Charging Rent?

[eliza61]

Ok before we paint bil as a no good moocher who is taking advantage of the system, how about we simply "TalK" to him.

Ok, so you said he came out of an abusive relationship in NOVEMBER. Lets say that he moved in NOVEMBER 1st. So it's been all of 2 months? Considering how it can take years to get back on your feet after a messy divorce or even a break up where you lived with some one, BIl has hardly had time to turn into Freddie freeloader.

some one mentioned a time limit. Once again let's keep things in perspective, it has taken me a lot longer than 1 month to find my own apartment.

Has anyone asked him his plans? Why am I betting that would be a big no. so you're stressing out and he maybe totally clueless to the internal drama going on.

Now you say your husband has no clue as to what gets paid? Why? Sorry but it's time to drag ole hubby into the 21st century. every member of the house hold should have some idea of what it cost to run a house. Now my dh handle paying the bills but you better believe I knew how much the mortgage was, how much car insurance cost etc etc. I can't believe how many people are in marriages and have no idea of what the heck goes on in the house.

Why are you buying food that is going un-eaten? In fact why are you buying food for him at all? Did he ask you to make these purchases?
you know everyone is making him out ot be some lazy good for nothing and you have not even had a serious one on one with him.

You might be surprised, you may sit him down with the bills, explain why you feel the extra is needed and explain to him your expectations and **gasp*** he may actually be very amendable to them.

 

[budafam]

Ok before we paint bil as a no good moocher who is taking advantage of the system, how about we simply "TalK" to him.

Ok, so you said he came out of an abusive relationship in NOVEMBER. Lets say that he moved in NOVEMBER 1st. So it's been all of 2 months? Considering how it can take years to get back on your feet after a messy divorce or even a break up where you lived with some one, BIl has hardly had time to turn into Freddie freeloader.

some one mentioned a time limit. Once again let's keep things in perspective, it has taken me a lot longer than 1 month to find my own apartment.

Has anyone asked him his plans? Why am I betting that would be a big no. so you're stressing out and he maybe totally clueless to the internal drama going on.

Now you say your husband has no clue as to what gets paid? Why? Sorry but it's time to drag ole hubby into the 21st century. every member of the house hold should have some idea of what it cost to run a house. Now my dh handle paying the bills but you better believe I knew how much the mortgage was, how much car insurance cost etc etc. I can't believe how many people are in marriages and have no idea of what the heck goes on in the house.

you know everyone is making him out ot be some lazy good for nothing and you have not even had a serious one on one with him.

You might be surprised, you may sit him down with the bills, explain why you feel the extra is needed and explain to him your expectations and **gasp*** he may actually be very amendable to them.

It was November 17th. He's not in debt by any means... he rented, no credit cards to his name. He's not a Freddy Freeloader by any means but that doesn't mean I'm not worried about him turning into one. He actually does have plans and yes, we have asked him (shocker)... once taxes come back he plans to find a place. DH is not completely unaware of costs but thanks for the lesson on how to handle my marriage. He just doesn't sit down and look at the budget every month to figure out how we can make it (that's my job).

It was mentioned to him about the electric bill being higher than normal today and he blamed it on the Christmas tree lights. I just asked for advice, I appreciate all that was given and I will use most of it Thanks!

 

[eliza61]

It was November 17th. He's not in debt by any means... he rented, no credit cards to his name. He's not a Freddy Freeloader by any means but that doesn't mean I'm not worried about him turning into one. He actually does have plans and yes, we have asked him (shocker)... once taxes come back he plans to find a place. DH is not completely unaware of costs but thanks for the lesson on how to handle my marriage. He just doesn't sit down and look at the budget every month to figure out how we can make it (that's my job).

It was mentioned to him about the electric bill being higher than normal today and he blamed it on the Christmas tree lights. I just asked for advice, I appreciate all that was given and I will use most of it Thanks!

Your welcome.

BIL has been there less than 2 months
BIL has plans on moving out pretty soon.
BIL is working.
He thinks Christmas lights may have caused the blimp, which is not a totally unreasonable explanation.
Do you have any pre christmas decoration bills ( I some times keep copies of a month or two)? Maybe show him the difference in a normal (non decoration light month) and decembers bill.

Couple of questions:
Did he say how long he was staying initially? Do he seem to be blowing his money and or not taking moving out seriously? Is he late with paying you guys what you initially agreed upon? Is he playing video games instead of working? I only ask because I know many grown adult who after work come home and play video games. Usually when I finish the normal day I web surf or watch tv.

I would probably ask for a more finite day of departure (Its sounding like him just being there is causing stress) or maybe ask when he plans on filing and tell him what you need from him in way of rent from this point to then.

 

[carmie3377]

I had a similar problem with my older sis over 10 years ago. My mom and her husband kicked my sis out (at age25) and we told her she could stay with us until she got back on her feet. She should have had money immediately as she was working and had few bills but she always has blown money.

She made more money than Dh and I combined (DH in school and working part time and I worked full time) and we had a baby and mortgage payment. We didn't have a lot of extra money but we got by as we (unlike her) knew that priorities came first. We told her that as long as she worked and saved, she could stay with us to save up for apt. I was always finding half drunk soda cans in her room, she would stick her scrubs in the dryer to get the wrinkles out instead of ironing, and never turning lights/tvs off. She constantly went to hair salon, bought new clothes, out to eat. After 3 or 4 months, I asked her how much money she had saved, NOTHING! How much had she'd given me? NOTHING! I told her she had one month to get out! And she did. It's amazing how people can save if forced.

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[budafam]

I had a similar problem with my older sis over 10 years ago. My mom and her husband kicked my sis out (at age25) and we told her she could stay with us until she got back on her feet. She should have had money immediately as she was working and had few bills but she always has blown money.

She made more money than Dh and I combined (DH in school and working part time and I worked full time) and we had a baby and mortgage payment. We didn't have a lot of extra money but we got by as we (unlike her) knew that priorities came first. We told her that as long as she worked and saved, she could stay with us to save up for apt. I was always finding half drunk soda cans in her room, she would stick her scrubs in the dryer to get the wrinkles out instead of ironing, and never turning lights/tvs off. She constantly went to hair salon, bought new clothes, out to eat. After 3 or 4 months, I asked her how much money she had saved, NOTHING! How much had she'd given me? NOTHING! I told her she had one month to get out! And she did. It's amazing how people can save if forced.

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It's only been a month but yes, of course living with an extra person is going to cause some kind of stress. I have found TONS of half drank soda cans... he does not crush them either... I do. He does the dryer thing for wrinkles & eats out for lunch daily (when he works)... I even bought lunch meat specifically for him to pack his lunch (which he requested) and he didn't touch it.

So yes, I'm ranting a bit. I'll still give him a bit more time but I am going to talk with DH about this.

 

[eliza61]

It's only been a month but yes, of course living with an extra person is going to cause some kind of stress. I have found TONS of half drank soda cans... he does not crush them either... I do. He does the dryer thing for wrinkles & eats out for lunch daily (when he works)... I even bought lunch meat specifically for him to pack his lunch (which he requested) and he didn't touch it.

So yes, I'm ranting a bit. I'll still give him a bit more time but I am going to talk with DH about this.

Believe it or not you'd be surprised by how 2 people can look at the same situation totally different and living with a brand new person in the house can be crazy at the best of times.

Some one helped me out for a few months when I returned to the states after a break up and contrary to what everyone here always says, I didn't consider myself a bum or inconsiderate.

I too had a game plan when I would be back on my feet and even though I did stick to it, I'm sure at times I was an unwanted house guest. I'm one of those people who use to keep the tv on all the time, it's like background noise to me so if someone does not point out how annoying or weird that is, I'd never know it. I also loved the radio on 24/7 (again I think its the background noise thing), that one I still do when no ones home.

So I guess what I've been trying to say in a round about way is that (and I'm going on the assumption that there aren't any other underlying issues) some times communication between people really does help tensions go down and makes life a lot easier. Now if you really feel he's taking a bit of advantage of you two that's a different story but if it's annoying habits and maybe he's a bit inconsiderate, that really some times can be cleared up with a brother to brother powwow.
Good luck.

 

[carmie3377]

It's only been a month but yes, of course living with an extra person is going to cause some kind of stress. I have found TONS of half drank soda cans... he does not crush them either... I do. He does the dryer thing for wrinkles & eats out for lunch daily (when he works)... I even bought lunch meat specifically for him to pack his lunch (which he requested) and he didn't touch it.

So yes, I'm ranting a bit. I'll still give him a bit more time but I am going to talk with DH about this.

You have every right to rant! People take advantage of others generosity and it's a shame.

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[whatname]

I have lived with relatives in the past while going to school. I paid a monthly fee that covered rent, utilities, and meals. If I wanted any "special" foods, I bought them myself. No way would I even ask them to buy any food for me. I wouldn't expect it. I ate what was served at meals, found something for breakfast or lunch that was in the house, or bought my own.

I once rented a basement from a coworker. Same deal, except I was given a shelf in the frig and a cupboard and provided all my own food.

I think you have been kind enough to provide what you have up until now. You are no longer comfortable with or able to sustain that relationship. Time to talk with bil about what you can and cannot provide and what his end of the deal will be. It is your house. BIL may think you are fine with the arrangement as is. Or, he may be a moocher. Doesn't matter. You know what works for you. It is your house. You make the rules and if he doesn't agree, he needs to make other arrangements. You will have to be the one to change things, I am guessing. I doubt he comes to you next week offering to start paying or change his habits.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My brother in law moved in with us in November. He left his horrible abusive girlfriend (finally) but he was too far behind on bills to be able to get a new place of his own right off the bat. We offered him to stay in our basement till he can get back on his feet. He agreed to pay us money towards everything but so far all I have seen is $85 total. I have been buying him extra food (stuff that we normally do not buy and it's all still sitting in our pantry untouched). We just got our electric bill and it's up $65 from normal. He claims it's because of our Christmas lights. Last year our Christmas lights only added $20 to our bill (and that's when we were using those giant C9 lights outdoors... this year we upgraded to LED lights so I doubt it's that much!) He leaves all the lights on in the basement and has to have 2 nightlights down there on at night along with a giant fan running. He leaves the tv on and plays video games all the time. Would it be unreasonable of us to ask him for a bit more? I know he is caught up with bills now and he works a good job where he just got $1 raise. He's not going to look for a new rental till after he gets his taxes which is fine... I really don't mind helping him out but I can't keep buying him soda and food and paying higher bills. Any advice?

STOP BUYING FOOD & DRINKS FOR HIM. Tell him that he has to buy his own groceries if he wants soda, lunchmeat, etc...

That is an easy fix.

As far as the increase in your bills, he is paying rent correct? You can always renegotiate the rent payment with him if he stays longer than he said he would.

The other stuff like using the dryer to get out wrinkles and soda cans is stuff that is just one of those "annoying" things. Since he will be moving out soon, I would not even complain about that stuff. It is will just frustrate you more to go toe to toe about it than just crush the cans.

Above all things, try and make the best of it. It is temporary.

 

[februarydisgoer]

I have a different opinion of the situation. I'd collect zero rent from him. I'd sit down with him and say we are glad that you could turn to us for help and help is what we are going to give to you. We do not want any rent from now until March 1st. We ask that during those three months you save your money to get back on your feet and purchase your own groceries. If you have not gotten on your feet by March 1st, we will need to draw up a legal rental agreement for $500 a month. I'd bet that gets him more focused on moving out.

Another question, just out of curiosity, does he have the same eating habits as your husband? I read your trip report (MIL's tongue) the other day and was shocked at his limited diet! Good for you though, going on and enjoying what you like and not letting his extremely restrictive diet control what you and your kids eat.

 

[budafam]

I have a different opinion of the situation. I'd collect zero rent from him. I'd sit down with him and say we are glad that you could turn to us for help and help is what we are going to give to you. We do not want any rent from now until March 1st. We ask that during those three months you save your money to get back on your feet and purchase your own groceries. If you have not gotten on your feet by March 1st, we will need to draw up a legal rental agreement for $500 a month. I'd bet that gets him more focused on moving out.

Another question, just out of curiosity, does he have the same eating habits as your husband? I read your trip report (MIL's tongue) the other day and was shocked at his limited diet! Good for you though, going on and enjoying what you like and not letting his extremely restrictive diet control what you and your kids eat.

He's not as bad as DH but lately it seems like he's turning into him! I do love to cook so I make really nice meals for myself and my kids... hoping BIL would dig in and help eat the leftovers. Well, first off he does not eat leftovers and he's quite picky about other things (not nearly as bad as DH) but I've found myself making really nice meals and he doesn't touch a bite... only to make a pizza later on in the night along with DH.

 

[Bluestars]

If he's your DH's brother, I would talk to your husband about him and then let your husband talk to his brother.

I think your husband needs to know the additional money that is being spent to support his brother. Then he needs to talk to his brother about exactly when the brother will pay the agreed upon rent or at least to pay for the additional amount he is costing the family. If your husband isn't concerned with the money, then I would let that part go. Also, your husband should discuss a plan for his brother to move out. Even though he won't be going anywhere for a few months, he can look at apartments and have a plan in place and an estimated move-out date.

 

[budafam]

DH had a talk with him today. He plans to give us $100 more on Friday when he gets paid again but he really doesn't think he should "have to" since he doesn't eat much. Yes, these were the words he used! DH told him that he cannot live here for free. It will still be less than what we originally agreed upon but it's something for now.

 

[Bluestars]

DH had a talk with him today. He plans to give us $100 more on Friday when he gets paid again but he really doesn't think he should "have to" since he doesn't eat much. Yes, these were the words he used! DH told him that he cannot live here for free. It will still be less than what we originally agreed upon but it's something for now.

It sounds like it's going to be an ordeal getting the guy to move out of your house. Good luck. Hopefully your husband can make him commit to a specific move out date and make sure he sticks to it. Once a person starts depending on other people, it's sometimes hard to force them to become independent again.

 

[manning]

It sounds like it's going to be an ordeal getting the guy to move out of your house. Good luck. Hopefully your husband can make him commit to a specific move out date and make sure he sticks to it. Once a person starts depending on other people, it's sometimes hard to force them to become independent again.

When he goes to work change the locks or move and don't tell him where .


How about rewiring the basement and put it on a separate circuit with a timer. Nine pm and lights out.

On a serious note my response to the "don't think I should because I don't eat that much" would have been "my house, my rules"

 

[westjones]

I may have missed this, but how old is the BIL?

And is he giving you $100 for the month? Or will this be a twice a month thing for a total of $200.

 

[RitaE]

When he goes to work change the locks or move and don't tell him where .


How about rewiring the basement and put it on a separate circuit with a timer. Nine pm and lights out.

On a serious note my response to the "don't think I should because I don't eat that much" would have been "my house, my rules"

Kind of difficult since it isn't just her house, it is also her husband's house and her husband seems to be contributing to the situation.

OP, just quit buying food and whatever else for him and quit fixing meals for him that he isn't going to eat. If two men run out of frozen cheese pizza or whatever then they can figure it out. If he asks you to buy him lunch meat again just tell him you'd be more comfortable if he did his own grocery shopping.

If you do that, then the $100 is more than going to cover the increased utilities.

 

[budafam]

Kind of difficult since it isn't just her house, it is also her husband's house and her husband seems to be contributing to the situation.

OP, just quit buying food and whatever else for him and quit fixing meals for him that he isn't going to eat. If two men run out of frozen cheese pizza or whatever then they can figure it out. If he asks you to buy him lunch meat again just tell him you'd be more comfortable if he did his own grocery shopping.

If you do that, then the $100 is more than going to cover the increased utilities.

Thanks, that's the plan BIL is 32 which is 3 years older than us.

 

[westjones]

Thanks, that's the plan BIL is 32 which is 3 years older than us.

Oh then he needs to be a grown up and pay. I thought maybe he was a young 20 something. They are sometimes clueless to finances, but by 32 he should really understand the need to contribute to the household.

 

[eliza61]

DH had a talk with him today. He plans to give us $100 more on Friday when he gets paid again but he really doesn't think he should "have to" since he doesn't eat much. Yes, these were the words he used! DH told him that he cannot live here for free. It will still be less than what we originally agreed upon but it's something for now.

Why are you guys feeding him? this is what I can't understand. That is so simple. He's not giving you enough to feed him, he says he isn't eating that much. Solution: go back to your regular grocery shopping.

Ok, after reading through I've had a bit of change. I agree with Febuarydisgoer, who said, don't charge him any thing and give him a 5 week deadline. Tell him to save every dime toward moving out.

It is obviously that there isn't really any thing he could do to make you happy (and that's not right or wrong) You two are simply very different and it does not seem like you can live with him any length of time. Even if he does kick in more money, his life style (lights and tv on, soda cans not put away etc etc) is not one you can tolerate or at least that's what I'm getting.

So I'd give him 6 weeks free board, I'd definitely cut out the meal plan and one person should not rack up the electricity bill especially if he's working a regular 8 hour day and then on February 21 or around there, he be gone.