Bully at School?

[kasedroz]

My oldest daughter started school back on August 6th. The 3rd grade classes were so full at about 30 our more students in a room. So they had to hire an extra teacher and my daughter was moved to the new class. Which isn't an issue, the issue is still is in there with a girl who has bullied her since kindergarten.

The young girl started name calling in kindergarten and every year it escalates. She's taking her lunch food, she's linked her food, thrown it down on the ground. She has taken her personal objects and squeezed out all her hand sanitizer from the clip on her backpack. She even scratched her down her chest to where it bled.

This is all over the course of the three school years. From kindergarten to second grade, she's tormented my DD. I've talked to the teachers and nothing seems to have changed. Until this year when they were finally separated but now they're forced back together. My DD was absolutely terrified to go to school today, scared she's going to do something or steal from her.

As soon as I heard the news I called the principal who just advised me to email the new teacher and tell her my concerns. I did but her email wasn't working then. And that just want good enough for me so I also emailed the guidance counseler about it. And I also went to the school today. They refused to move them believing the teacher can handle it.

This still isn't good enough it's been going on for three years and nothing has stopped it. The principal had no idea anything had gone one. I don't know how her previous teachers hasn't also informed him. Sadly my DD isn't the only child who's had issues with her bullying their kids. At least three other parents I talked to have had issues.

And I guarantee that this bully will figure out Amanda told on her and it will make things worse. I tried calling the school board and have yet to receive a call back. I have also emailed her, in hopes she will get back to me asap. My DD doesn't feel safe, I feel the school has failed her and I've let her down by not protecting her in this situation.

What else can I do? I just feel so helpless.

 

[Pigeon]

Does the school have a bullying policy? Get a copy of it.

I would demand a meeting with the teacher, the principal and the guidance counselor. It sounds like there's no reason this kid needs to be in the same class as your daughter.

I'd write out the history of the bullying activity. If the principal gives no satisfaction at the meeting, I'd take it to the superintendent.

 

[sam_gordon]

My oldest daughter started school back on August 6th. The 3rd grade classes were so full at about 30 our more students in a room. So they had to hire an extra teacher and my daughter was moved to the new class. Which isn't an issue, the issue is still is in there with a girl who has bullied her since kindergarten.

The young girl started name calling in kindergarten and every year it escalates. She's taking her lunch food, she's linked her food, thrown it down on the ground. She has taken her personal objects and squeezed out all her hand sanitizer from the clip on her backpack. She even scratched her down her chest to where it bled.

This is all over the course of the three school years. From kindergarten to second grade, she's tormented my DD. I've talked to the teachers and nothing seems to have changed. Until this year when they were finally separated but now they're forced back together. My DD was absolutely terrified to go to school today, scared she's going to do something or steal from her.

As soon as I heard the news I called the principal who just advised me to email the new teacher and tell her my concerns. I did but her email wasn't working then. And that just want good enough for me so I also emailed the guidance counseler about it. And I also went to the school today. They refused to move them believing the teacher can handle it.

This still isn't good enough it's been going on for three years and nothing has stopped it. The principal had no idea anything had gone one. I don't know how her previous teachers hasn't also informed him. Sadly my DD isn't the only child who's had issues with her bullying their kids. At least three other parents I talked to have had issues.

And I guarantee that this bully will figure out Amanda told on her and it will make things worse. I tried calling the school board and have yet to receive a call back. I have also emailed her, in hopes she will get back to me asap. My DD doesn't feel safe, I feel the school has failed her and I've let her down by not protecting her in this situation.

What else can I do? I just feel so helpless.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

First, do you have any documentation (emails, call logs, anything) to show where you've at least tried to discuss with teachers or administrators?

Second, I would be at the school at this point insisting on a meeting with the principal and the teacher(s) (maybe also the guidance counselor). If they try to say you need to make an appointment, tell them you tried to, but no one is returning your calls/emails.

Lay everything out (this is where documentation would be handy). And ask what is going to be done to fix the problem, and when it is going to be done by. Take your own notes. Let them sign your notes (or if they have someone taking notes, that's fine... you just want in writing what was discussed). I would then give them a day or so to implement the changes.

If problems still happen, I'm back in the principals office and they have one day to correct the problem. After that, I'm at the school board (now I have documentation) asking what's being done.

If I still have no resolution (and keep in mind, this is only a week or so after the first meeting), then I'm looking at other options (private school, home schooling, whatever).

 

[wiigirl]

Anything with bullies is tough. I would say keep on top of it...keep requesting to have her moved.

Good luck and I hope your daughter is okay.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My wife works in the principal's office, so I know they get a TON of these kind of issues raised - some legit, some not so much. I would suggest you become the squeaky wheel until you get the grease you need. If they hear it enough, they will take it seriously.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I would have an in person meeting with the principal and demand that they switch her class. If that doesn't work, I would go straight to the school board/superintendent. Your daughter deserves a safe classroom setting and the teacher shouldn't be spending her day making sure everything is ok between 2 students. Good luck! It's really hard to see our kids go through stuff like this.

 

[kasedroz]

I would have an in person meeting with the principal and demand that they switch her class. If that doesn't work, I would go straight to the school board/superintendent. Your daughter deserves a safe classroom setting and the teacher shouldn't be spending her day making sure everything is ok between 2 students. Good luck! It's really hard to see our kids go through stuff like this.

I've already tried the in person meeting this morning he feels the teacher can keep them apart. But that's not logically she can't spent all her time trying to keep them apart. They different teachers for art, music then there's the library and gym teachers. Each one will have to be aware. To be its easier on everyone to separated them now. He's not doing it because nothing has happened this year. I don't want to wait for it o happen, prevent it from happening. Her history is showing that its going to happen and its getting worse.

I do have an mail out to the superintendent and I'm going to call again today, if no answer. I'm heading there tomorrow morning.

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[hereyago]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to teach your child to defend herself. Teachers can't see everything all the time and you should have been to address the principal the previous times. bully girl tries to scratch again, your dd needs to yell for help or teacher isn't around, smack the living crap out of the girl. The bully does it because she knows your dd won't do anything. Yes, your dd would also get in trouble, but I would gladly stand by my child if the school couldn't or wouldn't do anything to protect.

 

[luvsJack]

Call and request a meeting with the teacher and the principal together. Tell them that you do not feel that the teacher can keep your child safe in this situation and that it would take too much time away from instruction. You basically have to demand that your child be moved.

If you have met with previous teachers over this, there has to be some documentation on their part. If you can, ask them if they have it and if you can get copies.

If you do not leave the meeting with the assurance that your dd will be moved, call and make an appointment with the superintendent. And be prepared to go from there to the school board.

But, make sure you have made yourself a crystal clear as possible to the principal before going over his head. You don't want it to back fire on you.

 

[ironpig70]

I am going to go against everything the school says to do.

I would teach your daughter to fight back.

Kid takes daughters lunch daughter punches her in the face.

Yeah its wrong but guess what it sounds like the school has done nothing and the girls parents are also not doing anything.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would not make phone calls and emails that never seem to work or be returned...

Get your husband (if possible) and go with you, and park yourself at the school until they make sure that your daughter is separated from the bully.

Do the same at the District Level.

I can't imagine any school without a policy that prohibits bullying.

Write a letter addressed CC: to each and every person...
And, make sure you hand it to them personally.

Of the Principal does not set up a meeting in the Principal's office ASAP, then take that as your permission to take it to the District level ASAP.

PS: I hope that you are VERY sure that your daughter is not complicit in any kind of love/hate relationship with this girl. Just saying....

 

[SLP958]

I am going to go against everything the school says to do.

I would teach your daughter to fight back.

Kid takes daughters lunch daughter punches her in the face.

Yeah its wrong but guess what it sounds like the school has done nothing and the girls parents are also not doing anything.

Why would she advise her dtr to possibly get suspended? This would only implicate her dtr in the conflict giving the admin an excuse that she was involved with instigating fighting.

 

[ironpig70]

Why would she advise her dtr to possibly get suspended? This would only implicate her dtr in the conflict giving the admin an excuse that she was involved with instigating fighting.

The principal is doing nothing, the teachers are doing nothing, the other childs parents are doing nothing.

What else do you do?

Sorry but this bully is doing this because she knows there is no consequences for her actions. Somebody needs to take a stand and stop this.

As soon as the OP's daughter hits this girl the teacher, principal and other parents will be forced to meet and recognize there is a serious issue.

 

[dminnie]

Do you have documentation of it? For example, the scratching with bleeding incident should have involved the offensive student being sent to the office. Because of privacy issues, you wouldn't know what the consequences were for this.

Also, did you put in a request last spring that they not be together? I know this is after the fact, but it really helps in situations like this to write a letter to the principal in the spring requesting that your child not be with a person that has been bullying them. It's usually pretty hard to get a class assignment changed once it's been made, but it can help if you let them know your concerns before they make the class lists. Keep being the squeaky wheel, but know that you may have to teach your daughter more about how to cope and skills for how to deal with a bully. There could very well be another bully in the wings in another class.

I would also be asking for specific information from the teacher about how he/she goes about teaching kids about how to get along. In our state, it is required curriculum(SEL...Social Emotional Learning). She and her classmates should be being taught how to handle conflicts. What to say to solve the problem themselves. When to ignore someone. When to go to an adult for help.

I see some people are suggesting that you have her hit back. I would not recommend that. That will just serve to make your daughter look like a discipline problem herself and she could get suspended or other consequences. I would find ways to teach her the skills to rise above the bad stuff (like the "cream of the crop" always does).

 

[ReneeA]

Why would she advise her dtr to possibly get suspended? This would only implicate her dtr in the conflict giving the admin an excuse that she was involved with instigating fighting.

We had an issue with a bully and my now 11 year old when he was younger. Years of emails, meetings with teachers, principal & superintendent, attempted separations, you name it. In the 3rd grade, we did all of the above but by the end of the first month of school, and he was still being tormented every day. We finally told him to punch this bully back. Warn him, Then haul off and slug him hard...make it hurt, make an impression.

He did, there was a bloody nose and lots of crying and dramatics involved. We all ended up in the principal's office, emails, files, records in hand. My son got a one day suspension due to the ridiculous "no tolerance" policies, but the best news is that the bully never touched or picked on my son again. He tried last year starting with some snotty comments, and my son told him he has no issues with beating the snot out of him again. That was it...he's stayed away. Completely worth the one day off.

 

[kasedroz]

I'm hoping for a non violence approach to our situation. My DD actually has been doing martial arts since she could walk (biodad and grandfather are considered masters in their field) so she's equipped with the knowledge to defend herself. But she is also aware of the consequences that surround fighting at school and at home. She's a very sweet girl and even though this girl bullies her she still has issues with telling.

She absolutely hates to tattle on my one (except her little sister) she would rather take the blame or keep it inside than to get other people in trouble. There has been times where she has gone days and even weeks without telling someone that the girl was picking on her. Even when she scratched her my DD tried to pass it off as an accident, but you don't accidentally scratched someone that deep.

I'm awaiting a call back from either the superintendent or the vice superintendent to hopefully get this issue resolved today. I don't want to pull her out of her school and put her in a new one especially since there's a new one that we will be rezoned to next year. But I will if this issues isn't resolved to my liking. It's gone on long enough and it's not just my daughter. She's bullied other children as well. I don't know her home life but something must not be quite right and I pray she gets the counseling she needs.

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[Colleen27]

That's a tough situation.

Honestly, I would teach my child to fight back. Yes, that is likely to result in a one-time disciplinary action (which I would then contest on the principle of the thing, backed up with documentation of all my attempts to resolve the issue through administration) but for most bullies it only takes standing up for yourself one time for them to move on to another target.

It seems like many schools spend a lot of time establishing anti-bullying policies but no time enforcing them. Over the years I've seen quite a few bullies in my kids' schools get away with it for years and years, and it doesn't seem to be getting better for all the feel-good crap the school system is wasting money on (like anti-bullying assemblies and teacher in-service days).

 

[tiff211]

The principal is doing nothing, the teachers are doing nothing, the other childs parents are doing nothing.

What else do you do?

Sorry but this bully is doing this because she knows there is no consequences for her actions. Somebody needs to take a stand and stop this.

As soon as the OP's daughter hits this girl the teacher, principal and other parents will be forced to meet and recognize there is a serious issue.

ITA with this. I have taught my girls to defend themselves against bullies since they were in daycare. This little boy was biting everyone in daycare and when my DD came home with bite marks, I told her to hit him with a toy next time. And I told the teachers that I had told her that. He went to bite her and she hit him. He kept biting other kids until he got kicked out but he never tried to bite her again. It sounds bad in theory but kids deserve to feel safe in school and if no one is making that happen, they need to be taught to do it for themselves. Even in disney movies, the kid get picked on until he stands up to the bully and then the bully runs off crying. In situations that I know someone is picking on my kid and nothing is happening, I tell the teacher/school what I have advised my child to do to protect herself.

 

[jen0610]

My oldest daughter started school back on August 6th. The 3rd grade classes were so full at about 30 our more students in a room. So they had to hire an extra teacher and my daughter was moved to the new class. Which isn't an issue, the issue is still is in there with a girl who has bullied her since kindergarten.

The young girl started name calling in kindergarten and every year it escalates. She's taking her lunch food, she's linked her food, thrown it down on the ground. She has taken her personal objects and squeezed out all her hand sanitizer from the clip on her backpack. She even scratched her down her chest to where it bled.

This is all over the course of the three school years. From kindergarten to second grade, she's tormented my DD. I've talked to the teachers and nothing seems to have changed. Until this year when they were finally separated but now they're forced back together. My DD was absolutely terrified to go to school today, scared she's going to do something or steal from her.

As soon as I heard the news I called the principal who just advised me to email the new teacher and tell her my concerns. I did but her email wasn't working then. And that just want good enough for me so I also emailed the guidance counseler about it. And I also went to the school today. They refused to move them believing the teacher can handle it.

This still isn't good enough it's been going on for three years and nothing has stopped it. The principal had no idea anything had gone one. I don't know how her previous teachers hasn't also informed him. Sadly my DD isn't the only child who's had issues with her bullying their kids. At least three other parents I talked to have had issues.

And I guarantee that this bully will figure out Amanda told on her and it will make things worse. I tried calling the school board and have yet to receive a call back. I have also emailed her, in hopes she will get back to me asap. My DD doesn't feel safe, I feel the school has failed her and I've let her down by not protecting her in this situation.

What else can I do? I just feel so helpless.

The first thing that jumps out at me is, this has been going on for 3 years and never once have you talked to the principal, until this year. That would have been my first contact person after I spoke with the kindergarten teacher.

With that small piece missing, if you don't have copies of e-mails, letters or text messages from the years past, they only thing they can work on is starting fresh from this year going forward. You can say you talked to the teachers about the issue, but if they don't recall or don't fess up, then they really don't have anything to support on going bullying. Sad as it is.

If you do have anything in writing, like someone else said, find out that the bullying policy is for your school. Set up an appointment to speak with the principal, teachers - past and current, and the guidance counseler and take all the support docs you have and address the issue.

Good luck. It's not fun having a kid get picked on. We had to address this with a boy in DD's class way back in 4th grade. It escalated very quickly with this kid. A police report had to be filled against him when he made the statement that he knew where my DD lived and would get his dads gun and shoot her dead. That was a fun time.

 

[summerblue]

We had a bad bully last year it was a boy in dds class physically bullying her, I would call and go to the school, but there was never any physical evidence and the school wouldn't o anything. One day dd came home with bruises and scratches on her chin, I took pictures, to her to my husbands aunt who is a nurse for documentation, the next morning I took her to school went in got the principal and teacher and showed them, the teacher said it must have happened during centers at the end of the day. I told them they needed to make sure this boy was kept away from dd, next day bruises on her legs where they were seated next to each other during math and her kept kicking her. He also pulled a wad of hair out at recess, literally she had a bald spot at the back of her neck. I marched up to the school, the school was informed if he touches her again I will be back with the police and a lawyer, that I had ample evidence to press charges against the boy and have the school held responsible as they were aware of the problems this boy was causing and had other parents complain about him too.

My suggestion is 1 find out if you state has an anti bully law, mine does, 2 bluntly tell the school that they have been made aware of the issue, if your daughter is bullied by the girl at school they can be held responsible since you have made them aware of the issues. You may have to be forceful, make sure o document all incidents and take pictures if needed, if the school won't intervene you have very right to file a police report for charges to be drawn, I know this seems extreme for 3rd grade but it is sometimes the only way to get the school and kids parents to step up and make it stop. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this, just remember, you are her mother and biggest advocate, sometimes to get our point across and protect our children we have o go to what others may view as extreme.