Buying a dog while Unemployed UPDATE: Returning dog! (ugh!)

[minkydog]

Do you think it is ok for two people who are heavy drug users and have no intention of stopping the drug use to decide to have a baby? I certainly don't.

But, if those two people then do decide to have a baby and the baby is born with special needs, I certainly don't think it's then ok for them after a few days to decide to just give up the baby.

You're kidding, right? You'd expect people who clearly can't take care of a normal kid to take care of a kid with special needs? special needs kids are not visited on parents to punish them for their sins. If the parents aren't going to clean up their lives, then I absolutely DO support them giving the child up(and as a NICU nurse, I have seen that happen a LOT.)

Here's another one. A kid wants to play football. The parents don't think he should. He decides to sign up anyway, and then decides he doesn't like it and wants to quit. Many parents aren't going to be happy about him quitting at that point, because they feel it's more important to honor the commitment he made.

How is joining a team at all like adopting a dependant animal? If you quit the team, so what? It's just a team. If you relinquish a dog, he has the opportunity to be re-adopted by a better family if the original adopters will take him to a no-kill shelter. Of course, they could always keep the dog and not care for it, not train it or be otherwise invested in it. Is that really better than giving him up so someone could love it??

One more. You have a couple of friends that want to get married, but you think they are totally wrong for each other. They get married anyway, doesn't mean you then should be ok when after a couple of months they decide they want to get divorced. If they're going to actually go through with the commitment, then they should actually work at the marriage when it gets tough.

You know they are totally wrong for each other, they go through with the big wedding and a couple months later they come to their senses and realize this was a huge mistake. Why on earth should they stay together? If it's wrong, it's wrong. Cut bait & run. I could see if the couple had a more than a couple months under their belts then they'd probably be better off to try some marriage counselling.

I don't think any of these examples illustrates the importance of commitment to an animal.

I guess that I understand the family choosing not to have cat surgery again. $3000 would put a strain on most people's budgets, and they did already do it once. Crappy pet owners would NEVER have put that kind of cash into a feline to begin with.

I agree. If I had already put thousands on a pet and was faced with more thousands, I'd have to really consider it. Most people don't have that much expendable savings. If you can't afford the surgery, then you can't afford it. Letting the animal suffer and die is not an option. I *would* work with the vet to come up with a payment plan, IF my budget allowed. But if it didn't? If nobody else wanted to pony up I guess I'd have to put the cat down.

... getting a dog is a long-term Commitment. I thought they'd stick things out with the dog and train it, because of course it's going to be excited in new surroundings. After 24 hours they said "Nope, it's too wild." And decided to return it. Commitment broken. No effort made to work with the dog and it's behavior.

Have they learned the lesson that they should educate themselves on dog ownership (costs, commitment, personality/energy levels of different breeds)? I don't think so... because they are already back at shelters looking for a different dog, one that comes "civilized."

Now this is disappointing. They haven't learned a thing. <sigh> Some people just don't get it.

 

[Dancemom03]

I don't think this is true at all. Someone's parents can be quite 'classy' (since we're using that term, I'll stick with it), while they have none. Or vice versa. I don't think it is a reflection on either party, unless one caused the other to be the way they are. But the OP's husband in no way caused his parents to effectively live beyond their means, he obviously doesn't do that himself and doesn't approve of it, so how is it a reflection on him?

I will agree with you that statements about someone's parents can hurt, and to tread lightly there, but she did say he agrees with her for the most part, so it's likely not causing much of an issue between them.

My former DIL thought my DS was agreeing with her when she criticized his family & friends. In reality he went along b/c he loved her. After awhile her criticism, even though veiled & subtle, ate away at his self esteem, their compatibility, and his happiness.

Maybe I'm misiinterpreting it - based on the OP's posts it sounds as though...

A) they are young and likely haven't been married more than 5 yrs or so
B) They live a distance away from his parents and communicate by phone/email mostly
C) DH's teacher father has taken this summer off like many teachers do every summer. After working for years, he's lost his position and will need to secure a new job but intends to start that after his last paycheck from the current job ends and his unemployment benefits begin and he would traditionally have been going back to work.
D) Parents have the audacity to travel with younger kids while on summer break and were even nervier to stop for a few days in transit to stay with son even though DIL feels they should be home looking for work
E) They went to a fair and let DS pay. I'm sure they paid for many fairs for DS and even his friends over the years. They may have paid for college, a car, car insurance, ect too. I think it's nice that DS bought their tickets. I think the joking may well have been a result of DFIL realizing that for once he didn't have to pay.
F) They live paycheck to paycheck. Again, unless you've seen ALL their finances you can't know this. Lots of people may sound like they have no money but they assets that are shared. Obviously, based on what OP posted parents had enough flexible income to pay a $3000 vet bill for a cat and an adotpion fee which typically ranges between $100-$200 for the puppy they wanted. Even if they don't, the world is full of people who live paycheck to paycheck for one reason or another. Does that make them all "low class"?
G) It sounds as though OP and her DH may be living comfortably. If so, Is it b/c he has college behind him? If so, did DH's parents help with that cost? Maybe that's part of the reason they live "paycheck to paycheck" in your eyes now?

OP, I really wish you well. Vent all you want here but please consider that even if seems as though DH agrees with you when you speak - his family will always be his family but, sadly in today's world, You may not always be his wife. Marriages work when the couple works together but not neccessarily when it's you two against the world. Even though they don't seem to be your kind of people, DH's parents could be a support system for you as a couple in years to come - or they could be a home he can move back to when it doesn't work out. I'd prefer the first option if it were me...

 

[C.Ann]

My former DIL thought my DS was agreeing with her when she criticized his family & friends. In reality he went along b/c he loved her. After awhile her criticism, even though veiled & subtle, ate away at his self esteem, their compatibility, and his happiness.

Maybe I'm misiinterpreting it - based on the OP's posts it sounds as though...

A) they are young and likely haven't been married more than 5 yrs or so
B) They live a distance away from his parents and communicate by phone/email mostly
C) DH's teacher father has taken this summer off like many teachers do every summer. After working for years, he's lost his position and will need to secure a new job but intends to start that after his last paycheck from the current job ends and his unemployment benefits begin and he would traditionally have been going back to work.
D) Parents have the audacity to travel with younger kids while on summer break and were even nervier to stop for a few days in transit to stay with son even though DIL feels they should be home looking for work
E) They went to a fair and let DS pay. I'm sure they paid for many fairs for DS and even his friends over the years. They may have paid for college, a car, car insurance, ect too. I think it's nice that DS bought their tickets. I think the joking may well have been a result of DFIL realizing that for once he didn't have to pay.
F) They live paycheck to paycheck. Again, unless you've seen ALL their finances you can't know this. Lots of people may sound like they have no money but they assets that are shared. Obviously, based on what OP posted parents had enough flexible income to pay a $3000 vet bill for a cat and an adotpion fee which typically ranges between $100-$200 for the puppy they wanted. Even if they don't, the world is full of people who live paycheck to paycheck for one reason or another. Does that make them all "low class"?
G) It sounds as though OP and her DH may be living comfortably. If so, Is it b/c he has college behind him? If so, did DH's parents help with that cost? Maybe that's part of the reason they live "paycheck to paycheck" in your eyes now?

OP, I really wish you well. Vent all you want here but please consider that even if seems as though DH agrees with you when you speak - his family will always be his family but, sadly in today's world, You may not always be his wife. Marriages work when the couple works together but not neccessarily when it's you two against the world. Even though they don't seem to be your kind of people, DH's parents could be a support system for you as a couple in years to come - or they could be a home he can move back to when it doesn't work out. I'd prefer the first option if it were me...

Interesting points.. Ones that I often wonder about when people here complain about their IL's or their own parents.. How much do they really know - and how much is based on "assumption"?

I have a close friend who would appear to be living paycheck to paycheck - when in reality, he's the "millionaire next-door"(seriously).. I joke with him about it all the time - especially when he's sitting around the campfires in his raggy pants and raggy tee shirt and complaining that he can't watch t.v. up here because he won't spring for cable OR a convertor box so he could at least get ONE channel.. LOL.. And guess what? His adult children and their spouses don't have a clue about what his "real" financial status is - a choice that he and his late wife made many, many years ago.. They had good reasons to take that route (which I won't get into here), but it's a perfect example of "you never know"..

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I dunno,

I think calling the people that raised your husband "lower class"

is low class

(Oh, the irony)