Can I ramble please? It is long

[doxdogy]

I know I am still new to the dis. But, this is such a wonderful extended family, that I feel comfortable rambling on about this.

I am so frustrated with my nephew. He is almost 19 and in jail for the fourth or fifth time. They have always been for misdemeanor violations, but he is still breaking the law. For some reason, he just doesn't want to accept the responsibilty for his actions. It is always someone elses fault not his.

He did have a rough childhood. Parents were constantly fussing at him for the most minute things. Made to feel as if he was the bad child and his sister was an angel. Parents basically never showed him any respect.

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for my nephew. Basically, when he was little the sun rose and set on his head. And he basically felt the same way about me. From what I gather from his father and parents of his friends he still feels that way about my husband and I.

He doesn't think he needs counseling, we tried to get him to go when he lived with us for a year. I know this long and I am rambling. But, I just have to vent about it. I think the husband and daughter are tired of listening to me ramble about it. I hope to go and see him on Sunday. His birthday is Monday and I want be able to wish him a happy birthday. I have the feeling that his parents won't go and see him.

Thanks for letting me ramble and if it made no sense I apologize.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Makes sense to me, doxdogy. Like you say in your signature....

"It is better to light a single candle, then to sit and curse the darkness"

...you are trying to make a difference. Come vent as you see fit, we listen. My best for him in the future and hopefully you will help make his 19th birthday a bright one, maybe a turning point. God bless you both.

Dan

PS: Not long at all

 

[Jeafl]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I wish he would reconsider seeking counseling. There must be a reason why he continues to make bad choices. Good luck to you and him.

 

[Dream]

My nephew was in the same spot when he was that age. Unfortunately drugs were involved too. He is now 32 and a total mess. We stopped trying to help him when it became apparent he was too far gone and his love for his family had turned to anger and resentment. At 19 your nephew still has time to turn around!!! He is VERY lucky to have you!! Can you sit down with him and voice first ,your love then ,second your fears for him and his future? At 19 you feel so invincable...he needs your perspective. Strongly encourage therapy again and offer to go with him...maybe he just needs company to walk over that threshold. Accepting therapy means admitting there is a problem...a big step. GOOD LUCK to you!!! PM me whenever you need a shoulder that has "been there"!

 

[mamajoan]

I am glad that you are concerned for him.. he needs someone in his corner. my ds now 21 went thru a hellish year btwn 18 and 19... I was afraid for him... I certainly did not understand him, nor his attitude and actions. He was on a huge downward spiral.. finally we said.."NO MORE!". We told him his behavior was unacceptable and that we would no longer tolerate his actions, as they were affecting the entire family. He scared himself when he and his dad got into a terrible physical fight.(dh did not throw any punches but he sure was the target of many) .. he was so ashamed.. we were beyond stunned.. he found his way... by deciding to go into the Army for a short term. He is not sure he made the right decision. However, we see a most positive change, so do his friends. His life is difficult, but he is maturing and responsible for his own actions. I am not saying that military service is the correct decision for your nephew. But I do feel that tough love can be a benefit to some kids..
I'll say a prayer.. be strong for your nephew..
Joan.

 

[Serena]

You wanna see long, go visit some of my posts for the last month. lol

We are always here to listen or anything else. Somebody is always here.

I think you are very good for your nephew. He needs you whether or not he knows it.
But you can only do so much for him, he's got some decisions to make, like how does he see the rest of his life. In jail, or as a person who is able to be in society freely.

Goodluck, and I'm grateful to you. You just might be able to turn this kid around. We need more like you.