Budget related wedding etiquette

[100AcreWood]

My cousin's daughter is getting married. We aren't going to the wedding because it's an hour away and at night. My kids wouldn't do very well staying up late and having to be quiet.

We got the invitation and I'm thinking I could just send a card and a check. What is an appropriate amount for a cousin's child and considering I'm not attending?

 

[bpesch]

There is no "appropriate" amount. It's a gift, whatever you want to give is appropriate.

 

[girli565]

My cousins gave me $200+ when I got married and when they got married I gave them about the same thing. But really, just give what you are comfortable giving.

 

[auger]

Not only is there no appropriate amount, but it is also not a requirement.
If you want to send them a card only, that is your choice.
If you would like to enclose a check, that is also your choice. The amount of the check is, again, your choice.

 

[cglaura]

Give what you are comfortable to give. When I got married, we received gifts of cash and checks from $10 to very large amounts. To some, a $10 gift might be looked down upon, but I knew that $10 was of value to that person the same as a $500 one from other guests. It is the thought and the celebration that counts

 

[100AcreWood]

Thank you for the responses. We haven't been invited to many weddings in the last 10 years. I think it's the age we're in but now we're starting to see people's children get married so I appreciate the feedback!

 

[LJSquishy]

When I got married almost 6 years ago we got just as many checks as we did wedding gifts from our registry. If you are set on sending a check rather than a gift they may have registered for, the amount is totally up to you. We got anywhere from $20 to $500 checks, and they were ALL very much appreciated! It allowed us to purchase some of the larger items we needed from our registries, such as pots & pans.

If you are not very close with the couple getting married, I honestly would probably just send between $20-$50. You can also choose to send them a gift card or gift from their registry. I made a point to register for items in all different price ranges, even items as low as $5 because you never know what people feel comfortable spending.

 

[Kay1]

Personally, I would give $100 because that's what I can afford. I would sure be happy with that.

 

[kelleigh1]

The appropriate amount is whatever you are comfortable with.

I remember when hubby and I got married...my inlaws drove me nuts over the gifts we received. Apparently in their circle/neighborhood, money is always the way to go with wedding gifts. Registry gifts are only at the shower. Anyway...I'm not from the same state as them, but I was so tired of hearing how they did things where they are from.

Anyway...my inlaws were constantly asking me for a list of what everyone gave us for gifts. I thought that was highly inappropriate and even more tacky when I found out why. Apparently they needed to compare it to what they have given for other people's kids...and so they'd know what to give for any in the future. So if Tony's kid got married 5 years ago and they gave $100, they wanted to make sure Tony gave us $100. And if Joe gave us $200, they needed to know so that when Joe's kid gets married, they could give them $200.

I told them flat out that I wouldn't be giving gifts in this fashion. Hubby's step-brother gave us $400. We certainly couldn't afford to give their daughter $400 when she got married a few years ago. I give what I feel I can afford and what I want to give based on the relationship I have with the person getting married.

 

[shortbun]

I don't really understand the back story and what it has to do with your gift. Get a babysitter and go if you want to. Why do your children have to go? What does your lack of attendance have to do with the amount you give? Are you trying to rationalize a smaller check? We give as much as we can to people who are important to us. I actually prefer to give a real gift to family members, something that will become an heirloom if possible=china, silver, crystal. I have a china cabinet with loads of those now antiquess that were wedding gifts to my great grandparents, grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles. Are these things no longer important to people?

 

[angierae]

I agree - give what you can afford to give - we got gifts all the way from a set of glasses from IKEA which were probably less than $10 (and we love them and still use them on a daily basis) to a four-digit check. Each were appreciated because I knew who they were from.

I don't really understand the back story and what it has to do with your gift. Get a babysitter and go if you want to. Why do your children have to go? What does your lack of attendance have to do with the amount you give? Are you trying to rationalize a smaller check? We give as much as we can to people who are important to us. I actually prefer to give a real gift to family members, something that will become an heirloom if possible=china, silver, crystal. I have a china cabinet with loads of those now antiquess that were wedding gifts to my great grandparents, grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles. Are these things no longer important to people?

As for this, honestly, to me, no. I do not want silver, crystal and china that will sit in a china cabinet, need to be cleaned, and will be rarely used. I would much rather have items I can use on a daily basis and enjoy remembering who gave them to me. Even if that's drinking glasses or a serving plate or something "ordinary".

 

[delmar411]

I agree - give what you can afford to give - we got gifts all the way from a set of glasses from IKEA which were probably less than $10 (and we love them and still use them on a daily basis) to a four-digit check. Each were appreciated because I knew who they were from.




As for this, honestly, to me, no. I do not want silver, crystal and china that will sit in a china cabinet, need to be cleaned, and will be rarely used. I would much rather have items I can use on a daily basis and enjoy remembering who gave them to me. Even if that's drinking glasses or a serving plate or something "ordinary".

I agree. Unless someone has registered for china or crystal...don't give it to them. They may already have something they already use/treasure or they may not want any of it. We didn't want any of it. I will never have a dinner party. I will never have an occasion that I'd want to use china/crystal. So I don't have anything of the sort. Just dust catchers IMO.

If I wasn't attending the wedding, I'd just send a nice gift off their registry. Depending on how close you are to your cousins would set the price for me.

But I'd go. It's only an hour away and would be a fun evening. Leave the kids at home and dance the night away!

 

[adventure_woman]

OT - just make sure you have money in your account to pay for the check! lol For our wedding, DH had cousins that gave us a $75 check - it bounced and then we had to pay the fee to the bank too! They will forever be known to me as the people that gave us the bounced check! (we don't see them but once in a blue moon!)

 

[BBandDisney]

$5.00-- This is the budget board don't forget.

 

[sarahlovesmickey]

OT - just make sure you have money in your account to pay for the check! lol For our wedding, DH had cousins that gave us a $75 check - it bounced and then we had to pay the fee to the bank too! They will forever be known to me as the people that gave us the bounced check! (we don't see them but once in a blue moon!)

I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard! I'm sure you were annoyed at the time but man, I got a huge laugh.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

1) In today's times, people are frequently registered.
2) Many times, at Penney's, Walmart, Sears, etc.
3) You should be able to find something inexpensive.
. . . sheets
. . . irons
. . . coffee pots
. . . plates
4) That way
. . . you stay within a minimal budget
. . . you get them something they wanted
. . . you are thought of as "cheap", because it was on their list

 

[Bob NC]

I don't really understand the back story and what it has to do with your gift. Get a babysitter and go if you want to. Why do your children have to go? What does your lack of attendance have to do with the amount you give? Are you trying to rationalize a smaller check? We give as much as we can to people who are important to us. I actually prefer to give a real gift to family members, something that will become an heirloom if possible=china, silver, crystal. I have a china cabinet with loads of those now antiquess that were wedding gifts to my great grandparents, grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles. Are these things no longer important to people?

I wonder why people even post simple questions on the Dis anymore.

Ya know what shortbun, you don't HAVE to understand any backstory. It's really none of your concern whether children go, or not. Why would you assume the OP is rationalizing anything? And, by the way, nobody cares what you 'prefer.' What you think about what is 'no longer important to people' really has nothing to do with this thread either.

But I hope you got a great deal of personal enjoyment posting this.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

Cousins in my family gave us an average of $50 when we got married 3 years ago. This is still the norm in our family. There are a lot of us, we are a fairly close family, but I don't know that anyone can afford a whole heck of a lot more, especially when you take into account the number of us. That being said, just a couple gave more than that (out of maybe 30 cousins, there's probably more than that, and most of them are grown w/ their own kids and families at this point...)

If I wasn't going to the wedding, though, I too would likely just send a gift off the registry. If no registry, I'd send a check. (If I was going to the wedding I'd give a gift of cash).

 

[LovesTimone]

When DH and I got married, we did recieve checks some checks from people that could not attend. Most of the checks were between 50 to 200 dollars. But what we really liked was that some family sent GC from where we were registered so that we could pick some things that we did not get. Another really great gift was we got a couple of gift cards for resturants. We did not leave for our mickey-moon until the next day, So we used the cards for lunch before we checked in, and then again for the drive home. Really most brides and grooms are happy with whatever you can afford.

 

[crashbb]

I wonder why people even post simple questions on the Dis anymore.

Ya know what shortbun, you don't HAVE to understand any backstory. It's really none of your concern whether children go, or not. Why would you assume the OP is rationalizing anything? And, by the way, nobody cares what you 'prefer.' What you think about what is 'no longer important to people' really has nothing to do with this thread either.

But I hope you got a great deal of personal enjoyment posting this.

Do you ever actually answer an OP's question or do you just go around criticizing other posters? How does your post have anymore to do with the thread than the PP's questions?

OP - like other posters, I'd got with what I could afford. I'd also look at the registry and try to buy something off of it (assuming that there is something in the price range that I'd like to spend). If there isn't anything in the registry that is the right price (i.e. everything is too expensive or too inexpensive), I'd include a cheque with my card (in whatever I could afford).