Can she do this?

[ReneeA]

My brother just divorced his wife 3 weeks ago. She was pregnant with another man's baby when they divorced, had her new baby 2 weeks after that, and just married the new baby daddy last weekend.

Her oldest child is 6 by yet another "baby daddy", she and my bother have a 5 year old DD. (The ex is a piece of work - diagnosed Borderline Personality disorder, arrested for stalking once, arrested and jailed for domestic violence against my brother, I could go on for hours about her legal record alone). My niece tells everything she knows (since she's 5) and claims that her mother never gets out of bed, doesn't feed her meals (she has to eat snack foods and cold hot dogs), and doesn't take her to school regularly since she doesn't want to get dressed to leave the house.

My brother splits custody 50/50 with her. He was not ordered to pay child support, as he's got her as much as his ex. He buys all of her clothing, sends food home with her, pays for preschool, and all of her extracurriculars. He works full time for the Laborer's Union, and has since he turned 19. My mother runs after my niece and watches her when my brother is working.

The problem? The new stepdad just joined the Air Force (supposedly). The ex wife claims that he got a $12,000 bonus for joining, and they will move wherever he is stationed once he's through boot camp.

Now, she's a habitual liar. I know the sign on bonus is a lie...from what I can tell, only trained linguists are being paid high bonuses. He barely graduated high school, hasn't gone to college and has no obvious skills - he works at the mall part time right now. He may have joined, but I don't think he was paid a large bonus, and I'm not sure he can make it through boot camp. I am concerned that she will claim to the court that they are trying to "better themselves" and they should be allowed to pack up all the kids and move across the country.

She can't do that if my brother has 50/50 custody, right? He doesn't want to keep going back to court, but I foresee years of this kind of crap with her track record. We've been telling him to just take her to court for full custody, as he's got enough on her to do so, but as of 3 months ago, he didn't want to split her and the oldest child up.

 

[wvjules]

Her moving to wherever the new DH is stationed depends on what the current court order says.

 

[ReneeA]

Her moving to wherever the new DH is stationed depends on what the current court order says.

Current court order states that she can't take the kids more than 100 miles from their fathers - both of the older kid's fathers live in the same town.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't know all the legalities, but I think your brother should try and get full custody. She'd still visit her mother, I'm assuming, and still see her siblings.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Generally with 50/50 custody she will need his permission to move the child.

If she is as much of a piece of work as it sounds, can he get full custody so she can go on her merry way following the new man around the country?

 

[Trish Bessette]

Current court order states that she can't take the kids more than 100 miles from their fathers - both of the older kid's fathers live in the same town.

Then there is the answer on what she can do...

I agree, your brother needs to fight for full custody!! For the sake of that little girl!!

 

[FlyingDumbo]

He needs to go to court now that the threat of leaving has been made and prevent it from happening. What is he doing about it? If he waits until after it happens it will ttake forever.

If she is as bad as you describe, why hasnt he gone to get full custody already?

 

[ReneeA]

I don't know all the legalities, but I think your brother should try and get full custody. She'd still visit her mother, I'm assuming, and still see her siblings.

We all think he should as well. His concerns were keeping the kids together, and his work takes him out of town at times. My niece stays with my mom now when that happens...I don't know why full custody would change that arrangement. She has her own room at my mother's house.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i'm a former legal secretary, and in this situation, i'd suggest your brother file for full custody-not only is he already basically raising his daughter alone, but the mother sounds unfit, and if he really does have proof, it shouldn't be difficult. at the very least, he should take his divorce paperwork to an attorney for a consultation, and see what can be done. depending upon the laws of the state he lives in, her new marriage may not even be legal - in my state (alabama), you have to be divorced for 60 days before you can legally remarry.

ETA: if i were him, based upon the mom's instability, i would be concerned that she would suddenly disappear with the little girl.

 

[Liberty Belle]

A friend of mine shares custody of her daughter with her ex-husband (50/50). A year ago she married another man who lived in a different town (about 100 miles away). Her ex was upset and threatened to take her to court to get full custody. Her lawyer gave her reasons that he might just be able to win (removing the child from the town and preschool she's always known, he is financially stable, etc) even though she is an excellent mother (is a teacher), and her new husband is an upstanding guy who is financially secure.

So, I'd say your brother would have an excellent chance, with all the rest that he has on her.

 

[wvjules]

Current court order states that she can't take the kids more than 100 miles from their fathers - both of the older kid's fathers live in the same town.

Well then there is the answer. She can have it modified by going through the proper channels though so if I were your brother I would beat her to the courts by petitioning for full custody ASAP. Personally, if she is that unstable and neglects the children I would have already done that. I can't imagine leaving my child behind in conditions like that.

 

[ReneeA]

He just heard from DN that her mom remarried this weekend, and is waiting for a call back from his lawyer today.

Next time, our family gets to veto his pick in women since he's got such bad taste. I would normally never advise that, but he's got BAD BAD taste.

 

[themilesfamily]

My understanding is that she has to petition the court to move out of the court's jurisdiction. The judge will or will not approve based on -- best interest of the children, would she make enough additional income that it would benefit the children to move, does the ex-spouse with visitation rights approve of the move, can adequate accommodations be made for the ex-spouse to get visitation.

If I were your brother, I'd run to a lawyer pronto and get his or her advice before this lady picks up and leaves with his child.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd tell my brother to start working NOW on gaining full custody of his child.

 

[allison443]

We all think he should as well. His concerns were keeping the kids together, and his work takes him out of town at times. My niece stays with my mom now when that happens...I don't know why full custody would change that arrangement. She has her own room at my mother's house.

From what you have described, the mother is unstable (possibly mentally ill?) and neglectful, doesn't feed the child or take her to school, yet he doesn't want full custody so the little girl can be with her 6 year old sibling?
Sorry, that sounds strange.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We all think he should as well. His concerns were keeping the kids together, and his work takes him out of town at times. My niece stays with my mom now when that happens...I don't know why full custody would change that arrangement. She has her own room at my mother's house.

Wow, that is horrible. Tell your brother to save his child from harm.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm going to assume custody is joint legal/joint physical. She will have to file a change of domicile with the court in order to move the children -- legally.

It will help if baby daddy #1 will join in w/ your brother in opposition to the request. Your brother needs to be documenting any & every detail because you don't know what may prove useful down the road -- including any & all financial support he is giving, that means keep receipts for all clothing, schooling, etc. & keep a log of exactly when he has his child.

Generally a military relocation gets a fairly favorable response from the court, but not if your brother & the other dad can prove they can provide stability & extended family, etc. where the children are already comfortable. Another point that may work in mom's favor is keeping the siblings together. If the 2 were able to remain here & fathers commit to maintaining frequent sibling contact that will help.

I'm sure it was covered in the divorce settlement, however that doesn't always completely tie up loose ends, is it clear that the current husband has taken the steps to legally establish paternity of new baby? It would be terrible if your brother winds up on the hook for support for the child conceived during his marriage, despite the fact it's not his & was born after the divorce. It happens.

 

[ReneeA]

From what you have described, the mother is unstable (possibly mentally ill?) and neglectful, doesn't feed the child or take her to school, yet he doesn't want full custody so the little girl can be with her 6 year old sibling?
Sorry, that sounds strange.

He works out of town often. The union takes him where the work is...and that's not often in northern Michigan. Since they separated, he's managed to find work within driving distance, but it's certainly not guaranteed. He's looked for other work, but the unemployment rate in my hometown is 20%+.

That, in addition to not wanting to separate the children is the problem.

ETA: I truly believe that this situation crept up on him...his wife was 4 months pregnant with the other man's baby by the time she told him. He had always made excuses and forgiven her behavior. He's been dealing with the issue for 6 months now, and I think it's just hitting his radar now just how bad things really are.

 

[pixiewings71]

He needs to get custody. His DD will still see her sibling, unless of course the family moves away. It really would be in his DD's best interest to live with him full time, he should be the custodial parent, they can still share custody. That's how my divorce agreement is written, I am the custodial parent, the girls live with me, my ex has 50% custody but he hardly ever sees the girls, he moved to So Cal years ago and doesn't make the effort to visit the girls. Anyway, I truly think your DB needs to talk to a lawyer, this has disaster written all over it, if he waits the ex can use that against him!

 

[diznygirl]

We all think he should as well. His concerns were keeping the kids together, and his work takes him out of town at times. My niece stays with my mom now when that happens...I don't know why full custody would change that arrangement. She has her own room at my mother's house.

Could he talk to the other girl's bio-father and have him try to get custody? If they live in the same town the girls could still be together. Or your brother could get custody of both the girls.

But he should definitely get custody of his own daughter for sure!