Can this marriage be saved?

[snowwite]

DH sold his house and put money in his own personal acct and is only paying his debt not mine or our joint bills and we are really struggling. I am sitting here crying and he doesnt think he has done anything wrong. Does this mean its over? I feel like it means he doesnt love me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What do you mean he sold "his house"?

 

[Alicnwondrln]

yeah what house and to me that does sound wrong especially if the debts are both if yours

 

[slo]

Lots of hugs to you

Maybe he feels that if he pays his bills off first, than that gives you both more money to pay for your joint bills.

Please sit and talk with him - I'm sure he has a reasonable explanation.

Sending lots of PD your way and when you need your DIS friends, we are here for you.

 

[DisMN]

DH sold his house and put money in his own personal acct and is only paying his debt not mine or our joint bills and we are really struggling. I am sitting here crying and he doesnt think he has done anything wrong. Does this mean its over? I feel like it means he doesnt love me.

You ask "Can this marriage be saved"......and all I can think to say is "what marriage?"

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. It can't be easy wondering.

.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I think you and DH need to a have nice long talk. It does seem like a red flag in going up Hugs to you and I hope you guys can work things out if that's what you want. Good luck.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

He reminds me of my ex. He makes double what I do, but all of that money was "his"...he loved to say, "I earned it, I can do what I want with it."

Note that he is now my EX.

 

[tmt martins]

Get a Lawyer and get one today.

 

[Christine]

My cousin divorced her husband over this kind of attitude (I'm sure there were other reasons). She didn't work. Whenever he worked overtime, he considered the money "his" even though they were struggling.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We need more facts.

I see this is a second marriage and he has taken on your children.
Did he own this house prior to getting married and now has sold it?
Why are you struggling? That may have something to do with why he did what he did?

Obviously money is an issue in your marriage that needs to be worked out.
Heck it is in most marriages.

 

[Sherri]

I'm confused. Where will you guys be moving if he sold the house?
How long have you been married, and do you have children?

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i didnt see where she wrote she had kids and such ??

 

[The Mystery Machine]

i didnt see where she wrote she had kids and such ??

You go and search past posts.

 

[Sherri]

You go and search past posts.

Oh thats so sad when kids are involved.

 

[bdg100]

Get a Lawyer and get one today.

VERY GOOD ADVICE. Take it. You will be sorry if you do not.

BDG

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh thats so sad when kids are involved.

Yes, but we don't know all the details and I am sure she is very emotional right now over what her DH is doing, who wouldn't be?

I just wish she would come back and post. It is hard to help people when they only give you the "incident". I can't sit there and say "see a lawyer" when you don't know everything.

{HUGS} to OP...

 

[Chicago526]

I bought the house DH and I live in before we were married (we were engaged at the time). It's in my name and only my money went into the purchase. But I still consider it OUR house.

For the OP, it sounds like he had a house before they got married, and since they live someplace else he sold it and kept the money for himself. While one could consider that fair, since it was a pre-marital asset, I think it speaks volume's about what kind of person he is. Without more info, I'd say the OP should be worried, this could be indicative of deeper problems.

 

[Luv'sTink]

You need to give more info. You said he only paying his bills and not yours, does that mean you both had debt before you got married?

 

[bjgrazi]

My first husband was/is like this. When we brought our house when married we used "his money". Yes I worked full time and then stayed at home and worked parttime in the evening after we had our children. But it was "his" money. When we divorced and sold the home, he didn't want to give me any of proceeds. My lawyer almost fell off the chair when he said he paid for it so therefore it was his.

To this day he's still like that and I feel sorry for his now wife.

 

[kelleigh1]

Based on so many of the posts here, seems that many of you would think that my marriage is doomed for failure.

Hubby and I have separate bank accounts. We have one joint account which we used first for our wedding and now for vacations and household emergencies. We both have debt which we had when we came into the relationship. I pay for mine. He pays for his. I do make more than he does and I pay the majority of the household bills, but we split the rent. If either of us came into more money, we'd probably use it toward our own debt. (My view is that it's my debt and I don't want someone else paying for it. I accrued it myself. It's my responsibility to pay it off.)

However, if it was a big windfall, we would probably discuss it to determine what the best course of action would be.

I wouldn't say that this marriage is doomed and I wouldn't be running to a lawyer. It sounds like you need to talk about a few things...rationally! He doesn't understand what's "wrong" because he doesn't view it as doing anything "wrong". He sold his house, which was in his name and he's viewing the money as his to use toward his debt. To him, that makes sense. (And it makes some sense to me too.)

Some people (usually women more than men) see a marriage as one unit where all decisions, money, etc. belong to the unit as a whole. Other people (men more than women) see it as his, hers and ours. In this case, he sees the house as his because (I'm assuming) he had it before you two were together, so selling it makes it his money.