Can you "get over" being cheated on? #191 - I'm done.

[happybratpack]

Deleted

 

[Mandabella]

 

[Bashful2]

Sorry, no insight from me. Just

 

[pfishgirl]

well it depends on you... is this a relationship that you want to keep? is it worth keeping to you?? are you willing to try and trust them again??

Yea, you will be upset and hurt and mad.. and also distrusting which are all normal feelings.. but can you get over it and accept the fact that everyone is not perfect and people make mistakes?? If you do, you can't throw it back in someone's face a month or a year or 5 years later.. You have to accept it, forgive the person and move on...



i'm sorry you were hurt..

 

[poohandwendy]

{{{HUGS}}} Sorry you are having a rough time. To answer your questions, I think it really depends on the people involved. I really do not think there is a clear cut, black and white, blanket answer that can be applied to every situation.

One thing I would suggest is to follow your instincts. I think counselling can help people, and I would recommend it for anyone going through serious issues no matter what decisions you make rearding your relationship.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[cstraub]

I could not. I ended up leaving my first child's father over it. Some women (Hillary Clinton) can get over it, I could not. I would never be able to trust the person again. In my eyes it is the ultimate betrayl. Sounds cliche but once a cheater always a cheater. If you can do something so awful once you can do it again. Obviously the person does not have self control. I want to be taken care of by my spouse not hurt by him.

You not only hurt your spouse by cheating but the children too. The person who does the cheating is thinking of nothing other than their own physical needs which is pathetic. Think how much it hurts even extended family members. What does it say about that person? SELFISH.

Over time the pain does go away but I'm glad to say I've moved on and have the best DH ever and I do mena the best!


Hugs to you whatever you are going through~

 

[2buzzboys]

It does depend on the type of person you are. I would rather live alone then to live and wonder why they are late or what they are doing.Most of your fights will become trust issues. Basically I have a hard time forgetting so instead of putting myself through that I would be happier on my own. If you are a type that could forgive and forget then counsling may work.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Nope, I couldn't and wouldn't do it. Fidelity is numero uno in the MUST HAVES on my list. If you cheat...eat **** and die in my book! Ofcourse I do have a really good job and could easily support my children and myself...I know some don't have that luxury.

 

[dsanner106]

I have been there myself, and now, 4 years later do feel somewhat better. Do I trust her??? no, not without question. Why did I stick it out? I was a child in a divorce, my mother cheated and broke up my parents marriage. It affected I and my siblings deeply. I vowed to not do that to my own kids, I chose to make the effort. All I can say is open up your communications with your spouse completely, lay it all out. after you both know where things stand make your own decision. Either accept that you will have some rough times getting through this, or break it off immediately. There is no middle ground. I wish you luck and success in this.

D

 

[marybet]

Of course you can, just depends on if you want to. Assuming it is your spouse that you are talking about use the Ann Landers question: are you better off with him or without him? It won't be easy and only you can decide if it is worth it. Good luck.

 

[Sandy22]

For me it would depend on a lot of things. Was it a one time thing? Did the person confess right away? Or was it an on-going affair and did this person lie to you on a daily basis to cover it up? Did the person put your health at risk? A lot depends on your history and relationship with this person.

 

[AFMom]

No idea...... I can't imagine how hard this must be for you right now. What I can say is that you don't have to decide tonight. Take a little pressure off of yourself. There are too many variables here to make that kind of a call - especially when it's all so fresh. Heck - you may not want to decide that for over a year or more! It will not only depend on you - but on the other person as well - what are they willing to do?? So sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.

 

[nomie74]

Don't feel like you need to make any major decisions right away. My first husband cheated and after thinking about it I decided to try to forgive and forget and make our marriage work. But I had lost all trust in him and after 1 year still had not gained any back, this was also due to him telling little lies about dumb things that in my mind always brought back the infidelity. So one day I had had enough living like that and we were divorced. Now I am married to a man I trust 100 percent, never doubt a thing he tells me and it is wonderfull! So I guess it depends alot on your spouse, do they really want to earn your trust back and do whatever it takes to get there? And do you want to give them that chance?

 

[tw1nsmom]

There are so many variables to this that it's a hard question to answer. Yes, in some cases you can get over it and move on. It depends on your personal views, the type of relationship you have with your spouse and the nature of the cheating. It also depends on complete contrition and honesty on the part of the cheating spouse, and an understanding by that person that it will take a long time, and a lot of work on both your parts to "get over it".

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how it feels. Whatever you decide, I wish you well. My only other advice is that until you know wether or not you're leaving, don't confide in family members. You may end up working it out/forgiving, but they probably won't and it can make things more difficult in a very difficult situation.

 

[Kristi1357]

I could not. I ended up leaving my first child's father over it. Some women (Hillary Clinton) can get over it, I could not. I would never be able to trust the person again. In my eyes it is the ultimate betrayl. Sounds cliche but once a cheater always a cheater. If you can do something so awful once you can do it again. Obviously the person does not have self control. I want to be taken care of by my spouse not hurt by him.

You not only hurt your spouse by cheating but the children too. The person who does the cheating is thinking of nothing other than their own physical needs which is pathetic. Think how much it hurts even extended family members. What does it say about that person? SELFISH.

Over time the pain does go away but I'm glad to say I've moved on and have the best DH ever and I do mean the best!


Hugs to you whatever you are going through~

DITTO! I could have written the above post. I did not have a child though.

No matter what you decide is right for you, lots of

 

[olena]

I've had it happen once and the relationship ended shortly after. That was such a long time ago and I never went through a 'moving on' stage. I'm sorry for your situation. The answer really does vary from person to person, as some are more able to forgive.

 

[NMAmy]

to you. I'm so sorry for your pain.

I know some people can get past it. I couldn't and my ex didn't want to so it was kind of a moot point. I wish you all the best--it's a terrible thing to go through.

 

[Christine]

It really, really depends on the circumstances surrounding the "cheating event." That really makes all the difference. Is there something lacking in your relationship that would have caused this to happen (notice I said "relationship" and not "you.") Were there extenuating circumstances involved that would not ever happen again and the cheater knows, in hindsight, that it was a mistake.

Cheating is never "right" and there is never a good, justafiable reason for it. But there are some instances, I think, where if you can find the reason for it, it can be overcome.

 

[beattyfamily]

Never say never. You just never know until it actually happens. It's even harder to just walk away when you have children who adore your spouse.

I always said NEVER but I'm not 100% sure anymore.

I pray that you will feel better soon and work out your feelings and do what's best for you. I do believe it's sometimes possible to work through it and build the trust again, depending on the spouse's remorse and how important they are to you and through counceling etc..it might be possible.

God bless.

 

[720L]

So sorry to hear that. No, I would never be able to forget or forgive that.