Child-free, but not by choice?

[leight]

mickey'smainmami- I'm so sorry. I know words can't help but I'm wishing you the best.

Suzanne- enjoy your bday in Disney!


Well, I've been lurking for the last month or so-not sure if I really belong, but when I am feeling sorry for myself it helps me to read stories like yours to remind me why I did what I did.

My story-I have now had 4 miscarriages and am resigning myself to not having anymore children. I am 37 and I have PCOS but this was diagnosed during my third egg donation 5 years ago. The first two were extremely successful- a set of twins and two single births (maybe more since each couple had saved embryos) The last donation was difficult, although it too resulted in a successful pregnancy, it left me scarred and I was diagnosed with PCOS and then lupus shortly thereafter. My RE has said that the overstimulation I experienced and the infection from the retrieval probably has given me secondary infertility.

I am the mother of two beautiful daughters who were concieved on the pill. I am also a pill baby-but I was adopted out. I have found my birthfamily and it appears that resistance to the pill is somehow genetic-my mother had 2 babies from the pill and my sister one. My birthmom gave blood every year around my birthday to give life for the 'life she gave up' and that touched me deeply. I did not feel I could be a surrogate emotionally, and egg donation is a way that I could help infertile couples without hurting myself.(or so I thought)

I'm still glad I did it -the first time the transfer took place mother's day weekend and I remember the most wonderful feeling of peace that I was making another woman a mother that day! But the anniversary of my last m/c just passed and I found myself really wishing I could try again. I know its selfish to think this way when I've been so blessed with my daughters, but I still have the feelings that I am supposed to have another child.

I went to one infertility support group but once they heard that I'd had children I felt more resentment than support from them. Sometimes I just wonder if I hadn't done egg donation would I have another child? That's why I needed to read about you all to remind me that I did it to help someone else recieve the gift of life.

Thanks for listening.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

mickey'smainmami- I'm so sorry. I know words can't help but I'm wishing you the best.

Suzanne- enjoy your bday in Disney!


Well, I've been lurking for the last month or so-not sure if I really belong, but when I am feeling sorry for myself it helps me to read stories like yours to remind me why I did what I did.

My story-I have now had 4 miscarriages and am resigning myself to not having anymore children. I am 37 and I have PCOS but this was diagnosed during my third egg donation 5 years ago. The first two were extremely successful- a set of twins and two single births (maybe more since each couple had saved embryos) The last donation was difficult, although it too resulted in a successful pregnancy, it left me scarred and I was diagnosed with PCOS and then lupus shortly thereafter. My RE has said that the overstimulation I experienced and the infection from the retrieval probably has given me secondary infertility.

I am the mother of two beautiful daughters who were concieved on the pill. I am also a pill baby-but I was adopted out. I have found my birthfamily and it appears that resistance to the pill is somehow genetic-my mother had 2 babies from the pill and my sister one. My birthmom gave blood every year around my birthday to give life for the 'life she gave up' and that touched me deeply. I did not feel I could be a surrogate emotionally, and egg donation is a way that I could help infertile couples without hurting myself.(or so I thought)

I'm still glad I did it -the first time the transfer took place mother's day weekend and I remember the most wonderful feeling of peace that I was making another woman a mother that day! But the anniversary of my last m/c just passed and I found myself really wishing I could try again. I know its selfish to think this way when I've been so blessed with my daughters, but I still have the feelings that I am supposed to have another child.

I went to one infertility support group but once they heard that I'd had children I felt more resentment than support from them. Sometimes I just wonder if I hadn't done egg donation would I have another child? That's why I needed to read about you all to remind me that I did it to help someone else recieve the gift of life.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome Leigh, please join us. What you did is a wonderful thing, please don't feel guilty for wanting another baby. I know sometimes, I do feel a little resentful towards women that have secondary infertility, because it is very difficult not to have even had a BFP, but I understand. I am being treated for PCOS. I have alsoo resigned myself recently to giving up trying to have a baby, so maybe it will happen now, but I doubt it.

I have no problem with anyone that wants to join as long as they don't come to ridicule us as some have.

Suzanne

 

[R Dog Walt]

Leigh-

Thanks for sharing your story.

Wow! You are a generous woman for being an egg donor. I also was an egg donor five years ago for my aunt. Unfortunately, my eggs weren't as great as they'd hoped even though I did LOTS of testing. Only 3 of 13 eggs fertilized and the embryos looked awful at day 3 for the transfer. She did not get pregnant with my eggs- which I'm thankful now since I'm having my own IF struggles at age 31. I think that would be very hard for me to deal with having a cousin who was technically a genetic link to me.(My aunt did thankfully have a child through an anonymous egg donor. He is so precious!).

I really do appreciate women who are egg donors. I'm doing a donor embryo cycle this month, and I'm so thankful to the donor couple who donated the embryos and to the egg donor and sperm donor who provided that couple with the eggs/sperm (complicated, isn't it? The couple who donated had used donor egg/donor sperm). For women like me, who are relatively young and whose egg quality is terrible, egg donors are a viable option. Unfortunately, for me we did not have enough money to do an egg donor so donor embryos were the option. So, anyway, thank you. You have given such a wonderful gift!

I know that secondary infertility is difficult. And it is hard because sometimes others who don't have a child feel resentment toward those who do. Personally, I think all infertility just S*CKS! Although sometimes it is difficult for me to not be jealous of those with children. However, it's not fair that those women at the support group weren't supportive to you. How cruel!

Welcome!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Alright everybody, where are you? Am I here all by myself? Oh I know, everybody must be at WDW, yeah right, come on lets "hear" from you.

Suzanne

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I've been writing on here for a while now and I wanted to update everyone on the latest....
So, we've gotten the fact that I carry a fragile X gene out of the way
My progesterone *might* be OK, because it was 9.5 in my luteul phase last month
My chromosomes are just peachy
And ALL my blood tests came back normal... EXCEPT for one....
PROLACTIN!!! It's elevated. I've known this though.
I've gotten all my tests results from 2002 to now.... MY prolactin was always messed up. It should be under 30.... Here's my levels...In:
2002 - 60.8
2003 - 10 (NORMAL??)
2006 - 38
2007 - 48
I just don't get it!!!! I was already tested with an MRI to see if it's a pituitary tumor and the MRI showed nothing. I don't know if this can cause miscarriages. I've read that you're not even supposed to be able to get pregnant with elevated prolactin!! I always get my period on time and I know I ovulate, because * I just know!* I get certain 'signs'... Anyway, I'm hoping that this is easily fixable and I'll finally be ABLE TO CARRY A BABY past 3 months!!!! grrr
Hope everyone is doing well!!

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

Hi everyone, I am here, but haven't really posted lately. I am just in that "down in the dumps" phase, but it will pass. Welcome Leight, we are here to listen and help in anyway we can. My brother and sis in law are going throught the same thing as you. They have a 2.5 year old son, who is my heart, but have been trying for 2 years to have another and not having any luck. They are going through fertility treatments now. I hope you find some peace in your heart, and I think it was a wonderful thing you did by donating eggs for someone who couldn't have a child on their own. I was thinking of donating eggs also, but I heard that you have to be under 30, and my 30th b-day is in July. I was hoping that by donating my eggs, I know you get paid, that I could get the cash, and then do our surrogacy with that. My sis in law and my husbands really good friend that he grew up with who has 5 children herself said she would do it for us too. We just need the money to do it. If that happened, then I would do a donation, get the cash, then do another donation for our baby, and then donate the leftover eggs. You can do that right? Do you have to be under 30? Also, who know with my problems, I might not even be allowed to do it. I too also agree that sometimes I am jealous of people with children, not in a mean jealous sort of way, just I wish I had a baby way. I do get mean jealous when I see or hear about people abusing their kids, then I think why did God give them kids, and not someone good like me? On the news here, there is a big thing going on about a 17 girl who gave birth to a live baby, sufocated it and stuck it in the trunk of her car and drove around with it for weeks until finally a family member called police. I cried when I heard that. Here I want a baby so bad, and she had a healthy baby and killed it. The thing that kills me is this happened like 4 months ago, and only yesterday they arrested her, because someone in her family is a high powered politician or something. Makes me sick. What else really upsets me is my husband has 2 kids by his ex, and she is a real jerk. My husband is such a great father, and his kids love him, but she is so jealous that she keeps them away. She moved to Florida with them 2 years ago and when we contacted her to let us see them over the summer for a couple of weeks she said he was an unfit father and all this stuff. Doesn't she know that she's hurting the kids? I can't be a mom or a stepmom, how depressing. We are going to try and fight for visitation, but that is just more money out of our pocket that we don't have right now, especially if we are thinking about doing IVF/surrogacy. Then to top it all off, my husband told me plenty of stories about how she never really was around, she was always off partying, and he would cook and clean and take care of them, and she went on to have another baby by another guy, and is taking care of his older daughter, and he is in jail now for the last year looking at at least 4 years, and you know what she is using to pay for his kids, my husbands $550.00 a month child support that is supposed to take care of his 2 sons. Anyway I am sorry I am ranting, we are just tired of everything. Life just seems so unfair sometimes. Anyway, I hope you are all doing well, and keep hanging in there, things do have a way of working themselves out, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Sorry I am in a depressing mood today, tomorrow I will be better, I promise! Princess Suzanne, I hope things are looking up for you and your hubby.

 

[hematite153]

Alright everybody, where are you? Am I here all by myself?

Okay. I'm here. I've been reading the (few) posts but haven't been in much of a posting mood.

It seems like after 3.5 years we ought to be getting used to the disappointment of not getting pregnant. But, instead, it just seems to get more depressing every time. Early on I was able to say, "well, we're well ahead of the averages, it'll happen". But now, we gave up on my DW, I've had to get into interventions and it's starting to feel like it should have happened by now.

Sorry...I guess I'm down in the dumps as well.

PrincessSuzanne: have a great birthday at Disney!!! & congratulations on the new (to you) car.

Mickey'sMainMami: You've been in my thoughts. I wish you luck with whatever you decide. The situation with your husband's sons doesn't sound good. If she's really as irresponsible a parent as your husband describes, I hope you do find the means to fight for visitation--does she have full custody? Kids need to know that they are loved and appreciated.

Leight: Wow, what a gift you have given with your egg donations. I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much support with your secondary infertility. Thank you for your gift.

R Dog Walt: You've started getting ready, right? You're in my thoughts and prayers--this donor embryo sounds like a dream come true.

DzneyLvr2005: It's good to know that you have something to look at. If your progesterone was okay last month it supports your doctors belief that your low level was indicative of an impending miscarriage instead of the cause of it. Both are painful, but knowing your levels can be normal seems hopeful for the future. I know nothing about prolactin--good luck figuring that out.

 

[hematite153]

Btw, has anyone heard from Nennie? She got us all started but hasn't posted since page 11.

 

[leight]

Thank you all for the welcome!

Suzanne- hope you're doing well !

R Dog Walt- I agree that watching your genetic child being raised by a family member has to be difficult. We knew that DH's cousins were considering surrogacy and talked about it- but also knew that we wouldn't like their parenting style. I didn't think I could disassociate myself enough to let them raise my baby their way without giving my opinion! So we turned to egg donation since it seemed like a way to really help without becoming too attached myself. I donated anonymously and was extremely gratified when I learned about our sucesses. But it has been hard knowing that because I did this it hurt my own chances for another baby.


Mickey's Main Mamie- I was 30 the first time I was interviewed for donation but during the sono exam we found out dd#2 was on the way. I was 31 when I did the first donation, 32 for 2nd and 3rd. Where I donated you could be up to 34. I think it varies by center. I've known family donations with donors over 35- but it's discouraged. Frankly the money thru private donations can be substantial but this was thru a clinic and I was taxed and my expenses minimized that money benefit greatly. I wanted to help people because I was so lucky with my daughters and thru my own adoption experience.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Hi you guys!

I feel like I don't belong here, but Suzanne invited me and you are all so amazing with all of your stories.

Mickey'sMainMami~~~I send out tons of hugs to you. I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but just wanted you know that my prayers and good thoughts are with you.

To the rest of you trying to conceive~~~Please never give up. Keep that chin up and if you just ever want to vent, scream, or yell...feel free to PM me. I'll never be able to say I understand what you're going through because I was blessed to have it happen so quickly, but I hope I can still be an ear to anyone who wants one.

I hope it's okay for me to be here. I've got to finish reading the pages now. I started on the last page and I'm working my way backwards...I know....I'm weird.

Blessings to all of you!

 

[VMK_Princess_Chloe]

Hello All!

I was just wondering if there were any other couples out there that were dealing with infertility, or the loss of a child, that also love Disney as much as we do.

We have been trying to have a baby for 3 years, and have been treating with a RE. We did get pregnant twice, but lost one to an ectopic pregnancy, and our second pregnancy resulted in our son was stillborn in August. We aren't giving up though, and will probably go back to the doctor this summer to try again.

Family and friends think we're nuts for going to Disney (we go 3 times a year), b/c of all the children. I admit that it's hard to see all the children laughing, playing, hugging the characters, etc. I burst into tears once, after sitting next to the cutest little boy on Soarin' and watching his reaction to the ride. I just have to believe that one day I'll have a child to share Disney with as well.

Just wondering if there was anyone else out there dealing with a similar situation, and wanted someone to chat with!

Yes, we have been trying for 4 and a half years.. with one miscarriage. We are going back to the fertility specialist on July 12th.. after our trip to Disney... which is June 30th to July 6th.... for our 5 year anniversary. So yeah, I know what your feeling!

 

[atisikitabasket]

We have been blessed with a 4year old son and in May 06 "was supposed to be our last trip to WDW for a while so we could have another" we took a trip to Disney and I got pregnant I then miscarried on our 8 year anniversary. As soon as it happened we started planning a trip for Feb. which was the due date if I hadn't miscarried. The thing that kept me going was knowing we had another wonderful trip coming. We have been trying since August. no luck yet but we decided to take a couple months off because I was stressing to hard so now we are planning our first Christmas trip and DS4 birthday this December at WDW.
I am very lucky to have a son and I know this. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS right after my miscarriage and I had a real hard 4 months during that time. Now he is improving he goes to a special school half a day and daycare the other half. Even thought he has issues I wouldn't trade him for the world and I hope and pray for all of you that you will be blessed also!!!!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi you guys!

I feel like I don't belong here, but Suzanne invited me and you are all so amazing with all of your stories.

Mickey'sMainMami~~~I send out tons of hugs to you. I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but just wanted you know that my prayers and good thoughts are with you.

To the rest of you trying to conceive~~~Please never give up. Keep that chin up and if you just ever want to vent, scream, or yell...feel free to PM me. I'll never be able to say I understand what you're going through because I was blessed to have it happen so quickly, but I hope I can still be an ear to anyone who wants one.

I hope it's okay for me to be here. I've got to finish reading the pages now. I started on the last page and I'm working my way backwards...I know....I'm weird.

Blessings to all of you!

Denise, I am so glad to see you came and joined us. We don't discriminate against anyone here, so please feel free to join our discussions or actually sharings. I hope you are doing well and I hope your little bean is also getting along well.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Yes, we have been trying for 4 and a half years.. with one miscarriage. We are going back to the fertility specialist on July 12th.. after our trip to Disney... which is June 30th to July 6th.... for our 5 year anniversary. So yeah, I know what your feeling!

VMKPrincessChloe, although I can't say I have been where you are exactly, infertility SUCKS. Good Luck with your fertility specialist, and have fun at WDW. I am off to the World in 14 days

Suzanne

 

[VMK_Princess_Chloe]

VMKPrincessChloe, although I can't say I have been where you are exactly, infertility SUCKS. Good Luck with your fertility specialist, and have fun at WDW. I am off to the World in 14 days

Suzanne

thanks! infertility does suck! I feel for everyone who has to deal with it. But, you know.. if it doesn't happen soon we are going to look into adopting... and that can be wonderful to.. not the same but if it's the only way.. we are going to go for it!

 

[Nennie]

Hi Girls!!!

I've been reading, but haven't but up to posting lately. I have a case of the "Poor Me's"! LOL!!!

The good news: We just got back from WDW, and had a fabulous time!!!!!

The bad news: I just had another miscarriage.

The annoying news: Had I known I was going to have a m/c, I would have just gone on Rockin Roller Coaster and all the other thrill rides!!

The refreshing news: At least I m/c super early, so I just have to take one cycle off, before getting started again.

Sorry for the Me, Me, Me post!!!! I just had to let it all out!!

I promise to get out of my funk, and be a better poster!!!

 

[DznyLvr2005]

Hi Girls!!!

I've been reading, but haven't but up to posting lately. I have a case of the "Poor Me's"! LOL!!!

The good news: We just got back from WDW, and had a fabulous time!!!!!

The bad news: I just had another miscarriage.

The annoying news: Had I known I was going to have a m/c, I would have just gone on Rockin Roller Coaster and all the other thrill rides!!

The refreshing news: At least I m/c super early, so I just have to take one cycle off, before getting started again.

Sorry for the Me, Me, Me post!!!! I just had to let it all out!!

I promise to get out of my funk, and be a better poster!!!

I'm so sorry to hear of this.... how far along were you?? I've had 2 miscarriages as well....
My first was 10 weeks, 2nd was 5 weeks I'm taking a long break from trying for a while... Got a trip planned in Sept, after that, I'll try once more and if it ends in another m/c, I'm DONE!! I also have an appointment with a RE in July so hopefully he can help me.
Good luck to you...

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Girls!!!

I've been reading, but haven't but up to posting lately. I have a case of the "Poor Me's"! LOL!!!

The good news: We just got back from WDW, and had a fabulous time!!!!!

The bad news: I just had another miscarriage.

The annoying news: Had I known I was going to have a m/c, I would have just gone on Rockin Roller Coaster and all the other thrill rides!!

The refreshing news: At least I m/c super early, so I just have to take one cycle off, before getting started again.

Sorry for the Me, Me, Me post!!!! I just had to let it all out!!

I promise to get out of my funk, and be a better poster!!!

First of all Now, welcome back stranger. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, but know that we are all here for you. You can come me, me, me all you want, I have been.

Now on to happier things. I'm glad your trip went well. Happy you get to try again (I'm done with that).

Keep us informed.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I'm so sorry to hear of this.... how far along were you?? I've had 2 miscarriages as well....
My first was 10 weeks, 2nd was 5 weeks I'm taking a long break from trying for a while... Got a trip planned in Sept, after that, I'll try once more and if it ends in another m/c, I'm DONE!! I also have an appointment with a RE in July so hopefully he can help me.
Good luck to you...

Hi DznyLvr2005, I know what you mean about DONE, I am now done. I have been on this roller coaster for 5 1/2 years and I can't take anymore. I hope things look up once you see the RE though, he/she should be able to get you through a pregnancy. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Suzanne

 

[DznyLvr2005]

Hi DznyLvr2005, I know what you mean about DONE, I am now done. I have been on this roller coaster for 5 1/2 years and I can't take anymore. I hope things look up once you see the RE though, he/she should be able to get you through a pregnancy. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Suzanne

Wow 5 1/2 years... Yeah, it's almost not worth my mental well being, I'm sure everyone understands what I mean. I still think about it 100000 times a day... I cry almost every day. I would have been 8 months now. I feel like crying right now as I speak.
I always hear about that lady that has 16 kids (BTW she's HAVING ANOTHER ONE) those people that are on TLC... and it's just not fair! She has not a care in the world and keeps popping out babies. Not even three months go by from the last time and she's pregnant again! (IMO 17 kids is just15 too many!!!!!) But anyway, I just want it to be over and done with. I want to be put to sleep for 9 months next time I'm pregnant and just wake up and it's done. Or better yet, admit me to the hospital for 9 months. I'll feel MUCH better that way. I travel an hour to work each way, work is so stressful, I can't even imagine being pregnant right now, I'm just a mess. People are telling me to "go see someone" in other words, a psychiatrist, but I think it's normal to feel this way. My life was to be forever changed and now it's not. I can feel however I want!!
Thank you Princess Suzanne for keeping me in your thoughts as will I keep you in mine.