Can one have a close relationship with their parents in a large family?

[librarygal]

I grew up in a large family with four sisters and one brother. As I was growing up I never remembered doing anything one-on-one Mom or Dad. We did things as a family (however we rarely ate out) but I did not spend any time with my parents individually.

Now as an adult, I see Mothers and daughters having lunch together or going out shopping together. Their mother seems like a friend and they seem to enjoy each others company.

I always thought that my Mother and Dad did not spend any time with me, or any of my sisters or brother, on a one on one basis- because they did not want us to feel like they were giving one child special attention.

I am interested in hearing from people who have came from large families. Was it possible to have a close one "one one relationship" with Mom and Dad? Did you do things with Mom or Dad- just the two of you- without making your other brothers and sisters feel left out or isolated?

 

[mudnuri]

well heres a different perspective.

My mom was one of 9, and she was also the oldest girl. She spent more time with her siblings babysitting than she did with my grandparents.

That said- once my brother and i were born- we had random mom days. One of us would go to my grandparents or my dads, and my mom would take the other out for lunch- to bradlees, or another 'walmart' type store and do some shopping. Sometimes we'd go farther away- to the park or to a show etc.

We did this because she felt she missed one on one time with her parents growing up...

I have 2, and try as i might to get alone time with them. Being prepubescent girls they need as much mom time as ever. I do get one on one time with dd9 all winter as she boards and i ski every weekend. Other times I've been known to leave dd9 with her father, or dbf and take dd8 to walmart or just out on errands without dd9

Brandy

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Personally, I think it seems to be more emphasis placed on it today than there was when we were growing up, maybe because we've learned how important it is. As a mother of twins, I've had to make it a point to spend some one on one time with each of my kids. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, we cherish it. Hope you get the answers you're looking for.

 

[poohandwendy]

I grew up in a large family with four sisters and one brother. As I was growing up I never remembered doing anything one-on-one Mom or Dad. We did things as a family (however we rarely ate out) but I did not spend any time with my parents individually.

Now as an adult, I see Mothers and daughters having lunch together or going out shopping together. Their mother seems like a friend and they seem to enjoy each others company.

I always thought that my Mother and Dad did not spend any time with me, or any of my sisters or brother, on a one on one basis- because they did not want us to feel like they were giving one child special attention.

I am interested in hearing from people who have came from large families. Was it possible to have a close one "one one relationship" with Mom and Dad? Did you do things with Mom or Dad- just the two of you- without making your other brothers and sisters feel left out or isolated?

hey...are you my sister? I also grew up in a family with 4 sisters and a brother (he is the baby).

There are so many variables in large families, it can be complicated. Sharing common views adult-to-adult, location, busy schedules, personality differences...the list goes on and on. There is no euphoria when it comes to families. They are living breathing relationships that can change over time.

My mother and I used to be very close, now she is closer with my younger sister.

Really does not bother me because my mother and I can really get on each others nerves quickly and my sister has more views in common with her, to be honest. It is best when my mother and I don't spend too much time together...I know that may sound cold, but it's like we get along better when we miss each other. And too much time is too close, kwim?

ETA...didn't know you were asking about how we were treated as kids..

My Mom and Dad made each of us feel special and spent as much one-on-one time as possible with each of us. But, my younger sister has a different opinion. She thinks they didn't take enough time.

 

[The Mayor]

I was the youngest of 5 (I'm male)...3 girls , 2 boys...my Mom had an embroidered pillow that said "Only a mother can have five children and each have all her love"...that's the way it felt in my house...we all got one on one from both my parents...we all felt special...we celebrated all birthdays as a family...this is something that I have carried over to my family...my Dad was my best freind and hero...I think that if my parents had had 10 children each of us would have felt like the special one.

 

[Keli]

I've got seven siblings (3 brothers, four sisters) and I'm very close to my parents. The funny thing is I'm pretty sure I'm no closer to them than some of my other siblings, lol. I really don't know why you feel more distant from your parents but it's not necessarily because of the larger family.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Well, my family isn't that large. I only have 3 siblings, but I remember my father making sure to have special days with each of us. He would take us shopping (or something), then out for dinner...just one on one time. I still have fond memories of that. Now that we're grown, I'm very close to both of my parents. So are my sisters. My brother isn't as much though.

 

[Robinrs]

My Mom had a line that stuck with me all of my life, Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

My Mom had two brothers and her mother treated her like she was invisible. She made sure she gve us all EQUAL love, even though we were all verry very different.

My Dad was the oldest of 14 and his Mother, when she died, had 110 grandchildren. The amazing thing about her was whenever I saw her I felt like I was the ONLY one she had. She was so special that way, it was an amazing trait that was unique to her.

I guess what I'm trying to say it's not the number but the person involved. It's a choice we make and what we find to be important. I spend a ridiculous amount of time with my child and it's deliberate. It's a choice I make everyday.

 

[marydmjj]

I am #6 of 10 and growing up we never had one on one time. Honestly, I never even thought about being alone with Mom or Dad. In fact, I never had play dates anywhere without my sister who is 18 months younger. But now, as an adult, I am very close with my parents (Mom more than Dad). I definitely can spend one on one time with either one of them. But, as life is, when we get together my kids or my nieces and/or nephews are always around.

I love being in a big family. I wouldn't trade it for anything. :

 

[disykat]

As someone else said - there wasn't the emphasis on "one and one time". I don't remember doing things alone with either parent and there were only three kids in my family. My dad did take my brother by himself to do boystuff sometimes, but my sister and I were very close in age and did everything together. I liked it that way. My worst year ever was when my siblings were both off at college and I was still home.

My family did tons of stuff together though. My own family now is the same way. I only have two kids, so there are times we spend time with each individually - However, we don't really make special plans to do so.

 

[donnajon]

I have four sisters and while I don't remember alone time, I feel close to my parents and my sisters. I remember my mom saying she would have people say to her all of the time, "Thank God I don't have five daughters!" to which she would reply, "That's funny, I thank God everyday that I do have five daughters." We never felt she favored one of us over the other.

 

[btass]

I am the youngest of four - three girls and a boy all together - and I never really thought about individual time with my mom or dad. I don't really have alone time with them now even though everyone is grown up with thier own kids. We still hang out as a group - the girls do get together once about every six months for a mom and daughter only-type outing but that's as close to alone as it really gets.

I will add though that we where always and have determined that will always be a "we" and not an "I". That happened last April when Daddy went in for openheart surgery and said "I" don't want anyone but mom there after surgery. We told him that he couldn't say that because he is not an "I" he is a "We" and WE don't agree!

 

[rt2dz]

I come from a bigger family, and we always had one on one time with each parent. DH and I do now with our own kids too. It's a monthly thing with each child (each child gets one "date" a month) and alters between mom & dad (6 dates with mom, 6 with dad). As long as everyone gets their turn, no big deal.

I just think it is important to build that relationship & have fun time so when the parenting ends/lessens, you can have a friendship as adults. It also keeps you more in the know during the teen years. I believe it also teaches them what to expect in relationships. Sometimes, I think we may forget how much our kids subconsciencely learn from us.

We love our children equally, but they are different people and each deserves to be catered to once in a while. And we want each child to know they are special, to feel like the most important person in the world. Kind of like that Olive Garden commercial where the mother, in confidence, had told each child they were her favorite.

Hey, it worked for me as a kid. And my siblings too. We are all close to our parents.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I can only say that I think you can, based on what I"ve seen in DFIL's family (he's one of 10). He's very close to DGF and DGM, as well as his other brothers and sisters. When we've visited, it seems like all the aunties/uncles have a fairly close relationship with the DGparents.

TOV

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I grew up with 4 sister and 7 brother's and even though mom didn't take us out to have one on one time, there was plenty of times I had her to myself.

She did laundy and hung the clothes out on the line....I loved helping her. My dad even made me my own "child height" clothes line, so I could hang the socks and underwear. Standing side by side, we talked all day. As I grew older, I would sit and talk to her while she sewed.

The key was, I worked around her schedule. she was busy, always doing something. If I had to wait for her to finish, I would of never been able to talk to her.

Things were rough in my teens years, but then, when I got out of my teens, we were super-close. I would say out of all my siblings, I was probably the closest to my mom.

 

[gradtchr]

My DH is one of 6 but there was such a huge difference in ages and he was the baby that he has many memories of special time with his parents. Whenever we go visit they still talk about it. I don't think any of his other siblings ever felt cheated either.