Bridal Shower etiquette question..

[Deparfea]

testing

 

[TheZue]

I don't think that would fall on you at all. I think generally bridal showers are organized by the bridesmaids. You could always contact one of the bridesmaids, find out the plans, and offer to help in a small way (bring party favors, decorations, or food) on behalf of the family.

 

[crz4mm2]

Round here, both families have showers. That said, you can have a combo shower.
Used to be an Aunt of the bride organized the shower. Now, it might be sister, sister in law, aunt, cousin......

 

[mking624]

I had three separate wedding showers and one personal shower since they all involved very different people...
My job threw me one
My bridesmaids threw me one
My church threw me one

The personal shower was thrown by my matron of honor (who is an aunt I'm close to) and my mom.

If this is something you'd like to do for her, contact other family members and/or a bridesmaid (particularly the maid of honor) to see what is being planned. If the invited are different people you'd invite to a shower you'd host, it might not be a bad idea to throw one of your own. Or you can do a combo shower as someone else mentioned, or offer to help. Regardless, I doubt the bride will be complaining about the attention.

 

[mom2travel]

With only a couple exceptions, the bridal showers I have attended (or thrown) have been organized and paid for by the bride's bridal party. My BIL is getting married too and if someone asked me to help with the shower, I'm not even sure how I would respond - I don't know bride well at all and only see them maybe twice a year (and we live 700 miles away).

I personally am not a fan of more than one shower per bride. Maybe that is because the only brides who I know that have had more than one are friends of mine and also related to my DH so I got invited to both! I guess I can see the reasoning though if there is no way to get both sides together for a single shower.

If you would like to be part of the shower-throwing festivities, then I don't see anything wrong with you contacting the maid of honor (or bride's mother if you don't know moh) and asking how you can help. If you don't want to participate, then I'd just sit back and wait for an invite

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

You are not obligated to coordinate a shower for her. Pshew. Lucky you. Throwing showers suck. The last one I threw was a lunch for 75 at a hall, and it was so much money!

 

[NotUrsula]

Traditionally, family is NOT supposed to throw a shower. (Yeah, I know, you're not getting the gifts, but the impression is that when family asks non-family to give it is so that family does not have to.)

Don't do it. You obviously don't really want to, and etiquette is on your side. Give a very nice wedding gift and call it a day.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

normally it should be the bridal party that does that sort of thing. so if you're not in the bridal party, then i wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Deparfea]

testing

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

This:

Traditionally, family is NOT supposed to throw a shower. (Yeah, I know, you're not getting the gifts, but the impression is that when family asks non-family to give it is so that family does not have to.)

Don't do it. You obviously don't really want to, and etiquette is on your side. Give a very nice wedding gift and call it a day.

 

[ilovepcot]

Traditionally, family is NOT supposed to throw a shower.

Right. And this *used* to be well known and adhered to.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

You don't have to contact the bridesmaids. When they throw the shower, you'll get an invitation in the mail. If you want to get info because you have to travel, your MIL will proably know the date way ahead of time.

 

[mking624]

Traditional etiquette isn't always what's common for today. It used to be traditional etiquette to only have a baby shower for your very first baby and that was it. Now it's pretty common for friends and/or family to throw them for any subsequent children, particularly if it's an opposite gender. Not saying that the OP is therefore required to throw one, it's at her discretion...but it wouldn't necessarily be out of order. It's not as if the intended recipient is going to throw a fit about having something done in her honor.

 

[Handbag Lady]

In this case you are not obligated to throw the shower by etiquette rules.

My only exception would be if the bridesmaids can't or won't for some reason, or if there is some curcumstance where the bride won't be getting a shower.

 

[Scurvy]

Traditional etiquette isn't always what's common for today. It used to be traditional etiquette to only have a baby shower for your very first baby and that was it. Now it's pretty common for friends and/or family to throw them for any subsequent children, particularly if it's an opposite gender. Not saying that the OP is therefore required to throw one, it's at her discretion...but it wouldn't necessarily be out of order. It's not as if the intended recipient is going to throw a fit about having something done in her honor.

Well. . . it's still traditional etiquette, though. Many people do choose not to follow that "rule", but I wouldn't say that the majority of people do. No one I know would throw a shower for anything but the first pregnancy.

OP, I agree with previous posters. You don't need to do anything. If someone does throw a shower then it's likely you'll be invited (assuming you're being invited to the wedding) and there's no reason you have to throw one. If you had your heart set on throwing one you could, as long as you didn't invite people who were invited to another shower for her. But there's absolutely no reason you ought to feel you have to throw one, and there's no need to contact the bridesmaids.

 

[mking624]

Well. . . it's still traditional etiquette, though. Many people do choose not to follow that "rule", but I wouldn't say that the majority of people do. No one I know would throw a shower for anything but the first pregnancy.

It depends on who you know and where you're from as well...both have an impact. The majority of people I know do throw showers after the first child. In fact, my church threw me a shower last month and this is my second baby. My first is only 13 months old and I had a shower for him too. I never asked for either, both were presented to me by complete surprise (not a surprise shower, but I mean I wasn't expecting anyone to plan anything)...but it was such a welcomed blessing because my firstborn is a boy and this one is a girl...many things, particularly clothes, that I needed. You also can read more and more about this common "occurrence" on many pregnancy/baby sites that have this FAQ. And by "traditional," I was referring to what used to be common but isn't necessarily that way today. Tradition can and does often change. There is no definite rule when it comes to these things. It's a matter of personal preference. If someone wants to host a shower, no matter what type...go for it! To each his/her own.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Traditional etiquette isn't always what's common for today. It used to be traditional etiquette to only have a baby shower for your very first baby and that was it. Now it's pretty common for friends and/or family to throw them for any subsequent children, particularly if it's an opposite gender. Not saying that the OP is therefore required to throw one, it's at her discretion...but it wouldn't necessarily be out of order. It's not as if the intended recipient is going to throw a fit about having something done in her honor.

Are there any etiquette rules anymore? From what I've gathered on the DIS over the years, "anything goes" because "it's THEIR party."