Bonus Chapter 5: The Motorbike Redemption
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
Well…one of those statements was going to turn out to be true. On Monday morning, our last day in the parks, we attempted once more to make it through the Rope Drop gauntlet for Islands of Adventure. We actually adjusted our arrival time about 10 minutes earlier, and were rewarded with a spot in line much closer to the gates. This time, we knew what to expect and were ready to go.
Once again, we followed the pack all the way to the back of the park. Once again, we followed the signs as the Team Members corralled us into line for Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventures. Once again, Julie and I braved the
phone booth locker room as we stowed our belongings. We started the long walk through the ride queue and…we got further than we had the day before. A good sign.
We heard the sound of motorcycle engines. Also a good sign. And then we saw a train moving along the coaster track—and there were people in it! Hallelujah.
We kept walking, so it was hard to take photos of the queue. Clearly we were in a much better spot than the previous morning, because we kept moving all the way until we got to the final room before loading.
So, as near as I can tell, the queue had some cool elements, but I didn’t really get a chance to look at any of them,
Which was fine with me. After three days of anticipation, I wanted to ride this thing.
We ran into one final hiccup. At the last turn, they had a height measurement board. The team member asked Drew to stand up next to it, and he was right on the edge (the height requirement for the ride is 48 inches). He looked just a bit short, but we had him stand up taller and his head just hit the bottom of the board. So the team member said he was good to go.
Then, we turned the corner and got to the loading room. There was another height board on the wall, and again they asked to measure Drew. This time, he wasn’t even close. We tried to explain that he had measured up just fine in the previous room, so they measured again. We tried to get Drew to stand up straighter, but he didn’t seem to be processing what we were saying with all the noise and commotion. So he stood at the wall, and came up woefully short again. The team members directed us to the waiting room for a child swap.
I’m not exactly sure what happened there. I know he met the sign in the first room. And I wish we’d put up more of a fight, because I think he would have loved the ride. But he wasn’t even close to the second sign, and there were a ton of people piling up behind us, putting the pressure on. So we made a split-second decision for Julie to take Drew to the waiting area, and then I’d do the child swap with her afterwards.
Despite that sudden change in plans, we were finally getting on Hagrid’s Motorbikes.
Folks, this might just be the best ride in Florida.
First off, it’s an actual coaster. No motion simulation whatsoever, thank goodness. Second, it’s a LONG coaster. I believe it’s over a mile of track if I recall correctly, so it feels like you’re getting your money’s worth out of the ride. Third, it’s very FAST. There are 7 different launches along the way, and just when you think you’ve hit top speed another one comes along to send you blasting down the track even faster. It’s great fun. Finally, they throw every trick in the book at you—launches, animatronics, sharp turns, switches, a sudden change in direction—the ride has it all. I was a bit worried I wouldn’t like the drop track late in the game, but that was a non-issue—it’s over before you even know what happened. The ride is just an absolute blast, and I can see why It’s so insanely popular.
I wish I could have ridden it again. But sadly, I had to switch places with Julie so she could join in on the fun. She decided to take the big kids with her to see if they could ride it again—I mean, the worst they can do is say no, right? Well, the stars were aligned and the team member was feeling generous, so Sarah, Dave and Scotty all got a second ride. Punks.
They have been rubbing it in for the last 6 months. I don’t know where they learned such cruel behavior. I expected better from them.
Anyway, the ride is great.
We wandered Hogsmeade a bit as the kids tried out some of the little interactive wand games. They were ok, but after 2 or 3 they seemed to get bored with it.
Afterwards, David was pushing to try out the Hulk coaster, since he had skipped it the day before. So Sarah and Scotty happily went with him to conquer that one. Meanwhile, Drew REALLY wanted to show me the Dr. Seuss rides. Julie appealed to my standing as an incredible father to go with him. She also appealed to the fact that she’d done those rides once and didn’t want to have to do them again. So I let Drew lead me to Seuss Landing.
Unpopular Opinion Alert:
I am not a huge fan of Dr. Seuss.
Yes, I know, he’s popular the world over and
almost everyone loves his stories. But I must confess that occasionally I find them a bit tiresome. For one thing, some of them make for very long bedtime stories. He likes to repeat himself (see: Green Eggs and Ham), which means instead of just reading the next line in the story, you have to read every line that has already been written in the story thus far, over and over and over again ad nauseum. When you just want to get your kid down to bed so you can go veg out in front of Netflix, it gets old very quickly. And I also don’t think you get points for rhyming if you just make up words that don’t exist.
So, that’s my extremely unpopular opinion, and I’m fully prepared to be on an island on this one. That being said, I’m glad we live in the current age, where humility, grace, nuance and differences of opinion are fully respected and valued, so I know I won’t be flamed at all for this.
The first ride Drew took me on was the One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish ride. It’s got a similar ride mechanism as Dumbo or the Flying Carpets, but it’s a completely different experience. I mean, you’re sitting in a fish, not a carpet.
There are a couple of creatures that spit water at you as you ride around, which didn’t sound great to me that morning since it was about 60 degrees outside. But Drew managed to skillfully pilot the fish around to avoid any soakings, which was much appreciated.
Next up was the Cat in the Hat ride. That one…how should I put this?
I do not like the Cat in the Hat ride.
I would not like it if it was a slide.
I did not think it was very cool.
I’d even call it Nightmare Fuel.
The Cat in the Hat was scary-looking.
Not sure what drugs the designers were cooking.
It had incredibly bad animatronics,
Which made my eyes turn all flazzlepollixed. (See?)
I guess Andrew liked it okay,
He’s the target audience anyway.
At the very least, I could close my eyes
And dream of more Harry Potter rides.
Well, thank God that’s over with. What’s next? Ah, the High in the Sky Seuss Trolley. This is like the Disney Monorail if it was smaller and more cramped, open-air, and moved slower than the Tomorrowland Speedway. The team member at the loading area told me to remove my hat and hold onto it, lest I lose it on the ride. Trust me, dude, the only way I was losing my hat on that ride was if I’d thrown it myself.
“Dad, isn’t this fun?” Drew asked.
“Yeah, it’s great!” I said, lying through my teeth. Father of the Year, right here.
The big kids re-joined us, all in a much better mood after riding the Hulk. Dave said it was “freakin’ awesome.” Which is pretty close to what I said about the Dr. Seuss rides, except for that last word.
We all got onto the Caro-Seuss-el (get it?) for a spin on the Merry-Go-Round with Ugly Horses.
It was a merry-go-round, so Drew was happy.
And with that, we completed our tour of Seuss Landing.
Oops, not quite. Julie had to use the restroom, so I sat and waited outside while a random voice said, “Q is for quan. Quan is for quandary,” over and over again. She finally emerged just at the point where I was actually starting to wish I was on the It’s A Small World ride instead, which is a dark and disturbing place to be.
We were very thankful we’d gotten the third day free in the parks, since that’s what enabled us to ride on Hagrid. But we only had about half a day or so, and our time was running short. We decided we’d try and end on a high note, so we went back to Hogsmeade and then rode the Hogwarts Express over to Universal Studios and Diagon Alley.
The wait for Escape from Gringotts was only about 25 minutes at that point, so we decided to go for that one again.
I liked how these newspaper images were animated, just like in the movies. It was a cool effect.
Gringotts proved to be an excellent choice for our final ride, as we all had a great time once again. With that, we took one last look at Diagon Alley and then bid a fond adieu.
With a stop in the gift shop, of course.
Coming Up Next: a bit more Bubble time before our flight.