Blondie
~*~*~*~<br><font color=blue>This TF always enjoys
- Joined
- Aug 18, 1999
- Messages
- 17,306
The Hair Up There: We can only assume one of Anne Heche's alternate personalities (Celestia, is that you?) styled her tresses for the Costume Institute soiree at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. How else to explain that teetering hairball of chunky, buttery highlights? Perhaps Heche, who penned the autobiography "Call Me Crazy," is hoping her kooky finger-in-a-socket coif will distract from the sheer madness of her diaphanous Valentino two-piece chiffon oh, let's say, dress, whiter-shade-of-pale skin, and kewpie doll lips, all of which she insists are an ode to the event's 18th century "Dangerous Liaisons" theme.
The Big Tease: Someone hide the Aquanet before Drew Barrymore sprays again! With her teased, towering tresses, the svelte sweetie looks like she was made over by the secretarial pool from "Working Girl," who believed the higher the hair the better. Drew has better luck with her fab '50-style vintage cocktail dress, although we just can't get behind her clashing red heels, which blend into the carpet and draw our eye back up to the mane, er, problem.
Tale of Two Blondes: If dresses could talk, Sharon Stone's would be screaming, "Look at me, Hollywood! I'm single and I'm fabulous. Hire me!" Melanie Griffith's would be complaining, "Hey, where are the rest of my sleeves?" Stone, 46, is back in fine "Basic Instinct" form in a clingy peach halter gown and sultry, kohl-rimmed eyes. On the flip side, Griffith, also 46, flops in this unnecessarily ridiculous black number with wing-like arm warmers. Melanie's dated hair and shiny face also do her no favors, and while she's shod in Gucci's oh-so-hot open-toed gladiator heels, she disastrously pairs the fashionable footwear with -- gulp -- panty hose. The horror, the horror
Spot the Mistake: Don't worry. No Dalmatians were harmed in the making of Kristin Davis' off-the-shoulder Louis Vuitton dress. Still, the "Sex and the City" cutie pie could be Cruella De Vil's little girl in these over-embellished duds that are strictly for the dogs. From the flirty ribbon to the rosette-trimmed hem, this dress is girly when it should be sophisticated. Toss in Kristin's prim bun and toned down makeup and you've got a look that would send Carrie Bradshaw into a couture crisis.
Radiant Renee: Brand loyalty continues to work wonders for Renee Zellweger, whose allegiance to Carolina Herrera has resulted in the most successful fashion partnership since Audrey Hepburn and Hubert de Givenchy. At the Costume Institute bash, the Oscar-winning actress looks like a latter-day Veronica Lake with peek-a-boo blonde hair and a stunning form-fitting gold-flecked gown with sexy lace-up back. We're happy to see that Renee -- who has lost the weight she put on for the "Bridget Jones" sequel but thankfully hasn't returned to the scarily thin proportions of old -- is embracing her curves in an event-appropriate corset, which highlights her lovely feminine figure.
Superhuman Stunner: At the Costume Institute gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Charlize Theron proves beyond a doubt that she's built for superstardom. Sure, the Oscar winner is gorgeous and statuesque, but in this floor-sweeping strapless gothic gown from Dior Haute Couture, she's achieved an almost icy, unapproachable perfection, an ideal beyond the reach of mere mortals. Despite what Us Weekly says, celebrities aren't "just like us." We could primp for a year and never attain the goddess-like elegance of Charlize, who finishes her look with a fur wrap, baroque-inspired diamond and pearl choker from Fred Leighton, and alabaster skin that's a welcome change from that radioactive faux tan she sported at the Oscars (hey, even goddesses sometimes make mistakes).
White Out: Lindsay Lohan makes the scene at the "Mean Girls" premiere in a bright white Louis Vuitton frock that would be the picture of innocence if not for, well, come on, don't make us say it. Since the adorable actress is only 17, we're just gonna keep our eyes averted and urge her to avoid this kind of exposure, at least until her fan base hits high school or the Janet Jackson scandal dies a proper death.
Princess Lace: Get a good look at the eyeball-searing primary red color on Jennifer Lopez's lips, because we're guessing it will soon be seen on women everywhere. The multi-tasking fashion plate hits the Costume Institute ball both flanked and sheathed by Dolce & Gabbana, and embraces the evening's "Dangerous Liaisons" theme in a shockingly sheer corseted lacey tiered ball gown that's best described as flamenco chic (decide for yourself whether that's an oxymoron). Jen complements her complicated confection and blindingly bright lip color with enhanced eyelashes, ginormous dazzling diamond chandelier earrings, and hair stolen from Eva Peron. But where's her stealth sweetie Marc Anthony? In keeping with the night's risky romance theme, he arrived at the affair solo.
Lost in Temptation: Now, we know we should comment on Scarlett Johansson's yellow Calvin Klein gown, with its knotted bodice and side cutouts, or make some pithy remark about her slicked-back hair and pinkish, pillowy pout. But when we look at the nubile knockout in this dress, the only thing that comes to mind is this: ****ies, ****ies, ****ies, ****ies. Oh, and ****ies. At 19, Scarlett has hit the Hollywood lottery: She's blessed with a bodacious, grown-up bod, flawless skin, and an unlined, Botox-free face. Toss in the fact that she can actually act and we predict a very long, very successful career. With lots of ****ies.
Sci-Fi Awry: No, Natalie Portman didnt come directly from the set of "Star Wars." While her flowing futuristic green-and-gold frock looks like a cast-off from the Princess Amidala couture collection (or worse, from one of Captain Kirk's many conquests on "Star Trek"), it's actually by designer Stella McCartney, who has obviously been spending time in a fashion galaxy far, far away. Among our quibbles: the oddball neckline makes Portman look like she's perpetually slouching and the see-through hemline is all wrong for the refined starlet, who shines brightest in classic, classy threads (and, of course, with hunky boyfriend Gael Garcia Bernal on her arm).
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