Chatterbox Hyena Thread (Everyone is Welcome)

[Alex2kMommy]

Hey, Sam. What an emotional wringer you guys have been through!

To be honest, I was feeling a bit sorry for the proctor mom, too, because she's cared for him so long and I thought was doing all this out of love for him. But when you said she gets paid and other benefits for doing so, part of me wondered if it's truly just out of love or if it's also financially motivated. That would be so sad.

So now that she can no longer proctor (since she requested legal custody... or whatever the term is) and this cuts off a lot of her services and pay, I assume the state will seek to have him removed from her custody? Or is everything on hold until Thursday?

 

[staley7580]

Meatballs, YUM!

Yeah, I don't really know what to expect. Mine went up a cup size in my 20s, but that's also when I gained weight, so if I lost a bunch of weight I'm guessing they'd deflate.

And I'm not sure I'd look to increase the size necessarily, but maybe just firm them up, you know? Breastfeeding did a number on them.

Indeed! YUM!! I love meatballs! Even with turkey they taste great!


I have gone from a b-cup all the way up to a ddd.... and have nicely settled in a D. I would like to stay here, but it isnt going to happen. I dont know... No sense in worrying about it now I guess.

 

[sameyeyam]

OK, this is totally silly, but I'm watching Rachel Ray. She's going to have a story on women over 40 getting breast implants. I gather 3 or so women who've had them and a woman who thinks it shouldn't be done. One comment was, "Is it right for a woman in her 40s to have breasts that look like a woman in her 20s?" Hmmmm... I wouldn't want to look oddly unnatural, but if they looked GOOD and not freakish, heck yeah!

But I'm more worried about health concerns, and I think they're going to talk about that, too. With a family history of breast cancer, I would never even consider something like that if it could mask a problem.

Nope, you can have implants put underneath your muscle, they can still do mammograms (albeit a little differently) and ultrasound and MRI can also be used. Believe it or not implants are not a big concern.

But if you're just worried about sagging then you get a lift. No implants, they just cut and pull things up!

Hey, Sam. What an emotional wringer you guys have been through!

To be honest, I was feeling a bit sorry for the proctor mom, too, because she's cared for him so long and I thought was doing all this out of love for him. But when you said she gets paid and other benefits for doing so, part of me wondered if it's truly just out of love or if it's also financially motivated. That would be so sad.

So now that she can no longer proctor (since she requested legal custody... or whatever the term is) and this cuts off a lot of her services and pay, I assume the state will seek to have him removed from her custody? Or is everything on hold until Thursday?

You know my sister has done everything possible to work with the proctor mom. She even had an agreement drawn up that specified that the proctor mom would have visitation rights. The proctor mom knew about this. My sister was willing to send him to visit during the summer, have them come out for spring break, share him at the holidays, etc... None of this was required by my sister. She could have came and knocked on the door one day and taken him and never looked back. They have been discussing this since last January. The entire time he lived with the proctor mom, my sister retained legal custody. The state never did have legal custody, nor did the proctor mom. The state just "facilitated" the placement and they sent state funds to her to pay for his care. My sister's concern this entire time has been how to accomodate the proctor mom and her son. She knows they have a close relationship and does not want to sever that. My sister even bought a web cam for both ends last month, so they could communicate.

The state can't seek to remove custody from her without a good cause ie. is she harming the child? Well the answer to that is no. Despite all of this, we know that she does love and care for the child....that is so very obvious and has been for quite some time. But this last year or so she has gotten very possessive of him, accomodating my sister only as much as she has to and no more. That is part of the reason for my sister wanting him back home. She was worried that once he turned 18 the proctor mom would seek guardianship and she would have to counter sue for guardianship just to be able to see him.

The proctor mom was paid $2,900 per month to care for him. He also receives SSI of almost $700 per month (that is his "personal" spending money). He has full medical/dental thru the state.

Also, she is allowed to have a respite person for 40 hours a week that is paid about $10/hour by the state. This respite person comes and cleans her house, helps care for the child, takes them to appointments if the mom is busy or working, etc... Guess who she hired as her respite person? Her Mom!!

He also has a skills trainer that accompanies him to school each day. This person is also paid by the state. Yep, you guessed it, she got another relative certified and hired them!

Yes, she does get paid well to care for him and obviously has financial ties. Once he turns 18 though she will lose the $2,900/month. But she can still have respite people, medical insurance, skills trainer and now can use the SSI $700 to take care of him instead of giving to him for personal use.

I have personally seen the proctor mom and him together numerous times. I have seen his bedroom and their home. He is extremely well cared for and very loved, there really is no doubt about that.

To be honest we just don't get where she is coming from. She knew my sister was willing to let her have visitation. I truly thinks she believes that a judge will give him to her permanently. But I hate to think that might backfire. Just how willing will my sister be to let her see him now? Especially after all those horrible accusations she made in her court papers.

If my sister ends up getting him and in all likelihood she probably will. It is going to be very difficult for her to decide how to proceed with a relationship that she knows her son would want & would be beneficial for him vs. how much she now hates this woman. I don't envy her having to make that decision either.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

DS7 just started watching a Spiderman video, and DS4 is up and eating. We had a late breakfast and skipped lunch until now. And I'm ravenous!!! That apple seems to have just whetted my appetite instead of satisfied it!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Sam, I hope I didn't come off sounding like I think the proctor mom is doing the right thing, or that your sister is doing the wrong thing. It sounds like they both love the boy.

It sounds like she's employing a couple of family members, and they'd be out that money if she no longer had him. If these services, or at least much of them, would have been discontinued in a month anyway (at age 18), then I can only imagine this is out of love. And possessiveness, as you've said. I think she just shot herself in the foot, though, as far as being able to keep him as a proctor or as legal guardian. And I would hope the state would think twice before placing another child in her care.

 

[sameyeyam]

Well hate to dump all my problems and run, but I've got a few things I need to get done before 5, so I'm off for a bit. TTYL!! Oh and thanks for listening to me go on and on and on about this. My sister is needing a shoulder to cry on right now, so I have to remain calm for her and just provide moral support. When what I really want to do is ()$%&#^%*$%&#*$#(!!*$&#($#!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Well hate to dump all my problems and run, but I've got a few things I need to get done before 5, so I'm off for a bit. TTYL!! Oh and thanks for listening to me go on and on and on about this. My sister is needing a shoulder to cry on right now, so I have to remain calm for her and just provide moral support. When what I really want to do is ()$%&#^%*$%&#*$#(!!*$&#($#!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just tell your sister to hang in there. Hopefully it will all be over soon, and she can bring her son home.

 

[sameyeyam]

Sam, I hope I didn't come off sounding like I think the proctor mom is doing the right thing, or that your sister is doing the wrong thing. It sounds like they both love the boy.

It sounds like she's employing a couple of family members, and they'd be out that money if she no longer had him. If these services, or at least much of them, would have been discontinued in a month anyway (at age 18), then I can only imagine this is out of love. And possessiveness, as you've said. I think she just shot herself in the foot, though, as far as being able to keep him as a proctor or as legal guardian. And I would hope the state would think twice before placing another child in her care.

No, I think along the same lines as you. I know they both love him and want what's best. I even wrote a letter that the attorney attached to the paperwork today saying that I believe the many gains he has made have been due to the love by both the proctor & natural mother.

When he was placed in care about 9 years ago, he was with another family. It was not working out and my sister was going to have him brought back home about a year later. However his then school skills trainer approached my sister and asked if she could become his proctor mother. It was always known right from the start that this was not a permanent placement. They meet with state workers about once a year and from the time he was 15 years old it has been discussed that the possibility that he might have to return to his natural family was discussed.

The proctor mom has never had another child placed with her, nor has she ever expressed an interest in being a foster parent to many children. She was married when she first became his proctor mom, but divorced a couple of years later. From that time on she was single and devoted her life to him. A couple of years ago she met up with an old high school friend, he also adores Tyler and they are now engaged.

Another reason my sister is thinking of removing him is because she imagines they will want to start their own family together. It is very difficult to care for a special needs person and give attention to other children as well. My sister knows, she did it for many years. My sister's other children are now grown and in the military and college, although nearby. She feels that she now has the time to devote to him with the other children being grown.

Her relatives would still be able to keep their jobs, he would still get those services if she remained his proctor mom (even if he is an adult). She just would lose the $2,900/month. BUT...what she probably found out today was that when she applied for custody, she entered a whole new arena. All of his services are cut off! She can reapply for his SSI, but if she has legal custody she is in the same boat my sister was 10 years ago. You just don't get good services if the child lives in the home with his legal custodial parent.

My sister's attorney was kind of chuckling over that one...He is an attorney that deals with disabled people that the State Disabilities Dept. recommend to my sister. He knows disability laws and I have a feeling that the proctor mom's attorney doesn't. Otherwise they wouldn't have had her file the paperwork that she did. As of Friday the proctor mom has no services and no incoming money. If he becomes ill she is responsible for his medical bills, if she sent him to speech therapy that is her bill, the state won't pay her mother for her services. She has just made herself completely legally and financially responsible for him for 30 days just as if he is her natural child. When he turns 18 she would no longer be responsible, but for now she has really messed herself up in regards to his services. I have no doubt that she is continuing taking him to his classes & appts without even a thought.

 

[staley7580]

Wow Alison... Just WOW! To your sis. This whole thing is just nutty!



Our evening has just been quite uneventful. We watched some TV, the kids played with playdoh, and I made dinner.. EXCITEMENT!!

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Alison, I've just read back over what I've missed the past few days. All I can do is What a roller coaster this is. My heart goes out to your family and I pray your Nephew ends up with your sister again.

 

[funnygarcia]

oh wow Alison!

Sending happy vibes your way that things work out quickly.

 

[staley7580]

Shawna!! Bernice!!! Whats up ladies??

 

[AZMickeyfans]

nada I'm trying to get the kids in bed so I'll be on and off for a few minutes.

 

[staley7580]

nada I'm trying to get the kids in bed so I'll be on and off for a few minutes.

 

[funnygarcia]

Hubby let me sleep in today, he did his dialysis by himself at training.

Said he did well and the trainer nurses left him to do his own set up.

Well he did screw up one major thing


Arterial pressure was HIGH and they had him flip needles and rearrange set up ..nurse scrtched his head trying to figure it out.

Hubby pondered and had one of those A-HA moments when he realized he attached his arterial line to the venous tubing, venous line to arterial tubing. Basically he was running his blood backwards.

OOPS!

Changed the lines around and his pressures dropped to where they should be.. interestingly, they were at ideal amounts, he's been having alarms in the first 30 minutes.. maybe the running backwards helped blow a clot out of the way on the arterial?? Plus he upped his heparin.. we think the alarms might have been to too much clotting in the line or filter.

The nurses learn along with us sometimes, we had a faulty diasylate bag that kept alarming during the fill process. Tried various troubleshooting per manual with no luck.
Finally called NxStage company who asked us to look at tubing inside bag, it was kinked.
Starightened it out and it filled fine from there.. new one for the staff to solve.
Unfortunately the "fix" only worked for another 30 minutes.. looked at it again, tubing was folded in half.

We both tried to straighten it to no avail-- imagine a thin piece of cooked vermicelli , floating in water, inside a heavy plastic bag that you can NOT open. Slippery devil kept floating away and could not grab to twist it back.



Had to start over, now I see that there are things the designers have overlooked -- like there isn't a button to reset the computer when things go wrong.
Had to trick the machine into drain mode (as if the diasylate was used up) , stop, cancel and restart.

Except it would alarm, beacuse it had NO bag inside -- we took the old one out to toss it.
Alarms and more alarms-- nurse threatening to beat the dang thing

Another learning moment for the nurse, put in a new bag, told it to drain-- stopped drain and cancel, and computer reset to starting phase- YES!



Nurse walked off grumbling about-- need more caffeine to deal with this Monday. Hmph!

 

[staley7580]

Are you guys getting the hang of it okay? It sounds all interesting!

 

[funnygarcia]

Shawna!! Bernice!!! Whats up ladies??

Won't be on too long.. sleepy.


yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwn


We went to a movie as a pre-release showing of Pinneapple Express

If you like drug humor, beat em up slapstick and a few homosexuality jokes-- you are all set But you really really really have to enjoy pothead humor.. otherwise it would be a turn off-- it was funny but looking at the audience-- ummm I think we were in the wrong demographic

There was one other couple.. MUCH older than us. Other iwse it was all 20 somethings. The viewing was at a theatre known for having independent films, the neighborhood is a popular bar scene/trendy shopping/trendy restaurant hang out. (Uptown Minneapolis)

Back in the 90's, Uptown was the hippie and grunge hang out psot-- now it's the 20 yr olds with expendable cash and a few older couples of the "well heeled" crowd.. ya know, the ones that wear designer clothes but still try to connect with their hippy past?

 

[staley7580]

Won't be on too long.. sleepy.


yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwn


We went to a movie as a pre-release showing of Pinneapple Express

If you like drug humor, beat em up slapstick and a few homosexuality jokes-- you are all set But you really really really have to enjoy pothead humor.. otherwise it would be a turn off-- it was funny but looking at the audience-- ummm I think we were in the wrong demographic

There was one other couple.. MUCH older than us. Other iwse it was all 20 somethings. The viewing was at a theatre known for having independent films, the neighborhood is a popular bar scene/trendy shopping/trendy restaurant hang out. (Uptown Minneapolis)

Back in the 90's, Uptown was the hippie and grunge hang out psot-- now it's the 20 yr olds with expendable cash and a few older couples of the "well heeled" crowd.. ya know, the ones that wear designer clothes but still try to connect with their hippy past?

cool beans yo. I havent heard of the movie.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Hi, all!

Boys are watching a Transformers cartoon (DVD) and having dessert of popcorn and kool-aid. So Mama has some time to sit!

Sam, I'm so glad you found the attorney you did, it sounds like you're being well-advised by a respectable, fair-minded and very good attorney. I cannot even imagine the pain your sister is going through, but I'm so glad she is going through it with you by her side.

DH called this evening. On top of being exhausted because he didn't sleep well, he has a sore throat. And he did a presentation today, and 5 minutes into it The Powers That Be said that really wasn't what they were looking for. He said something along the lines of, "Well... would somebody kindly tell me what the heck you ARE looking for, because this is what I was told to present!"

So they did, and he was able to wing it. Good grief, I would have wanted the floor to swallow me up, but he just kept on truckin'. YEAH, baby!

Tomorrow is a day full of meetings that he is not presenting, just participating, but going to be a long day. We are both soooo looking forward to him coming home.

 

[funnygarcia]

Nurses feel comfortable with what we know and can demonstrate.

The machine and supplies will be delivered next week Tuesday
Someone has to come in to test our water before we can start making our own diasylate solution-- goota use the bags until then-- UGH!

And I was wrong with my earlier weight estimates.. they weigh 11.5 pounds EACH and hubby uses 5 of those suckers

Have to hang them on an IV pole and then hook up the tubing set-- compare it to a dairy farmer setting up a cow in the milk barn.. instead of udders we have bags and tubing sets with caps to remove and spike.