Breaking UP a LTR ** UPDATE Pg3 #43 (REALLY!!)

[happyhaunts]

I am new so I don't think I can do polls. I have lurked for ages and actually have something finally I need an opinion on, non-disney related, otherwise I usually find answers quickly.

Here it is BF of 3 years just informed me by phone at work that he needs to be alone. He is under stress from job, family etc.. and feels the needs to tke a "break" from us.

Okay here comes the advice part - I was hurt, in tears now I am sooo angry. BY PHONE!!! after 3 years - by PHONE!!!!!!!!!

I have things at his house and also have keys to his place so this needs to be done. I am calm and have 5 hours to collect myself. I was thinking of driving up to his place retreiving my stuff, giving him his keys and making him tell me to my face like a MAN would!!!!!!!

Okay so not totally calm, but again I do have 5 hours to gain my composure, and relay just how hurt, pissed off and disrespected I feel that after this amount of time he did this by phone!!!

I guess I should be glad it wasn't email( he has no access at work) or text or post-it!!!!!!!!!

 

[4greatboys]

Wow that is pretty crappy. Sorry.

 

[FireDancer]

I think it is pretty crappy to do it by phone but some people just don't like confrontation. Who knows why he did it.

 

[of the seas]

Does he live far away?

 

[JoiseyMom]

Not that what he did was the right way to do it. But he probably felt it was the only way he could do it. He probably felt he wouldn't be able to do it to your face, and maybe change his mind so as to not hurt you.

As much as it hurts, and I know it does, go get your stuff, and move on. If you feel like giivng him a piece of your mind, then do so. Be thankful that he at least told you and didn't lead you on.

My DS25 was in a 3 year relationship. He liked her and respected her, but didn't love her. They are both in the military. I had been telling for over a year to tell her, he has no plans on long term and to let her know this. She was obviously head over heels. As much as I love my son, he just couldn't do it. She finally broached the subject, because it was time for him to pick a new base. She still hung around him and even helped him pack .

She was a lovely girl, and perfect for him, but he isn't ready for that commitment yet and wasn't in love. He just didnt know how to break it to her, and didnt want to hurt her, but no matter waht the person is going to be hurt.

It's going to be really akward if she winds up at the same base as him.

ANyway...get your stuff, give him his. Leave it on a good note, and move on. Yes, it will take awhile, but one day you will find the guy you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with and will realize that this was a necessary painful bump inthe road!

Oh, Welcome to the DIS!!

 

[happyhaunts]

No, he is about 1/2 hour from my work

 

[Swank]

Sorry to hear about your news, fellow lurker here.

You are correct, by phone was in bad taste. Been there.

My advice... If you love him... if he is the love of your life.... and you want to be with him forever... Then Tell him so and then leave him to himself he will have to decide.


If he is not the "one"... then call him ask when he will not be home so you can pick up your stuff... pick it up and leave the key and again leave him to himself.


And let me make this clear.. if he is not "The One" then don't turn back.. "The One" is out there it just make take a little work.

I know it sucks now it will get better, a little everyday... but I bet you will look back and see it was for the best. I know it was for me.

 

[happyhaunts]

Yeah, I do feel led on, like this lunch conversation yesterday.

"What would you do if I asked you to marry me and gave you a diamond? "
My answer - I never thought about it, we never discussed marriage. We'd have to see. Oh and I giggled like a schoolgirlIDIOT!!!

So you ask me this at lunch on Wednesday but Thursday you are , umm, coward and non-confrontational.

The one conversation I had with him after we decided to be "exclusive" was if either of us decided to end it we would do it face to face.

Now I find out I wasn't dating a man but a eunuch.

 

[of the seas]

After reading that, I would for sure talk to him. Maybe you should leave him a message that you are coming to talk to him.

 

[Heidict]

I'm so sorry he did that to you. Breaking up with someone can be painful enough, especially when you are under the impression that everything is fine, but to do it in the manner he did just adds insult to injury.

What a pathetic and spineless excuse for a man. I don't care if you don't want confrontation or not. You DO NOT call a person, that you have been dating for three years, at work, and break up with them. What kind of person does that? It shows such a lack of respect for the other person.

Get your stuff from his place, give him back the key and count yourself lucky that you are now freed up to find a man who will cherish you and treat you right and not cancel your relationship like it was a subscription to a magazine.

 

[ajk912]

Yeah, I do feel led on, like this lunch conversation yesterday.

"What would you do if I asked you to marry me and gave you a diamond? "
My answer - I never thought about it, we never discussed marriage. We'd have to see. Oh and I giggled like a schoolgirlIDIOT!!!

So you ask me this at lunch on Wednesday but Thursday you are , umm, coward and non-confrontational.

The one conversation I had with him after we decided to be "exclusive" was if either of us decided to end it we would do it face to face.

Now I find out I wasn't dating a man but a eunuch.

That is so odd, why would he say this and then break up with you the next day? I think your answer was great, you would feel even worse if you would have said yes, you would LOVE to marry you- and then he dumps you the next day.

 

[DMass]

"What would you do if I asked you to marry me and gave you a diamond? "
My answer - I never thought about it, we never discussed marriage. We'd have to see. Oh and I giggled like a schoolgirlIDIOT!!!

I get the feeling this guy expected you to say yes without thinking twice about it.

 

[happyhaunts]

And I almost did.

Their is a divorce history, his was mean nasty and cruel on her part - yes met her & their kids(he had custody) and her parents they all agree she was was horrid to him.

So I knew he was gun shy and never ever pushed for marriage, I was happy to just let things flow as they would. I wanted him to be real real sure if he ever broached the subject.

If you had asked me yesterday if he was the "one" I would have told you heck yeah. They don't get better, kinder, sweeter that is why I just don't get this.

The devastation is just so deep.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My guess is after you said you would have to think about marrying him, he decided the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

I have to wonder if he already had that diamond and was looking for you to jump up and say "yes!" without any hesitation. When you didn't he may have become disappointed.

Yes, he should have told you to your face but maybe after one disappointment he didn't want to risk a confrontation.

 

[Nennie]

He is not only spineless, but also cold-hearted. It's bad enough to break up with you on the phone...but the fact that he did it while you are at work is just cruel!!

How the heck are you supposed to keep your emotions in check and get through the rest of your work day??

I am so very sorry!!! What kind of stuff do you have at his place? If it's nothing of great value, I would just forget about it and let him keep it! Make him be the one to grovel to get HIS stuff back from YOU! Don't even give him the satisfaction, and never contact him again.

He wants to play games with your heart, don't let him!!

 

[ajk912]

My guess is after you said you would have to think about marrying him, he decided the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

I have to wonder if he already had that diamond and was looking for you to jump up and say "yes!" without any hesitation. When you didn't he may have become disappointed.

Yes, he should have told you to your face but maybe after one disappointment he didn't want to risk a confrontation.

I still think that was a spineless move, if it was the case. Throwing away a 3 year relationship because you wanted to think about marriage? WTH? I did that exact same thing (wasn't real sure when we first started discussing marriage) but I came around and 11 years and 3 kids later..obviously I am glad he didn't give up on me after ONE conversation. Either way, you sound better off, OP!

 

[happyhaunts]

He can keep my personal stuff but I left our Aerosmith tickets - I'll be darned if he will sit in row 14 of Fenway!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I have a feeling he had a ring in his pocket when he asked you that (this exact scenerio happened to a friend of mine). They did end up breaking up for good. He did have a ring to propose and it somehow all went downhill in one day.

This might just be some bizarre misunderstanding. If he was proposing, he should have just done so instead of not having the cajones to ask you outright. Long term you may be better off without him anyway if this is how he reacts to things.

 

[allison443]

Yeah, I do feel led on, like this lunch conversation yesterday.

"What would you do if I asked you to marry me and gave you a diamond? "
My answer - I never thought about it, we never discussed marriage. We'd have to see. Oh and I giggled like a schoolgirlIDIOT!!!

Was your answer an honest answer? You really had never thought about it during the three years you were together?
But in another post you said he is "the one"?

Regardless that was totally wrong of him to break up over the phone. Not an adult way to handle things at all.
Sorry for what you are going through.

 

[Sparx]

I think you should go get your stuff, leave the keys on the table and not look back. You invested three years into this man and all of a sudden he's "too stressed" for the relationship? Sounds fishy to me and you don't need to put up with that kind of nonsense. And he broke up with you over the phone. That's ridiculous and spinless. I wouldn't have anything left to say to this man.