That title sounds a little foreboding
Im sure I like where this is headed.
We pack up our suitcases and head off for our final ride on the Paris metro.
And thus began our descent into hell.
Um
I thought you were going to Germany?
[Before leaving Canada, I'd given the girls some suggestions for packing.
Unfortunately, Kay took me a little too literally.
Uh oh
I had told them that they should dress for hot temperatures... but to make sure they had clothes for when it rained...
plus we were planning to go to the Alps so it might be cold.
Got it. I need shorts and tanks or Ts for the hot temps, of course I need a pair for everyday there. Then I need jeans and Ts for the possible rain, again, another pair for every day just in case. Then I need sweaters and jeans for the possible cold, and now I need to make sure that I have socks for my tennis shoes, again a pair for every day. So a weeks worth of clothes turns into at least 3 weeks worth, because the weather may change instantaneously and I may need all three pairs of clothing in one single day!
Actually, it kinda amazes me that she could fit her entire flipping wardrobe into one suitcase.
Im rather proud of her. Maybe its a girl thing.
One heavy suitcase...
No, wait... That doesn't look right.
One HEAVY suitcase.
I think youre trying to subtly say something about the suitcase here
but I just cant read between the lines
Elle had packed her suitcase, which we'd borrowed from my Mom, and she had no problems with it.
Of course not. It was from grandma, and grandma is a girl. Therefore, she understands the purpose of a suitcase is to cram as much stuff in there as humanly possible without causing problems to anything inside the suitcase.
Ruby has a lightweight suitcase with matching carrion which gave her a bit of trouble.
We couldn't figure out a way to attach the carrion to the larger bag, so it kept slipping off.
Nowadays they are advancing technology on everything, including the simplistic concept of luggage
It truly amazes me.
My lightweight suitcase and carrion were fine.
Of this I have no doubt. Its a guy thing. The idea of, I only need 5 pairs of clothes. We can do laundry part way through, and I can wear the jeans or shorts twice before I have to wash them, unless I get something on them. This leaves plenty of room for other things, and makes the travel aspect much easier.
Kay had an older suitcase which would've been okay...
unless of course you have 400 lbs of clothing in it.
Well there you go. Its obvious, her next gift (Christmas is right around the corner) will have to be a new set of luggage. Although with the price of luggage now a days, it may be easier and cheaper to just deal with the herniated disc you will get later hauling it around for her.
So Elle handled her suitcase.
Ruby handled her suitcase.
Kay handled Ruby's carrion.
And I struggled along with my suitcase, my carrion and Kay's 400 lb behemoth.
As we walked towards the metro station, I regularly had to stop and switch the suitcases.
After walking for a bit with Kay's suitcase in my right hand, my left side would start to ache.
Switch.
Walk a bit.
Now the right side is starting to ache.
Walk some more.
Ache.
Pause.
Switch.
Repeat ad infinitum.
All the while having to run to catch up with the girls who walked on ahead of you as you struggled, or them having to watch you go through all this and wait impatiently as you switched and switched again
When we got to the metro station, after struggling through the gates, we were confronted with our first set of stairs.
I was waiting for something like this. Now we know what the poor guy from your last hotel went through when he took all your bags up to your room.
It's all just a blur now,
Im guessing you blocked it out to save you from the nightmares later on?
Did you know there's a lot of stairs in the Paris metro?
A lot.
Again, I get the sense you are trying to tell me something here
maybe about stairs
I dont know
not picking up on it.
After a metro train had stopped and opened its doors, we boarded.
(Happy now T_Man?)
Im sure hes very happy
however, it dont think that will stop him from saying something sarcastic
We were a bit concerned that we'd get split up with the crowd,
but everyone knew where we were going next so we weren't panicking.
So did you get split up?
Of course first we had to climb a few flights of stairs.
Of course
It wouldnt be an authentic vacation without the headaches to accompany it.
I asked a couple of security guards/cops/military personnel/costumed party goers.....
Are you sure they werent just random people off the street who like to dress as different working class people each day?
they kindly vaguely motioned up a flight of stairs.
At least they did it kindly.
Behold.... a vision of hell.
(Warning the following contains a graphic scene which some viewers may find disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.)
Funny
I always pictured hell a little differently. At least a narrower staircase, leading down.
Yes. I took a picture of stairs.
I had to either laugh about it or run around in circles while waving my arms and screaming.
You mean like this?
I inquired at the Thalys desk and was told that they don't let you know which track/train is yours until 15 minutes before departure.
They obviously enjoy the running of the bulls as everyone panics and tries to make the train with only 15 minutes to do so. They need some form of entertainment too.
The Thalys high speed train from Paris to Cologne travels at speeds up to 300 kmh (186 mph) and covers the roughly 500 kms (310 miles) in three hours and fifteen minutes (some stops along the way).
After 15 years in operation, there's only been two accidents.
Sounds like fun. And they have a great track record with only 2 accidents in 15 years. Our train has been operational for about 6-7 years, cant seem to stop colliding with cows. And has had at least 5 major accidents with cars/people. This train only goes a short distance between Santa Fe/Bernalillo/Albuquerque/Los Lunas.
At exactly 11:45 they finally anounced the track for the Thalys train to Cologne.
Everybody had 15 minutes to scramble like mad to find the right track, then the right car and finally the right seats.
All the while the people working at the train station are eating popcorn and watching the mad rush.
It was a bit of a zoo... a panicky zoo... but we managed to get on before it was too late.
Oh, sure, that little ol' lady we bowled over will never be the same,
but it was survival of the fittest out there!
Every man for himself!
Im wondering if the employees at the station take bets to see how many old people or children get run over as survival of the fittest takes place?
Our first class tickets actually saved us money since not only did we get more comfortable seats, but we got a free meal served to us.
Nice. Although I always wondered, when you pay an extremely high price for certain seats and they tell you the meal is free, is it really free, or are you paying for it with the price of the seats?
Sliced tomato salad with a side of vinagrette, cold bean salad, prosciutto, some cheese that I can't remember, a polenta like substance, cherries and a bun.
Sounds and looks like a nice treat.
I don't remember for sure what the brats ordered... but I know they didn't like it.
Too different, I guess.
Well obviously, if it wasnt a good ol fashioned burger, hot dog, or escargot
it just wasnt good enough.
Elle stole my cherries.
She's evil that way.
Elle? Evil? Nah
I dont think thats possible.
Also on the train that day was the person with the world's loudest phone.
I swear, this thing went off and we all looked at each other as if to confirm, "Yes? You hear it too? I'm not dreaming?"
I can only assume it was that loud because it had to be heard over the noise of the train... and wake him up... if he was in another room... in a building that was on a different continent.
I thought it was custom to keep your phone in one seat, and then sit in a completely different car , and come running like a crazy lunatic to answer it when it rang and woke up the entire world.
Seriously, On August 6th, around 6am Eastern.
Did you hear a loud ringing?
That was him.
And here I was, beginning to think I was going crazy and hearing this
Dont even go there
There was also a gentleman on the train who brought two toilet bowl cleaners with him.
The moment I read that I had a picture in my head of a man walking onto the train with toilet brushes in each hand
You know... puntables.
Small dogs.
Thanks for clearing that up. I was starting to wonder what a guy with toilet brushes was doing on a train.
One was well behaved and lay down quietly the whole trip.
The other...
Its just like children. If you have more than 1, there is always going to be one that is perfectly well behaved, while the other one is running amok, shouting at the top of their lungs, or constantly asking questions, and annoying all the neighbors around them.
I'm not sure, but I think if you took Satan and shoved him in a small furry four legged body... he'd be that dog.
So you really werent kidding when you said you went to Hell
I did always wonder what Satan looked like
now I dont have to worry about that anymore.
It makes sense, of course.
I mean, first we descend into hell, then we meet Satan.
Who else would you meet in hell?
Later on, a staff member came by and offered sandwichs.
I had to try one when she said it was cheese and fig.
Figs are one thing that I have yet to try, but I always hear about them being paired with cheese in paninis. I am a hardcore food tv/cooking channel obsessive
Darn it if I hadn't forgotten about Satan.
Hard to forget you would think, after all you did to get to meet him.
As I walked past the aforementioned gentleman, I noticed a small dog sleeping at his feet.
Aww. Nice puppy. I miss my dog.
They are always cute when they are someone elses.
Suddenly, Satan comes charging out from under the seat, barking and snarling and trying....
Well it's a small dog, so I'm gonna say... trying to gnaw on my ankle.
As long as you didnt scream like a girl, and run. Which is what I would have done. I mean, it is after all Satan running after you.
Still, scared the prac out of me (I 'membered this time, Heather)
Good job! You get a gold star.
After a few hours, we arrive in Cologne, Germany.
Upon exiting the train station, the first thing you see is this
Wow
Im
Speechless
I'll have more to say about the incredible Cologne Cathedral in the next chapter.
Right now we're tired and want to get rid of our bags, so we set off to find a taxi to take us to our hotel.
Good thinking
There's four of us with all our luggage.
No teeny tiny euro clown car is going to work.
If its a clown car, wouldnt it fit all of you and the bags? I mean, if 12 clowns can fit inside, then Im sure 4 people with baggage wouldnt be a problem
One of the drivers is commandeering a van, and after sizing up our haul, agrees to take us.
Well after commandeering the van, I would at least hope he has some civility left.
I'm usually a pretty quick study.
Well, sometimes I'm a pretty quick study...
If you hit me over the head often enough, I eventually realize that something's going on.
I don't know what to think here.
I get that he didn't have far to drive... but it's his job, right?
I also get that Europeans walk a lot more than your typical person on this side of the pond.
But then again, we did have a ton of bags to schlepp...
Yes it is his job. While I dont know how the cabs work over there, most of the ones around here usually cost an arm and a leg for the first mile, let alone the rest of the way. Plus some charge for amount of people in the cab too. Of course, its all about money now a days.
Off topic, I still find it hilarious that schlep is actually a word in the dictionary.
What do you think?
Would you walk a mile with suitcases?
Or would you take a cab?
A mile only sounds like its not that far. In reality, when schlepping baggage and family around, it ends up being about 5 miles.
We arrive at our hotel where I've booked two rooms.
One for the the rugrats
The other for us.
Uh huh
when the rats are away the rents will play
Or you could say, I booked two rooms in an effort to preserve what little sanity we might have left after spending the last few days in one room together.
Sure, you could say that
Wasn't it nice of Elle to come by and model our room for us?
I was about to say
look, your room came with its own children. Now thats full service at its best.
Well fine!
We lucked out with the restaurant as it was the best meal we'd had so far.
I think it was even the best meal of the trip.
I don't remember exactly what everyone had, but I know some of the highlights were sausages and pork steaks.
It was all really, really good.
It was the best, but not the most memorable evidentially
We strolled the street for a while and popped into a few shops,
but eventually we decided that we were done for the day and it was time to head back to the hotel.
We'd turned around a lot.
So we got lost.
Some people do go both ways
And once again, I've totally blown any chance of ever getting my man card back.
Men do not ask for directions.
Ever.
Because you have your children in tow, and we dont want them to die of thirst or starvation while you run around trying to be macho
Ill let it slide. You were doing it for the children after all
right?
As we sashayed back to our hotel, we discussed our plans for the next day.
I was really looking forward to knocking another item off my bucket list.
You sure do have quite a bucket list
Im usually an optimist, but the sound of that just doesnt sound good
So we're all set! I can't wait!
Anyway, on the walk back to the hotel, we decided not to do it.
Well, on the plus side, you cant die anytime soon, because that will still be on your bucket list, and we all know that you have to finish that before you can die right?
I had made a promise to Ruby that this would not be a GO! GO! GO! trip.
She said she was tired and didn't really want to get up early since we'd just had a full travel day.
Kay didn't want to go either. She wanted to relax, too.
Plus I think she thought it would be boring... which, to be honest, it might've been for her.
Elle wanted to go. But Ruby's vote holds more weight.
You just got your man card back
It wound up costing us about 100 euros in non-refundable train tickets,
but it wasn't worth keeping our plans if it was going to make Ruby (and Kay) miserable.
Good point. At the end of the day, you made Ruby and Kay happy by allowing them to have their way, and thats worth more than the 100 euros anyday
right?!
As we got close to our hotel, we decided on a quick detour to a building that was quite literally a stone's throw from our hotel.
I mean, who wouldn't?
Wouldn't you?
Um
Thats a dumb question
Chhhoooocccoooollllaaattteee!!!!!!!!!!!
We looked and salivated for a bit then bought some goodies for ourselves and for friends and family back home.
I repeat
Chhhoooocccoooollllaaattteee!!!!!!!!!!!
Back at the hotel, we gathered up our laundry so we could get it done the next day.
I have no idea where a laundromat is, and I don't want to know.
The hotel can do it!
Why not?
We're on vacation!
Next chapter I'll tell you why not.
[/B][/COLOR]
Uh oh
This does not sound good
Cant wait to find out what happens next.
Just might have to use Lady H to lure him out. Arrange a secret meeting that is not so secret.
what.a.pain.it.was!
Doing a quick drive by post, or in my case a 
by post, as I live on an island
It's great to hear from you! Sorry about the crappy couple of months, sounds like you need a WDW trip
