I have heard literally more people than I could even begin to count say they felt that way while they cry about how they're dying and going to miss things.
And their families cry.
It's a big, miserable, sorrowful mess. And so very heartbreaking for everyone involved. And it is going on every single day. Not all of it is, but a lot of it is preventable.
"I wish I had listened..."
"I wish I had another chance..."
"I wish I had done it..."
I wish, I wish, I wish. But the wishing doesn't count for doody at that point because then it is too damn late.
"If I could go back..."
But they can't go back because that's not how life works. They cry, they suffer and then they die.
I say all this not to prove you wrong, but so maybe someone will stop and think. Maybe ONE person will say, "I'm not going to put myself and my family through that if I can help it."
People can drink or smoke or be really fat for some time...but it almost always catches up with you in the end. And while people might not realize how much they'll suffer and how much they won't want to go through it, maybe they'll stop for the loved ones whose hearts they will break.
The adult children who say, "We did X and Y and we tried so hard to help her..." They feel guilty, like they should have done more. They feel angry, like their parent knew that the kid needed and loved them, but didn't care and kept doing stuff that was bad for them. And they're so sad to watch their parent suffer. And they're so sad when their parent dies.
People, if you won't do it for yourselves, do it for the people who will be sad to watch you suffer and heartbroken when you die.
(Hopping down off my soapbox now.)
I missed this when you first posted it for some reason. I have tears in my eyes reading it.
That was us. My mother was morbidly obese my entire life -- oh, and just let me say, too, that she was an RN for 40 years, so she KNEW what was going on with herself. Her way of showing love was to either give us things or feed us. My sister and I weren't fat as kids (in fact, she was downright skinny), but the lifetime of bad habits caught up with me as an adult. I doubt my sister's healthy because she still doesn't eat right -- she's just lucky enough that it doesn't make her fat.
My mother was never healthy. She constantly suffered from the "obese" diseases -- diabetes, high blood pressure, really bad joint pain, heel spurs, couldn't hardly walk and didn't want to drag herself off the couch except to go to work. After she retired, all she did was sit on the couch and eat. All my life, our conversations revolved around food. It was never "did you have fun at that party;" it was "what did they have to eat?"
Towards the last 5 years of her life, she needed more care than we could give her. It took two BIG strong men to move her from a bed to a wheelchair. It wasn't so bad when she could move herself, but she was basically confined to three places -- her bed, her wheelchair, and her recliner. Last summer, she just gave up. That happened in the hospital when they put her on a severely restrictive diet. You could see it in her face, the giving up. Even then, food meant more to her than herself or any of us. Ironically, she ended up starving herself to death. She began to refuse to eat the healthy foods, and then she got sicker. The sicker she got, the less she could eat, even foods she would have liked.
CB, you're right, we were constantly asking what we could have done. But we DID all we could throughout our lives. We hassled her about her weight (yes, I know it was wrong NOW, but I was a kid), we tried being supportive, we tried doing it with her. But it was like an addiction.
Even as she was lying in a bed dying, I was eating more and gaining more and getting fatter than I already was.
And then my wonderful, sweet, crazy friend died. Heart problems ran in his family and he even had a heart attack in his 30s. He had never gotten obese, but like my sister, also didn't eat right throughout his adulthood. He broke my heart. Just broke it in a million pieces and I don't know if I'll ever be right again.
In January, something just sort of clicked in MY head. I was at my highest weight ever and beginning to outgrow my clothes. I did have health problems, though they weren't weight related. But I didn't want to leave the house or see anybody. I was becoming a hermit. Couldn't bring myself to work.
So I started off counting calories. That's it. Made no other changes than just eating less than I was. As time went by, I was really sticking with the diet! That's never happened before, ever. Then I started making other changes, like the types of food I was eating. Added more fruits and veggies. Changed fatty meats to lean. Still sticking with it. Then decided maybe a little exercise wouldn't hurt. So I've been doing strength training and cardio since the end of March.
I've only lost 30 pounds since then -- sure, I wish it would come off faster. I have 100 pounds to lose, after all. But I think the way it's coming off, it'll stay off. And the habits I'm getting into now will stay.
I don't know why I'm sharing all this. There are folks here who are pretty hostile to obese people and I've never understood it. I've taken some attacks myself for it. But I just want to say I still understand where some of you are coming from. Losing weight is NOT a matter of willpower as some would like to think. It's not just a matter of eat less and exercise more. It's in our brains. I hope nobody has to lose a loved one before it "clicks in their brain" too.
Okay, sorry for rambling and hijacking. CB, you just really hit the nail on the head here.