Breaking UP a LTR ** UPDATE Pg3 #43 (REALLY!!)

[bumbershoot]

I am sorry to say this but- that sounds like a classic line of a man who is newly interested in someone else. Move forward, dont look back and take care of you.

It definitely does. When in a long-term relationship, many couples don't get all tingly every time they see each other (some do...but IMO that must be exhausting!)...sometimes people decide that no tingles = no "in love", when it's just a normal thing (one way of being normal, not the ONLY way). So I assume someone else is making him tingly and he's mis-reading it. Ugh.

A little compassion dude. Come on.

There is a time and a place for playing the "wonder what the other side of the story is". This is not that time, the day after the break-up. A simple "so sorry". Would suffice. Give the lady a little time to compose herself and to start reflecting on where this all might've come from.

Really.

I completely agree.

The biggest red flag to me was the call at work. It seemed to me like a way to mitigate what could be an emotional response which couldn't be done face to face.

Just in case you're ever in a situation where you *could* see a woman in person to break up, but choose to NOT, and choose to call at work to avoid big emotions, please remember this thread. If you do that, and do not have to (like if you're in Greenland for 8 years and 4 years into it you decide to break up with someone at home and you cannot get home at all and don't want to wait the 4 years to break up AND she doesn't have a means of long-distance communication except for while she's at work), you will be *causing* a worse scene than you were trying to avoid. You'll be taking a sad angry thing and making it even worse. Don't do it. Remember this thread, and the outrage that the phone call (at work) caused in almost everyone.

If a 51 year old guy is afraid of a womans emotions, no matter how strong, he should stay home with his mommy instead of dating

Agreed.

...from a guy that the OP has since admitted she wasn't all that into.

She has not!

...I believe what she stated was that she loved the man, but apparently is mourning the loss of the man she thought he was,{sweet, kind etc} not the man that he apparently is now,

Which is totally normal. I've had very conflicted feelings while in mourning over a breakup. Hating what the man did and what it means about who he truly is, while missing dreadfully the man I *thought* he was....

Saying there might be another side to the story doesn't equal an attack.

When the person has *just* been broken up with, it DOES equal an attack. To her heart at least. It's just not nice to do.

 

[Anjelica]

Last time - now pay attention Frank/Sparow/Carly - you can repeat after me -

I may not always agree with everything Frank, Sparrow or Carly put out but I think that was extremely condescending and really unwarranted. No matter how frustrated you are with a person is it really necessary to "talk" to folks like they are 4 year olds?

 

[FireDancer]

Just in case you're ever in a situation where you *could* see a woman in person to break up, but choose to NOT, and choose to call at work to avoid big emotions, please remember this thread. If you do that, and do not have to (like if you're in Greenland for 8 years and 4 years into it you decide to break up with someone at home and you cannot get home at all and don't want to wait the 4 years to break up AND she doesn't have a means of long-distance communication except for while she's at work), you will be *causing* a worse scene than you were trying to avoid. You'll be taking a sad angry thing and making it even worse. Don't do it. Remember this thread, and the outrage that the phone call (at work) caused in almost everyone.

True, but if that outrage is expressed to a bunch of strangers on a message board and not in my face it might still be worth it.

In all seriousness it would take a pretty extreme situation for me to do something like that and hopefully I would spot it much earlier then 3 years into a relationship. If I did have to resort to that I would hope people thought about the possible reasons instead of jumping to conclusions. Chances are I was just breaking up with a nutcase.

When the person has *just* been broken up with, it DOES equal an attack.

It really doesn't.

 

[missj1975]

To the OP: I get it.

But can I just add my thoughts ;-). I loved your responses to your "fan club". Very well put! And thank you for reminding me why I quit reading the Disboards for a year. I love readings everyone's stories, just not the not-so-nice posts by the professional dis-know-it-alls ;-)

 

[gina2000]

Personally I now think Eddie is much better off without you in his life. I'm glad he got out when he did.

I can't even fathom anyone typing this.

I hope some of you never go through the joy of a relationship followed by a moment of heartbreak. Sounds like some of you have never had it and based on the responses, will never have it.

 

[JaneBanks]

I'm relatively new to the DIS. I've learned a lot about posters during my short time here.

To the OP- I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm sure, after some time, you'll start to feel better and realize that things happen for a reason.

To those who have completely embarrassed themselves in this thread - Well, you've embarrassed yourselves. You can be proud that you've shown that you have no compassion for people. You have also shown that even though we're all adults here, the maturity level is really lacking on the DIS. Good job!

 

[handinpocket]

I can't even fathom anyone typing this.

I hope some of you never go through the joy of a relationship followed by a moment of heartbreak. Sounds like some of you have never had it and based on the responses, will never have it.

We all know what is going on. The internet pack of wolves need feeding. They haven't had a good bashing in a while. Disgusting really.

 

[FireDancer]

To those who have completely embarrassed themselves in this thread - Well, you've embarrassed yourselves. You can be proud that you've shown that you have no compassion for people. You have also shown that even though we're all adults here, the maturity level is really lacking on the DIS. Good job!

The only people who should be embarrassed are those that took a simple statement of fact (all stories have more then one side) and replied with scathing drivel. People can disagree and have a rational discussion like a mature adult but that isn't what happened. The response was completely over the top and not what a mature adult would reply with. It is something you'd see on a teen board. If someone can take something that simple and fly off the handle with their response I can only imagine how they respond to real life situations.

I don't care if people agree with me or not and have said that on thread after thread but to imply I attacked someone or don't have a valid opinion by bringing up a rational question that represented an alternate point of view is at least the very least disingenuous and at most delusional.

I've been on both sides of breakups and never lost the grasp of my emotions to the point I couldn't have a rational conversation with another human being, especially on a message board I just joined and have never posted on before.

 

[Robinrs]

We all know what is going on. The internet pack of wolves need feeding. They haven't had a good bashing in a while. Disgusting really.

sickening sad disgusting.

OP, been in your shoes, move on, forget the haters and NEVER express your personal life on this board again. I've learned MY lesson.