Caught between a rock and a hard place, and getting squished!

[Sonya]

I need a little advice!

DS is turning 3 next Saturday!

My dad bought him a bike last year but I convinced him DS was still too young. This year he wants to give it to him. I think that would be silly, as he can't even ride a trike well yet! But Dad really REALLY wants to give this to him.

However

DH wants to give DS his first bike. He really REALLY wants to do this. We don't have plans to do this for this b-day, we already have gifts for him. He is pretty small for it still. We were thinking next year. I think DH also feels like my parents have already done so much of the 1st for DS, like giving him is first trike, sneaking him his 1st cracker, going with us for his 1st trip to Disney. DH feels like, as his father, he should get to do some of these fun things for himself.

I agree. If DH feels it is his fatherly duty to give him his first bike, then he should do it. He feels pretty strongly about it. However my dad is a sensitive person and will be hurt if I ask him to wait and my parents won't really understand why. Family is family for them, doesn't matter who, if that makes sense. Also my dad feels pretty strongly about giving him the bike he bought!

I already know I will talk to my mom and see what she says. But is there any other option?? Please help!

 

[mickeyboat]

How about asking your dad to keep the bike until after your DH has a chance to give your son one, and leave that bike at Grandpa's house to use while he is visiting.

I can understand your DH wanting to be the one to give your son the bike. I bet your folks would understand, too.

BTW, many three year olds can manage a small bike with training wheels. My girls learned to ride them without training wheels the summer they were 4 and 5.

Denae

 

[Annie68]

I had the same problems with my in-laws when my DD was little. Prime example: MIL snuck DD off for her first pictures with Santa, knowing I had already had an appointment & outfit. She took her to a bargain place, no special outfit, the pictures were terrible. I was in tears ( I know...overreaction, but she was my first!). DH insisted we keep our appt. & the pictures turned out beautiful! MIL was upset, she ended up mailing her pictures with her cards. I just mailed my pics out too! For Christmas and B-days she wanted to buy the #1 thing on my list for DD, it got to be ridiculous. My parents couldn't understand her need to compete for DD's affection.

DH tried to talk with them to no avail, so I sat down with them both & explained how important it was for DH & I to do certain things....give certain gifts. I kept saying over & over how wonderful they were, and how I knew they loved DD, but that she our child & I needed to set some ground rules. They definitely got their noses bent out of joint, but changed their ways.

If I were you, I would take my Dad out to lunch and talk. Let him know how much you love him wanting to give your son fun things, but how important it is for your DH to give major things..... like his first real bike. Talking with my Dad would have been much easier than the in-laws!

 

[NMAmy]

You know, while reading this I couldn't help but think...what a lucky little boy to have parents AND grandparents who love him so much.

I've always been the kind of mom to just let the grandparents spoil dd however they want. Who am I to mess with such an absolute mutual admiration society?

But, it's obvious that your DH feels very strongly about this. Although I highly doubt your DS will remember WHO gave him his first bike, it matters to your DH. Talk to your dad and explain the situation. Although I'm not quite sure why your husband thinks it took something away from him to have your parents come along on the kid's first trip to Disney. Or what the big deal was with the first cracker. I think that you and your dh might want to think about why it matters so much.

It's pretty obvious that everyone thinks this little guy is pretty special. And, grandparents like to share in the fun, too.

 

[kidzmom3]

I actually think you are wrong on this one. You knew your dad had the bike. You told him he could give it this year. A 3 year old can begin to learn to ride. If you really didn't want him to do it, you should have told him to return it last year. I can see its important to your husband, but you had already taken the decision out of his hands. good luck

 

[Beth76]

Let you husband give your son his bike. Grandpa can keep the bike at his house for when your son is over there. My parents have lots of stuff like that at their house. Everyone's happy!

 

[Sonya]

You know, while reading this I couldn't help but think...what a lucky little boy to have parents AND grandparents who love him so much.

yep, we know this and are so blessed. We are very very lucky.

I've always been the kind of mom to just let the grandparents spoil dd however they want. Who am I to mess with such an absolute mutual admiration society?

Yeah, me too, but DH feels pretty strongly. However, if I had a girl and my mom or DMIL gave her her first dress/haircut/doll, I might feel different.

Although I'm not quite sure why your husband thinks it took something away from him to have your parents come along on the kid's first trip to Disney.

It didn't it is just an example of how they are always there for us, sometimes it takes away from that special "just the 3 of us" feeling. But then again I know how lucky I am to have parents that will do this for us!

I actually think you are wrong on this one. You knew your dad had the bike. You told him he could give it this year. A 3 year old can begin to learn to ride. If you really didn't want him to do it, you should have told him to return it last year. I can see its important to your husband, but you had already taken the decision out of his hands. good luck

When he bought the bike I had no idea. Nor did I know that DH would feel so strongly about this. When he wanted to give it last year I said no b/c he was too little. Then I found out all the rest.

 

[minkydog]

If it means a lot to your DH, then you just made your decision. Stand by your man--the one you married, not the one who raised you. Gently explain to your Dad that DH wants to give the first bike. Then Grandpa can give him his own bike to keep there (i would have loved to have a bike at my grandpa's house!)

 

[gris gris]

I think it's great too that your DS has so many people who love him. My DD has 2 bikes (she's 3.5), one at home and one at her grandparents. It didn't matter to me or DH who gave her the bike first. Why can't you get your DH & your dad together, and have them both give bikes at the same time, and explain to DS that one goes home and one goes to grandpas?

 

[janette]

Could everyone agree to let Santa bring the bike?