Cat people - Need advice

[Sherri]

Gonna give the cat away. Made up my mind. I'm getting the guilt trip and I don't wanna hear it.

"Fine, we'll keep her and if anything happens, blah blah blah."

I don't need that crap. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty because I care about our cat. At the same time, I'm not going to fight with my wife and cause problems.

This is one of those things in life, that as a guy, I'm going to suck it up and do whatever my wife wants. Part of being a man is accepting that there are times when you just can't win.

Thanks for the advice.

You my friend are going to have a long road ahead of you so I guess its good that you have decided to pick your battles.
I do hope your cat gets the life she deserves.

 

[phorsenuf]

Gonna give the cat away. Made up my mind. I'm getting the guilt trip and I don't wanna hear it.

"Fine, we'll keep her and if anything happens, blah blah blah."

I don't need that crap. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty because I care about our cat. At the same time, I'm not going to fight with my wife and cause problems.

This is one of those things in life, that as a guy, I'm going to suck it up and do whatever my wife wants. Part of being a man is accepting that there are times when you just can't win.

Thanks for the advice.

How very sad. Poor Kitty

 

[Steffi]

I know you've made up your mind and you're trying to be a good husband...I commend you for that! You really seem to be trying to do what's right for your family's happiness.

Now I have a story, take it for what it's worth:

My husband and I have been together since we were 17. There have been some long, hard roads in our past. For the longest time, my husband was a pushover. If I complained long and loudly enough, he'd do anything I wanted. And I knew it. I was young, sometimes I just put my foot down to feel powerful. My husband often felt resentful, because he was constantly giving up something for me. Neither one of us were really, truly happy. One of the best things to happen to our marriage was for DH to finally grow a pair and stop giving in to me at every turn. We're going on 18 years together, 16 of those years married, and neither one of us has all the power. And that works for us.

The End. Back to you...make sure you don't sacrifice everything that makes you happy...at some point you'll become resentful about it and that won't be good for your wife or your children.

Also, it sounds like your wife doesn't really like cats and just doesn't want to baldly say that, for fear of sounding like a cat-hater.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We had three cats when my daughter was born - she is now 14 months old and it is so fun watching her interact with the cats.
They have NEVER hurt her - only sniffing her or laying beside her sometimes.
My older daughter who is 13 has grown up with cats her entire life and is very compassionate with animals - I think because of being around them.
Good luck to you..I personally feel pets are important to children and would not give them up.

OT, but there's no way your baby can be so grown up already--I remember when she was a newborn! When did that happen? She's adorable, BTW.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

These were my twins when they were around the same age yours are now. Now granted, we're talking about cats, not dogs. But I think it's pretty similar. I really believe my children have benefitted a great deal from having these animals in their lives in ways too numerous to list.

If you absolutely have to keep the cat in the room, I would consider re-homing her, it's just not fair. But I'd prefer to see you and your wife work it out. These are the type of issues that breed a simmering anger in couples. There will be many more like it. How you work it out now will set the tone for the next issues that come along. Good luck.

 

[JKanownik]

I'm so sorry about your kitty! I can't think of anything in this world that would make us give up our cats, but we don't have children yet. Who knows, maybe I'll feel differently when that time comes, but I doubt it.

 

[diznygirl]

Tell your wife she is being unreasonable. Tell her I said so!

If you introduce the cat to the babies, the cat won't be curious anymore and will just stay away.

Claritan will work for the 6 yr olds "puffy eyes."

You my friend are going to have a long road ahead of you so I guess its good that you have decided to pick your battles.
I do hope your cat gets the life she deserves.

So true.

 

[phorsenuf]

So Broom, what state are you in? I'd be happy to give you kitty a stable loving home.

 

[Sherri]

You had some good offers on this thread to take your sweet cat, I hope you take someone up on it. I'd be happy to be part of a transporting team.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am not a cat person but I feel like I should stick up for your wife here. I don't think that she is being silly or needs to chill out as others have posted. She has her concerns and they are valid whether you agree with her or not. I love animals and grew up with them but I would not want any animal jumping up on my infants bed. I don't care if they were just looking or not. I think it's gross. Also- with your stepson, he may not wheeze around the cat but he may have an attack after he has left the area. My kids are sensitive to certain things and if they are exposed to them they will be fine for a bit but then they will need a nebulizer treatment after. I don't think it's fair that you now have to get rid of the cat but to be honest, I would not want the cat around my infant either. While it's too late now, I think you both should have discussed this beforehand. I know this isn't the popular choice but I agree with your wife but I also think confining the cat to a room isn't right. I would find a good home for it. JMHO.

 

[boomhauer]

I agree - We should have discussed it beforehand, knowing we would be having more children. However, I never thought it would be an issue. As others have said, many people that have babies have cats.

I'll tell you what irritates me - We have 2 floors, which are seperated by a locked door. If nothing else, the cat should have free roam of whichever floor the babies aren't on. If my wife is upstairs with them, keep the cat downstairs. If she goes downstairs, put the cat upstairs. It's not difficult. That I could live with. I'd go downstairs every night, watch TV for an hour with her on my lap. I bet the cat would be fine with that. I mean, it's not as if I'm at home all day anyway. The only real difference for her would be that she isn't sleeping with us anymore. And I could accept that as an alternative.

 

[Laura]

I am not a cat person but I feel like I should stick up for your wife here. I don't think that she is being silly or needs to chill out as others have posted. She has her concerns and they are valid whether you agree with her or not. I love animals and grew up with them but I would not want any animal jumping up on my infants bed. I don't care if they were just looking or not. I think it's gross. Also- with your stepson, he may not wheeze around the cat but he may have an attack after he has left the area. My kids are sensitive to certain things and if they are exposed to them they will be fine for a bit but then they will need a nebulizer treatment after. I don't think it's fair that you now have to get rid of the cat but to be honest, I would not want the cat around my infant either. While it's too late now, I think you both should have discussed this beforehand. I know this isn't the popular choice but I agree with your wife but I also think confining the cat to a room isn't right. I would find a good home for it. JMHO.

To be perfectly honest, she is being silly. She has had plenty of time to figure out if her son is really allergic to the cat and figure out what to do with the babies. And honestly, it's not gross for the cat to want to peek at a baby. If someone thinks it's gross, why do they get a cat in the first place?

It really disgusts me when people just decide to get rid of animals for flimsy reasons. If her 6yo son had a very strong allergic reaction to the cat, I could understand it, but they've had the cat for a year now. It's a little late for that excuse.

 

[diznygirl]

I agree - We should have discussed it beforehand, knowing we would be having more children. However, I never thought it would be an issue. As others have said, many people that have babies have cats.

I'll tell you what irritates me - We have 2 floors, which are seperated by a locked door. If nothing else, the cat should have free roam of whichever floor the babies aren't on. If my wife is upstairs with them, keep the cat downstairs. If she goes downstairs, put the cat upstairs. It's not difficult. That I could live with. I'd go downstairs every night, watch TV for an hour with her on my lap. I bet the cat would be fine with that. I mean, it's not as if I'm at home all day anyway. The only real difference for her would be that she isn't sleeping with us anymore. And I could accept that as an alternative.

Don't tell us - tell her! Don't give up or give in. That will only breed resentment in a marriage and lead to more trouble later on.

What you should do is reach some sort of consensus - what would be best for ALL - not just one (or HER as the case may be).

Good luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

To be perfectly honest, she is being silly. She has had plenty of time to figure out if her son is really allergic to the cat and figure out what to do with the babies. And honestly, it's not gross for the cat to want to peek at a baby. If someone thinks it's gross, why do they get a cat in the first place?

It really disgusts me when people just decide to get rid of animals for flimsy reasons. If her 6yo son had a very strong allergic reaction to the cat, I could understand it, but they've had the cat for a year now. It's a little late for that excuse.

It's not silly to her and that's what's important here. Also- yes I think it is gross to have an animal on my kids beds. They do not wipe when they go. They can keep their stinky behinds to themselves. I also think it's gross to have animals licking babies as well. Call it kisses or whatever I don't think anyone human or animal should be licking my kids. I agree that pets are not disposable items but if it is going to compromise my kids health then it has to go. I will find a loving home but my kids come first.

To the OP-
I understand your pain but maybe she just doesn't want cat hair etc. all over the house period. It's a tough situation but in the big scheme of things, it seems hard now but in time it will just be a small blip. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[phorsenuf]

I agree - We should have discussed it beforehand, knowing we would be having more children. However, I never thought it would be an issue. As others have said, many people that have babies have cats.

I'll tell you what irritates me - We have 2 floors, which are seperated by a locked door. If nothing else, the cat should have free roam of whichever floor the babies aren't on. If my wife is upstairs with them, keep the cat downstairs. If she goes downstairs, put the cat upstairs. It's not difficult. That I could live with. I'd go downstairs every night, watch TV for an hour with her on my lap. I bet the cat would be fine with that. I mean, it's not as if I'm at home all day anyway. The only real difference for her would be that she isn't sleeping with us anymore. And I could accept that as an alternative.

Then tell her so. My goodness you have just as much say in this as she has. I really don't understand why you would give up so easy. Are you afraid of her or something? Just put your foot down and say no and do as quoted above. She'll get over it soon enough when she gets some sleep and the hormones settle down. I hate using that as a cop out but really, the whole thing is so silly.

 

[Laura]

It's not silly to her and that's what's important here. Also- yes I think it is gross to have an animal on my kids beds. They do not wipe when they go. They can keep their stinky behinds to themselves. I also think it's gross to have animals licking babies as well. Call it kisses or whatever I don't think anyone human or animal should be licking my kids. I agree that pets are not disposable items but if it is going to compromise my kids health then it has to go. I will find a loving home but my kids come first.

Then don't get pets. It's really a lame excuse. If she thought cats were that germy and gross, she should never have agreed to get one. Period.

P.S. The cat's not going to rub her butt in the kid's face, you know.

 

[CheshireVal]

It's not silly to her and that's what's important here. Also- yes I think it is gross to have an animal on my kids beds. They do not wipe when they go. They can keep their stinky behinds to themselves. I also think it's gross to have animals licking babies as well. Call it kisses or whatever I don't think anyone human or animal should be licking my kids. I agree that pets are not disposable items but if it is going to compromise my kids health then it has to go. I will find a loving home but my kids come first.

Cats aren't humans. They don't really have to wipe. And they're generally not stinky.

You are entitled to your own opinion, but I'm really curious about how having a pet around an infant is jeopardizing its health. Can you provide any instances of infants dying from exposure to kitty pawprints?

 

[boomhauer]

Then tell her so. My goodness you have just as much say in this as she has. I really don't understand why you would give up so easy. Are you afraid of her or something? Just put your foot down and say no and do as quoted above. She'll get over it soon enough when she gets some sleep and the hormones settle down. I hate using that as a cop out but really, the whole thing is so silly.

In a word - Yes.

The thing is, you learn early on that some things you simply won't win on. It doesn't make it right that I'm the one losing out here, but from the way I see it, I'd rather have my cat be happy with a family is going to treat her as she should be treated, then have to deal with the scrutiny my wife has for her.

The way I see it - I know my wife. She's not going to change her mind about this. And she'll make me feel guilty over it. She just doesn't see her side as wrong. She sees it as doing what's best for the kids. Whether or not she's wrong, it's tough as a dad to argue with that.

In life, you gotta pick and choose your battles. And as a new dad, I want to set as good an example as I can for my children and creating a hostile enviroment between my wife and I isn't going to do that.

 

[mickeyboat]

But boom, you are their dad, and you have just as much say about what is best for your chilren. Don't back down in every circumstance just because she is the mom and you want to preserve family peace. Some day, she will resent you for it because she will have seen herself as having done everything, and you will have been pushed out of the way as an important part of raising your boys.

I wish you lots and lots of luck. Marriages and parenthood are tough, no doubt about that.

 

[Laura]

In a word - Yes.

The thing is, you learn early on that some things you simply won't win on. It doesn't make it right that I'm the one losing out here, but from the way I see it, I'd rather have my cat be happy with a family is going to treat her as she should be treated, then have to deal with the scrutiny my wife has for her.

The way I see it - I know my wife. She's not going to change her mind about this. And she'll make me feel guilty over it. She just doesn't see her side as wrong. She sees it as doing what's best for the kids. Whether or not she's wrong, it's tough as a dad to argue with that.

In life, you gotta pick and choose your battles. And as a new dad, I want to set as good an example as I can for my children and creating a hostile enviroment between my wife and I isn't going to do that.

Well, I also wouldn't want to resent my husband for making me give my cats away for such a poor set of excuses. It just sounds like you're not really trying to convince her, and there's no compromising here, it's just her way or the highway. Honestly, if guilt trips are how she gets her way, it really doesn't sound like an awesome way to deal with one's spouse.

I understand, I really do. I'm also married, and yes, you have to pick your battles sometimes. But at the same time, your wife needs to learn to give a little and listen to reason. This is a pet we're talking about, a living thing.