Bully on the bus question

[phorsenuf]

I would contact the transportation dept. A couple of years ago a girl was having a problem at the bus stop and they sent somebody to park on the street to watch for a couple of days.
I found this out because I called about somebody watching the kids at the bus stop and was informed about it. (I thought it might have been a "bad" person! LOL)
Maybe they could put somebody on the bus for a couple of day under the guise of a trainee and they could observe. Might not hurt to ask.

 

[ReggieB]

I tried very hard not to be noticed my first few year at secondary school (I was 11, this was in UK) Naturally I didn't blend into the scenery as much as I would have liked, and did get a couple of different people pick on me for no apparent reason (I must have had a huge kick me sign or something!) The worst was a boy that lived in our village. I told my Dad about it, who approached one his Dad, but that did nothing to stop it. As I was walking to the library one day he started on at me..and I am afraid I just snapped. The boy was a couple of years older than me, and I was a bit of a short skinny little girl (actually I still am...oh except for the skinny bit!)...but I had him up against a wall by the shirt collar telling him that he was unlikely to make the year out if he said a word to me again. No one picked on me after that. I feel terrible thinking about it, but it was such an awful time of my life because of home difficulties and I think that was just one more thing I couldn't deal with.

I think if my son ever has problems with bully's I would probably go with the withering sarcasm retort, along the lines of "well I am so sorry your life is not working out for you right now, but can it" I am always trying to drum it into my DS5, who has just started school, that if someone is being mean just get up and walk away, or if you can't do that tell them that "You are being hurtful, and mean people don't have friends, which is a pity as I had hoped we could be friends" Don't think he's got that memorized quite yet!!!

 

[disykat]

Tell the school. Bullying is taken very seriously now days and they WILL deal with it. Not only does your daughter need help, but even more clearly - K does too. I agree that she is very jealous of your family and is dealing with self esteem issues. Since her mom is in denial, she may not get much help from her family.

 

[taylor1293]

I have zero tolerance for those that bully.

Obviously ignoring this little brat isn’t working. As the parent it is your responsibility to put a stop to it. I can only imagine how your DD feels day after day with this girl bullying her.

You should contact the school and whoever provides bus transportation immediately. Make it known that this behavior will not be tolerated.

Good luck.

Teresa

 

[Tjaleks]

1) I would video camera K's behavior in and around your home.
2) I would contact the bus company and inform them rather sternly that there is a problem and it is their responsiblity to get it under control. All the while dropping hints about the action you will be taking if this is not solved appropriately, see #4 (I know around here if a child gets suspended from the bus for a period of time it then becomes the parents responsiblity to get that child to and from school.Maybe if that happens to K then her parents will then be inconvenienced enough to start caring. Sad but true sometimes that is what it takes to make other parents to take action.)
3) I would contact the school ASAP. Tell them as well you are having difficulties with K and tell them in very clear terms that it will not be tolerated. They are suppose to protect your child while she is in their care.
4) Figure out exactly what you intend to do if they do not solve the problem and follow through on what ever you decide to do. Your dd should NOT under any circumstances have to endure this girl for another day.

I would have lost it a long, long time ago and this would have been settle way before now. I know that we as parents can't protect them from all hardships that are going to come along, (believe me we just went through one last night), however school is suppose to be a safe enviro for your dd to be able to learn and develop into the beautiful human being you are raising her to be. It should not be a place she dreads going to on a daily basis. I also have taught my DS's that it is not an acceptable solution to use your hands, but rather your words to solve a problem. However, as you have proven words are K's weapons of choice and it needs to stop now, before more damage is done.

Sorry this is so long, but bullies absolutely infuriate me. Please make the right choice for you and your family, but do stop this ASAP.

 

[SleepyMom]

Thank you all so much for your replies... I truly was at a loss as to what I should do. The phone rang this afternoon and it was DD saying she had missed the bus and needed a ride home. My heart just sank and I went to get her, thinking she missed it on purpose. Thankfully that was not the case, she had to bring home a book from a classroom and couldn't find it, so she had to borrow someone else's and by that time the bus was gone.

We had a long talk this afternoon. We talked about different ways we can handle this (contacting the school, talking to the bus people, her standing up to K and telling her off, ignoring her, etc...) DD said she wants to talk to our other neighbor who happens to be a Principal, her and DD get along so well and she wants to see what she recommends. I'll update tomorrow....

Thanks again.

 

[mum4jenn]

BUT...if I read this right...isn't MOST of the things happening OFF the bus???? I know you said there have been a few things on the bus or getting off the bus but if MOST of the things going on are in the neighborhood I don't see what the school can do about it unless it is happening AT school and ON the bus. The school or driver can't help what happens away from the school or the bus. Forgive me if I am reading this wrong but so many have said go to the school/bus company/supervisor I went back and re-read the OP. I understood it to be that this child is doing these things on your property mainly or near your property and is getting othere children to call your dd out of the house as a trick. If this is the case doing a video and/or ignoring may be your only hope. If you video her on your property saying things you might be able to get thepolice involved and maybe a restraining order.

 

[Tjaleks]

I can tell you in IL your child is still in the "care" of the school until he/she crosses the threshold of home or daycare. If this child is still doing this on the bus or before she gets home then it very well could be the school's responsiblity to step up and take action. Also, if a child gets suspended off the bus it then becomes the parents responsiblity to get him/her to school. Unfortunate, but true when the parent becomes inconvenienced is often times that is when they decide to step in and take control of their child when they have refused to do so previously.

 

[Cindyluwho]

I'm amazed that so many folks are saying to just ignore the situation. If the child was physically abusing your child would you ignore it and wait for it to stop? Heck no!! So why is it OK for a child to verbally abuse your child? Honestly, report it to the school ASAP, take some action and get the situation cleared up.

 

[SleepyMom]

No, what is happening now is on the bus. The stuff she did with asking DD out to play and such happened almost 2 years ago and then basically stopped since they were in different schools last year and didn't associate with the same kids after school. Now that they both are at the same school again and have to ride the bus together it has started again. It seems to only be happening on the bus, but I am afraid if it goes unchecked that it will happen in the hallways at school as well.

I also have zero tolerance for bullies, I think deep down they are nothing but cowards. I am afraid this brings out the mother-bear in me and I want to protect my baby, but I know sometimes they need to step up and speak for themselves... it's that balancing in between that is so hard to figure out.

As soon as DD finishes her homework we are going to go talk to our other neighbor and see what she says. I know what that will be, since she is a Principal herself I am sure she will tell us to contact the school. My DH is just so concerned though that this will make it harder for DD and give K even more to harrass DD about.

I told him at supper tonight that not saying anything is worse because that is how bullies get away with what they do. He just wants to keep her from all this, so I can understand where he is coming from.

 

[mum4jenn]

SleepyMom: Ok...I got ya now!! Yes if it is happening on the bus you really must go to the principal and see what happens from that. I'm sorry I guess I read it too fast when I thought it was all going on at home ground.


To the other poster that said everyone said to ignore it: That is NOT what we were saying at ALL!!! We were(at least I was) saying to ignore THE CHILD not the problem!!!! To pretend she does not exist...she is not seen.... she is not heard.....SHE is ignored and then she will become bored by not getting a reaction. I would never say ignore the bully situation....but ignore the bully.


SleepyMom.....PLEASE let us know what happens with this. I am pretty sure the neighbor Principal will tell you to have the school notified but let us know.We do care and I hope you don't think anyone was telling you to ignore the situation but only the bully.

 

[SleepyMom]

Thank you again everyone for your replies. As expected our neighbor (the Principal) said to contact the school right away and get this taken care of. She explained the steps of how it will be taken care of, how many strikes before the girl would no longer be allowed on the bus and etc...

I know this needs to be done, but my DH is still resisting. Don't get me wrong, he only wants the best for DD, but is afraid that she will be labeled a tattletale or worse and then the girl and her friends will go after her even more.

I think I am going to approach it this way tomorrow morning... call the school and let them know the bus number and that there is a problem with older kids hassling the younger kids and not give DD's name if I don't have to at this point. If after a week or so nothing has changed then I will give them K's name and what is going on.

Does that sound like a good plan? I am just so torn between wanting to protect DD and yet not make things worse at the same time.

I did tell DD tonight and will talk to her again tomorrow before she leaves, that it is OK to stand up to this girl if she wants to. We kind of went over a few things that DD could say back to her if it happens again tomorrow. Nothing sarcastic or mean spirited, just an honest statement telling K to back off.

Again, thanks for all the replies and no, I never felt anyone was suggesting I ignore the situation.

 

[aprilgail2]

BUT...if I read this right...isn't MOST of the things happening OFF the bus???? I know you said there have been a few things on the bus or getting off the bus but if MOST of the things going on are in the neighborhood I don't see what the school can do about it unless it is happening AT school and ON the bus. The school or driver can't help what happens away from the school or the bus. Forgive me if I am reading this wrong but so many have said go to the school/bus company/supervisor I went back and re-read the OP. I.

Last year we had 2 kids at my daughters bus stop who had a fight while waiting for hte bus...they were both turned inand suspended from school even though it happened while just waiting at the bus stop.
I wouldn't put up with my daughter begin harrassed...my first instint would be tell her to beat the crap out of the kid..but then hopefully my cooler head would come and say lets talk totthe principal and then the police!
I have had my daughter enrolled in karate since she was under 3 years old, hopefully by now she could pretect herself even if someone got physical with her...its the mental torture that kids do that is the worst!

 

[shortbun]

This child, K, is a bully. It's that simple. She needs to be stopped. Report her, do it using her name AND her friends who are participating. Make sure the bus driver knows what it going on, don't sell her short and ask that she take control of her bus. Ask the principal to take a stand against bullying all over the school as well as stepping on each bus and laying out the standards of behavior as well as the consequences. There are programs against bullying the school can participate in. They may already have it. Children need to be educated about what exactly bullying is. Ignoring the bully does NOT make it go away, that is an old wives tale. I drive a school bus and my son's school has an anti bullying program in place. Your goal can be accomplished if every adult does their job. Good luck. Can you pickup your daughter for a couple of days? It might take the focus off her. just a thought. sometimes bullys move on.

 

[taylor1293]

I know this needs to be done, but my DH is still resisting. Don't get me wrong, he only wants the best for DD, but is afraid that she will be labeled a tattletale or worse and then the girl and her friends will go after her even more.

I think I am going to approach it this way tomorrow morning... call the school and let them know the bus number and that there is a problem with older kids hassling the younger kids and not give DD's name if I don't have to at this point. If after a week or so nothing has changed then I will give them K's name and what is going on.

Does that sound like a good plan? I am just so torn between wanting to protect DD and yet not make things worse at the same time.

Your DH is more worried about your dd being labeled a tattletale? So he'd prefer she be labeled all the things they are calling her now? He prefers she be tormented and feel alone than being labeled a tattletale. I just do not understand this line of thinking.

And no, your plan does not sound good. They can not do anything on a general complaint. You need it on record that this child (and any other children who are participating) are behaving this way. Your DD NEEDS you, stand up for her.

I'm sorry but I just don't understand what your hesitation is. You've taken the right steps. First by trying to ignore it. Then by speaking to this girl's parents. It has not worked. You need to take the next step.

If it were my DD, who is also in 6th grade. I would have been out for blood already. I realize that kids are going to do some level of teasing. But when it crosses the line to bullying the parent of the child suffering needs to make it known to all those involved that it will not be tolerated.

Please stand up for your DD and report this child.

I also encourage you to read the book, Please Stop Laughing at Me, by Jodee Blanco.

Good luck.

Teresa

 

[golfgal]

Everyone tries to be so "nice" to bullies, ignoring them, not doing anything back, etc. Well, if everyone lets them get away with their behavior, what is going to stop them? Sometimes the only answer is to fight back, either with words or sometimes a good punch in the face will do wonders. I am not big on fighting, but how much can you expect a kid to take? Bullies will never change unless someone does something to MAKE them change. Mom obviously won't do anything about the situation so someone else should.

My SIL, who is a middle school principal, told our DS when he was getting picked on to tell the kid "I may be short now, but I will grow, you, on the other hand are ALWAYS going to be ugly and stupid". Stupid isn't a word we generally tolerate at our house, but you know what, it worked. DS said it in front of a bunch of other kids, who also had been picked on by this kid, and the kid stopped picking on DS. DS was kind of like a hero to some of these other kids.

 

[Maleficent13]

I'm sorry but I just don't understand what your hesitation is.

I do undestand her hesitation. Her DH is worried that by "telling" on the bully, the bully will then redouble her efforts to make DD miserable. Plus, if other kids who are not currently teasing her DD get wind of the fact that DD is a tattletale, then they may start teasing her too. There is a real potential for this to escalate by the tattling, especially if the parents of the bully refuse to take responsibility for her actions. I can see where it might get worse.

If these were elementary school kids, I would have advised going to the school right away. But they're not; for all intents and purposes, they are adolescents. There has to be some responsibility on the part of the DD to stop this.

I'm just trying to help some people see why going to the school might not be an automatic response for kids this age. I can certainly see the point of the DH in the situation.

 

[taylor1293]

I do undestand her hesitation. Her DH is worried that by "telling" on the bully, the bully will then redouble her efforts to make DD miserable. Plus, if other kids who are not currently teasing her DD get wind of the fact that DD is a tattletale, then they may start teasing her too. There is a real potential for this to escalate by the tattling, especially if the parents of the bully refuse to take responsibility for her actions. I can see where it might get worse.

Her DD has taken some responsiblity by ignoring the bully. It has not worked. What do you suggest she do?

I do understand what you are saying and agree that there is potential for the situation to escalate. But if nothing is done, it is guaranteed to escalate since ignoring this child has not produced the desired result.

If she is labeled as a tattletale and tormented for it, then the child (or children) should be reported and punished by the school. If it still continues, the mom should go to the police and file a harassment report.

Teresa

 

[dadtoagirl]

Tell her left jab, left jab, right hook!! No more bullying!

 

[Maleficent13]

Her DD has taken some responsiblity by ignoring the bully. It has not worked. What do you suggest she do?

I do understand what you are saying and agree that there is potential for the situation to escalate. But if nothing is done, it is guaranteed to escalate since ignoring this child has not produced the desired result.

If she is labeled as a tattletale and tormented for it, then the child (or children) should be reported and punished by the school. If it still continues, the mom should go to the police and file a harassment report.

Teresa

What do I suggest she do? I suggest she stand up to the bully and tell her to shut the heck up. I believe I said that on the first page. I also stated that I knew that was a tall order for a middle schooler. But sometimes life is tough. Standing up to the girl is a win/win situation. The bully will more than likely back down, and the DD will win the respect of her peers for standing up for herself.

By having Mom "tell" on the bully, she's potentially making this follow her around the rest of her school career. Sure, the school may make sure the kids don't say anything to DD, but they sure as heck will think it, and it has the potential to make things very hard for the DD down the road. I'd hate to see her sitting alone, labeled as a whiny tattletale (something that no parent can do anything about).

I was just throwing my $0.02 in along with everyone else's.