Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[KimR]

Well, what I do not understand is this:

If you never were "into" babies/kids, then why would you have any? This is what I don't understand. Is it in good faith that you think you'll be "into" your own kid? Do you ever think "what if I don't like my own child either?"

I can answer that for myself because I was never 'into' babies or kids either. In fact, I'd always found them loud and extremely annoying. I was one of the most un-likely moms you'd ever meet. People were SHOCKED when I announced I was pregnant.

But the weird thing is I WANTED to want kids. I wanted to experience that unconditional love that everyone said was so intense and unlike anything else. Also, I liked the idea of having older or adult children - I just didn't want to deal with them when they were small and annoying!

Then I met a co-worker who was just like me - never liked children until she had her own, but she was such a good mom and so in love with her little girl. I started searching my heart and decided that I was ready. I guess it was sort of a leap of faith trusting that once I had a baby, the maternal instinct would kick in - it's hard to explain, but I just 'knew' - it felt right. That's not to say I wasn't scared to death. I can remember sitting in the pediatrician's office 8 months pregnant waiting for my appt to interview a prospecive ped. There were kids running around wild and my automatic response to that kicked in and I thought: 'boy, I'm glad I don't have kids'....then I looked down at my swollen belly and thought 'oh, (#*$&'!

Fortunately, though, it worked out for me. I have 3 girls now and I am ecstatic with my life now...i would never want to go back to the child-free life I thought I would miss so much. It honestly terrifies me to think how close I came to never having kids at all. Really, I think it all comes down to following you heart. If you know in your heart you don't want kids, then that is probably the right decision for you - and it's none of anyone else's business.

I really don't get people who pressure others to have kids. Don't we have enough cases of child abuse and/or neglect? I'm not saying that all child-free people would abuse/neglect their kids if they had them...it's just that not everyone is cut out to be a parent and kudos to those who realize that and resist the pressures of well-meaning friends and relatives.

 

[goofygirl]

Happily child free here. Not by choice, but that is a whole different story. I will be 47 in a couple of months. I still look like I am under 40 so of course I still get to hear the comments:

"You better hurry up you are not getting any younger." (Thanks so much, we tried for several years didn't work. I usually tell folks that too. At least I have the satisfaction to see them look like this. )

"If you wanted children why didn't you do everything possible to get one" ( First none of your business, but we just didn't. I have seen what some people go through to do everything possible to get one. DH and I decided that we did not want to do that. I even had someone tell me I must not have wanted a child too bad if I did not do everything to try to get one. Lovely, am I more selfish for not having one or not doing everything to get one. )

And my personal favorite:

"That must be why you have a dog since you don't have children." (Umm, no I have a dog because I love dogs."

So now here I am and child free. And HAPPY. After seeing some kids these days it sure makes it easier to say I don't regret the choice now.

Wow! What people say!

Especially about "doing everything possible to get a child"! Like its so easy. Like you can just go to the Child Store and pick one out, lol!

I don't get the "you better hurry up", I get more of "it's still not too late!" since the trend is now women having babies later (age 40 and up). Uh, NO, I don't want to be a middle-aged mom of an infant/toddler, thank you!

I had someone tell me that "its time to stop doting on the cats and have children. You'd be a good mom because you are a good cat owner!" Uh, NO. I am a good cat owner because I love cats. I would be a horrible mom because I do not find kids appealing.
I love my cats more than life itself and it is very insulting when anyone dismisses that as silly or a waste of time.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I had someone tell me that "its time to stop doting on the cats and have children. You'd be a good mom because you are a good cat owner!" Uh, NO. I am a good cat owner because I love cats. I would be a horrible mom because I do not find kids appealing.

I have 3 cats and a guy I work with said-"hey, you're the Crazy Cat Lady on your block. "

I'd rather be the crazy cat lady than have really gone crazy from having kids that I didn't want.

 

[goofygirl]

I have a pin that says, "Future Old Lady With Lots of Cats"!

 

[MushyMushy]

Well, what I do not understand is this:

If you never were "into" babies/kids, then why would you have any? This is what I don't understand. Is it in good faith that you think you'll be "into" your own kid? Do you ever think "what if I don't like my own child either?"

Speaking for myself, one of the reasons I do not want children is because I was never into children, still not, and I do not think I'd enjoy my own child, either. In fact, I know I'd probably regret having the child.

I was always convinced I'd never have kids and had absolutely no desire to have any. In fact, if I hadn't had them, I know I'd be very happily childfree, as would my DH.

At any rate, I got pregnant while I was on the pill, and single. Even though I didn't like kids and wasn't "into" them AT. ALL. I couldn't abort and couldn't give him up for adoption (despite numerous people suggesting I should). Maybe my being an adoptee has something to do with that.

I don't know... when I got pregnant, it was just something that clicked with me. I somehow knew I'd be very happy as a single mom -- just me and him against the world. I had no desire or intention to marry, but that "just happened" to me as well. Same with DD -- another birth control baby (condom + foam = failure! ).

I do like my own kids, but I'm not all that enthralled with all the kids in the world.

I know that didn't answer your question, but I do understand the CF lifestyle and can relate to the feelings. What I can't relate to are the "militant" ones who are so vulgar about kids -- and you know what I'm talking about.

 

[Hixski]

I have 3 cats and a guy I work with said-"hey, you're the Crazy Cat Lady on your block. "

I'd rather be the crazy cat lady than have really gone crazy from having kids that I didn't want.

I work 12 hr night shifts. DH works very!! early morning shifts. The neighbors call us the "Vampire Couple". Our dog is a golden retriever. I guess since we are the "Vampire Couple" we should have a rottweiler or doberman or something.

 

[kennancat]

Like someone else stated, other places on the web have many people who absolutely HATE children. Which is fine (I am not fond of some children myself ), but they also put down those who enjoy their nieces, nephews, etc. The term "Breeder Pleaser" is thrown around often by militant childfree people. To some, you are not childfree unless you proclaim your hatred for each and every child (and those who parent said child)on planet earth.

Personally, I think a lot of that comes from fear. It's the "I'm going to get them before they get me" thing. I'm sure some people really do despise kids (and good for them for not having any!) but I think a lot of that attitude comes from being overly sensitive. I know I'm a little touchy about it. I find myself thinking negatively about kids just to be prepared in case somebody harasses me about it. I always fear family weddings because I'm afraid somebody's going to start in on us about kids. Nobody ever has, so it's silly of me to be afraid. Same thing for the "I'm selfish" remark - I think it comes from calling yourself selfish first so that other people don't get a chance too.

Oh, and I love the "seagull" description. I've participated in a couple of the other CF threads, and yes, we do seem to end up with those. After reading that though, I had to wonder how long it would take to get one The funny part to me is usually they seem to have no concept of grammar whatsoever - wonder if that's coincidence?

 

[goofygirl]

Well, I really don't find children too appealing, and its not because of any fears. It's just the way I feel- just like some people really don't like cats, or dogs, or birds, etc. I don't think its fear based (though there's some exceptions), its just a matter of preferences.

 

[Flyerfan]

I am "soon to be" 38 and never really had the desire to have children. DH feels the same. We travel and spend money on ourselves and have a good time. My one friend has two boys who we see maybe twice per year (and let me tell you, that's enough for us). We do have a niece and nephews but am not close to them (long story). My best friend since Kindergarten and DH chooses the childfree life also along with her sister and DH, so we always have a group we can hang with. I think children are cute and fun to watch but that's enough for me.

I just wonder what people think of us.....we are childfree and dogfree (would love one someday) and catfree.

 

[KristaTX]

Then who's that in your avatar? Until now I assumed it was your DD! LOL

It's me when I was about 8 years old. I still feel about the same age .

 

[LindsayDunn228]

To those of you who have responded to this thread who did not choose to be child-free, a big hug .

Was this really necessary??

 

[maddhatir]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muushka
To those of you who have responded to this thread who did not choose to be child-free, a big hug .

Was this really necessary??

I think she is just trying to say she was sorry they could not have children.

I thought it was a nice gesture.....

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muushka
To those of you who have responded to this thread who did not choose to be child-free, a big hug .


I think she is just trying to say she was sorry they could not have children.

I thought it was a nice gesture.....

Oh, sorry, I didn't think of it that way. I took it as an "to the people who responded to this who decided they didn't want to be childfree..." Kind of like someone marching into the "Trying to Conceive" thread and saying, "To all the fertile Myrtles on here who have kids once a year, hugs!!" or something.

It's a "Who is cheerfully child-free" not "I am not child-free, I have 7 kids" thread. Just didn't see the need for that post.

 

[maddhatir]

Oh, sorry, I didn't think of it that way. I took it as an "to the people who responded to this who decided they didn't want to be childfree..." Kind of like someone marching into the "Trying to Conceive" thread and saying, "To all the fertile Myrtles on here who have kids once a year, hugs!!" or something.

It's a "Who is cheerfully child-free" not "I am not child-free, I have 7 kids" thread. Just didn't see the need for that post.

Its sad that lately we all have to be on the defense for everything with all the I guess its hard sometimes to tell the "tone" of the post.

You never know when an innocent subject can turn nasty!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Maddhatir, you are so right. My apologies to that poster if I completely misread her post.

 

[Hixski]

Its sad that lately we all have to be on the defense for everything with all the I guess its hard sometimes to tell the "tone" of the post.

You never know when an innocent subject can turn nasty!

Yes, I think alot of us are sitting here with little tiny chips on our shoulders. You just never know when that next person is going to pop up. You know the ones that think the whole planet should procreate and no excuses are allowed.

 

[Mom21]

I have a pin that says, "Future Old Lady With Lots of Cats"!

I have a story about this. My dd and I go to a therapist (that is a whole 'nother story and one that will make most glad they don't have kids.....LOL). Anyway the second session I was talking to him and something came up about not caring much for people. So laughingly I told him that my hubby and I joke that if not for dd and all her activites i would be "that old lady on the hill with all the cats". Needless to say he didn't think it was funny. He actually was very appalled and asked me if he could see me separately for my own session.

It was a joke dude!! (Well kinda...I am not really fond of people.) Lighten up.

 

[MeetingMickeyin2006]

Just wanted to say that used to think that being childless was an option for my DH and I, right after we got married. Then, after graduating nursing school a couple years later,I got unexpectedly pregnant. We now have a 4 year old boy who is my heart, soul, and reason for living. We got married when we were 20 and 21, and I think thats why I initially thought I didn't want kids. Sometimes, it's youth that makes you think you don't want kids. Not always, but sometimes. The idea of being "young and free" forever is quite appealing at 20. That, and I thought it would be so romantic for it to just be "me and dh" forever. I now have a baby girl on the way, and I wouldn't change one thing. In fact, I"m now a SAHM and homeschooler. So, I can see that for some, being child-free looks good on paper, but a lot of times, we mature and change our minds.

Oh, yeah, and I won't talk to you about my kids if you will please, please, please not talk to me about your *gulp* furbabies. OMG that word makes me cringe! LOL! I do not want to hear about your cats, dogs, granddogs, or anything with fur! Nor do I want to see pics of your pets. LOL

 

[KristaTX]

Oh, yeah, and I won't talk to you about my kids if you will please, please, please not talk to me about your *gulp* furbabies.

It's a deal .

 

[kayeandjim00]

Just wanted to say that used to think that being childless was an option for my DH and I, right after we got married. Then, after graduating nursing school a couple years later,I got unexpectedly pregnant. We now have a 4 year old boy who is my heart, soul, and reason for living. We got married when we were 20 and 21, and I think thats why I initially thought I didn't want kids. Sometimes, it's youth that makes you think you don't want kids. Not always, but sometimes. The idea of being "young and free" forever is quite appealing at 20. That, and I thought it would be so romantic for it to just be "me and dh" forever. I now have a baby girl on the way, and I wouldn't change one thing. In fact, I"m now a SAHM and homeschooler. So, I can see that for some, being child-free looks good on paper, but a lot of times, we mature and change our minds.

Oh, yeah, and I won't talk to you about my kids if you will please, please, please not talk to me about your *gulp* furbabies. OMG that word makes me cringe! LOL! I do not want to hear about your cats, dogs, granddogs, or anything with fur! Nor do I want to see pics of your pets. LOL

Two things here and don't think I'm picking on you. I get offended when people say things about when you "mature" you might decide to have kids as if not having kids is so immature. Most people say I'm much more mature than my age (27) and I'm sure I'd be a great mother (my therapist swears I would and so does my doctor but alas they won't raise it so that solves that ) so it's nothing to do with maturity just a choice my husband and I have made for ourselves.

And I'd just have to avoid you at a party because I love my furbabies I don't call them that but they are a huge part of our life. We have dogs that we are training and it's a big part of our everyday lives and a lot of our choices revolve around both our dogs and cats. I don't mind you talking about your family - i.e. kids just don't be upset when I talk about mine - fur or not.