Brides who DON'T want their dad to walk them down the aisle...

[lizandjason]

There is an article on aol.com by a woman who chose not to have her dad walk her down the aisle and 'give her away'. I chose the same thing. My mom and dad, who are wonderful examples of a happy, healthy marriage, walked down the aisle before me. My DH and I then 'followed' in their footsteps, literally, after our vows. I loved it and so did my family.

What amazed me about the article was all of the nasty comments by people calling the author every name in the book, least of which were 'selfish' and 'hateful'. The author made it very clear that she loved her dad, as do I, and that her dad was happy with the alternate way they arranged things (as was mine). Some of the people commenting even went so far as to say she shouldn't have kids.

Self-righteous, judgemental people who don't allow their minds to open even one inch REALLY scare me....just wanted to share...

 

[pigletgirl]

Everyone has unique family situations, so alot of times a dad won't even walk their daughter down the aisle.

I was at a wedding this summer, where the bride had her bio dad and stepdad walk her down the aisle. People questioned why, and I just wanted to shut them up!!

As for my upcoming wedding, I'm having my dad and uncle walk me down the aisle. My uncle has had a huge impact in my life, and he doesn't have a daughter (4 boys) so this is his chance to walk. I really hope people don't judge my choice and if they do, they can just SHOVE IT! It's going to be my day, so don't ruin it for me!

 

[cdepauli]

WOW! Some of those comments are completely CRAZY. I had both of my parents walk with me as they both raised me. I think people should do what is best for themselves and their situation.

 

[disykat]

Twenty years ago when we got married, DH's and my parents all preceded us down the aisle. DH and I walked in together. I only had a few people ask (prior to the wedding) if Dad would be disappointed and I reassured them he felt the same way as I did about the "giving away" thing. There was a point where BOTH sets of parents voiced their support. Dad read the scripture lessons during the ceremony and was thrilled to have that honor. I have always been very close to my Dad, that had nothing to do with anything. DH and I came up together to be married, it's that simple.

For being pretty traditional, I'm not fond of a lot of wedding traditions because they do not reflect my views of a couple entering a marriage together - so we didn't do them. (No "popping the question," no asking for my hand, no giving away, no unity candle, etc.)

If anyone had tried to be judgemental about it, they would have risked hearing my opinions about their way!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I had a somewhat different situation. Parents divorced when I was three. Dad was only in my life sporadically at best, sometimes not for years at a time but had an uncanny knack of always showing up at the most important events, then going on about how proud he was of what a good person I was.

I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle and give me away. My dad's mom had a problem with that and said my dad should give me away. I told her he wasn't even invited and that my mother had earned the right to give me away; he took his turn when I was three and walked out of my life. I told her I loved her and wanted to her to be there for my special day, but if she was that opposed and couldn't, I completely understood. She finally realized she didn't want to miss out on my wedding and kept her feelings to herself. I also had my first dance with my mother to Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath my Wings". There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

It's your wedding, do what you feel is right for you. As long as your parents are okay with it, don't worry about what anyone else has to say.

And congratulations!

 

[minkydog]

I had my only brother walk me down the aisle. My father decided to absent himself from our lives about 5-6 years prior and frankly, he was an arrogant, obnoxious jerk. There was nothing about him that i liked. So I didn't invite him. I figured, hey! he wanted nothing to do with my going to college. He was disgusted by my choice of career(nursing) and my choice of husband(because he was "short"--5-11) He never paid one dime of my education, nor did he pay my mother any child support for 5 minor children. I have no respect for the man at all. My brother did an outstanding job and I was proud to have him stand up with me.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

As a wedding professional, I will tell you that there is not a whole lot of "tradition" out there anymore that can't or hasn't been adapted. And I think that's ok. I think that a wedding is a very personal thing and it should be treated that way. It should be up to the couple getting married as to how they enter their new life together. That being said, aside from the music in my ceremony, we were pretty traditional. Dad walked me down the aisle, hubby asked Dad for my hand before he proposed, hubby's dad was the best man, my Dad said "her mother and I" even though they are divorced, yada yada.

But a little Bee Gee's coming down the aisle after we were introduced was just the right touch!!!

 

[dislaney]

I only wish my Dad had been around to walk me down the aisle. He had recently passed away before I got married. My oldest brother walked me down instead. Everyone should do what makes them comfortable.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I had a somewhat different situation. Parents divorced when I was three. Dad was only in my life sporadically at best, sometimes not for years at a time but had an uncanny knack of always showing up at the most important events, then going on about how proud he was of what a good person I was.

I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle and give me away. My dad's mom had a problem with that and said my dad should give me away. I told her he wasn't even invited and that my mother had earned the right to give me away; he took his turn when I was three and walked out of my life. I told her I loved her and wanted to her to be there for my special day, but if she was that opposed and couldn't, I completely understood. She finally realized she didn't want to miss out on my wedding and kept her feelings to herself. I also had my first dance with my mother to Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath my Wings". There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

It's your wedding, do what you feel is right for you. As long as your parents are okay with it, don't worry about what anyone else has to say.

And congratulations!

Your situation reminds me exactly like mine. My dad will absolutely not be walking me down the aisle. My maternal grandfather will be.

 

[Stacerita]

I don't plan on marrying, so this probably wont' come up. But if I do decide to marry, I won't be having anyone walk me down the aisle. Its just my personal choice. I was never a daddy's girl and I just don't feel like that now. I think whoever the bride decides to walk them down the aisle is her choice. I will say I am pretty sure that my DD will ask my father to walk her down the aisle. They are very close and have a great relationship.

 

[robinb]

I was a grown woman when I was married and my fiance and I walked down the aisle together. I could have had my grandfather "give me away" but that would have been silly! I had already lived with my fiance for 7 years . Instead, my grandfather helped hold up the chuppah along with my mother and my soon to be inlaws.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I was a grown woman when I was married and my fiance and I walked down the aisle together. I could have had my grandfather "give me away" but that would have been silly! I had already lived with my fiance for 7 years . Instead, my grandfather helped hold up the chuppah along with my mother and my soon to be inlaws.

I think this was a beautiful way to include him. He was still by your side for the wedding. I think that's the most important thing about a wedding -- to find a way, no matter what it is, to let your loved ones know they matter in your life.

 

[mickaholic4077]

I only wish my Dad had been around to walk me down the aisle. He had recently passed away before I got married. My oldest brother walked me down instead. Everyone should do what makes them comfortable.

What she said!! I only wish if I ever got married that my father was still here to walk me down the aisle.

 

[61292cna]

While I mostly agree it is the brides wedding & therefore her choice, I feel it is ruder than rude to tell your dad he can come, but not walk you down the aisle & then say " oh by the way, you can take the wedding photos! Of course this is the same girl that told her sister ( who is divorced & remarried) she was living in sin & wouldn't be invited! Meanwhile she has no problem with her mother (who is also divorced & remarried) paying for & attending her wedding!

 

[worm761]

Though I think that every bride has the right to make that decision. I will probably boycott my sisters wedding if she doesn't have Daddy walk her down the aisle. I cannot sit and watch her break his heart. Her reason is that "he is not her biological father'!!! He is the ONLY father she has ever known. Our mother passed away and my sister never wanted to know who he was. Daddy was good enough when she needed someone to pay for college, he was good enough when she needed school clothes for her daughter, he was good enough when she needed a lawyer to fight for custody of said daughter, and he is good enough when she wants money. Oh yeah, and he is good enough to help her PAY FOR THE WEDDING. But isn't her father so he shouldn't have the right to walk her down the aisle. Yeah, because DNA makes a parent. Can you tell I have strong feelings about it? LOL

On the other hand, Boyfriend walked his sister down the aisle. Their father was not a big part of their life and she didn't want to hurt feelings by having their step dad walk her down. She compromised and went with her brother. He was honored.

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

I was a grown woman when I was married and my fiance and I walked down the aisle together. I could have had my grandfather "give me away" but that would have been silly! I had already lived with my fiance for 7 years . Instead, my grandfather helped hold up the chuppah along with my mother and my soon to be inlaws.

I won't even begin to get in to all the family drama that led to my decision not to be 'given away,' but we did something similar. My fiance, now husband, came down from the altar, met me halfway and we walked down the aisle holding hands.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

when it comes to weddings my thought is always "it's whatever the bride and groom want, it's no one else's business" because honestly....it really is.

my mother gave me quite a hard time with EVERYTHING involving my wedding and she'd constantly say "WHY WON'T YOU DO THIS FOR ME!?" and i had to remind her "because this is MY day, you already had yours."

so good for you, OP, and the woman in the article for doing what YOU wanted to do for your own wedding!

 

[luvmy3]

I think its a personal choice and when brides aren't getting married right out of highschool there is no reason for a dad to "give her away" anymore. Some people like to stick to traditions and some people like to make their own. I love the idea of following in your parents footsteps, if mine and dh's parents weren't divorced we would probably have done something like that.

 

[HunnyPots]

I have always had a problem with the whole "give the bride away" thing; she is not property and therefore cannot be bought, sold, or given to anyone! I've also heard the explanation, mostly in very fundamentalist groups, that the bride is being transfered from her father's authority to her husband's! To that I say, OH HELL NO!!! Not this woman anyway. I feel the same way about a prospective groom asking a father for "his daughter's hand" - nope, not his to give.

I truly think that most wedding traditions are very archaic and totally disrespectful of women in general. I hope that when and if my kids get married, they'll think seriously about all the "traditions" that go along with wedding and chose to do what they personally find meaningful.

 

[pigletgirl]

when it comes to weddings my thought is always "it's whatever the bride and groom want, it's no one else's business" because honestly....it really is.

my mother gave me quite a hard time with EVERYTHING involving my wedding and she'd constantly say "WHY WON'T YOU DO THIS FOR ME!?" and i had to remind her "because this is MY day, you already had yours."

so good for you, OP, and the woman in the article for doing what YOU wanted to do for your own wedding!

This is exactly what my own mother and I are going through now. I absolutely dread doing wedding shopping with her. However, she did agree to my budget so she has to be included.