorite child support 'victories'-a friend had an ex who was consitent in paying his child support but had no desire to have contact with the son. while being consitent in paying he was also consistent in complaining that what he was paying was too much. friend tires of it and offers ex a deal-she will agree to lowering the obligation (by not much but an appealing amount to ex) if he agrees to revise the provision that calls for support to end upon age 18/high school grad. she proposes that if the son carries a certain gpa and desires to go to college the support will continue to age 22. her ex JUMPS on it-bragging to friends that no way any son of his will go to college (guess he beleived in nature vs. nurture ) and how he was saving soooooooooo much in the deal. he never thought to inquire how the kids grades were in highschool-and got the shock of his life when he received the graduation announcement proclaiming the kid as a top notch honor student who'd accepted a placement at one of the many top colleges he had been courted by. his plans a 'child support agreement' burning party/beer bust were put on hold for another 4 years