Can parents legally delay a child from starting kindergarten?

[ERMama]

I think you are going to have to choose your battles. I honestly dont think a lawyer is going to be able to force her to send him. All I see is you guys racking up lawyer fees trying to mediate this. I guess its up to you whether you think its a better choice to send him to K or not.

 

[Disney1976]

I think you are going to have to choose your battles. I honestly dont think a lawyer is going to be able to force her to send him. All I see is you guys racking up lawyer fees trying to mediate this. I guess its up to you whether you think its a better choice to send him to K or not.

As an attorney (and one who used to practice in the family law arena), my first inclination is to agree. While I never handled this issue in my practice, if it is a matter of state law, then a court will be bound to follow that law. You may be entirely correct about her motivation for keeping the child out of school, but you can't prove it, and it becomes your word against hers. Even if you could prove it, again, courts look to the law for guidance.

I don't think it's worth spending attorney's fees on, really.

 

[DevilDuckie]

The custodial parent (real physical custody, not "legal") needs to determine what is in their child's best interests and act accordingly. I'd be livid if my son's non-custodial father (or worse, his spouse) tried to tell me I had to do things I felt were not in my son's best interests with his academics. I am the full time parent and I know my son and his needs best.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I think you are going to have to choose your battles. I honestly dont think a lawyer is going to be able to force her to send him. All I see is you guys racking up lawyer fees trying to mediate this. I guess its up to you whether you think its a better choice to send him to K or not.

Sadly we are constantly back and forth in court with DH's ex over one thing or another. She has initiated every court battle at this point and wins the initial case then we win the appeal. It is time consuming and no one really wins in the long run but the attorneys collecting the fees.

As an attorney (and one who used to practice in the family law arena), my first inclination is to agree. While I never handled this issue in my practice, if it is a matter of state law, then a court will be bound to follow that law. You may be entirely correct about her motivation for keeping the child out of school, but you can't prove it, and it becomes your word against hers. Even if you could prove it, again, courts look to the law for guidance.

I don't think it's worth spending attorney's fees on, really.

Well since her motivation is financial then looking at it from our financial perspective if the wording of the current joint stipulation which spells out custody and child support remains in effect we would be out an additional $16,200 in the long run - paying the extra for the 12 months he is not in kindergarten then paying an entire additional year of the reduced support for his Senior year in high school (when he would have been in college had he started K on time).

Looking at it from just a financial perspective then it may be worth the fight to save that chunk of money BUT again our concern is for the best interest of the child. Heck no we don't want to pay out an extra $16k to his ex if we don't have to but we honestly feel that holding the child back will do more harm than good in the long run.

DH has asked his attorney about amending the paperwork to reflect ages of the children instead of school grade for the support reductions and cessation (ages 5 at start of school year instead of "when the child enters kindergarten" and that support stops at age 18 not "when the child graduates high school"). At that point I think it will be come quite obvious when she objects vehemently where her true motivation lies.

The custodial parent (real physical custody, not "legal") needs to determine what is in their child's best interests and act accordingly. I'd be livid if my son's non-custodial father (or worse, his spouse) tried to tell me I had to do things I felt were not in my son's best interests with his academics. I am the full time parent and I know my son and his needs best.

I agree for the most part - I am an ex-wife too and I consult my ex about any major decisions with his kids. We are a rarity though and are close friends so we talk often anyway and have open lines of communication. I would sure be livid if he remarried and his new wife started telling me how to raise my kids BUT the situations are different with DH and his ex. There is no communication there - most of the time the only way they can communicate is thru attorneys. DH's ex has a proven track record of stunts like this - we have the legal trail to prove it.

 

[MightyMom]

I think it's great to hold back kids from starting kinder. I'm all for keeping little ones home as long as possible..... afterall.... they are only little once. You can't get back this time.

I'm not sure what the EX's motives are..... but she is full within her right to delay kinder.

 

[Disney1976]

The custodial parent (real physical custody, not "legal") needs to determine what is in their child's best interests and act accordingly. I'd be livid if my son's non-custodial father (or worse, his spouse) tried to tell me I had to do things I felt were not in my son's best interests with his academics. I am the full time parent and I know my son and his needs best.

I think that largely depends on what the divorce decree/marital settlement agreement between the parties states. Since the OP stated her husband has joint legal custody, then he should be allowed to participate in all major decisions affecting his child (schooling, religious upbringing, etc.). Just because a child lives with one parent most of the time does not mean that parent necessarily knows their child the best or has their best interest at heart -believe me, often, it was quite the opposite with the cases I handled.

 

[brymolmom]

Obviously if the mom is not taking into account what is best for the child that is horrible, manipulative and does not win the Mother of The Year contest.

But, in terms of holding kids back from Kindergarten just to have them older, more mature, etc. I've heard of a lot worse reasons.

I'm guessing this will be the same mom that 2 months into Kindergarten when son is doing 1st grade work (obviously, he is just about 6 and a half - of COURSE he already knows all this Kindergarten material) - she will be complaining to the teacher to 'challenge' him more......ummmm- pretty sure if you wanted him challenged you should have sent him on time and he should be in first grade then.

People like this often want their cake and eat it too. If you hold back - you need to know that it will be material that is likely 'below' your child's level that will be taught - and should be, for the 4 year olds in the class.

Good luck. It sounds like this will not be the only disagreement you will have with her on how to raise the child.

 

[Disney1976]

I would with you about chaning the agreement to reflect age of the children in terms of child support, rather than having vague terms like "when the child graduates high school." I had a similar experience with a case I handled - the original marital settlement agreement called for the father to pay child support for his 2 children until the YOUNGEST child turned 18. There was more than a seven year age difference between the two kids, so he would have been paying until his oldest child was 25!

There may be a way to reduce the amount of child support your DH pays, and that is by modifying the original custody agreement to increase the number of overnight visits your DH has. In Florida at least, I believe the standard is 153 nights. More than that, and the non-custodial parent will pay less child support, because they are caring for the child more.

Trying to get opposing counsel to agree to this may not be easy though, you kind of have to propose it "on the sly" (it's perfectly legal) and hope they don't realize what you are doing.

 

[scouthawkk]

I think this is your best option, Clarabelle. I don't know of anywhere that has mandatory kindergarten, or especially compulsive education by age 5. If you think that the ex is just doing this to stick you, you may have to get the courts involved. Good luck!

Actually, Maryland does require enrollment if the child is age 5 by September 1. It does allow for a one year waiver for imaturity, but permission must be requested in writing, and granted by the school's superintendent...and the child must then be registered the following year if waiver is granted.

 

[Elmo888]

I would check your state's laws. In Texas, kindergarten isn't required and kids aren't required to be in school until they are 6. The cutoff date is September 1st (to start kindergarten, kids have to be 5 on or before September 1st). In the particular area where I live, holding back kids, both boys and girls, with summer birthdays is very common. It almost seems like people who do send 5 year olds with summer birthdays to school are the exception In fact, I know two particular kids with May birthdays that are being held back.

I don't know why it is so common to hold children back these days (both DH and I started school at 4 and didn't turn 18 until the fall of our first year in college and we are fine, arguably!), but I am glad that I didn't have to make the decision (my girls have winter and fall birthdays).

If it helps, I don't know anyone that regrets holding back their child, but I do know someone who regrets not holding back her child.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

More and more parents are holding off on sending children with summer birthdays to Kindergarten, especially boys. And some school districts have changed the cutoff from September 30 to August 31 or July 31. There are some private schools in our area that have an APRIL 30 cutoff for starting Kindergarten.

I don't think there is any way you can legally force the issue, and I'm not sure that you should either. If you really think you want to pursue this, you can ask to have the child evaluated by the school system. Honestly, the attorney fees could quickly exceed the $4,200 difference in child support.

I have a related issue with my ex. DD has a mid-September birthday (she's turning 5 this year) and is socially immature for her age. My ex was pushing me to start her in Kindergarten this fall. The topic came up whenever child support was mentioned. It really saddens me that my ex is more concerned about money than what is best for our child. We were having major issues with DD's behavior last fall and have been consulting with a child psychologist. She is in complete agreement with me that it's best to wait another year before DD starts Kindergarten, even though DD's behavior has vastly improved in the past 6 months. DD's current preschool teachers also agree with that assessment. Luckily, my ex realized that he was going to look like an a** for pushing the issue and is now supporting me on waiting another year.

 

[daisyduck123]

I don't know of anywhere that has mandatory kindergarten, or especially compulsive education by age 5.

Maryland does.

Kindergarten is mandatory & if the child is 5yo by Sept. 1...the child goes...unless he is enrolled in an alternative K. program (like in private school or homeschooling).

Of course, a parent can always request a waiver for one year.

 

[jenseib]

Can a parent decide to hold a child back a year from starting kindergarten? DSS will turn 5 next June (2009) so he should be starting Kindergarten that fall. DH's ex told him that she has decided to hold him back a year so he will be 6 when he starts kindergarten. Her reasoning is so that he would be 18 when he is a Senior in High school.

This child is NOT immature or behind developmentally in any way, shape or form. He has been in preschool since he was a year old and can do all the typical things that 4 year olds can do and even more since he has an older brother at home to keep up with. The child has not been evaluated by a therapist or counselor that has made this recommendation - this is just the Mom doing what she wants to do.

This monumental decision to hold back the child was made just days after DH's ex lost a huge court battle with us over a trumped up increase in child support (she now has to pay DH back about $10k in overages we have paid in the past year). The way their original divorce decree was written there was an automatic reduction in child support when "the youngest child entered Kindergarten". How convenient that this decision to hold her child back a year in school will net her an additional $4200 in support for that year.

My concern is honestly more with the child being held back for no reason than the child support reduction. I can't imagine holding my child back from something for my own selfish benefit. I also know how ticked off I would be as a teen if I found out I could have graduated a year earlier if I had entered Kindergarten when I was supposed to but my Mom held me back for no valid reason.

Doesn't the state require a child to be enrolled in Kindergarten if they are 5 when the school year starts unless they are being homeschooled?

I jsut want to start out by saying I have ONLY read your post and none that have repiled to you.
First off, as a parent, who is remarried, I will not allow my DH to have any say on what goes on with my kids. He is the STP father, not htere dad. It has caused problems at times, but it causes more problems when he has tried to get involved. So my best advice to you is to just butt out of it and let your DH take care of it.
I also see nothingwrong with him being held bac, In fact it is wise to hold back boys in alot of cases. My son was held back a year and his b-day is in Jan. He is 19 right now and graduating next week. He is still terribley imature for his age. Alot has to do with maturity as well as how prepared for school they are.
I also don't get why child supposrt would go down once a child goes into kindergarten. Thats ridiculous. Expense actually went up fpr me when my kids went in school ,so not sure why that would eve be ruled. I guess if day care expenses are now less, but still we had lots of other htings to pay for. And the older they get, the more it cost.
I also want to say that child support did not end for my son when he turned a8, but rahter when he turned 19 as he was still in school. I never knew this before, and certainly didn't hold him back a year because of this.

My suggestion to you is to just not worry about it. It really isn't your business. You may have to put up with your DH's wining a bit, but he'll get over it as well. This money to to help out the kids. And beleive me, I have heard many payors gripe that the mom is using it for herself, etc, while those of us he get paid complain becuase it is never enough. And if we were still together they would be paying much more on that child. Child support is supposed to cover not only child care expense, but food, clothes, a portion of the electricity, gas, rent, etc. My ex was order ed$40 a wekk. Tell me how that is to cover all that? He eats that much in food a week! LOL!
I also beleive that you can hold a child back till around the age of 8 (or so I have heard). I thin kby that time, if some sort of education isn't being administeered, then they can get in trouble. But being in kindergarten by age 5 is not a law.

 

[jenseib]

Im pretty sure that k is required here in ohio. I know that to skip k would require whats called "whole grade acceleration." which would mean that if a child did skip k, then they would have to actually test out of kindergarten to start first grade. Which is not easy to do, most schools frown on it. But that has nothing to do with your question. I would advise against skipping it in this case, because at some point the child will want to know why they were help back.
Support laws here in ohio, or at least in our case, require not only to be 18 but to be MATRICULATED. Meaning, if the child chooses to go to college, or a trade school after high school, support continues. Much the same as a ss benefit, etc. The child has up to I think age 21, which is how long support could continue, so long as the child (if you will) is in school full time.
Sorry no hard facts here for you..

I live in OH too, and child support ends at 19 if they are still in highschool. Or if they graduate when they are the age of 18, it will continue till they graduate, then end. It doesn't go behind highschool. Insurance does though.

OR if they turn 18 after they graduate, then it will got till the 18'th birthday.
But not till 21 in any situation I know if. My son turned 19 last Jan, but graduates this week. his support ended on his b-day. (but his dad is so far behind, I am still getting it)

 

[JayhawkMomma]

In Kansas Kindergarten isn't mandatory. I don't know what age you have to have your child enrolled by but it's probably 6 or 7.

My boys were born in November and December. Cut off is September 1st for kindergarten so my 4 year old will be starting preschool this September. I'm glad, I have a May birthday and was one of the youngest in my class. I never had a problem academically but lots of children do.

I don't see a problem with holding a child back. Even if the cutoff was after my son's birthday there is no way he'd be going to kindergarten this year. He's just not ready.

 

[DawnM]

The arguement here isn't over manditory K is it? The arguement is over WHEN the child should go to K.

Many parents hold a child back here in NC. I found this strange at first, but I think 5 is too young for many kids to go.

It is up to the parent when to start the child.

Dawn

 

[dis-happy]

Around here boys with summer birthdays almost always wait to start a year. The private schools practically require it.

It's probably been posted already, but today's K is yestersday's 1st grade. Honestly, in most cases it's better to wait. How much better to have a child for whom the workload is easy, rather than a struggle (especially in the older grades). Plus, there is the extra maturity that comes with being a few months older in high school, rather than the youngest all the time.

He won't be alone. I venture to guess that most of his classmates will be older 5's and 6's rather than younger 5's when he does start K.

 

[_queenie_]

I really hate how in some regions everyone insists on holding their children back, even if they don't need to be. What happens then is that all of the work in kindergarten is at a first grade level and all of the kids in the class are more mature than your typical kindergartens (because they're almost all, in a sense, first graders). What I think about is what must happen to the kids who are socially/acamdemically behind who really need to be held back with younger kids/easier work? Do they end up needing to be held back twice and seven in kindergarten?

It's true that many kids are too immature at barely five, but some aren't and those seem to be the ones that could create an issue. My two cents.

 

[DevilDuckie]

I think that largely depends on what the divorce decree/marital settlement agreement between the parties states. Since the OP stated her husband has joint legal custody, then he should be allowed to participate in all major decisions affecting his child (schooling, religious upbringing, etc.). Just because a child lives with one parent most of the time does not mean that parent necessarily knows their child the best or has their best interest at heart -believe me, often, it was quite the opposite with the cases I handled.

Whereas my experience is that the parent who actually stays with the kid and does the parenting generally knows more than the visiting parent or their new spouse. If this woman is such a terrible mother, why isn't the father fighting for custody rather than reduced child support? My ex and his wife do NOT know as much about my son's needs as I do and it would be inappropriate for them to try to overrule me.

 

[ahecht]

I'll just talk a little about my school experience. In California, at least when I started school, some schools had a cutoff of September 1st and others September 15th. My birthday fell right in the middle. As a true geek-in-training, I was academically advanced for my age but behind socially. My parently ultimately decided that I should enter a school with a September 15th cutoff making me one of the youngest kids in my grade.

As a result, I was a bit of a social outcast throughout school because I was never as mature as my peers. Once I got into high-school and the grades weren't as segregated I ended up spending most of my time socializing with kids in the grade below me. Even in college my freshman year was pretty bad socially, and after that I spent most of my time with kids that were a year behind me. In retrospect I wish that my parents had delayed me a year -- schools can usually help kids who are academically advanced (gifted programs and such), but can't do much for kids who are socially behind.