Calming a homesick child

[littlebit0863]

I certainly wouldn't try to change her habits to yours, I would change mine to hers!

Yes let her watch TV till she falls asleep, that is what she does and what she is used to. Why not make a bed on the floor in front of the TV for both of them and have it be "camp out" they can both lay down and your son can fall asleep as he needs to and so can she. You can lay on the couch till they are asleep and then go to bed or even stay there. When you get to Disney you can put them both in one bed and it will be just like at your house.

She will grow out of it and be fine, not every child can go to sleep in the dark. neither of mine could and I don't like to. And my DD always fell asleep to the TV. Both are fine independent people and sleepers now and have slept all over the world and even out in the woods under the stars with no tent or anything. ( they are 20 and 14)

I don't even know why I included the sleeping habit thing, I think I was just frustrated with my sister. I definitely do not include to make her go to sleep alone in the dark or anything like that. I was up with her the first night, and I intend to stay up with her until I fall asleep. One good thing if we do choose to go is that we got two non-refundable hotel rooms, because originally my sister was going to go. So we have a hotel room that won't be used. If things get bad, I can always take her for a walk around the grounds, and even to the other room so we can be louder and not disturb dh or ds. However, if she is still SCREAMING at night, I will not take her.

 

[littlebit0863]

As to your other DNi - sensory issues are actually not that hard to work around for Disney.

Our oldest has quite a few sensory issues, but we go to WDW every year - it takes prep, but it's still a wonderful trip each year - and it gets easier. The more your sister works to help with the sensory issues, the less impact they'll have on your niece over the years.

That is so good to hear! Does your child have sensory integration disorder? That's what my niece has been diagnosed with, although she has not been put on the autism spectrum, the doctor is not ruling it out either. She is currently in physical therapy and speech therapy. There are about 3 foods she will eat, she has to wear headphones anytime she leaves the house or she will freak out at something as small as a car driving by. She wears glasses that she's only had for about a month and they seem to help tremendously with her balance. (She barely started walking and she's 20 mos old.) It's hard on my sister because she is a single mom and she has a really good job with great benefits, but she does not have time to make all the therapy appointments, as they are in Houston, about 30 miles away. I just pulled my baby from my mom's house, so my mom can watch my niece and dedicate lots of time to her. I hope that can keep up, because if my sister loses her job and benefits I don't know how she would afford all this. (about 2 appointments a week.)

Sorry to hijack my own thread!

 

[tadamom]

So do you have 2 rooms reserved at Disney planned? If so, what I would do if you set on bringing her is your DS and DH in one room and you & DN in the other.

Also, another suggested that you have a sleepover with the mom there as well before the actual trip and that is a great idea. Let her come over, help get ready for bed & do some nightly routines then leave. I also love the idea of the Face Time with her mom, just so she knows that she can talk to her.

I know you said your son goes to sleep in the dark and this little girl goes to sleep with the tv, is it possible for your DS to sleep with a little eye mask on so DN could still watch some tv or possible watch a movie on an ipad, laptop, phone with some headphones?

I think you are a great aunt for wanting to do this and I commend you for it. If it were me and I was determined to do it, we would be having LOTS of practice sleepovers before the trip to see what worked and what didn't. I think you can do this, it will just take lots of patience and praying from everyone.

 

[littlebit0863]

My son doesn't have a tv in his room, but this week I plan to bring over dn and let them both sleep with me in the bed. If ds balks at this, which he may, he can go to his own room. I will let her watch tv until she falls asleep. DH can have the couch. I'm going to try this several more times. If she gets it right this week I will try the hotel thing, if there are vacancies, and there usually are, my aunt can let us stay in a room for free, and I only have to pay the housekeeper. Yesterday I was despondent, today, fingers crossed!

 

[jennylyn_b]

I would try a couple things. Get a picture of Mom and have her sign it " Love you xxxx , sleep tight" or get a recordable picture frame where mom can say how much she loves her and sleep tight and how she's proud of her.big girl, sings a song etc...or a recordable book ..Try that at your house and see if it will calm her. Also, get her a special stuffed toy to only be used at your house for sleeping. These might help they may not but at least you tried, right?


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[TheRatPack]

When we first adopted our youngest 3 they were around that age and it was AWFUL for the first few months. Children don't adjust overnight and I would seriously reconsider taking your niece this year. I'd wait until she's more mature....the trip could be traumatizing to her and really put some stress on you and your family.

Having an upset child, especially with 'home sickness' is so hard. It's like having a newborn infant....you don't sleep, they don't sleep.....it's a vicious cycle. We went to Disney just months after bringing our 3 youngest home and there were a few nights I felt like crying too LOL

I commend you for what you're trying to do but she's not ready yet.....give it another year or two or three.....maybe longer. I've had kids at 6 that still wanted to be driven home in the middle of a sleepover .

 

[luvmy2babies]

Bless your heart. You have two things going on here. Not only does she sleep with her mother, she also has not slept away from home, even with her mom. To go on the trip, she’ll have to let go of both of those. That is a lot to ask of a child that young.

Hopefully her mother is on board to work with you on this. She will need to get the little girl into a different sleeping mode if she wants her to be able to go with you. Not so much the TV thing. We all do that at my house too. In my daughter's room my dh let her sleep with it on and it became a habit. Once she started school I had to change it to a news channel so she'd still go to sleep on time.

The co-sleeping though she will need to adjust at home first. My son slept with me for a lot longer than I planned because my husband died when he was 2 months old. He didn’t get into his room until he was nearly 2 because I just didn’t have it in me to complete his nursery and it has been a work in progress ever since.

Actually I think I’m going to have to go ahead and convert the crib to a toddler bed because he actually slept fine in his sister’s room while she camped out downstairs during summer break. I would not send him off for even one night with anyone including his Godparents whom he adores if he had not traveled already and I had gotten him out of my bed. He’s already well-traveled, but still likes to come to my bed to snuggle if I’d let him. It’s a work in progress for me. I love the snuggle time too. When he wants to leave his room now, he gets a pallet next to my bed. It’s a process and it generally takes a while.

Along with the things the other posters have mentioned, something her mother could try to get her to sleep without her at home is wearing a t-shirt during the day and using the shirt as a pillow case on the little girl’s pillow so she will have her scent when she goes to bed. This one thing got my daughter into her own room in a week. She could bring a couple of them on the trip. You'd just have to keep it in a ziplock bag during the day so it doesn't lose the scent.

Disney is a total blast, but you need to be able to sleep. I wish you the best.

 

[la79al]

Earlier this month, I went with a bunch of family members to the beach for a week. Among them was my brother and his 3 year old. My brother kept my nephew on his usual bedtime routine and he was still having meltdowns by night 4, just because his mom wasn't there. I was expecting him to be exhausted after all day at the beach but apparently not enough. Also, when my brother would call my nephews mom a couple times a day, my nephew refused to get on the phone (exactly how my DD acted at that age). I think your intentions are great and I understand exactly why you are trying to do it but it sounds like, sleeping issues aside, your niece may not be ready to be away from her mom, especially for a longer period of time. I honestly would not want to find out, several states away, that it's not going to work. And if my 3 year old was any indication, they can be doing great with something one minute and you think all is well and the next minute there is absolutely no way it is going to work.

 

[Sugardimples]

I wouldn't do this. It is not fair to your husband and your child to add this to your family vacation. Don't let your sister's disappointment influence you. You need to put you own family first.

 

[LuLuO]

I wouldn't do this. It is not fair to your husband and your child to add this to your family vacation. Don't let your sister's disappointment influence you. You need to put you own family first.

Agreed. And not only are you putting your family first, you are also putting DN first. Disney is such a fun place but it is also overwhelming to small children. If she is already overwhelmed by being away from home and her mom then the trip will likely be miserable for everyone. This just doesn't sound like the right time.

 

[littlebit0863]

I would try a couple things. Get a picture of Mom and have her sign it " Love you xxxx , sleep tight" or get a recordable picture frame where mom can say how much she loves her and sleep tight and how she's proud of her.big girl, sings a song etc...or a recordable book ..Try that at your house and see if it will calm her. Also, get her a special stuffed toy to only be used at your house for sleeping. These might help they may not but at least you tried, right?


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These are such good suggestions, especially the one about the stuffed toy just for my house. Bella (DN) LOVES stuffed animals and baby dolls, and she's always begging me to take her to Target for a toy. So that could work.

 

[littlebit0863]

Bless your heart. You have two things going on here. Not only does she sleep with her mother, she also has not slept away from home, even with her mom. To go on the trip, she’ll have to let go of both of those. That is a lot to ask of a child that young.

The weird thing is, my niece has slept away from home lots of times, just not in about 9 months. My parents are separated and my mother moved in with my sister last November. Before that, my niece would spend the night with my parents all the time, and with me occasionally. That's why when we started planning this trip the thought of her being homesick never even crossed my mind until she freaked out at my house. I guess maybe she is young enough that she doesn't remember that she used to sleep away from her mom all the time.

 

[TheRatPack]

The weird thing is, my niece has slept away from home lots of times, just not in about 9 months. My parents are separated and my mother moved in with my sister last November. Before that, my niece would spend the night with my parents all the time, and with me occasionally. That's why when we started planning this trip the thought of her being homesick never even crossed my mind until she freaked out at my house. I guess maybe she is young enough that she doesn't remember that she used to sleep away from her mom all the time.

Sometimes things like the separation or your mom moving in can trigger separation anxiety in children surrounding the events. My 3 youngest had been in 6 different homes and were all under 5 years old....so it wasn't that they weren't 'used' to sleeping in a different bed every few months, it was that fact that made them anxious.

I hope it works out for both your family and your niece. I wouldn't push the issue though.....she can go when she's older

 

[E-P-C-O-T]

Ok, you just said that your mom lives with them right? Why not invite grandma to come along? Maybe DN won't feel homesick if she has grandma there, since, grandma is always home with her. Maybe she can even take care of the kids for a few hours while you are at Disney and you can have an evening out with DH.

 

[Suzy8383]

Bedtime is a very hard thing for a child. My advise would be to have a sleepover with your niece and her mom first. Then try again with just your niece. She needs to feel safe at your house. Having her mom there first to show her it's okay to sleep there may help.

But I don't know that I'd take her to Disney World at age 3 without her mom, honestly. She will likely really miss her mom, she will probably not sleep well and if you gave up after just a few hours on a sleep over you may really regret it if you take her on vacation.

Can her mom go too?

 

[antree]

These are such good suggestions, especially the one about the stuffed toy just for my house. Bella (DN) LOVES stuffed animals and baby dolls, and she's always begging me to take her to Target for a toy. So that could work.

I was debating to post or not, because I am the one who is going to say it worked out for me.
My DN {also named Bella} came to Disney with me last August for 10 days. She was 2 yrs old when we went and had been sleeping at my house since she was 2 wks old.
With that said, she HATES sleeping at my house. She screams and cries for her mother the whole night until she falls asleep. The crying and begging starts as soon as she gets dropped off to my house. But, as soon as her mother leaves she is fine and playing, having a great time. When it's bedtime the crying starts again for her mother, she refuses to lay down, because she waiting for mommy to pick her up. I let her just sit and watch TV until she falls asleep. When she gets up in the morning, she'll ask for her Mom and I'll say soon or in x amount of days {whatever the time is}, she says OK and goes off playing. When night comes it starts again, so same routine I sit her on the sofa with TV until she falls asleep.

So now lets jump to Disney, we weren't sure how she would act, but I wanted to take her so bad, We showed Bella all about Disney and she was excited. The night before we left she slept over, I did not want the separation crying before we got on the plane. She was so excited about getting on the plane, she was an angel, no problems at all the night before we left. The next morning no questions about where is mommy.
Every night in Disney she went to bed with no problems, every morning she woke up waiting to go swimming or to the parks. By day 3 she didn't want to even talk to her mom on the phone anymore
She loved the fireworks {which she hated at home} her mother couldn't believe she was watching fireworks every night...

Only you know your niece and how she might be. I knew with all my heart my niece would be fine. That it was just sleeping issues she has. I'm so glad I was right..lol...
As of today Bella still runs and hides if she gets near my house thinking she is sleeping over But she asks to come over, and calls me, and even says she'll go to Disney again with me. Now I just have to get her Mom to let her ago again. I think she had the separation issue not Bella

I hope it all works out for you

 

[kandb]

Why is your sister upset at the idea of you not bringing your niece? She is still very young and wants her mother. Remember, you are going for a week. What if she is upset every night? The poor thing wants her mother at night. I think this is very normal. You seem very determined to bring her but if you read all the responses, most recommend to wait until she gets older. What will you do in a hotel room if she is screaming and crying every night, walking around the resort is gonna get old.

 

[100AcreWood]

I wouldn't take her either. It won't go well, she will be upset and possibly never want to return to Disney again.

 

[MSSANDRA]

A few yeras ago our five year old went on a long week-end trip with his biological mom. He was very used to spending the night and week-ends with him and had spent longer periods of time with her when he was younger. It was totally a safe situation and we expected everything to be ok. Well, I got the call at 11:00 at night to come get him,,,5 hours away!!!!!! I was able to talk to him on the phone and calm him down enough to last till the next day and they came on home but......just think through worst case outcome and how you would get her home if necessary.

 

[littlebit0863]

Ok, you just said that your mom lives with them right? Why not invite grandma to come along? Maybe DN won't feel homesick if she has grandma there, since, grandma is always home with her. Maybe she can even take care of the kids for a few hours while you are at Disney and you can have an evening out with DH.

I would LOVE my mom to come along, and in fact, practically begged her to, but she is the babysitter of my other niece, the one with the sensory disorder. For a major change (like a change in babysitters) to occur, it would set my baby niece pretty far back in her therapy. And she is SO not ready for Disney, as much as I'd like to take her. My sister could not afford to take a week off work, and even if she could, just my mom being gone for a week could be devastating to my niece as well. I like your suggestion, though. I also tried to invite along my mother in law for the extra babysitter, but she caught wise to my plan pretty fast and said no way jose.