Can I be selfish/petty and whine?

[Rajah]

Yeah yeah, I know I'm being selfish and petty and I have no right to be, but I just want to whine for a moment. Hit the back button if it bothers you. Despite my whine, I did have a good Christmas, this is just bothering me and I need to whine to a friendly ear.

Usually, my DH is great about presents he gets for me. He usually surprised me with something either nice or fun or that I really wanted. Or if he can't (either got me something early, or couldn't afford anything nice), he'll at least give me a card or calendar.

Well, this year, he and I both got our "big" presents early. He got the Sirius Sattelite Radio for his car (very cool, BTW). Perfect gift for him since he hates commercials and was wearing out the CD player. He loves it. Mine was a DVD/VCR combo unit for upstairs -- but we got me the cheapest one we could find. And, naturally, the VCR records with lines of static through it even on a brand new tape and with a clear signal, and it won't play the tapes recorded downstairs. The other part of mine was the materials I came home with from the cross stitch store. So I knew I had most of mine early.

Well, just so DH would have something to open on Christmas morning (or, rather, Eve when we went to my parents' to open presents), I got him a page-a-day calendar and a couple of books about Lord of the Rings. Small things, but something to show him I remembered him. I got nothing else. Not even a calendar or a book.

Yeah, I know I got my big stuff a couple of weeks early, and while I'm disappointed that the VCR/DVD combo doesn't work well, I do love the cross stitch stash I got. But I would have liked at least a *card* or something on Eve or Morning. His excuse: because he's "saving up to get me something *really* expensive for my birthday" (which is next month). Okay, fair, *maybe* true, but still... not even a card?

So I'm rather disappointed this year. It's not that I didn't get any presents -- I had stuff from my parents, grandparents, aunt, best friends, and IL's to open. It's just the idea that even though he got his big present I still had something small for him to open, and he didn't even get me a card this year when most years he's good at hiding things and surprising me with something fun (like a game I've been wanting or movie or whatever). And it's not like I didn't drop about a million hints for something small.

Oh well.

Okay, thanks for letting me whine and be selfish.

 

[dzneprincess]

 

[jfulcer]

Jesus is the reason for the season.


That in itself could be enough.

 

[MeanLaureen]

It's okay to feel bad! Been there, done that, and I totally understand. (((((hugs)))))

 

[Serena]

{{{hugs}}}}

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I understand how you felt Rajah, in the past I have felt that way but now I make sure I get what I want...LOL.... I told DH not to give me anything as I had purchased some items at an auction which I wanted and had access to.. He did not.. He listened to me and there was nothing from him to me under the tree, my choice......I did have wonderful items from my children so I did not feel sad at all........
Hugs, your DH was not thinking, comes with age LOL.....just a little something to open would have made you feel better.

 

[Disney Ella]

I can't believe I am typing this since I am not a male basher, but he's a man! A lot of them (not all) don't think about these things the way women do. If I would have said the same thing to my husband, it would never have occurred to him to get me something so that I would have something to open. If I don't tell him what would be nice, he just doesn't figure it out on his own, even after all this time when you think he'd pick up on some of these things. I can understand why you felt bad, after all, you thought enough of him to do something extra for him. But I think the fact that he didn't get you anything had nothing to do with how he feels about you. You said you weren't doing presents on Christmas, so he didn't get you a present, figuring he was just following the rules.

 

[Chattyaholic]

((hugs)) to you and I can totally understand how you felt....I probably would have felt the same way. We kind of did the same thing as you, we each got our "big gifts" early. I had gotten DH a new wedding band and a GPS, and he got me a beautiful oak jewelry armoir and one of those "past/present/future" diamond necklaces, plus I was with him when he got my George Foreman grill. I had several extra "little things" for him under the tree, and he knew about them...so Christmas Eve day he was out shopping again for me. He got me the "Clean Cotton" Yankee candle I wanted, plus matching liquid soap, and a beautiful Thomas Kinkade book. He's a very, very good DH...I think I'll keep him!

 

[TigerBear]

(((Hugs))) Rajah. I completely understand how you feel. I know that if I were in your position, I would probably feel exactly like you do.

The new man I am dating bought me two presents, both which were nice, but by far what I treasure the most is the card that he got me and the card his puppy got my furbabies. They are both priceless.

I agree that I bet he had absolutely no intent to hurt you. If I were you, I would just let him know that you would have loved even just getting a card from him. How did he react to the other presents you gave him? Did he apologize for not getting you something else or did he get upset that he had thought you had already exchanged gifts?

 

[JESW]

Sorry you are feeling this way, but I do know what you mean. Things like that used to bother me and then it bothered me that it bothered me - make sense? I am the one who does everything for Christmas - from thinking of the gifts, buying them, wrapping them, etc, - even for DH's family. DH is a good guy but was never a good present buyer. Last Christmas was the topper. He gave me a snowman for my collection and then he gave me - soup. You know, those glass jars with the layers of soup ingredients that you can cook? Well, he thought it was cool looking and that I would like it. All I could think as I was holding that jar of soup was that I did EVERYTHING and all I got was this lousy jar of soup??!! It really hurt my feelings. And then I felt like an idiot that it bothered me. We are fortunate that DH has a good job, we have a nice home, we get to go to WDW, etc., so I really had nothing to complain about. But it still bothered me. When we got together with my family later and when people asked me what I got from DH I answered - soup. don't ask.

Now it's funny, but it REALLY bothered me last year.

This year he got me a new cell phone, a hard drive, memory cards for my digital camera and batteries for it, ink cartridges for the printer and paper. He is not the most romantic guy, but he is practical and I will use these things. The soup is still up in the attic.

Jill

 

[C.Ann]

My son-in-law used to be like that.. It was AWFUL because my DD was always used to getting loads of gifts - even if they were small and inexpensive ones..

He's an only child and was raised in a household where one parent absolutely, positively despises Christmas and makes it miserable for everyone else.. I think he was mimicking what he had learned at home - but then all of a sudden (a few years ago) he made a total turn around and he's AWESOME about the holidays and gifts now..

Still - my DD was hurt for several Christmases in a row so I know exactly what you're talking about.. One year my own Mom didn't give me anything - not even a card - and it still stings when I think about it..

Whatever your DH is "saving" up for in terms of your birthday - I hope it's a real zinger - then maybe it will take some of the sting out of what happened on Christmas Eve..

Meanwhile, you have every right to whine if you want to!

 

[WilmaBud]

I don't think it's selfish or petty. I've been there, done that MANY times with my hubby. One year when he was in the Navy, he was scheduled to be at sea during my birthday. So, we celebrated a few weeks early. Well, he got a wicked ear infection on board the ship and was flown in to see an ear specialist. Ironically, he came home right on my birthday. And you know what? He didn't even SAY "Happy Birthday" to me! He never even acknowledged it was my birthday! Boy, was I hurt! He said, "Well, we already celebrated your birthday." He just didn't get it!

I've had Christmases, birthdays and Valentine's Days that he's been thoughtless. One Mother's Day, he gave me nothing. He didn't even get little token gifts for the kids to give me. The kids were pretty small, but SO disappointed that they had nothing to give me. He didn't even have them make cards. He said we couldn't afford any gifts. My dad and sister were so mortified, they each came over with something for the kids to give me.

My husband's a good guy, really. But he's just a complete knucklehead sometimes. He wasn't raised in a considerate family, so he has a hard time realizing how much "little" gestures mean in the long run. And things like this ARE important - maybe in a perfect world, they wouldn't matter. But we're human, we need to feel special and valued sometimes, and that's okay.

 

[DocRafiki]

MEN!

Of course, if you DID say that you didn't want anything else, as many women do, then it's your own fault. Women who say one thing but mean another really make me mad. They give us all a bad name. WOMEN!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Hey, I got lucky! I got a present from a male friend from the gym. I'm kind of suprised, because we really don't know each other very well. What could this mean, lol!

Oh well, now I have to go buy him something, I guess!

Men, I really don't understand them!

 

[Carl]

If you haven't had it too long already, I'd surely return the DVD/VCR. I can't stand poor quality video. As far as Mike not giving you anything on Christmas Eve - as already said - that's men. We take you literally if you say, "We've already gotten our presents - nothing more on Christmas."

 

[Rajah]

Originally posted by TigerBear
How did he react to the other presents you gave him? Did he apologize for not getting you something else or did he get upset that he had thought you had already exchanged gifts?

He was genuinely surprised, and seemed a bit apologetic with a little "hey, we already did gifts" frustration thrown in. And added that he was "saving up" for my birthday next month.

Thanks, all. I do feel better this morning. Y'all are right, he did as we'd both said, not to hurt me. I just needed to whine.

 

[Growin'upDisney]

Here is my solution to this problem that happens every year to many people I know. Do not get your presents early!! If you wanted the DVD/VCR combo you should tell him what you wanted and let him give it to you as a wrapped gift. I knew DH was getting me a color photo printer, but I didn't know which one and was suprised by the one he finally picked. If you DH wanted Sirrus radio, you should have wrapped it up and given it to him then. This way nobody feels left out. I am sure that when you gave him the "little" gifts he felt horrible about not having something for you - in fact he may have felt worse than you did by not getting "something" even a card. I am sure he said Merry Christmas and maybe even a little kiss. Truly what the holidays are supposed to be about.

I understand your feelings, and I am not trying to tell you what to do but just a suggestion should this come up again!!

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by Rajah
He was genuinely surprised, and seemed a bit apologetic with a little "hey, we already did gifts" frustration thrown in. And added that he was "saving up" for my birthday next month.

That definitely makes it better in my book!