Lots of opinions here. Would love one on my situation.
My niece is getting married in mid-March in Maine (brrrr). Not in a town she lives in - it is about an 8 hour drive from where she lives. Not the town she grew up in either. The town where her parents moved to after she graduated college, so not many ties to a church or location. She is having a 2pm ceremony and appetizers and cake afterwards. No food, no dancing, no alcohol. "People are free to go out for dinner with their own groups after they are done with the reception." is what I have been told.
I am a $350+ flight away from there (or a 24 hour drive). It is Spring Break - which is the only time my immediate family can get away as a family of 5. I have made the decision not to go - since it is spring break and the monetary cost (about $800-1,000 for the weekend for me alone by the time you work in hotel, rental car, flight, food, and gift). However, there are hurt feelings that we are not attending "because we have the resources". I am planning on being generous with a wedding gift because we cannot attend. I have tried to indirectly make some of these points with my sister (bride's mom), however, they are going over her head. Do I sit down and put them in writing or just deal with the resentment? (we aren't particularly close).
Am I wrong for not going? It feels ridiculous to me to spend more on getting my family there than she is spending for the wedding (tissue paper flowers, for example). I don't begrudge her choices, but I don't like the "expectations" placed on me.
thoughts?