Can I cry and vent?

[Pugdog007]

I agree with those who say seek the advice of an attorney. He likely owes you some equity on the house if you purchased and have lived in it together.

We have a lot in common! We are the same age (my bday 1/8/69), I also have a DD-14 who lives with her Dad and I live down the street from her with my SO. We have been together 5 1/2 years. I'm also 5' and float from 115-135, depending on the day

Just let me know if you need to talk.

Ginger

 

[jipsy]

#1 - Get a lawyer.

#2 - If you are on the mortgage, then you are part owner of the house. Don't just let him have it - make him pay you equity. Especially if you have been paying on it since 1994.

#3 - Texas is a common law marriage state. As far as the state is concerned, since you have been living together since 1994, you could see if your lawyer can present your case as being "married".

#4 - As a "married" couple, you could ask your lawyer to engage the community property law, since Texas is a community property state. This means that all property should be divided equally. It might be possible for you to force the sale of the house, or even have you buy out his equity.

It sounds like you love this guy, but he's treating you like crap. Don't let your emotions drain your future checkbook. Since it is not possible for you to regain what you have put into this relationship emotionally, the only thing the courts can give to you is monetary. I imagine you have contributed alot monetarily in the last nine years. Don't let him take that from you too. I can only assume the reason your son doesn't live with you is because of him. You need to think of your son's future also, and finances will play a big part in that, so don't just let this guy take from you what you have contributed for the last 9 years.

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

Lots of {{{HUGS}}} to you from another Diser who WISHES she weighed 135 (and I'm your height too).

 

[s&k'smom]

Just wanted to send you a hug. I'm sorry your going thorugh this and GET A LAWYER. Please don't let him talk you into anything financial right now. Protect your self. You deserve all the good things that are going to come to you.

 

[Pembo]

Lots of Hugs to you! You are getting lots of good advice here so I'm only going to say good luck and I second what Jason said! I hope his post made you smile, a little.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I agree that you should talk to a lawyer, before this goes any further. Know your rights before you make any decisions.

Also, we are the same height and I DREAM of weighing 135. You need to realize that this is not your fault. Pick up the pieces and go from here.

We'll all be pulling for you on the DIS. You know you can come here to talk to us. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Here is a huge bear hug to help you get through today!

 

[December99]

Carol...all I can offer is {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

You are a great person and you are right to have your son talk to the psychologist. I know that from experience too - sometimes they say it for attention but usually they say it because they mean it and that's serious.

Hang in there....life WILL get better....just tell yourself that!!!

 

[suzannen]

Others have offered great advice, I just wanted to add my support. I went through a divorce years ago and the hardest part was when we were both still living under the same roof until the legal and custody issues could be worked out. I never felt so down as I did then. Once I was actually able to move out and begin my life again, there was such improvement and my life is SO much better now than if I had stayed in that relationship. Married someone else and we have been happily together for 20 years. Point is, hang in there - things WILL get better after this darkest part is over.

 

[Rajah]

No real words of advice or wisdom that others haven't already said, but I did want to offer many, many hugs, and echo the statement that you really are a beautiful person, and we don't have to "see" you to know that. *HUGS* to you, and best wishes. Keep us posted?

 

[Debi]

{{{Hugs}}}, Carol.

 

[aahmom1]

You have to have something drawn up with a lawyer for the house.

First things first though. The first thing you need to do is get your son back, does he live there by your choice or other? He needs to be your #1 concern and if he's saying things like that then you have cause to worry. Maybe you could reconsider the trip in a month and half and use that money to find an apartment for you and your son.

 

[Kallison]

Definitely what Jipsy said!! Make sure you are covered financially for what he owes you. Don't try to play "nice", you will be the loser in the long run. Don't worry about him, hold your head up high, enjoy yourself - it will make him wonder what you have been up to. Take care of your son, sounds like a cry for help. Good luck! Cry and vent all you want, it helps to get it out.

 

[gonga]

Sorry to hear about your situation. i certainly don't want to be the bad guy here but since you posted, you should be up for any and all opinions.

Your first and foremost concern should be your son. From your post is does not sound like he is Jim's, but I would make your child priority one - no matter what!

I don't understand how you could be planning a trip if money is tight for you and your son is living with your mother.
After attending to your son, I would contact a lawyer and find out how much or what portion of the home belongs to you and if your share can be bought out by your ex-partner. Then get out - grab your self by the boot straps and stand on your own two feet and grab a hold of yourself. Staying in that house is the worst idea, if you are on the deed, mortgage, whatever it cannot be taken away from you. You cannot wait for" tomorrows" as your life begins right now. Stop taking crap, grab yourself some self esteem take care of your son, take care of what needs to be taken care of and start a new life. What are you waiting for??? You are not sick, (as that is the worst thing in life if you do not have your health you dont have anything), you are capable of being accountable for yourself and your son. Do not enable another person, which you are doing by still living there. I don't mean to be rough, but this is not the end of the world. This happens every day and it happens to everyone I suggest you get some strength and a backbone. Before getting into another relationship straighten your life out so you are not dependant on anyone and learn to love yourself..........you will be amazed at the rewards. Many people use the excuse that's its "not that easy".....but that's all it is - an excuse, because it is that easy.

 

[stego]

I am sorry to hear about your heartache.
I'm even more sorry to hear about your son, and how you describe his feelings, words, and emotions.
I think we call all relate to when we were in the middle of a break-up. How many of us thought so clearly?

Like the others have said, we're not clear on why your son lives with his grandparents.
I'm sure that is difficult for you.
There are people who think that no matter what, your children should be with you, always.
Obviously, we have our own lives (other than the DIS), and don't see the whole picture as to what's going on in your life.

So it would be really, really stupid to make some assumptions.

However, it has been brought up that you're intending to take a vacation?
Disney world will always be there. Here's a little story:
Last year, my wife told me that she wanted to go to wdw.
However, her father-in-law (she was married for 15 years before
she met me-and had remained close to him) was not doing so well healthwise. I told her to go visit him, I made the flight arrangments, everything. She had a great week with him, let me tell you. When she came back, she had forgotten all about wdw.
This past december, he passed away very suddenly.
Being as all our xmas presents had been bought, I went to the mat and sent her for his funeral.
I can't tell you how she looked at me-and how much it meant to her.

I think that maybe a little part of the DIS is that we're able to explore and share in other's experiences and adventures.
I'd suggest putting off the trip for a bit, and sticking around here,
and let the other DIS'ers share with you.
In time, this will pass, and you'll look back on this.
(and have a really great vacation later on down the road!)

But right now, you're in the middle of this. I know: IT SUCKS!

I still can't understand how he still has this "power" over you.
The sooner you let go of that, the sooner you can get on with your life. Imagine-you can come and go as you please-and not worry about how late he stays out, or who he's with.
He's obviously done a number on you about your physical stature.
Think about it: why do you put so much "weight" into what he thinks?

It's over. What excaberates the situation is that you're still living there. I think the sooner you get away from him, the better.
I know others have said about attorneys, house etc.
Maybe you'd need to sit down with someone and talk about what's really important:

Your sanity

Your son.
(not necessarily in that order-but you will need your sanity to be the best parent you can be)

Everything else can be replaced.

I know. I have been there.
The house, the truck, the furniture. All gone.
I walked away, and opened the door.

You are not alone.

 

[nativetxn]

Oh honey. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Sending comforting {{{HUGS}}}. I wish there were some magic words I could use to make everything better

I would be worried about my son, too. I hope he is feeling less negative very soon.

Katholyn

 

[snowball22]

Carol, I am so sorry. Please don't blame yourself or your weight. There is a serious problem with him. Get some good cries out. This will be hard but you will make it through it!!! Believe in yourself!! You have alot to offer the world . We are all here for you!!!!! Lots of hugs going your way!!{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]

 

[jamsmom]

My son lives with my parents by my choice. I used to travel some and it was better that he be in a stable environment. Now, he has his friends there and also my parents are able to work with the school much netter than I could. (More patience, make sure modifications are made as necessary) He is ADHD and also OCD. Typically, he agrees that he prefers to live there.

I want to thank you all for the wonderful posts. As I stated bak on 4/5, if it weren't fr my son....I would want to just give up. I have mae it through a divorce once and I guess I can make it through this if I must.

Today was better. SO and I had lunch together. But, now, I just feel like I am treading water just to keep my head up. He also reads the threads, by the way. I feel as though I am a loser for getting myself back into a relationship where I can be hurt emotionally. I told my self after my divorce so many years ago that I would never allow myself to be in a situation to get hurt again....yet, here I am. The saying that says, "It is better to have loved and loss than to never have loved" muct have been written/said by someone NOT in emotional pain at the time.

Thank you all, again.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'm going to repeat what I told you the other day. call the bar association and get a local lawyer. if your name is on the mortgage, it means that either:

1. your name is on the deed and you have an ownership interest in the house. if so, he can't transfer YOUR interest in the house unless you sign something.
or:

2. your name isn't on the deed, but you co-signed a loan for him, and you are obligated to pay off the loan ---even if you don't own the house -- if he defaults on the loan. in that case, you want him to refinance and pay off the existing mortgage so that he can't screw you by not paying his mortgage and allowing the house to go into default.
in either case, given the situation, DON'T SIGN ANYTHING UNTIL YOU TALK TO A LAWYER!

 

[jipsy]

He also reads the threads, by the way.

Why? Does he post here? Or does he read over your shoulder?

I think the consensus here is:

Get a lawyer.

The situation with your son is understandable and you are lucky to have parents that are so willing to help. But you need to get out on your own, even if it is without your son. Your niece may be disappointed, but if you have to cancel your trip in order to be able to do so, then do it.

You obviously have strength because you have started your own business. Now have the same strength in your personal life and you'll be just fine.

 

[antkim]

Carol,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this for a second time.Don't blame yourself and stop with the weight!That is perfectly fine.
You do need a lawyer though to be safe.Unfortunately,things can sometimes get nasty and you need to be protected from that.
Your son should be your first concern.Relationships can always be fixed if it's in the best interest for you both but kids are sensitive to everything around them.Concentrate on him now-he needs you and you need him.
Take care and please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Kim