Bully at School?

[ceemys]

After my daughter was harrased because of her race multiple times, and the teacher wasn't able to stop it. I did not make an appointment, I did not call ahead, I took the morning off of work and I walked right into the school office and demanded to see the principal. She was a little put off but I didn't care. She said "well, I'm not going to tell you what we are going to do to make it stop." My response..."I don't care what you do, I just want it to stop. And if it doesn't stop, my next stop is at the superintendents office". It was a 5 minute talk, we never made it to her office and she was mad that I walked in without an appointment. I don't care. My daughter was never harassed again. It sounds like nothing is getting done for your daughter. Take the time and make an appearance at the front office. I did call ahead to make sure that the principal was actually in the office though so I didn't waste my time.

 

[HonestAbe]

I'm hoping for a non violence approach to our situation. My DD actually has been doing martial arts since she could walk (biodad and grandfather are considered masters in their field) so she's equipped with the knowledge to defend herself. But she is also aware of the consequences that surround fighting at school and at home.

Time to quit hoping. You can hope to win the lottery. You can hope to have nice weather for your vacation. Watching your daughter on the wrong end of getting physically hurt is when you stop hoping and take action.

There should be NO consequences at home for defending herself. If you tell her there are then YOU are sending the wrong message. She has the skills to defend herself and it's time you tell your daughter the next time that bully lays a finger on her, she needs to lay the bully out.

 

[kasedroz]

I just received a call from the school they've decided to move my daughter back to her original room away from the other girl.

My guess is the school board called and ordered them apart. And although the teacher was instructed to keep them apart. My daughter and her friend said at lunch she kept trying to sit her. Even after my DD moved several times. So they weren't doing a very good job keeping them apart.

 

[audrey2580]

I just received a call from the school they've decided to move my daughter back to her original room away from the other girl.

My guess is the school board called and ordered them apart. And although the teacher was instructed to keep them apart. My daughter and her friend said at lunch she kept trying to sit her. Even after my DD moved several times. So they weren't doing a very good job keeping them apart.

I'm glad they are doing that, but I would still insist on a meeting with the principal and teachers. Good luck, I know its tough but you are doing right by your DD!!

 

[kasedroz]

I'm glad they are doing that, but I would still insist on a meeting with the principal and teachers. Good luck, I know its tough but you are doing right by your DD!!

I met with him this morning, along with the teacher and guidance counseler.

He has assured me he will be keeping a close eye on the other girl and will send her to the counselors office to see if the can get to the root of her problems. So she can heal and stop bullying.

 

[Jaya]

Someone told me that the term school districts fear the most is "hostile environment". I suggest you use that term, as in "my daughter is afraid of coming to school because of the hostile environment created by this other child." It wouldn't hurt to also drop the word "attorney" somewhere in the conversation. When it comes to my child's well-being, I have never been shy about using whatever assets I can find......

 

[Wishing on a star]

When DS was that age, in school, there was an open lunch policy....
The cafeteria was the first thing inside the school doors, and parents could come have lunch with their little kids. Before all the more recent security issues, they didn't even have to go up to the office (just past the cafeteria) and check in.

Okay, having mentioned that....
Do they not have an isolation table for kids who can not behave with others in the cafeteria. Personally, I would be 'having lunch with my child'... like today, and while there, I would be informing the principal that harassing my child, messing with her food, etc. had been a huge part of the bullying, and that the lunchroom would be another place where my child WOULD be separated from this girl.

My kid is older now... but I have seen similar circumstances. My son had to become assertive enough to tell the other kid to get lost!

To those who are saying 'tell her to fight'....
I am ALL FOR defending one's self.
But, from personal experience. Not all kids are equipped to do this, or to even know how to handle that kind of advice. Karate or not!!!! And, to tell an ill-equipped kid anything that would encourage them to get into a situation that could be harmful in several different ways... NOT the way to go.

OP, If your child is not able to be assertive enough, then, for now, I would not be encouraging her to do anything physical.

BUT, hell would freeze over before I let my child think that there would be negative consequences at home for defending themselves. I would never tell ANY child that it is not okay to take action if anyone else physically touches them in a negative way. Think about that....

The thought that there could ever be an incident where somebody was touching my daughter in an inappropriate way, and she was 'afraid' to fight back, or even come forward.... and any single comment or approach from me could contribute to that....

 

[old lady]

They suggest talking and confront the bully, but in my days, we were taught to hit the bully hard enough, he or she would stop bullying. My grandfather used to tell me bullies are cowards, but nowadays, children can't do that. The system rewards bullies.

 

[IUTBAM]

I am shocked at how some school districts apparently handle bullying. We've only had one issue, and it lasted less than 24 hours. One evening, my HS aged (at the time) DD received a comment on an innocuous Star Wars themed picture she had posted on her FB page that was vulgar, and threatening (from a boy she didn't know that well, and who obviously was either high or drunk when he posted it). We didn't mess around. My husband marched into school the next morning with a print out of the FB post, and very stern words to the dean and principal to keep that boy away from our daughter. They took it VERY seriously. He was suspended from school, and being that it was his senior year, I'm sure it took a toll on his college applications and scholarships...as it should.

You don't mess around when it comes to someone hurting your child. There might be a first time, and there might even be a second time if the school didn't follow through. But there would NOT be a third time...there would be lawyers, and police involved, no matter WHAT the age. This type of behavior needs to be dealt with in a VERY firm manner, and lines need to be drawn swiftly in situations like this. Three years you put up with this? No way in you-know-what.

 

[kasedroz]

Just to be clear my DD wouldn't be in trouble for defending herself. But instigating a fight is different and children often have problems distinguishing the two.

I would handle the problem as it happens to distinguish if it was self defense or something else. But she is fully aware of the zero tolerance at school.

 

[ashley0139]

I am shocked at how some school districts apparently handle bullying. We've only had one issue, and it lasted less than 24 hours. One evening, my HS aged (at the time) DD received a comment on an innocuous Star Wars themed picture she had posted on her FB page that was vulgar, and threatening (from a boy she didn't know that well, and who obviously was either high or drunk when he posted it). We didn't mess around. My husband marched into school the next morning with a print out of the FB post, and very stern words to the dean and principal to keep that boy away from our daughter. They took it VERY seriously. He was suspended from school, and being that it was his senior year, I'm sure it took a toll on his college applications and scholarships...as it should.

You don't mess around when it comes to someone hurting your child. There might be a first time, and there might even be a second time if the school didn't follow through. But there would NOT be a third time...there would be lawyers, and police involved, no matter WHAT the age. This type of behavior needs to be dealt with in a VERY firm manner, and lines need to be drawn swiftly in situations like this. Three years you put up with this? No way in you-know-what.

I don't understand why you would go to the school with this instead of the parents. Facebook is not an extension of school, and it 100% optional. Your child is not required by the school to have a Facebook. Why would the school be involved at all? And why would they suspend him for something that happened outside of school? Going to the parents? Absolutely. The school? I don't get it.

 

[dminnie]

I'm glad to hear they have corrected the room assignment issue. I would really work on it with your daughter for the future so she knows how to handle this kind of situation. You mentioned that she has trouble telling and she possibly didn't even say anything when blood was drawn. She needs to learn the skills to speak up for herself so things like this don't go on for so long. She will still encounter this child (and other bullies at school and later, in the workplace) on the playground and other places around the school. She needs the skills to deal with it.

I would meet with her teacher and principal to discuss how to go forward for her and what they do to teach all the kids how to deal with conflict.

 

[donalduck]

take your child out of school then they will do something because they won't want to lose there money that they get for every child.

My oldest daughter started school back on August 6th. The 3rd grade classes were so full at about 30 our more students in a room. So they had to hire an extra teacher and my daughter was moved to the new class. Which isn't an issue, the issue is still is in there with a girl who has bullied her since kindergarten.

The young girl started name calling in kindergarten and every year it escalates. She's taking her lunch food, she's linked her food, thrown it down on the ground. She has taken her personal objects and squeezed out all her hand sanitizer from the clip on her backpack. She even scratched her down her chest to where it bled.

This is all over the course of the three school years. From kindergarten to second grade, she's tormented my DD. I've talked to the teachers and nothing seems to have changed. Until this year when they were finally separated but now they're forced back together. My DD was absolutely terrified to go to school today, scared she's going to do something or steal from her.

As soon as I heard the news I called the principal who just advised me to email the new teacher and tell her my concerns. I did but her email wasn't working then. And that just want good enough for me so I also emailed the guidance counseler about it. And I also went to the school today. They refused to move them believing the teacher can handle it.

This still isn't good enough it's been going on for three years and nothing has stopped it. The principal had no idea anything had gone one. I don't know how her previous teachers hasn't also informed him. Sadly my DD isn't the only child who's had issues with her bullying their kids. At least three other parents I talked to have had issues.

And I guarantee that this bully will figure out Amanda told on her and it will make things worse. I tried calling the school board and have yet to receive a call back. I have also emailed her, in hopes she will get back to me asap. My DD doesn't feel safe, I feel the school has failed her and I've let her down by not protecting her in this situation.

What else can I do? I just feel so helpless.

 

[donalduck]

Or just rip the girls nails off of her fingers that would work also

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to teach your child to defend herself. Teachers can't see everything all the time and you should have been to address the principal the previous times. bully girl tries to scratch again, your dd needs to yell for help or teacher isn't around, smack the living crap out of the girl. The bully does it because she knows your dd won't do anything. Yes, your dd would also get in trouble, but I would gladly stand by my child if the school couldn't or wouldn't do anything to protect.

 

[MrsDuck]

Very glad to hear that it worked out and you made some progress!

 

[Jedana]

Time to quit hoping. You can hope to win the lottery. You can hope to have nice weather for your vacation. Watching your daughter on the wrong end of getting physically hurt is when you stop hoping and take action.

There should be NO consequences at home for defending herself. If you tell her there are then YOU are sending the wrong message. She has the skills to defend herself and it's time you tell your daughter the next time that bully lays a finger on her, she needs to lay the bully out.

This.


I've told the story before on here, about how DS and other little kids were picked on by an older kid on the way home from school. School says "not their problem, it's off school grounds"; cops say "school problem, since it's on the way to/from school". DS took the kid off his bike. School called, I told them it happened off of school grounds, so not their problem. Cops came, I told them it was a school problem, on the way home from school.

No more problems with that kid bullying DS and DS did not get punished.

Girls are worse. Boys will beat each other up and that seems to end it. Girls will drag this on for years. Raised 2 girls, both were bullied at one point or another. DD1 kicked butt, the bullying stopped. DD2 would not defend herself, the bullying went on (no matter what we do as adults, kids will find a way to pick on the weaker kids).

 

[CPT Tripss]

Anything with bullies is tough. I would say keep on top of it...keep requesting to have her moved.

Good luck and I hope your daughter is okay.

Don't "request," DEMAND!

 

[IUTBAM]

I don't understand why you would go to the school with this instead of the parents. Facebook is not an extension of school, and it 100% optional. Your child is not required by the school to have a Facebook. Why would the school be involved at all? And why would they suspend him for something that happened outside of school? Going to the parents? Absolutely. The school? I don't get it.

Parents? So they can act like their delinquent child is innocent? No way. She only sees this boy at school, and if I recall correctly (this was several years ago) the threat was if he saw her in the halls at school, hence we went to the school, and I applaud the school for taking swift, decisive measure. I bet he doesn't pull that garbage with anyone else.

 

[IUTBAM]

don't "request," demand!

+1

 

[rwdavis2]

Glad it worked out. Just remember the school system in any way does not care about your child as an individual. you have ample proof of this. They DO care about protecting themselves either from a lawsuit or bad publicity. That was our experience at our daughter's school. The teachers, admins, nor counselers could have cared less. The schools systems are run for the benefit of the employees first, an education is just a side effect.