Canadian Buffoon's Hi Low Vacation - South Central Musings

[pkondz]

Only 14 TRs (including my own!) to catch up on!

<virtual self-high five>

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Warning. I did say
this would be a short one.
Actually all the remaining chapters
(Two, maybe?) will be short.
I think.

Which reminded me of a tale.
And @GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes
asked me to tell it.

So it's his fault.

Gee, thanks a LOT, Rob.

Wayyyy back in '87,
when men were men
and you learned not
to squat with your spurs on...

Believe me, I won't be doing that again.

Back in '87, my best friend
and I decided to go on a road trip.
Winnipeg to WDW.

Nonstop.

Which is how we wound up
adding about two hours
to our drive as we took
the looong way around Atlanta.

Being young and dumb,
we opted to stop at a KFC.
I mean... it's not that far
from Kentucky.

There are many fine establishments
that make good fried chicken.
KFC is not one of them.

At least you were teenagers. Iron stomachs.

Which was perfectly fine.
Because we both like
cold fried chicken, too.

Breakfast of champions!

I said sealing,
not ceiling!!

What is wrong with you people????

Hang on, I'm not finished counting the tiles.

The bag was bulging with water.
I looked at it.
It was a mass of swirling... gray.
Dissolved breading flowed
sickeningly in a counter-clockwise
manner inside the bag.
Occasionally a bone, devoid
of flesh, would float by.

Yeah, yeah. I know.
It's been so long that you don't know either.


Hang on... going to check...

Thanks for doing that, so the rest of us don't have to.

Those are known collectively
as the "Flying Scullery Wenches".

Okay. I made that up.
But it has a nice chauvinistic
ring to it, doesn't it?
Come up with a better name
for bonus points.

Honestly, they remind me of those angelic-type creatures flying around at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, just before they all turn into monsters and start terrorizing Nazis and melting their faces off.

So I'll call them Face-melters.

We marched down the hall
and I told the lady at the desk
about my predicament.
She was kind enough to
let me use her phone,
but she warned me
that there was a very good
chance that they wouldn't answer.

That's always a wonderful response.

I looked at Ruby.

"I have to go back up there
to see if they found it."

At which point Ruby said, "Have fun! I'm heading for the hot tub."

Google maps shows an anomaly.
If you punch in directions from
Lake Louise, AB to
Columbia Icefield Discovery Centre;
you'll see that it's about 80 miles.

But Google says it will take you
five and a half hours to drive it!

In reality, it's closer to
two hours,
assuming no stops.

Weird. So Google is either assuming you're making a ton of stops or are traveling by dog sled.

I made the trip...
There and back...

In two and a half hours.

Or you're traveling by rocket sled*! In which case, we need video!

*I would also accept a conventional sled covered with a non-nutritive cereal varnish.

Sitting in the passenger seat,
Ruby may have looked like this:

We then asked the hotel front desk and...


No one had turned in an iPod.

We returned to Lake Louise,
just on the off chance
that my iPod had fallen
out of my pocket or something there.

But I knew where I'd left it.
Just covering the bases.

Well...that sucks.

Those are for animals to cross the highway,
not cars (or people.)
There's fencing on either side of the road
and this is the only access.

Interesting-looking bridge. So is the fence enough to get animals to cross there? I would think moose crossing signs would be helpful so they know where to go.

And... the burgers were
pretty darned good!
I'd definitely go back.

Sounds like a good spot!

Swanky! Very Wilderness-Lodgey. I like it!

We settled in and watched TV
for a little while.
I let Ruby pick the show.
She had suffered through
the wild car ride.
Least I could do.

"You're gonna sit through Dancing With The Stars for every minute of that car ride from hell you put me through!"

Ohhh.... crap.
If someone hacks my iPod,
they have access to my emails,
simply by clicking on the icon.
Or my WestJet app.
They could change or cancel
our flights.
Or.....

Or download the entire John Denver collection on your account!

crap.

Exactly.

Did you see it? pkondz outfitters. 20 points if you did. (PM only)

I guess I need glasses. I looked at that, and for the life of me couldn't read it. Getting old sucks.

1. What does Ruby do that makes her happy?
(She's done this before on our trips.)

How about a nice heaping load or two of laundry?

2. Which common fast food place
do I go to, to get breakfast?

Certainly not KFC. I'll go with McDonald's.

3. iPod. Found? Or lost forever?

Ok. All of the tone and foreshadowing suggest it's gone forever. So I'll take a swing in the opposite direction and say it is miraculously found! Mostly because I need to take a risk and make up some points. Also because I hope there's a good story in it.

4. Where do you want to travel to?
(Money is no object. But must be on Earth.)

Winnipeg!

(This is where you pipe in and say, "You had your chance, jack@$$!")

Ok, fine. There are so many answers I could give. I think the biggest, most expensive and time-consuming bucket list trip for me is a tour of Australia and New Zealand. With a stop in Hawaii on the way back.

Did you see it?
No need to PM this one.
Just go ahead and tell the world!

Yes! Properly using the animal crossing, even without a "Marvin Crossing" sign.

Nice call! I love the "vertical impact" test.

 

[franandaj]

<virtual high five back atcha>

Yours is next on my list!

 

[irene_dsc]

Those are for animals to cross the highway,
not cars (or people.

So Marvin counts as an animal?

Nice place! Would stay there again.

Cute! Not quite as cute as the cabin, but I'd stay there.

Questions, next round:
1. What does Ruby do that makes her happy?
(She's done this before on our trips.)

2. Which common fast food place
do I go to, to get breakfast?

3. iPod. Found? Or lost forever?

4. Where do you want to travel to?
(Money is no object. But must be on Earth.)


Did you see it?
No need to PM this one.
Just go ahead and tell the world!

1. Shopping for clothes for the girls
2. Timmies
3. I want to be optimistic, and say it was found, and you got it on the way home.
4. A long, long list of places. But Hawaii is pretty high on the list of places I haven't visited that I would like to visit.

 

[irene_dsc]

Oh, and I had thought I had quoted the bit about the Scullery Wench Chandelier, but it didn't come through on the list. Anyhow, I just don't think I can improve on that one!

 

[Tracy161]

I couldn't eat fried chicken
for years after that.

Yeah, that's enough to keep the best of us away from it. It took me 10+ years to return to gravy after a similarly horrifying food incident.

And it was all in vain.

I am so sorry to hear this! I kept hoping for a happy ending to this story!

with a chocolate mint milkshake.

YUM!!!

I hope your next update yields a good ipod-related surprise?!?!

 

[franandaj]

A few of you were curious
about the food that I'd bought
and left in the car.

I didn't question it. I've experienced weather colder than a refrigerator, not often, but I have....

And some of you commented
that a car would behave more
like an oven than a fridge in the
lower States.

I have also experienced this. Quite often. Don't leave chocolate in your car.

A trek of some 30 hours.
I'd drive through the nights,
he'd take the days.

So you were just a crazy back then....

The bag was bulging with water.
I looked at it.
It was a mass of swirling... gray.
Dissolved breading flowed
sickeningly in a counter-clockwise
manner inside the bag.
Occasionally a bone, devoid
of flesh, would float by.

I couldn't eat fried chicken
for years after that.

Yeah, its going to be a while before I want any either. At least I got my fix a couple weeks ago.

Back to the TR.
(Sorry, shoulda warned you.
Apologies to those of you
who were eating.)

I rarely eat while reading TRs. Writing them, yes. Reading them, no.

Okay. I made that up.
But it has a nice chauvinistic
ring to it, doesn't it?
Come up with a better name
for bonus points.

How about "Strange women flying from ponds distributing light"? If you get that one, you're even more warped than I thought.

We marched down the hall
and I told the lady at the desk
about my predicament.
She was kind enough to
let me use her phone,
but she warned me
that there was a very good
chance that they wouldn't answer.

Well that's Customer Service at it's finest!

Sitting in the passenger seat,
Ruby may have looked like this:

And it was all in vain.
We arrived at the Discovery Centre,
asked at information,
who told us that all lost and found
was handled by the hotel.
We then asked the hotel front desk and...


No one had turned in an iPod.

Bummer.

Witching Betty
(only her real name is an alliteration.
And it's not Witching Wetty.)

Stitching Hetty?

We stayed at the
Stoneridge Mountain Resort.
I didn't take a picture of the
front of the resort for whatever reason,
so you'll just have to put up
with this Internet thievery:

Nice!

But I did take photos of our room.

Even nicer!

Until shortly after 3am.
When I sat bolt upright,
sweating.

Ohhh.... crap.
If someone hacks my iPod,

Paranoid much?

Did you see it? pkondz outfitters. 20 points if you did. (PM only)

Dang, I can hardly even see it when you point it out. My eyes are going.

Steppesister - 544 points
franandaj - 524 points

Well how in the heck am I going to make up that sort of gap?

1. What does Ruby do that makes her happy?
(She's done this before on our trips.)

Laundry.

2. Which common fast food place
do I go to, to get breakfast?

Tim Hortons.

3. iPod. Found? Or lost forever?

I'm gonna say (based on some discussions in March), lost forever.

4. Where do you want to travel to?
(Money is no object. But must be on Earth.)

Hmmmm.....that is now difficult as lots of the places I previously wanted to go aren't as appealing to me now. (Kay and I think alike on this one), but I have always wanted to see Montreal and Quebec City, and I have a friend in Australia who has been waiting on me to come visit for sometime now. I have been to Hawaii, but Fran hasn't. I would love to take her there to visit.

Did you see it?
No need to PM this one.
Just go ahead and tell the world!

Somehow Marvin fancies himself and Elk or other wildlife sort of critter.

 

[pkondz]

Shout outs in a bit, folks!
Of the 14 TRs I was behind on,
I've managed to catch up on 7!

Getting there!

 

[mustinjourney]

I think there was a mistake in my points. I counted 74 since I only missed the phone call and boathouse.

 

[pkondz]

I have no idea why it still won't let me quote.

Hmmm... Don't know. Weird.
But the DIS has been acting up
for quite a while now.

Your fried chicken fiasco had me on pins and needles. I definitely thought you boys would eat it and then get food poisoning. I'm so glad you pitched it. The thought is cringe worthy.

No way!
That looked absolutely revolting!

Very similar to the reaction
people get when they look at me.

Your gif of the baby was so funny. I definitely laughed.

When I saw that,
I knew I had to work it in somehow.

Poor Ruby. She really is a saint to agree to drive back.

It was either that...
Or stand around in the lobby
for several hours.

I thought Praising Ponzi's Perfection would fit as you walked in to see those chandeliers.

Oooh... nice.
You really want those points, huh?

I'm totally trying to get bonus points by the way... I got to catch up you know!

I see your effort!

I didn't think Martians were considered animals, but it is very interesting that they built bridges for animals. I wonder what the statistics are if they actually help.

I don't know.
I suspect pretty high.
Wouldn't they wander along the fence line
and then remember (eventually)
where the bridge was?

I can't help but think
predators would as well.

Your room is awesome. That is definitely more my style. I do not like roughing it.

That was the opposite of roughing it.
It was really nice.

I knew there was something in that one picture. I zoomed in on it too. I guess I should have zoomed in more or put on my glasses.

P.S. If you did something tricky with the menu on the chandelier picture I call foul play and if there is something there then give a blind woman some credit.

No. Nothing on the menu.

1. She goes shopping, of course!
2. Tim Hortons
3. Found (pixie dust)
4. A tour of Europe. Disneyland Paris included.

Noted.

 

[pkondz]

1887???? How old are you anyway????

Not too old to put you over my knee,
you young whipper-snapper!
Or I would... if it weren't for this
cric in my back.

What?? south and East from Atlanta is the exception?? I usually take I-75 south and east from Atlanta. So what road did you end up on?

I-75.

You stay on I-75 now,
and that's the fastest way through.
But back then, the fastest way was to
take I-285 around Atlanta.
The quickest route, since you're coming
in from the Northwest is to skirt the Western
side of the city.
But my friend, adhering to the "South and East" rule, '
went the long way around...
in rush hour traffic.

Cold chicken broth...

No.

Well, I was planning to get chicken for lunch. Probably still will. Just won't be from KFC.

Smart call.

You've been watching too much Indy car.

Watching?

Dude... I lived it that day.

Well, better in the car than next to the crapper.

Once was enough,
thankyouverymuch.

That's how I'd be too... I'd start thinking about that and go into a panic. I hate that feeling.

It was not a pleasant one.

Um... I don't know, visit shops?

Tim Hortons

found

Well, since this is a Disney Board, I think Disney World is probably the most common and most expected answer. And I do want to travel there. But in this case, I'll say Italy. I love the food, I love the history, I've never been there.

Noted.

That's not an elk crossing the highway...

He probably got threatened by one, too.

 

[vrajewski10513]

The bag was bulging with water.
I looked at it.
It was a mass of swirling... gray.
Dissolved breading flowed
sickeningly in a counter-clockwise
manner inside the bag.
Occasionally a bone, devoid
of flesh, would float by.

Yikes!

Google maps shows an anomaly.
If you punch in directions from
Lake Louise, AB to
Columbia Icefield Discovery Centre;
you'll see that it's about 80 miles.

But Google says it will take you
five and a half hours to drive it!

In reality, it's closer to
two hours,
assuming no stops.

It takes that long because the speed
limit is a bit lower
and it's a fairly winding road
in spots.

Unfortunately, the last tour
of the day was leaving soon.
We'd be lucky to make it back there
before they closed for the day.

I made the trip...
There and back...

In two and a half hours.

Holy Speed Racer, Batman!

And it was all in vain.
We arrived at the Discovery Centre,
asked at information,
who told us that all lost and found
was handled by the hotel.
We then asked the hotel front desk and...


No one had turned in an iPod.

Ugh, bummer.

Those are for animals to cross the highway,
not cars (or people.)
There's fencing on either side of the road
and this is the only access.

That's so cool!

I chose the Rocky Mountain Burger
(Elk, cheddar, sautéed onion, tomato,
mayo, blueberry chutney, served
on a sesame seed bun)

I've never had Elk.. Does it taste similar to venison?

We stayed at the
Stoneridge Mountain Resort.
I didn't take a picture of the
front of the resort for whatever reason,
so you'll just have to put up
with this Internet thievery:

Beautiful resort!

Ohhh.... crap.
If someone hacks my iPod,
they have access to my emails,
simply by clicking on the icon.
Or my WestJet app.
They could change or cancel
our flights.
Or.....


crap.

UGH! I would freak out too!

I got up, got dressed
and headed to the lobby.
From 4am to 5am,
I was online, changing all
my passwords for anything
and everything that I normally
access on my iPod.

I wouldn't even know where to begin I have so much stuff saved on my cell phone.

Questions, next round:
1. What does Ruby do that makes her happy?
(She's done this before on our trips.)
Shopping

2. Which common fast food place
do I go to, to get breakfast?
Tim Hortons

3. iPod. Found? Or lost forever?
Lost forever

4. Where do you want to travel to?
(Money is no object. But must be on Earth.)
Bora Bora


Did you see it?
No need to PM this one.
Just go ahead and tell the world!
I did! At least Martians have safe passage across the highway!

 

[DonnaBeeGood]

.

 

[mustinjourney]

Which is how we wound up
adding about two hours
to our drive as we took
the looong way around Atlanta.

At least you didn't do that trip now with the bridge collapse from a few months ago. I got caught in that when I was going back to the airport during Masters weekend. I was there around 3:30 pm and it was pretty much stop and go for 10 miles. Waze App directed me around some of the real bad stuff -- but it was still not an experience I'd like to duplicate.

I made the trip...
There and back...

In two and a half hours.

I guess you can drive like that when the only cops in the country are mounted on horses...ammirite?

mustinjourney - easy listening, kids, icefields, burger, pic, buggy, Marvin - 57 points.

I've got that at 10+0+15+15+12+12+10=74 points

Side bet: mustinjourney + 10 or – 20 : Keg
Wanna go double or nothing?
We could go to Banff again.
Haven't deducted anything yet.

I'm confused. Are you only staying in Banff one night on this trip? If so, then I would assume you're not eating at the Keg the next night -- but, since I have no shot at winning anyways, I might as well let it ride!

Questions:

1. Shop in gift store(s) and/or laugh at you.
2. Tim Hortons
3. Lost forever
4. It'd be cool to do a long trip around the world and stop at a bunch of places along the way. I think I would do a combo of private yacht, private jet, and first class rail car. Not sure what the stops would be -- but would probably visit some Caribbean islands first while staying at private houses/villas. Lounge by the pools during the day and golf in the late afternoon. Head down to South America and do some tours of the rain forest. Board private jet and head to South Africa for an african safari. Fly up to egypt for a quick tour of the pyramids and surrounding area. Spend a month in Europe...with about 2- 5 days in some of the bigger cities, while using the railcars as mode of transportation if possible. Follow that up with those villas over the water out in the pacific for a week, then stop for a bit in Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing before going to Tokyo for a few days. Jet down to Australia for a week and then make a stop in Hawaii for a week. Fly into California and finish up with 3 days at Disneyland and then fly back home and rest for another week before going back to work...

...assuming I still had a job and they didn't fire me after being gone for 6 months.

In all truth -- this trip would be next to impossible with a 2 and 4 year old -- would likely be too much stress trying to move around the world with them...but it's fun to dream.

Bonus -- Marvin is apparently a troll. How much does he charge the animals to cross?

 

[Mac Brew]

Hi Pkondz
Must have been extremely disappointed not to have got your I pod handed in to the lost property. Especially since driving all the way back there I bet disappointed is an understatement.Atleast your burger was good.Rubish that you had to spend most of the night canceling your pass words but for piece of minds sake atleast you got that done.Marvs ls doing a good job of looking like a troll and asking for payment before you can cross his bridge.

1. Ruby got to go shopping.
2. Wendys for your breakfast.
3. I'm going with found and you saying why "o" why did I delete all my info.
4. Australia for atleast four weeks with business class flights there and back due to the lenth of the flights.

 

[pkondz]

A new update! What a delightful way to cap my dreary day! (I need a vacation. 15 days . . .I can do it!)

Glad I could make it a bit brighter.

And...

Um, I am not sure that I can ever eat fried chicken again now . . . blech!

If you mean KFC...
then you're welcome.

But if you want the best in the world
(IMHO)

A new name for the Chandileirs . . . how about 'Yoga poses by Curiouser&Curiouser!'. Aka, You are bound to fall over at any second.

Okay. Works for me.

Nice bridge. That is pretty cool!

There were several of them.

Ugh. That is a rough night's sleep. I don't' blame you for getting up and changing those passwords.

It wasn't the best.

And my guesses:

1. Shopping. Some people are just shoppers!
2. Tim Hortons
3. I fear that it is lost forever.
4. Tokyo. A bucket list trip for the entire family. My boys are obsessed with the culture. (And if I can get a Toyko Disney visit in there too then great!)

Noted.

I did find it! And I found it on the first go around because I was admiring the bridge!!

It's good to admire in the right places.

 

[pkondz]

Yeah...I think I may have to wait a while before being interested in fried chicken again too...KFC can blame a dip in their business on you lol.

People can thank me in writing
or in person.
I'm not picky.

Not that I eat it very often anyway...but oh about once a year I get a craving...eat it and then feel sick after and vow to never do it again.

Once a year? I tend to do that
about once every 5-10 years.

That stuff is awful.

I think I would have had a sleepless night too...curious to see how that turned out...

I'll be sure to let everyone know
by the end of the next update.

 

[pkondz]

Still a useful tip even today...

They wear spurs on the fishing boats?

Despite the ending to that story, I suddenly find myself with a strange craving for fried chicken. Time for lunch I guess...

Just avoid KFC.
Your colon will thank me.

Or this?

Very similar.
Yup.... looks familiar.

Bonus points of you guess the movie. Oh, wait, you give out the points. Never mind....

I saw the answer already....

And am trying to remember
if I saw it or not!

I mean... I'm sure I have, but...

I was fascinated by these things. We don't have them out east. It would make sense given the number of moose-vehicle accidents we have, but I suppose they aren't cheap to build.

Even I, a prairie boy,
have heard of your
moose run-ins.

By the way, you'd better tell Marvin those are NOT chocolate Easter eggs on the ground!

I'll pass that along.

Looks good. I was racking my brain trying to figure out where I ate in Banff. Luckily I still had the pics on my phone. It was a place called Park Distillery. It had just opened and was brewing their first batch of craft beer that summer. Really good food. I had a massive plate of "breakfast poutine". Much like Gaston, they used antlers in all of their decorating.

That place looks great!

Good God!
But that looks freaking amazing!

Oops...forgot the answers.

1. I expect it would be shopping
2. Subway
3. Lost forever
4. A tour of the Asian Disney Parks.

Noted.

Saw it, referenced it in my earlier post.

Yup. Got it.

 

[pkondz]

I like it - a new addition to my vocabulary - hubby will do the guy equivalent to eye rolling (aka - not notice)

It originates (at least for me)
with an ex co-worker
whose snicky-snacks
were legendary.

I'm impressed - a young buck knowing to use a zip-lock bag.

Well apparently not.
Note the bag
bulging with water.

I know, I know...impressing me is all you strive for. lol

Actually... it is.
Not a day goes by
when I don't think:
"Will Jen like this?
Will this be enough to finally win her heart?"

Um....isn't there a movie scene that teaches us not to spend too much time at a rest stop....let alone sleep?

Oh, wait... that was a comedy.

I couldn't find a suitable pic
for Rest Stop that wouldn't
get me banned from the DIS.

You have renewed my faith in men....I thought men would eat anything!

Not Brussels sprouts.

Poor Ruby.

Hey wait!
I was the one who lost the....



Yeah. You're right.

I'm in agreement with another reader.....Pkondz perfection

Okay.

There is talk of building those in So. Cal. If they work, I am all for it.

They look like they should work, no?

not nice.

I don't hunt.

I do eat, though.

Beautiful exterior

Must admit,
that was one of the reasons
I booked there.

Pops in one or more gift shops

Tim Hortons

Faith in humanity....found (even I surprised myself with this answer)....wishful thinking for you.

Tough choice. I would have to say a build my own itinerary for a world tour. I may have to take breaks to connect back to home. Love getting to a destination and exploring by car...and also enjoy some relaxation time. Europe, Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, North America. Some locations I've been to before, but would love to go back.

Noted.
Good new is,
you're in North America.
So you can scratch that one off the list!

I thought he was a martian not an animal

Begs the question, doesn't it?

Well, thank goodness you got dressed!

Why?

My guess is Spies like us. Pkondz likes giving out bonus points....hope the guess is right.

I've heard he's been known to do that.
But then again, he's a bit of a jerk.

 

[pkondz]

Glad to see an update!

Well I'm glad that you're glad!

I think "Flying scullery Wenches" is the best name for those chandeliers

Seems appropriate, no?

Sorry they didn't have the iPod. Awesome that you made it there and back so quick.

I don't know if "awesome"
is the same word Ruby
would use.

Beautiful room!

That place was really nice.

Questions, next round:
1. What does Ruby do that makes her happy?
(She's done this before on our trips.)------------------Shopping

2. Which common fast food place
do I go to, to get breakfast?----------------McDonalds

3. iPod. Found? Or lost forever?---------------Found

4. Where do you want to travel to?
(Money is no object. But must be on Earth.)---Disney of course but that's too obvious, however I would like to someday go to all the other Disney Parks around the world (Paris, Shanghai, Tokyo, Hong Kong)

Noted.

That was a cool bridge for the animals to cross over, fun to see Marvin trying to cross too

Why did the Martian cross the road?