Can parents legally delay a child from starting kindergarten?

[mom2my3kids]

As seeing what my brother has gone through with his psycho ex wife, men get the short end of the stick also..

 

[scoobndolliesmom]

We waited with my son who has an August Birthday. There are several people that waited and I even know three people that waited until their child was seven. I also know people that have started them early. I think you just have to base the decision on the child. In Ohio I believe the age is 7. Maybe Dh and Dh's ex could come up with the right decision together. Good Luck with everything.

 

[Magic Mom]

IMO...holding him back from kindergarten is not near as harmful to him as you taking her to court over this would be.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

IMO...holding him back from kindergarten is not near as harmful to him as you taking her to court over this would be.

You obviously didn't read the entire thread. No one said we were taking her to court over this. The question was can she legally do this without a valid reason. Apparently in some states the answer would be NO.

So apparently using the children as pawns in legal battles and keeping them from seeing their loving father isn't harmful to the kids but defending ourselves in court against her insane (and illegal) battles or asking for a professional to render an opinion regarding the child's readiness for Kindergarten is? Gotcha.

 

[Magic Mom]

You obviously didn't read the entire thread. No one said we were taking her to court over this. The question was can she legally do this without a valid reason. Apparently in some states the answer would be NO.

So apparently using the children as pawns in legal battles and keeping them from seeing their loving father isn't harmful to the kids but defending ourselves in court against her insane (and illegal) battles or asking for a professional to render an opinion regarding the child's readiness for Kindergarten is? Gotcha.

No need to get defensive.
I read the entire thread. I didn't say you SAID you were taking her to court, but others suggested it. So I chimed in.

Of course you defend yourself when the ex takes you to court, however that doesn't mean you have to take her to court over something like starting kindergarten at 5 or at 6. In the big picture of his life, an extra year of school won't hurt him, but continuing animosity between his parents will. You can't control HER antics, but you do have control over what battles you choose, and to me this doesn't seem like an issue worthy of getting into it with her.

 

[polineedyan]

In Ohio, family courts just tell you to "go work it out yourselves. If you need help, get couseling."

 

[wendylovesdisney]

Im pretty sure that k is required here in ohio.

It is not required in Ohio.

 

[shelly3girls]

I'll admit that I have not read the whole I thought I would chime in. It seems to me that she may honestly feel it is best to hold him back. We will face a similar decision when DS reaches K age. We hope to count on recommendations of his pre-school teacher. The other possibility is that she really is just being spiteful, I know plenty of women who would do that for the extra $. Is there any type of moderator (court appointed) your DH could present this to? Around here you do not have to go to court for everything but you can bring major decision to a moderator who either helps to find a compromise or decides in favor of one parent or the other.

 

[jodifla]

You obviously didn't read the entire thread. No one said we were taking her to court over this. The question was can she legally do this without a valid reason. Apparently in some states the answer would be NO.

So apparently using the children as pawns in legal battles and keeping them from seeing their loving father isn't harmful to the kids but defending ourselves in court against her insane (and illegal) battles or asking for a professional to render an opinion regarding the child's readiness for Kindergarten is? Gotcha.

This is a no-win situation for you.

If the mom, the custodial parent, wants to hold him back, then it should be her call. At your own admittance, your husband bailed on his marriage. That's part of the cost of leaving your wife and children. So he doesn't get the say. The person who is there day in and day out should get the say.

Holding him back from K isn't a big deal. It's done all the time, for various reasons.

You keep saying it's not about the money on your end, but it sure looks that way from your posts.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

No need to get defensive.
I read the entire thread. I didn't say you SAID you were taking her to court, but others suggested it. So I chimed in.

Of course you defend yourself when the ex takes you to court, however that doesn't mean you have to take her to court over something like starting kindergarten at 5 or at 6. In the big picture of his life, an extra year of school won't hurt him, but continuing animosity between his parents will. You can't control HER antics, but you do have control over what battles you choose, and to me this doesn't seem like an issue worthy of getting into it with her.

Not worth the points.

I'll admit that I have not read the whole I thought I would chime in. It seems to me that she may honestly feel it is best to hold him back. We will face a similar decision when DS reaches K age. We hope to count on recommendations of his pre-school teacher. The other possibility is that she really is just being spiteful, I know plenty of women who would do that for the extra $. Is there any type of moderator (court appointed) your DH could present this to? Around here you do not have to go to court for everything but you can bring major decision to a moderator who either helps to find a compromise or decides in favor of one parent or the other.

The timing to me is what shows her true motive. If she brought this up when this was even remotely close to being time to even worry about this then that would be another story.

DH and his attorney are discussing this issue so his attorney can advise him if that is even an option in that state. Most likely this will just be yet another time she uses the kids for her own agenda.

This is a no-win situation for you.

If the mom, the custodial parent, wants to hold him back, then it should be her call. At your own admittance, your husband bailed on his marriage. That's part of the cost of leaving your wife and children. So he doesn't get the say. The person who is there day in and day out should get the say.

Holding him back from K isn't a big deal. It's done all the time, for various reasons.

You keep saying it's not about the money on your end, but it sure looks that way from your posts.

Ummm... how does the ex packing up both kids and moving them 2000 miles away mean that DH bailed on that marriage? Yes he wanted out of the marriage because things had deteriorated in their relationship to the point that things were irreconcilable and before the obvious is asked - YES I have actually heard both sides of the story and they (DH and his ex) both have said the same thing. She was the one that left, not DH, though. She took the kids and moved them away from him.

Think what you want about the money. This is the primary way that the ex manipulates the court system and the children to get back at DH so of course that is a concern. I suppose DH should just send the ex his entire paycheck so that she can use it as she sees fit. If I say anything other than that then that makes me the greedy evil stepmother incapable of giving a rat's behind about the kids. Oh well, I have thick skin and a spiffy flame suit on so fire away. At least I'm being compared to a Disney character albeit a villian.

 

[momto2girls]

Yes, I definitely think she is within her rights. You haven't said (I don't think unless I missed it) what state she lives in and I haven't researched every state but most don't require compulsory education until age 6 or later.

I definitely support kids who have birthdays near the cutoff waiting an additional year to start K so I suspect that it would benefit your husband's son regardless of her motivation.

 

[NHDisneyMom]

It sounds like such a tough situation all the way around. I hope for the best for you and your family!

My DS is a Sept. baby and our cut off date for 1st grade is Sept. 30th. We don't have public K so we are opting to send him to private K next Sept. It's a 1/2 day program. I know the K teacher and we will discuss at the end of the year if he is ready for 1st grade. If he's not ready - he will repeat K in a full day program. I have looked at both sides of this issue and it's not an easy one. My pediatrician tells me to send him because he thinks he will be board if I hold him. I hear a lot about boys being slower than girls in those early years and I have many parents tell me I should hold him. I talked to the principal of our elementary school and he tells me it tends to all work out by about 3rd or 4th grade.

Anyway, is there a pre-school teacher or teachers that can give you statements about his readiness? My DS pre-school teachers have been very good about giving me feedback on DS maturity and readiness for K. They think he is ready for K and their recommendation is part of the reason we are sending him in Sept. I'm sometimes shocked at how good they tell me he is at school ... I wonder if we are talking about the same child - who can be a little mischievous and high energy at home.

Good luck with the situation.

 

[Magic Mom]

Not worth the points.

 

[Girly_Qs]

The timing to me is what shows her true motive. If she brought this up when this was even remotely close to being time to even worry about this then that would be another story.

Just another thought on the timing . . .. I don't know about there - but Kindergarten registration started here over a month ago. So, the timing might not be as nefarious as you interpret. Perhaps the initiation of registration prompted the decision to wait until next school year?

For some kids maybe it comes down to the wire with the start of school to decide whether they're ready or not, with others it may be obvious from well in advance.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Just another thought on the timing . . .. I don't know about there - but Kindergarten registration started here over a month ago. So, the timing might not be as nefarious as you interpret. Perhaps the initiation of registration prompted the decision to wait until next school year?

For some kids maybe it comes down to the wire with the start of school to decide whether they're ready or not, with others it may be obvious from well in advance.

The child will not turn 5 for over a year - June 2009 - and would not be entering K at the legal age until Fall 2009, 15 months from now. Her timing speaks for itself. Why even mention this over a year early and how on earth will she know the child's maturity level or "readiness" over a year from now?

 

[hugabearjo]

I held my youngest with a summer birthday and I will never regret it. In preschool he was ready to attend K but, I knew as he got to be junior high and high school age I would want him to have more maturity to deal with all the things coming his way. I actually was very thankful I had done so as early as 4th grade. It really has made all the difference in the world for his success at school and in a social life. I can't imagine him being involved with the class ahead of him (He is now a freshman).

I don't think the decision is all that uncommon and I am sure that my opinion will not be popular here, but I really wouldn't question the mothers motives. I would suspect it has nothing to do with $$$$. I am sorry that the step mom feels that way but, I would hope you would have known he had kids and responsibility before you married him. Ex-wifes for the most part aren't just trying to take your money, but raise the joint kids of the previous relationship. I am sure there are a few who do look at it as a way to control but, I think most are just trying to get by.

I wish you luck in sorting this out in your mind, however please step back and look at what is best for the child, even if they seem ready now will they be in high peer pressure grades when they are the youngest rather than one of the oldest?

I really hope you find peace and if the ex is just manipulating then she will move on to other things, like raising children.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Anyway, is there a pre-school teacher or teachers that can give you statements about his readiness?

The thing here is that there is no such person who can tell the OP any such thing because she IS NOT THE CHILD'S PARENT. She is second guessing the child's mother and making ugly accusations but she's not the parent or even the custodial step-parent. She's married to the father and lives 2000 miles away from the kid in question. The boy's MOTHER (you know, the one raising him and there every day) may well have discussed thew matter with the appropriate experts and simply not chosen to fill her ex's new wife in on her parenting decisions.

The money grubbing tone of the first post makes me feel for this poor mom and her kid. I'd certainly hate to have my parenting criticized all over the internet by some woman who married my ex and didn't want to pony up another year of support.

 

[DawnM]

I just found out a friend is dealing with this right now. She is the mom and has an 8th grader. The school has strongly suggested she hold back her 8th grader. The only way they will allow her to go to 9th is if she takes intensive summer classes.

The father pays minimal child support but is upset about her being held back because it will mean another year of child support paid! He doesn't seem all that concerned about her academics at all.

It is all so sad when the kids are in the middle of it.

Dawn

 

[tam626]

Wow, seems like this thread is getting out of hand to me.

 

[Irish9697]

My nephew is 3. Will turn 4 in July. My brother and sister in law are currently discussing holding him back from kindergarten a year. So, I don't think the timing is off at all. They both are leaning to sending him (but both have concerns about doing so), but said they'll make their final decision by this time next year.

I think the legal battles need to stop. As a divorced mom whose ex "bailed" on our marriage and family for another woman (he provides 73% of our household income, incidentally and also "wanted out" so badly that he kept all of the debt, didn't use an attorney, etc.), I think the legal battles do nothing for anyone. It just excacerbates the ill feelings.

The child will not be harmed being held back. And, if it is for financial reasons, who cares. Just drop it and don't worry about it. I know that I have lived a much happier life since I stopped worrying about the motives behind my ex's actions and trying to "understand" why he's doing things. Just follow the documents to the letter. In the end, everyone will be happier.