Calling all parents

[shortbun]

i'll clarify a bit - the "clean your room" basically is pull up your blanket in the morning, put your "friends" (minnie, mickey, baby, lulu the lam) on the bed neatly and at night it's put your dirty clothes in the laundry.

if during the day she's playing then i tell her it's like school and you have to put one thing away before you can play with something else.


i do give a reward - i pay her - 5 cents to make her bed, 5 cents to walk into school without being clingy with my mom (mom pays her), and a couple other things to that if she does them all she'll get about 25 cents a day - at the end of the week (today) we take her to the dollar store and she can buy whatever she wants. (today she got a Dora flashlight - pretty cute)

but it doesn't seem to bother her if she doesn't get paid to make her bed, if we take toys away etc.. she's scream for about 5 seconds then its' next.....

You're not going to like it but I'm thinking your system is flawed. First of all, a four year old need INSTANT gratification and a nickel/5 cents just means nada to them. She is not connecting the nickel from Monday with the toy from Saturday-believe me. I drive a school bus and help kids with their homework all the time; money is not grasped fully for most until about 2nd grade. 2nd, a 4yo would be a helper in the tasks you describe but YOU should be a helper too-other than sitting there making her squirm. Maybe you could do the bed together and have her put her stuffed animals on it. Does she even care about the stuffed animals being on the bed or is that your issue? Why would she see a value in that? Maybe you could have a race to see who could get two animals on the bed first and almost always allow her to win by goofing around with yours-making it fun!!!??? I think you're expecting too much focus at a time. Have her throw the dirty clothes in the laundry some other time. She's getting dressed, brushing her teeth, making her bed, putting her toys on her bed and putting her laundry away? A WHOLE lot for a 4 yo!!! No wonder she's balking. My son had jobs to do at that age but we made them fun and did them together. If you're starting the battling at this age-you are in for a long life of battling. Good luck with the control thing; I think it's better to put her in control of what she finds important and otherwise be a kind and teaching parent rather than one that stands over a 4yo with threats. just sayin.


eta: I see you went with stickers. Stickers are instant and that will probably work better but a sticker for dinner? If you're making 'eating' a behavior it might become a behavior disorder later. Just put a healthy meal in front of her and if she eats-she eats. Do not make a battle out of this ever. My son just did a report on eating disorders for health class. His research confirmed that eating must be a relaxed, healthy situation for children or they are at risk.

 

[Kurby]

putting animals on the bed is my issue - she has a lot of them and they are not sitting on the floor and only so many fit on the shelves so some have to go on the bed - i don't care which ones that's up to her - sometimes it's mickey and his friends some times it's all her dolls - doesn't matter as long as they are all "put away" and not left on the floor.

the dinner is not so much an eat everything on your plate as much as it's a behave yourself at the table - no screaming no getting up and down if you're finished that's fine but you stay at the table with your family and talk about the day when we are all finished then you're excused.

i don't force her to finish - i encourage her to eat enough and i know when she's fibbing about a tummy ache so she doesn't have to eat - only to want dessert or something else other then what we are having.

also i'm not asking her to do everything at one time - we wake up and get dressed, since i go to work while she's eating breakfast the bed gets made when she comes home from school. cleaning up her toys is supposed to happen as we go so we don't have a huge mess at the end of the day - pretty much that when you're finished playing with the doll house just put the stuff in the bin. finished painting put the brushes in the sink so i can wash them, finished cutting up all the paper tidy up - the laundry happens when she gets ready for bed - take your clothes off put them in the laundry bin.

like i said - a lot of these we've been doing for ages and she's ok with and it's not like i heaped all this responsibility on her on the one day - it's slowly been growing as she's getting older and more responsible herself.

the stickers seem to have worked last night - she picked out her book without being asked - sat quietly while daddy read and fell asleep

she also stayed in her bed (woo hoo) but had to be reminded about her night pull-up but i gave her a smaller sticker because she still did it even though she needed the reminder.

 

[disney1990]

http://www.parents.com/kids/printables/chore-charts/say-yes-to-chores/

This is from Parents Magazine. Hope it helps.

 

[C.Ann]

so does playing

Yes it does - and there's no reason not to give them every opportunity available to them..