Breastfeeding an adopted baby

[Snoopymom]

Just curious, what is it about adjusting to a new adopted child that seems more stressful to you than adjusting to a new biological child?

Or did I misunderstand and you meant any child?

I believe it's more stressful because usually you haven't had 9 months to truly prepare yourself. It's pretty hard to get excited until it's a sure thing and even then there are doubts and fears and some can be more intense or irrational...almost unspeakable....do I love this baby, can I love this child, will we bond, does the cry mean he's rejecting me, am I worthy of this gift, maybe he does belong with his birthmother, what if something falls through and we can't keep him... I've read it's natural to have these thoughts, but you can't really admit them to anyone. Plus some have experienced so much loss, that they're afraid to love the baby completely and unconditionally at first.

I imagine it depends on the person whether breast feeding adds to this stress or helps relieve it, but I think it's a great option.

As for me, after all the excitement wore off and our 3 year long infertility rollercoaster came to an end and we were suddenly left alone with a little 2 year old stranger who was completely dependent on us...well, I think I was a little more overwhelmed than most new moms, LOL.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my wonderful experience for the world, but I don't think it's good to pretend that it's exactly the same. I enjoy the differences and even brag about them a little, LOL.

Hope this helps.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I know you were babywising. Did you try to put the poor kid on a breastfeeding schedule instead of feeding on demand? That would have screwed up your ability to produce enough milk and affected your son's weight gain. I don't think you would admit it if that were the case.

I wouldn't say that breast-feeding is for everyone, but I would advise that everyone avoid the babywise method, as that has been connected to failure to thrive.

DS was on a feeding schedule right from the very beginning and it worked fairly well for us. I know how controversial Babywising is, but if you can be a little bit flexible, it really does work. It's the moms who are so rigid they can't alter the schedule even a tiny bit that have the babies who fail to thrive, etc while Babywising.

I also found out that poor milk production runs in the family, so it might have been a wee bit genetic too.

TOV

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I believe it's more stressful because usually you haven't had 9 months to truly prepare yourself. It's pretty hard to get excited until it's a sure thing and even then there are doubts and fears and some can be more intense or irrational...almost unspeakable....do I love this baby, can I love this child, will we bond, does the cry mean he's rejecting me, am I worthy of this gift, maybe he does belong with his birthmother, what if something falls through and we can't keep him... I've read it's natural to have these thoughts, but you can't really admit them to anyone. Plus some have experienced so much loss, that they're afraid to love the baby completely and unconditionally at first.

I imagine it depends on the person whether breast feeding adds to this stress or helps relieve it, but I think it's a great option.

As for me, after all the excitement wore off and our 3 year long infertility rollercoaster came to an end and we were suddenly left alone with a little 2 year old stranger who was completely dependent on us...well, I think I was a little more overwhelmed than most new moms, LOL.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my wonderful experience for the world, but I don't think it's good to pretend that it's exactly the same. I enjoy the differences and even brag about them a little, LOL.

Hope this helps.

Thanks, Snoopymom. I had a lot of those same fears and insecurities as well, but I guess for me, it didn't feel any more stressful than having our bio baby did. I know it's different for everyone, and it must be completely different when you adopt a toddler, who already has his own way of doing things.

I agree, it's not good to pretend it's exactly the same, because it's not, but usually IME, it's the opposite of what others seem to assume. (And I don't know the person I questioned well enough to know whether it was an assumption or based on personal experience.)

LOL about bragging about the differences. Regarding stress (which for me is directly proportional to lack of sleep), I remember in the first week or so, bragging about how much easier it was when you weren't already worn out from labor and delivery, and sleep deprived from those last couple of uncomfortable months of pregnancy. Of course, then the sleep deprivation of having a newborn kicked in and I was just as tired and stressed as with our first dd.

 

[momof2inPA]

DS was on a feeding schedule right from the very beginning and it worked fairly well for us.

Don't you think, even for a minute, that scheduled feeding might have contributed to your lack of milk production? I don't have any particular reason to not like babywising, except it's bad for babies, based on accounts of doctors and some mothers who have done this. My sister, a nurse practitioner, has seen its effects with her own eyes. Your account of low milk production after using scheduled feeding just adds to the evidence that babywising is bad parenting, not that you are a bad parent, but I wish the author wouldn't recommend this method to young mothers and other folks who buy into it without reading doctors' opinions.