Cheating spouse?

[rie'smom]

Sounds like he has moved on but wants the security of having you at home just in case the other thing doesn't work. Ask him about counseling, if he says no, kick his sorry butt to the curb.
Do not allow him to take advantage. Many of the cheating losers wnat to have their cake and eat it too as long as they're allowed.

 

[Disney Doll]

So it's your fault that he doesn't have the common decency or ethics to keep it in his pants?

Did you laugh in his face?

How totally cliche of a cheater...."I tried but you made me do it"....please....

I speak only for myself here, but if my DH ever tried to justify his cheating by blaming me, I'd laugh in his face and call a lawyer.

 

[rie'smom]

Yes, what Disney Doll said and add a Lorena Bobbit to that! Cheating is bad enough but trying to make the blameless spouse out to be at fault? Lowest scum sucking piece of trash there is.

 

[jobhunter]

OP, you have not responded whether you have been to survivinginfidelity.com yet.
Go now. Register. Post. It is not a 'family board,' so you can speak your mind (they are not anti-family, of course, it is just not their focus as it is here). You will get advice from people who have ALL been there, done that. Please do this now.

What will that get you? Affairs tend to follow a script. The lies, the excuses, the patterns, the behaviors, the things that are said...are shockingly similar from case to case. You need to be prepared. Seriously, it is like adulterers get a How-To Manual.

'I love you but I'm not in love with you'--this is CLASSIC, textbook cheat-speak. I read one psychologist who said that hearing this is second only to catching your spouse in bed with someone else as an indicator of an affair.

Tomorrow, go and buy the book Love Must be Tough by James Dobson.

You may or may not want to save your marriage but it is my opinion, and the opinion of Dobson and most on SI that the only way to have that option is to respect yourself, take care of yourself first, decide on your boundaries and communicate those to him, and then back that up with action.

If he is in an affair, he is NOT rational right now. You cannot reason with him. You cannot control his actions but you can control your own.

Right now you are the only one on your team. I'm sorry, but his actions are showing you that as well as his words.

Sorry this is so long. I don't mean it to be harsh but a helping hand from someone who never wanted to know this stuff.

 

[Took]

He needs someone to slap him in the back of the head.

In my opinion, you should insist on a choice between counseling and divorce, if having him as roomie with benefits isn't acceptable to you.

I agree whole-heartedly.

 

[mickeyboat]

OP, you have not responded whether you have been to survivinginfidelity.com yet.
Go now. Register. Post. It is not a 'family board,' so you can speak your mind (they are not anti-family, of course, it is just not their focus as it is here). You will get advice from people who have ALL been there, done that. Please do this now.

What will that get you? Affairs tend to follow a script. The lies, the excuses, the patterns, the behaviors, the things that are said...are shockingly similar from case to case. You need to be prepared. Seriously, it is like adulterers get a How-To Manual.

'I love you but I'm not in love with you'--this is CLASSIC, textbook cheat-speak. I read one psychologist who said that hearing this is second only to catching your spouse in bed with someone else as an indicator of an affair.

Tomorrow, go and buy the book Love Must be Tough by James Dobson.

You may or may not want to save your marriage but it is my opinion, and the opinion of Dobson and most on SI that the only way to have that option is to respect yourself, take care of yourself first, decide on your boundaries and communicate those to him, and then back that up with action.

If he is in an affair, he is NOT rational right now. You cannot reason with him. You cannot control his actions but you can control your own.

Right now you are the only one on your team. I'm sorry, but his actions are showing you that as well as his words.

Sorry this is so long. I don't mean it to be harsh but a helping hand from someone who never wanted to know this stuff.

This post is worth repeating.

 

[Terry36]

to you.....as others have stated. Take care of yourself and do NOT let him turn this on you. Yes I am sure you are feeling bad and thinking you had alot to do with his behavior however please realize IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that he is unhappy.

Do what's best for you and your emotional/physical well being.

 

[madtraveller]

Well last night got home from work and we chatted as we normally do. Shall have to see what tonight brings and also the weekend. At the moment waiting for him to raise the issue.