Breastfeeding an adopted baby

[tw1nsmom]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

TOV

Are you trying to be offensive, or does it just come naturally?


(and FYI, I only lasted 3 weeks trying to breastfeed my twins, but I would never imply that someone who worked hard to breastfeed was an idiot...I wish I had been able to continue)

 

[amarberry]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

TOV

Okay...I said that I didn't want to start a debate (it's late...maybe I'm getting tired and punchy), but this statement really bothers me. First of all, there are a lot of worthwhile things that people do that don't feel very good...childbirth for example. Should women just stop having babies because it hurts?

The first month or so of breastfeeding is rough and I don't think that new mothers are warned adequately about this. However, the research that I posted above was pretty convincing to me that breastfeeding (despite my discomfort) was best for my DD and I was pretty resolved to give it my best effort and continue as long as I could. At the beginning, I kept telling myself that I was just going to get through the day. Then I was going to get through the week...a month, six months, and on and on.

Personally, I don't appreciate being thought of as an "idiot" because I continued to breastfeed while I was in pain. I did it because after reviewing the research, I was willing to push myself to make it through the pain because I believe that it was the best for my DD. Your comment is just as mean spirited as a breastfeeding mom calling a mom who fed her child formula negligent (BTW...for the record, I don't think that feeding your child formula is negligent...please don't flame me...I'm just trying to illustrate a point!).

Sorry...I just really had to respond to this.

 

[cabmom]

Linnie the pooh, here's the MD that has been helping me out:

www.drjacknewman.com, he's a BF specialist here in Canada. I never even knew that there was so many options when you really want to BF. I successfully BF my first 3 boys and couldn't understand why #4 didn't want the breast. For me it's personal choice he's getting both my milk and formula. He's now 11lbs and growing!

Marilynn

 

[Planogirl]

We all know now that breast is best. But I would never feel guilty for not doing so as someone said they did earlier.

I always wonder how much better it actually is. More kids than ever are being breastfed and the rates of asthma and various allergies are on the rise, as are various other conditions. Does this have anything to do with breastfeeding? Of course not but is it really doing all that much good? You'd think that it's some kind of wonder food that will protect children from everything while bottlefed kids are all in danger if you listen to some people. Notice that I said SOME. Most people seem to be pretty rational about it. I'd love to see stats on longterm effects of the two feeding methods.

Sigh... I guess that I'm feeling punchy too. I'm tired of some people inferring that someone can't develop a bond with their child or is some other way inadequate because they didn't BF! Thanks P&W for your comments. Those are some of the best that I've ever seen.

Oh as for the OP, I say that an adoptive Mom should go for it if she feels like she wants to. As I always say, it's all about choice. Now, I'm SO out of these threads.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

TOV

Or you cab BF through it AND THE PAIN STOPS! DUH!

 

[lemondog]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

TOV

It doesn't hurt for long. Once baby latches correctly and mom gets the hang of it the pain goes away.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

TOV, whenever a pregnant mom asks me about nursing, I encourage her to try it for three weeks. It can take some time to get the "rhythm" of nursing. Done properly, it hurts for a few moments at the beginning--I found I got through this by chanting my mantra, "8 bucks a can", which is how much formula costs (I'm cheap). If, after three weeks, nursing isn't working for the mother/baby pair, IMHO, it's time to move on. Some women dont' care for the feeling of nursing, others don't like constantly being "on-call". These are valid feelings. Personally, I think a baby is benefitted more by a mom who is relaxed and comfortable with her choices, not one that's stressed out that she's a failure because nursing didn't work for her. As far as adoption goes, there are so many other issues with adjusting to a new baby, I think an adoptive mom might better spend her time on other things, but if it's truly important to her to have the nursing experience, I would tell her the same "three week" answer I always give.

I wasn't able to nurse my first, but did with #2 and #3. Well, guess what? #2 was the king of ear infections, allergies, and other health issues. IMHO, he may be slightly smarter than his older sister, but I would gladly trade a few of those IQ points for the gray hairs I got spending time in the ER and PICU with him. #2 and #3 also both pass out when overstimulated. I'm sure these things have nothing to do with nursing vs. formula, but my point is, all the statistics in the world don't matter if your kid happens to be the one that's sick.

 

[doxdogy]

That was a really rude and insensitive statement to make. Just because it is not something you would care to do. Don't insult those that want to do it by calling it a cracked idea.

What a cracked idea. But hey,if they want to go through all that trouble, go for it!

TOV

 

[marlasmom]

Ok - if you prepare your nipples ahead of the baby's birth, nursing does not hurt. You gently pull on your nipples while you are in the shower. It works.

 

[katerkat]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

Because it doesn't hurt forever? Lots of things hurt temporarily. It hurt when I was in labor, it hurt when the doctor set my broken ankle. Should I have told the doctor to leave it broken? PT on my ankle was worse than BFing - should I have just stayed on crutches the rest of my life?

We had a miserable time BFing the first two months -- but now we're almost to 10 months and I don't regret persevering through it at all.

I don't know if I'd breastfeed an adopted child - depends on the age, I guess. If they're already too set on the bottle, it'd be hard changing that. But I've researched foreign adoption when you don't get the baby until after 6 months or more.

 

[Mom2be]

Being as DH and myself plan on adopting our second child we have done a lot of research about adoption and of course breastfeeding is one of those topics. Most of the women I've read about breastfed because they were adopting premies from other countries and felt the nutritional benefits of BF were advantageous to their babies under devloped immune system.

Bonding with an adoptive child is very important. Yes BF is great for bonding but many parents have been able to bond successfully with their adoptive children without it. Especially when they adopt toddlers and older children. The most important bonding techinque one can use with their baby is to show them that they are there to care for them and will always come back to them. Which is why many adoption agencies feel it is best to not have your child be held, fed, or changed by anyone but yourself and spouse for the first couple of months. Some even suggest you limit vistors for the first 30 days. You are the primary care giver. You should focus on eye contact and touch which is why many promote what is called baby massage for adoptive children.

If BF were the only way to bond with a child then wouldn't a father never be bonded to their baby? I always felt that BF somehow made the Dad seem less important in that first year.

I will be BF my biological child for the first 6 months and then will probably switch to bottles. Our adoptive child will not be BF by me.

~Amanda

 

[slo]

I would never want to do it personally, but I would never judge anyone else for wanting to do that. I didn't nurse my 2nd baby at all and that's why I say I wouldn't do it. Some people are very dedicated when it comes to breastfeeding and I say, "all the power to them!!!"

 

[Sandy22]

As an adoptive parent of two toddlers, I probably would have tried to bf had they arrived home by the age of 6 months. I bf my bio DS for 6 months and for me, there's no difference between wanting to bf a bio or adopted child. It comes down to personal choice.

 

[CEDmom]

I just read an article about a woman who breastfed her adoptive 6 mo old DD. Her story was a little different since she had been breastfeeding her 2 yo DS at the time of the adoption. When we adopted our DD at 9 mo old breastfeeding wasn't something I remotely considered. But if it's something a mom wants to try than more power to her. As far as bonding all it takes is staying up 1 night trying to console a crying baby for you to be bonded for life.

 

[lil mermaid]

Ok - if you prepare your nipples ahead of the baby's birth, nursing does not hurt. You gently pull on your nipples while you are in the shower. It works.

Now, THAT sounds "cracked"

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

lilmermaid--a lot of the things BFers do seem rather 'cracked', but it's their choice to do it. I've heard stories of nursing through mastitis (clogged ducts, which sounds like that hurts A LOT!), thrush (a fungal infection),all sorts of horrible sounding situations. I can't imagine why a woman would put herself THROUGh this sort of torture, but if they want to do so, let 'em.

TOV

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I tried to breastfeed our adopted dd. I took domperidone, I pumped before she was born, I used the Supplemental Nursing System (that thing is a royal PITA!). I had breastfed one child already, so it was supposed to be easier for me than for a woman who had never bf before, but I could never make more than about half an ounce a day. At first I felt like that tiny bit was better than nothing, but soon it became far too much work for far too little milk, so I stopped.

Why did I do it? Not because I'm "cracked" , but because I had such a great experience bf dd#1 and I wanted the same experience with dd#2. The nutritional advantages of bm were even more important to me, specifically because I didn't carry her and didn't have first hand knowledge of her pre-natal care. Plus, if it goes well and you don't have to supplement, it's so much easier than bottle-feeding. I really dreaded having to worry about keeping formula cool on outings, and having to wash all those darn bottles, when I was so used to having an easy supply on-hand and at the right temperature at all times.

Anyway, I think formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute, too, so I had no qualms about quitting when it didn't work out, although I would have preferred to bf. Also, I don't believe in the bf=better bonding stuff. To me, it boils down to the interaction when feeding, and as long as a bottle-feeder cuddles and interacts with the baby, rather than propping the bottle, they will bond just as well.

There is an adoptive breastfeeding website that is wonderful if anyone is interested. Adoptive Breastfeeding Resource Website

 

[lil mermaid]

Explain to me this then..if it hurts to BF, then why do they continue to do it? If it hurts, that would say to me, HEY! Idiot! Stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it go OWIE!

TOV

Because some things are worth doing, even if they don't feel so good.For the record, I never experienced any pain while breastfeeding. I was lucky that I had an awesome lactation consultant and also that DD latched on correctly pretty much from the start. But calling someone an idiot because they chose to do what they felt was best for their child is particularly nasty, IMO.

Are you really this offensive in real life, or is that just your internet persona?

 

[AnaheimGirl]

The reason I wouldn't consider it is because I think there would be enough stress adjusting to a new adopted child

Just curious, what is it about adjusting to a new adopted child that seems more stressful to you than adjusting to a new biological child?

Or did I misunderstand and you meant any child?

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I try not to be offensive, but I have no problem speaking my mind, which can offend some people.


TOV