Broken Promise

[Octoberbride03]

No, it was a 9 month anniversary present, and most guys aren't going to consider a 9 month anniversary celebration-worthy.

I'm a girl and I don't consider it celebration worthy

 

[minkydog]

Am I the only wondering what you are doing getting married to a man that can't even afford to take you to a movie?

Sorry about the disappointment honey, but this is something worth thinking about before hooking up all legal like.

Come on, we've heard (on here I'm sure) tons of stories about couples starting out who didn't have two dimes to rub together. I don't think it's that foreign of a concept.

Not that I would do it....

DING DING DING! That would be Mr. and Mrs. Minkydog. When we were college students we didn't have much money between us. The little town we lived in had no "amenities". No Walmart, no McDonald's, no movies or skating rink. There was the town square which closed down at 5pm and there was the campus which cleared out at 12pm every Friday until Sunday night. To go on a real date required us to drive about 30 miles to the next town. DH and I used to go on Tuesday night to the Dollar Movies(back when it actually did cost only $1). We took turns driving and buying popcorn. Sometimes we were too broke for even the dollar movies, so we'd scrounge around for things to make a picnic with--vanilla wafers, triscuits, peanut butter, tuna salad, grapes, a lone banana. We'd drive to a local park and feed the ducks with our bread crusts or cookie crumbs, then we'd sit on the swings and talk.Yeah, we're just that boring. All I can say is it musta been love. We just celebrated our 30 year anniversary

 

[DebIreland]

It was her birthday present, how do you not get that as being important?

It wasn't her birthday present. It's their 9 month anniversary. I'm guessing this means a hell of a lot more to the OP than it does to him. Call me unsentimental but honestly if DH asked me to celebrate our 9 month anything (with the exception of a pregnancy) I wouldn't take it very seriously either! OP, I'm not knocking you. It sounds like you're young and romantic and that's fine but try to understand, for your fiance, this is probably just another day and doesn't attach any particular sentiment to it. That doesn't mean he's not sentimental about you though.

 

[Nature Mom]

I'm a dingbat--here I thought Broadway show--I guess I didn't realize the movie version just came out. Still--a promise is a promise and he broke it. Fishing was more important. It will continue to be more important. Plans change--but geesh.

I do agree. If it isn't fishing, it will be something else. I am not saying anything about not having separate activities (even I love to go fishing without my DH sometimes) but if he promised, he should have stuck by that instead of spending all his spending money for time out for himself.

As a couple who is going to be married, more of your time when you live apart should be spent developing hobbies and things you like to do TOGETHER so that when you do start to live together it won't be such a shock. I did not marry my DH because I want to go here and him go there, I married him because we like to do more together than we do apart. He makes every effort to do things in our spare time with me than my ex husband ever did! I was a child when I married the 1st time to another child and we had a child of our own. His 'gone fishing' was sports, all kinds. He almost didn't make the birth of our child because of a basketball game and he left me alone in the hospital until time to take me home also due to those same stupid basketball games. We had only been married a very short time then, I thought it would change. It didn't. It makes perfect sense now to see why that marriage did not last, and the one I am in now is 14 years strong so far.

OP, I see your ticker still has some time left before your wedding. Really invest in who you are marrying, and make sure he is just as invested in you. Good luck and best wishes.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Ha, could have sworn it was her birthday. 9 months? Heck my dh doesn't do more than a card and candy for a full year.

See? Cautionary tale my dear, if he doesn't care that much now, he never will.

 

[DebIreland]

There is no such thing as a 9 month anniversary.

It's three quarters of an anniversary. Does that make it an annivers? Or perhaps an iversary.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

I think it makes it a crapshoot.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Am I the only wondering what you are doing getting married to a man that can't even afford to take you to a movie?

Sorry about the disappointment honey, but this is something worth thinking about before hooking up all legal like.

As late as 3 weeks before I got married, I was living on $20/week: $10 for gas and $10 for groceries, which was oatmeal and milk for breakfast, bread and tuna for lunch and pasta and Ragu sauce for dinner.

In fact, I didn't even have that much. My fiance had to loan it to me.

So I could focus on studying for the bar exam.

She thinks her investment was worth it.

Sometimes judging someone on a snapshot of their life at any particular moment doesn't give you the complete picture.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

OP - "monthly" anniversaries are something High School kids celebrate. In the adult world those events are meaningless as they should be. In addition since it seems as if money is tight to begin with, spending any money on a non-event is not the smartest choice. Neither is him making you a promise then blowing the $$ on fishing. I am sorry you are disappointed though. It's hard when you get your hopes up and then something happens that crushes it.

I think that you should take this and make a positive out of it. Clearly you and your fiancee need to be on the same page with your finances as a couple and even though you are not married you do need to start getting your affairs in order now. Sit and have a discussion about your financial goals and about unnecessary spending. If you have some fun things you want to do in the future, make a plan and save towards that goal. If you are both on the same page you will have a better chance of avoiding being disappointed and resentful etc.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

As late as 3 weeks before I got married, I was living on $20/week: $10 for gas and $10 for groceries, which was oatmeal and milk for breakfast, bread and tuna for lunch and pasta and Ragu sauce for dinner.

In fact, I didn't even have that much. My fiance had to loan it to me.

So I could focus on studying for the bar exam.

She thinks her investment was worth it.

Sometimes judging someone on a snapshot of their life at any particular moment doesn't give you the complete picture.

Absolutely, as I said, young kids coming out of school are usually on a shoestring, older people, you just think they'd have a little more going on. Especially since he had the money to take off and fish for a week with the guys, or what I THINK were the guys.

That's what you get from these posts tho, snapshots. Judgement right or wrong, it's darned entertaining, no?

 

[Praying Colonel]

Some are entertaining--some make me shake my head about the conclusions that some people jump to.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

It's what we do.

 

[DebIreland]

older people, you just think they'd have a little more going on.

I'm only guessing here but I really think the OP and her fiance are very young, if not in years, then in spirit.

 

[DebIreland]

I just talked my fiancee on the Phone he went out and bought me a present with the money he had leftover from his fishing trip to show how sorry he was for breaking plans for 2nite.

Enjoy the present. That was sweet of him to do that.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

If that makes you feel better sweetie, fine.

Just think it over before the deal is done. A milkyway bar from 7Eleven isn't a night out at the movies, kwim? He knew what he'd promised BEFORE he left on his trip. It just didn't pan out as important as that trip with the boys.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If that makes you feel better sweetie, fine.

Just think it over before the deal is done. A milkyway bar from 7Eleven isn't a night out at the movies, kwim? He knew what he'd promised BEFORE he left on his trip. It just didn't pan out as important as that trip with the boys.

Yeah, kick him to the curb now. He is clearly a narcissistic jerk.

 

[brookmey]

It's my guess that this couple probably lives paycheck to paycheck. There's probably very little money inbetween for extras since she says her money is tight.

I just am curious on how they'll pay for a wedding if money is scarce or tight.

Am I the only wondering what you are doing getting married to a man that can't even afford to take you to a movie?

Sorry about the disappointment honey, but this is something worth thinking about before hooking up all legal like.

Maybe saving for the wedding is the reason money is so tight.

Just because he possibly overspent or mis-budgeted (is that a word? I can't think of the word I want to say ) on his fishing trip and now can't take her to the movies does not make him bad husband material. Bad with money, maybe, but it doesn't mean she has to overanalyze the whole thing and question whether or not she should marry him. Not budgeting correctly can happen.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Well, my husband and I were young (18 & 19) and penniless when we married. We also knew each other 7 months from the day we met to the day we married.
We got married by a magistrate so no expensive wedding here.

That was 24 years ago.

As many others have said, don't sweat it. I would stop doing the "months" anniversaries and make sure you guys are in sync on spending but you can be young and poor and it can all work out.

 

[CurlyGirl]

Maybe saving for the wedding is the reason money is so tight.

She said money was tight for her and she couldn't take him to the movies (someone suggested she take him instead). She said nothing about his money being tight. Just that he had enough for a fishing trip and now has nada.

And, if money is tight because of saving for a wedding, then the promise of a movie never should've been made.

And I don't get the whole month-avesaries thing.

 

[minkydog]

Some are entertaining--some make me shake my head about the conclusions that some people jump to.

Well, for some of us it's the only exercise we get all day.