Charging Rent?

[budafam]

My brother in law moved in with us in November. He left his horrible abusive girlfriend (finally) but he was too far behind on bills to be able to get a new place of his own right off the bat. We offered him to stay in our basement till he can get back on his feet. He agreed to pay us money towards everything but so far all I have seen is $85 total. I have been buying him extra food (stuff that we normally do not buy and it's all still sitting in our pantry untouched). We just got our electric bill and it's up $65 from normal. He claims it's because of our Christmas lights. Last year our Christmas lights only added $20 to our bill (and that's when we were using those giant C9 lights outdoors... this year we upgraded to LED lights so I doubt it's that much!) He leaves all the lights on in the basement and has to have 2 nightlights down there on at night along with a giant fan running. He leaves the tv on and plays video games all the time. Would it be unreasonable of us to ask him for a bit more? I know he is caught up with bills now and he works a good job where he just got $1 raise. He's not going to look for a new rental till after he gets his taxes which is fine... I really don't mind helping him out but I can't keep buying him soda and food and paying higher bills. Any advice?

 

[Monte Cristo]

He agreed to pay us money towards everything but so far all I have seen is $85 total.

How much money did you all agree that he was to pay you? From your description it sounds undefined.

I would direrctly approach him and say, we need you to give us $xxx.xx per month in order to stay in the basement.

Be direct so there's no room for confusion.

 

[sam_gordon]

My brother in law moved in with us in November. He left his horrible abusive girlfriend (finally) but he was too far behind on bills to be able to get a new place of his own right off the bat. We offered him to stay in our basement till he can get back on his feet. He agreed to pay us money towards everything but so far all I have seen is $85 total. I have been buying him extra food (stuff that we normally do not buy and it's all still sitting in our pantry untouched). We just got our electric bill and it's up $65 from normal. He claims it's because of our Christmas lights. Last year our Christmas lights only added $20 to our bill (and that's when we were using those giant C9 lights outdoors... this year we upgraded to LED lights so I doubt it's that much!) He leaves all the lights on in the basement and has to have 2 nightlights down there on at night along with a giant fan running. He leaves the tv on and plays video games all the time. Would it be unreasonable of us to ask him for a bit more? I know he is caught up with bills now and he works a good job where he just got $1 raise. He's not going to look for a new rental till after he gets his taxes which is fine... I really don't mind helping him out but I can't keep buying him soda and food and paying higher bills. Any advice?

First, discuss this with your spouse (assuming it's his/her brother). What are their thoughts? If he/she agrees, then the three of you sit down and discuss how BiL is getting free housing/no utilities/you paying for the food. Be direct, but not confrontational. Discuss how much he should pay you each month. Write up a small contract that $x is due on whatever date each month.

The only catch is you and spouse need to be willing to kick him out if he doesn't fulfill his part. I would not be buying him special food. It's also possible your spouse isn't as concerned about it. In which case, IMO, leave well enough alone. If he's waiting until tax refund comes in, that should only be three more months.

 

[budafam]

How much money did you all agree that he was to pay you? From your description it sounds undefined.

I would direrctly approach him and say, we need you to give us $xxx.xx per month in order to stay in the basement.

Be direct so there's no room for confusion.

Originally he said $250 and apparently DH told him $200 was fine. He said he would give us more at Christmas but we have yet to see any of that. It's not a huge deal *yet* but if he's here for another 2 months, it will put a burden on us

 

[lynxstch]

He's taking advantage of your kindness and the situation..speak up now..tell him you need XXX amount on the same day every month/week, whichever you decide! my guess is that otherwise, tax time will come and go and he will still be living there!

 

[RitaE]

If the food you are buying him is just sitting in the pantry, then it would probably be better to just quit buying it because he isn't eating it anyway.

I'd certainly ask him to pay what he agreed to pay. If he does that it sounds like it would more than cover your increased utilities.

 

[ronandannette]

How much money did you all agree that he was to pay you? From your description it sounds undefined.

I would direrctly approach him and say, we need you to give us $xxx.xx per month in order to stay in the basement.

Be direct so there's no room for confusion.

Yep, this, effective January 1, 2013. As a gesture of goodwill (and to save you a lot of likely frustration) I would immediately give up on any hope of collecting anything retroactive. Oh, and when settling on an amount be sure to take utility usage into account as it's very doubtful that he will take seriously any requests to turn the light or fan off. Save some more frustration by just allowing for it.

EDited to add: Obviously this presumes you and DH are firmly in accord - if not, definitely sort it out between the two of you first with no doubt in your minds. The last thing you need is a short-term financial problem turning into a long-term marital issue.

 

[TB'sWidow]

How much money did you all agree that he was to pay you? From your description it sounds undefined.

I would direrctly approach him and say, we need you to give us $xxx.xx per month in order to stay in the basement.

Be direct so there's no room for confusion.

This be straight forward so everyone knows what is expected.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I would stop buying extra food that you normally don't purchase. Then I would sit down and figure out the BARE minimum that you can except. From there figure out how much he can save each month towards moving out. IF you expect him to keep paying more, you will have him forever. Is that what you want?

You can put lights on timers if he has a regular work schedule (the fan also). Also, my electric bill always varies even without extra people in the house.

Good luck on however you choose to handle it.

 

[budafam]

Thanks for the advice everyone Will do! His work schedule is always different. I feel as though I'm prying about his bills and such but if you're living in my house, I think I have a right to know what you're doing with your money (to a point)... I'm just really hoping he's able to make some life changes and get back on his feet and stay there. I know it's embarrassing enough for him to move into his younger brother's basement.

 

[sam_gordon]

Thanks for the advice everyone Will do! His work schedule is always different. I feel as though I'm prying about his bills and such but if you're living in my house, I think I have a right to know what you're doing with your money (to a point)... I'm just really hoping he's able to make some life changes and get back on his feet and stay there. I know it's embarrassing enough for him to move into his younger brother's basement.

I disagree. I don't think you have any right to know what he's doing with his money. I think you simply have the right to kick him to the curb if he doesn't pay the agreed upon rent. However, your spouse needs to be on board with you 100%.

 

[WDSearcher]

Thanks for the advice everyone Will do! His work schedule is always different. I feel as though I'm prying about his bills and such but if you're living in my house, I think I have a right to know what you're doing with your money (to a point)... I'm just really hoping he's able to make some life changes and get back on his feet and stay there. I know it's embarrassing enough for him to move into his younger brother's basement.

You really don't have "a right" to know what he's doing with his money ... at all. What you do have a right to is to get the money that you all agreed he would pay. How he spends his money is none of your business, any more than it would be if you had a renter in your basement you didn't know. If it was a stranger renting a room, you wouldn't be asking them about their finances, right? You'd just be expecting them to pay as promised.

You do need to talk to your DH, settle on a number (and a timeline for how long BIL can stay), and then you need to put it in writing. Even though it's family -- probably moreso BECAUSE it's family -- you need it in writing. It makes it much more formal and much easier to deal with. You need a written agreement that states when, how much and in what format (check, money order, cash) you will receive rent. Write down what it includes (utilities, parking, whatever) and what it doesn't (food). There also needs to be something there that states what happens if either party doesn't follow what's written there. And then take it all to a notary or via some other formal channel and sign it.

The problem is that there's no formality to this arrangement. Your DH is doing his brother a favor, and that can get dangerous -- family favors are tricky things. You need to make it a true business arrangment. If you don't, you may as well figure that BIL is there to stay.

Oh ... and stopy buying him food, for goodness sake! If he's asking you to do it, then remind him that there's a bunch of stuff in the cupboard he hasn't touched yet and maybe he can eat that first. If you were doing it to be nice, but he never asked you, then that's not his fault.

 

[budafam]

Yes, thank you! Sorry, did not mean that it's my right... it is a sticky situation with DH. DH doesn't know what we pay for bills. He has no idea. DH hands his check over to me every week and I take care of finances. I really have no clue where BIL is right now with finances. He has no problems buying cigarettes and alcohol each week.. aye aye aye. I'll be happy when this is over

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

You need to start collecting what was agreed upon NOW. Your DH should be the one to approach him about it.
It reminds me of what occurred right after DH and I bought our first house. DH's younger brother broke up with his cheating girlfriend and he moved in with us until he could find his own place. Fine. Unfortunately he did not make much effort to find a new apartment until DH finally told him he would have to start paying rent to us. He was out and into his own place in 10 days!

 

[Disney Doll]

If you guys agreed to an amount he was going to pay & he hasn't paid it then you need to sit down with DH & explain the situation and how it does/will affect his finances and get DH's support on the 2 of you speaking to him as a united front with regard to paying the amount of rent he owes.

If you want to be really nice, you can say "We will start this January 1st since I know you had some hard times these past couple of months but things seem to be stabilizing for you now so we will need the rent money every month".

I also wouldn't be buying him any special food if he hasn't eaten what you have already purchased.

And while you technically don't have a right to know what eh does with his money I can see how it would be frustrating to watch him spending money on non-necessities such as booze & cigarettes when he hasn't paid you rent.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Yes, thank you! Sorry, did not mean that it's my right... it is a sticky situation with DH. DH doesn't know what we pay for bills. He has no idea. DH hands his check over to me every week and I take care of finances. I really have no clue where BIL is right now with finances. He has no problems buying cigarettes and alcohol each week.. aye aye aye. I'll be happy when this is over

That's the problem with analyzing other peoples budgets. I don't smoke or drink, but I do buy expensive cheese and other gourmet foods that my family enjoys. Others may look at my basket and wonder who pays $15.00 for a small piece of cheese.

You are upset and it shows. I really think the poster above is correct. This has NOTHING to do with finances. It has to be a written contract of what will be paid and how long he is allowed to stay. He can stay even if he doesn't pay. You need to get it written down so if you need to evict him from your home you have a legal paper to fall back on.

Talk to you DH and have it done before you go and ask him to sign. You can find them for free on the internet and you can re-word it to fit your situation. Don't get me wrong. I am all for helping family out the difference is that I don't ever expect anything in return and never open my actual doors to the house other than for a meal.

I said before and I really mean it. I hope you get this straightened out very soon.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I disagree. I don't think you have any right to know what he's doing with his money. I think you simply have the right to kick him to the curb if he doesn't pay the agreed upon rent. However, your spouse needs to be on board with you 100%.

Yes i totally agree.

OP i agree with others that you don't have a right to know where his money goes. You can however ask for money for utilities etc. No doubt about that! I would be direct and talk about the money everyone agreed on earlier. You have every right to. I can imagine how frustrating it is. Good luck.

 

[manning]

one question. Why are you being an enabler. Kick the guy out.

If you have kids there is a lesson being taught here. If you treat them like you are treating BIL guess what direction they could go. Do everyone a favor. Teach them to fend for themselves and help only when absolutely necessary.

I needed a hand once. A relative was nice enough to help me out, but I had a time limit to bring it together and pay him back. The penalty? "You're outa here and don't bother to ask again." He meant it and I knew it. Best incentive I ever got.

Same thing happened to my wife's nephew. He was hitting his grandparents for money. when they died he tried hitting us up for money. He borrowed $600.00 from my wife and never paid it back a long time ago. I said I would think about it when he paid her back. Never heard from him again.

Then there was the niece who got behind in the mortgage payments and wanted us to co-sign a loan. Never happened and they scrambled to save the house. Years later she thanked me and said it was the best lesson she learned. They now live within their means. Never told them we would help.

 

[WDSearcher]

A big piece of this is probably that your DH has no idea about your finances. If he truly has nothing at all to do with them other than handing over a check, he could be thinking that having his brother there, not paying rent, isn't a big deal at all.

Your first task is to explain to him how BIL's presence changes the financial landscape.

Second task is to draw up a rental agreement.

You likely won't get DH to do the second thing until you do the first thing.

 

[DebbieB]

He's getting comfortable in the basement, he's not leaving or paying more unless you force him.