Buying Gifts for Spoiled Kids

[summerrluvv]

Have you considered the Heifer project? You can buy a goat or something in these kids names to be given to a poor family in an undeveloped country.
www.heifer.org
I am sure you could get plenty of literature to go along with it

If they dont' appreciate the material things the OP already got them the previous year, they certainly aren't going to appreciate a piece of paper saying they are being gifted a goat for poor people. My son certainly wouldn't want that for Chrstimas and not be be mean, but that seems like it's more of a "good feeling gift" for the gift giver, not the receiver.

I would just stop buying for them altogether. $150 is way too much money anyway. We limit our gifts to $25 each for extended family and sometimes I don't even spend that since I find a lot of good deals.

 

[MinnieNurse]

I had a niece tell me one year that she did not like the gift I gave her (she was 6 at the time) I had bought the same gift for my other neice who was 9-she liked hers so the one who didnt like it just gave hers to my other neice.

That was the last year I exchanged gifts with my sisters kids. The next year I told them we were saving our money for our Disney vacation and we were not going to buy for neices and nephews and for them not to buy for our son. We have done this ever since.

We have a rule in our house. "A gift is something someone wanted to give you, not something they had to give you" so you do not complain, my son says I know mom just say Thank you and smile. I have an agreement with him that later he and I can talk about it and exchange it if its something he really does not like or already has-he is not allowed to hurt anyones feelings. He is 7 and he has understood this since he was about 3, so I think parents need to monitor this-my sister laughed when her daughter didnt like the gift-I didnt think it was so funny-I felt like I had wasted my hard earned money.

 

[crisi]

We spend $20-25 on children.

I wouldn't sweat it. I'd give a call to your sibling (if this is your husband's side make HIM do it) and say "look, your kids have a ton of stuff, I just can't give them anything they will really want. I'm donating to charity in their names."

Give to a children's charity. A lot of sports teams have charitible foundations.

If they aren't excited about the gift, at least you won't have wasted your money.

 

[lorilori]

I like the idea of the I-tune gift cards but like *only* for $20 each. At least every time they purchase and download a song they'll think of you and maybe in some small way actually be grateful. ?

 

[nbodyhome]

I agree with donating. I volunteer with Give Kids the World, and that is a wonderful place to donate as well (or you could buy a gift from there, and the profits go to the organization).

 

[clarabelle]

If they dont' appreciate the material things the OP already got them the previous year, they certainly aren't going to appreciate a piece of paper saying they are being gifted a goat for poor people. My son certainly wouldn't want that for Chrstimas and not be be mean, but that seems like it's more of a "good feeling gift" for the gift giver, not the receiver.

I would just stop buying for them altogether. $150 is way too much money anyway. We limit our gifts to $25 each for extended family and sometimes I don't even spend that since I find a lot of good deals.

I understand the kids won't appreciate it. I just thought it would be nice to give to charity. The people getting the goats WILL appreciate it. And the "ungrateful kids" might learn a little something. I don't expect it would make them happy. I think at this point there is little you could that would please the giftees.

 

[foofanella]

I grew up, well, not poor, but always behind the 8-ball financially. Holidays were a struggle for my parents. I lived in an exceptionally affluent area, so we were most definitely the "have nots". Now my DH and I do extremely well and yes, our kids are MATERIALISTICALLY spoiled...What does that mean? Well, they have a lot, but they are aware (even at 3 and 6) that many many people do not, and they are lucky. We clean out our unused toys and donate them. We go to the store every xmas to pick out gifts for children that won't be getting any - e.g. project angel.

But what are their favorite gifts? A manicure and lunch (total $20) with my sister. A trip to my SIL's office (she's the editor of a fitness magazine) and hot chocolate at Serendipity (a great ice cream parlor in NYC). Going to the circus with my parents. It's all about the time and experience to my kids, not what the "stuff" is.

Stuff to them, just isn't important, the way grabbing a burger at McDonald's probably isn't to someone who eats there on a regular basis. It's the novelty - the breaking out of the mold that really makes their eyes light up, NOT the amount spend.

Hope this helps...

 

[tinker&belle]

I know that this may be different than the popular opinion seems to be, but I wouldn't buy the goat in this particular situation. I think this is a wonderful charity, and can make a huge difference. I think for many children or young adults this would be a great gift, however, this may be like trying to jump from point A to Z without going through B,C,D etc.

I liked the idea of a stock because that might actually teach them something and if they have this much money it may inspire them to save it.

Or do both, and phrase it something like here is something for your future, and an animal that will build a future for someone around the world.

 

[korbbec]

Here is a thread on giving for a cause with several good charities. I don't know how old they are, but the Defenders of Wildlife will send you a certificate of adoption for donating $25 to save any number of animals. Penguins are very in right now. $25 you get warm fuzzies, a small plush penguin and cert of adoption with your nephews name.


http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1285707

 

[graygables]

I wholeheartedly agree with the charity gift. Ingrates do not need gifts as much as other people need to, say, EAT. "It's the thought that counts" and you would be VERY thoughtful in donating to something that could provide nutrition to children who will NEVER see an iPod, much less own 4 of them. or socks, maybe. Some for your local homeless shelter and some for them along with a note explaining the concept of gratitude:"A thankful heart is a happy heart. I'm glad for what I have it's an easy way to start"

My idiot BIL/SIL THREW AWAY brand new clothing I'd given them for their 1st child b/c it had Disney stuff on it. They live in Florida, his dad helped design the UK pavilion at Epcot, I thought it was no big deal, but BIL is anti-Disney (he's holier than the rest of us ). When I asked why they didn't at least donate it, I was told they couldn't "propogate the evil". I haven't sent a gift since. You either be grateful and appreciate my gifts, or I'll give them to someone who will.

Someone needs to give those boys a reality check.

 

[MrsPete]

I think the problem here is that you care a lot more than they do. You shouldn't feel obligated to put yourself out for kids who don't appreciate it. They aren't particularly nice to you about the gifts, they don't need or want the gifts -- it's time to quit trying to "wow" them -- you won't succeed. Instead, give them something SMALL and appropriate. A $25 iTunes gift card sounds good.

I like the idea of the goat, but it'd probably cause a family fuss, which woudln't be worth the lesson. If you do decide to "go goat", talk to their parents first. Say, "I've noticed that Frick and Frack haven't particularly liked the things I've given them in the past years, so this year I've decided to get them something really different. It's a gift that'll keep giving in another country. I'm including some literature about the program so they'll know that their gift is helping people." They'll probably be surprised, and it's better to get that shock over before the big family gathering.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

I agree with this and it sounds like it would be good for them to be humbled and learn about those less fortunate.

Donate to a charity in their names....that way it won't matter if they don't like it, it will still be going to a good cause. Get them some reading material on the topic so they can read up on who or what they are helping. It would be something unique and probably somewhat attention getting.

Our town xmas tree outside at the square is decorated in pink this year in honor of breast cancer awareness. I thought that was a neat idea (though a little different). maybe you dont want to pick breast cancer for teenage boys but there are plenty of good causes.

Just a thought...

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm the Mother of two spoiled teen boys so I'll take a stab at it.

First, buying gifts that are directed to who you think they should be or subtley aimed at correcting their character flaws of not being educationally motived and not liking to read --- is kind of bound to fall flat. I say that as a 38 year old woman who hates to cook and has been giving more kitchen gadgetry to teach me the joy of it than I can ever store in cupboards. That doesn't excuse their not thanking you properly, which should always be done.

Second, it is very true that my kids have more junk than they will ever need. As such, when relatives ask me what they will like I give the answers of consummables - McDonald's (or other places) gift cards, Best Buy Gift Cards, iTunes, cds to their favorite bands etc etc. I have one son who is athletic and loves to go to the batting cages - the place he frequents sells punch cards for $10 or so and he is THRILLED when he gets them. My other son is into photography and film for his SLR or printing credits at the developer is very helpful.

As for the charity, my kids would actually kind of get a kick out of the goat thing especially if it included some literature. It would be different and funky and they really like that. We've also had relatives give Savings Bonds etc and while it doesn't make them squeal with joy, someday it will be really appreciated.

 

[clutter]

Dang, Toby's Friend, are you my separated-from-birth twin?? Right down to the kitchen tools (which in my case get donated to charity because I have little kitchen space...)

My dd 9 has pretty much everything she could want except for a cell phone. But you know, my dd is pretty much thrilled with anything anyone gives her. She would love it if someone donated to charity on her behalf. She'd love it and would even help make suggestions. Instead my family gets mad at anything I suggest. Not at price, my suggestions are around $25, but it's either too inconvenient to buy (at Target) or too corporate, etc. There's even something wrong with any book I could propose. Grr.

And unfortunately, they never offer time to my dd. I spent tons of time with my nieces and nephews growing up. My child doesn't hardly know my sisters. She'd love to spend time with them, but they don't want to. They raised their kids and don't want to have anything to do with them until grandparenthood.

Sad. But remember, there are two sides to every coin.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

That's terrible that their mother lets them respond like that! I have 4 kids, 10, 7, 5, and 2, and none of them would act like they didn't like a gift. Of course the 2 year old would be excused if it happened , but only for about another year. I have a neice that has EVERYTHING, she is very spoiled, her parents have alot of money and she has EVERYTHING. But she would never act like she didn't appreciate something. I do feel like my gift to her on birthdays and christmas's are nothing spectacular, but she knows I care and that's it.
As for my 3 teenage nephews, we've been getting them gift cards for years, and those are always appreciated, I would go with that. For those spoiled little ones of yours, I would do $25 a piece at the most. Good Luck

 

[hsmamato2]

Wow,I'm impressed that so many would willingly post here that they spoil their own kids...I'd be embarassed to post it if I was.... I don't think spoiled people deserve much of anything. By spoiled i mean kids who aren't taught that a gift is something that someone chooses to give them,not something they are owed. You see, if we,or the kids get to start dictating what we want to be given, it's kind of like we're...hmmm...what's the word...spoiled?
And anyone who isn't trained to thank politely the giver of just about any gift gets nothing from me. I'll spend it on my own family,who'd appreciate it,or if i really want to give,I'd find a charity in their names. Who cares if the 'spoiled ones" appreciate it? here's the BIG point, the "spoiled kid" is not the center of everyones universe.
And since when did gift cards become gifts? It's the equivalent of the unpersonalized wad of cash...nice to have, but a gift should be thought out,and given as a kindness,not b/c one is forced to "buy something" for someone whos' too pampered to care anyway? Why not just have the "spoiled one" open a bank account,and have the relatives send in their deposits,it would be simpler!
Sorry, but I DON'T spoil my kids,and I don't enjoy the company of people who have been spoiled, there's a reason the word means something,think about it,'spoiled'.Just my .02........

 

[disykat]

In view of your lukewarm response last year to the expensive gifts, I'd simply stick with a book. It's for them, it's relatively inexpensive, it shows how much you care for them, and they might actually read it. There's no way to offend with a book - but the charitable donation idea might start a family war. I agree that teaching them a lesson with a Christmas gift is not a good idea. If you don't want to do a small gift, I think a better choice is no gift at all.

My kids aren't materially spoiled at all - no ipods, gameboys, etc. at our house! However, I still have a problem getting them to show appreciation for gifts. They write thank you notes, but they don't do a very good job showing appreciation at the moment. They could be thrilled silly and you wouldn't know it until later. I nudge them along the best I can, and like I said, make them write their thankyous. I have gotten the same reaction from other teens I've given gifts to. They get embarrassed and mumble a thanks and send a polite thank you note, but their moms tell me later they were thrilled. The more thrilled they are, the more toned down the reaction - they wouldn't want to lose their "cool".

Although I encourage my kids to do some charitable giving along with me, I would be very offended if my sister tried to "teach my kids a lesson" by giving in their name. If you feel like they need a lesson, tell your sister and let her do it herself. It's not your job.

If you say "no gifts this year" and decide to give the money you would have spent to charity, that is your choice and a nice way to honor your nephews. However, wrapping it up like a gift to teach the kids a lesson seems very passive aggressive to me. Not a way to make a happy Christmas.

 

[pjhootch]

Here's a different perspective. You didn't mention their ages, but since you said they like girls, I assume they are teens. You also didn't say if you are close enough to them to know what their particular quirks or specific interests might be. (what type of music or what favorite video game).

If you know them well enough, go ahead and feed the monster with a small inexpensive gift like a cd from a band they like, or a game guide for a new game they are playing. If you can't figure out what might catch their fancy... then just ask them what they might like this year.

If it was my own child I would be tempted to (and have ) give a gift like the goat, or give a lecture on the meaning of gift giving and appreciation for the thought over the object. Since it is someone else's child I would just remember that although they should be appreciative of any gift they will have to learn that one eventually. In the meantime, give them something small ($25 ish) that reflects their own interests, not what us grown up folk think they SHOULD like. Hard to do... I know. I teach also, and sometimes have trouble remembering that although I would like to give something educational it isn't going to work if the giftee isn't interested in learning a lesson from me at the moment.

Don't let their lack of appreciation or their relative wealth coax you into spending more money on them when it won't do any good.

 

[DMRick]

As gift givers, I don't think it's really up to us to push what we think the gift should be, versus what the child might like (and if their parents give them everything they need..well, that's up to the parents..perhaps they enjoy giving their kids lots of stuff).

When my nieces and nephews got bigger, I got what I thought would be helpful to them..gas cards, fast food certs, etc. The lesson learning is up to their parents. I give gifts only because I want to, never because I have to, and if the type of gift I had been given wasn't something that invoked joy (either because it wasn't what they wanted or needed), then I switched over to something that they did want. Teens like to d/l music, go out to the fast food places, or put gas in their car. To me, that's what makes it a gift..not a learning project (unless I thought they would like it), not a book based on what I think they would enjoy, and not a gift that would tick me off if they didn't show proper appreciation. But something, even if I spend less than I would of on the gift I would like them to like, that they will find useful.

Would it have been nice if they fell all over your gift and gave you tons of thanks? Of course, after all, that is good manners. But if in the end the gift will be dumped or pushed aside once you left, while they had shown good manners, your money will still be wasted. I say give them something they can use up, so you can give it again next year..if you so choose.

 

[twinklebug]

I don't understand the number of replies on this thread saying they wouldn't get the kids anything. Think about it, it's not their fault they're spoiled. It's the parents who have fostered the attitude in them. I know children who have EVERYTHING imaginable and yet still do not act like you've described simply because the parents have taught the children to be respectful and appreciative.

Because they are your nephews, and I'm sure you do care for them, I would offer something more personal than a giftcard or toy. I like the idea of donating to charity in their name, maybe it will shed a bit of light into their worlds, but maybe offer something in addition to that.

Support a whale in their name and then give them a card telling them you're taking them on a whale watch in the summer. Do the goat bit described here, but add you'll be taking them on a trip to see the 4H in action. Support the national forests & take them on a camping trip teaching them about nature... just a few thoughts, I know there are thousands more.