Olaf
DIS Cast Member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2000
- Messages
- 3,866
One of my on-line British friends sent me this editorial. I couldn't resist posting it. 
OK all you British ladies, stand up and defend your men.
_____________________
British men, hopeless lovers? I couldn't agree more
Rachel Cooke
Sunday August 25, 2002
The Observer
I am SO enjoying what the Daily Mail has taken to calling 'the war on British men'. Every morning as I dash round the park I repeat over and over the verbal stiletto heels that have been aimed at our menfolk by their transatlantic adversaries - a drill almost as
cathartic as the exercise itself. 'Emotionally illiterate,' I mutter,
as I round the bench where the old ladies sit. 'Hopeless lovers,' I
gasp, as I approach the derelict lido. 'Too cold,' I wheeze as the
dog loo comes into sight. By the time I get home I feel more like
Gloria Steinem than Geri Halliwell - which has to be a good thing,
doesn't it?The first skirmish in this war took place last month when 26-year-old Canadian Leah McLaren wrote a piece for the Spectator detailing some of her experiences with British men since arriving here six months
ago. After going out with a dozen of the poor saps she concluded that most of them are 'repressed homosexuals' who 'don't like women' because they 'went to boarding school, forfeiting essential affection from their mothers, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy'.
Next up was Gwyneth Paltrow, complaining that British men are just
too darned weedy to ask her out. Then, last week, came round three.
Ding-a-ling. Heather Graham announced that she, too, had dipped her
toe in the chilly pool of British men and, as a result, found herself
desperately in need of a fluffy bathrobe and a nice pair of
flannelette pyjamas (I'm not sure they have flannelette in LA, but
you know what I mean). According to her, our boys would rather sit on
spikes than reveal what they are thinking. 'They are of the stiff-
upper-lip school of thought,' she said.
Naturally, the Mail - not to mention the men Leah McLaren dated
before her Canadian boyfriend rescued her and whisked her off to the
Cipriani - would like us British women to be in a patriotic frenzy
over these hurtful attacks. I for one am not (and not only because
the one man I ever dated who went to boarding school confessed to
having worn his sister's tights).
British men are unfathomable. The language they speak is so
fiendishly hard to learn that you need to have been born on these
shores if you are to have any chance of translating it into English.
Here, then, are a few pointers for our girlfriends across the water.
First, how to judge when a man wants to ask you out: he will probably
just stare at you, but if he is really keen he may produce an
offering. Please note: offerings are different from presents - they
are not necessarily nice. A man who was once interested in me cut a
picture of Olive from On The Buses out of a newspaper, glued it to a
piece of cardboard and left it on my desk.
Second, how to engender intimacy: this is tricky. All I can say is
that alcohol helps and, sometimes, cooking. (Don't panic - men are
easily pleased. Who else could possibly be buying all that tinned
asparagus?)
Finally, how to tell when a British man is unhappy. Minor problems
are easy to spot. If he is hungry he will open the fridge door, peer
inside and then wander off disconsolately. If he is cold, he will lie
on the sofa with the cushions arranged over his body. If he is bored
he'll flick from one television channel to another so quickly you
will wonder if he is in danger of inducing an epileptic fit.
But if all else fails, remember this: in emotional terms, British men
are like mushrooms. They prefer to be left alone to grow quietly,
preferably in a dark cupboard under the stairs.
OK all you British ladies, stand up and defend your men. _____________________
British men, hopeless lovers? I couldn't agree more
Rachel Cooke
Sunday August 25, 2002
The Observer
I am SO enjoying what the Daily Mail has taken to calling 'the war on British men'. Every morning as I dash round the park I repeat over and over the verbal stiletto heels that have been aimed at our menfolk by their transatlantic adversaries - a drill almost as
cathartic as the exercise itself. 'Emotionally illiterate,' I mutter,
as I round the bench where the old ladies sit. 'Hopeless lovers,' I
gasp, as I approach the derelict lido. 'Too cold,' I wheeze as the
dog loo comes into sight. By the time I get home I feel more like
Gloria Steinem than Geri Halliwell - which has to be a good thing,
doesn't it?The first skirmish in this war took place last month when 26-year-old Canadian Leah McLaren wrote a piece for the Spectator detailing some of her experiences with British men since arriving here six months
ago. After going out with a dozen of the poor saps she concluded that most of them are 'repressed homosexuals' who 'don't like women' because they 'went to boarding school, forfeiting essential affection from their mothers, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy'.
Next up was Gwyneth Paltrow, complaining that British men are just
too darned weedy to ask her out. Then, last week, came round three.
Ding-a-ling. Heather Graham announced that she, too, had dipped her
toe in the chilly pool of British men and, as a result, found herself
desperately in need of a fluffy bathrobe and a nice pair of
flannelette pyjamas (I'm not sure they have flannelette in LA, but
you know what I mean). According to her, our boys would rather sit on
spikes than reveal what they are thinking. 'They are of the stiff-
upper-lip school of thought,' she said.
Naturally, the Mail - not to mention the men Leah McLaren dated
before her Canadian boyfriend rescued her and whisked her off to the
Cipriani - would like us British women to be in a patriotic frenzy
over these hurtful attacks. I for one am not (and not only because
the one man I ever dated who went to boarding school confessed to
having worn his sister's tights).
British men are unfathomable. The language they speak is so
fiendishly hard to learn that you need to have been born on these
shores if you are to have any chance of translating it into English.
Here, then, are a few pointers for our girlfriends across the water.
First, how to judge when a man wants to ask you out: he will probably
just stare at you, but if he is really keen he may produce an
offering. Please note: offerings are different from presents - they
are not necessarily nice. A man who was once interested in me cut a
picture of Olive from On The Buses out of a newspaper, glued it to a
piece of cardboard and left it on my desk.
Second, how to engender intimacy: this is tricky. All I can say is
that alcohol helps and, sometimes, cooking. (Don't panic - men are
easily pleased. Who else could possibly be buying all that tinned
asparagus?)
Finally, how to tell when a British man is unhappy. Minor problems
are easy to spot. If he is hungry he will open the fridge door, peer
inside and then wander off disconsolately. If he is cold, he will lie
on the sofa with the cushions arranged over his body. If he is bored
he'll flick from one television channel to another so quickly you
will wonder if he is in danger of inducing an epileptic fit.
But if all else fails, remember this: in emotional terms, British men
are like mushrooms. They prefer to be left alone to grow quietly,
preferably in a dark cupboard under the stairs.
, I think Jana's endulging me in a little bit of flattery, at my age you need all the compliments you can get LOL.
