Boys in the Girls Bathroom?

[my4kids]

That happened in Vegas too. The aunt was waiting outside the bathroom and the young niece was beaten to death in the bathroom. the kid walked out of the bathroom and looked right at her. I remember seeing the survellience video on the news. Sick people in this world, and I honestly don't care what other people think or how badly I offend them or their kids, I will continue to take my 7 year old boy into the bathroom with me.

Yep, not every story hits the national news...here is one from our local news..in April of this year in Westminster MD (a very safe quite suburb) a 7 yr. old boy was eating at an Applebees restaurant and his father let him go to the bathroom with his siblings. The siblings finished and went back to their table and that is when the 7 yr old was attacted and molested. The father had no clue there was a problem until the boy returned to the table crying. The man told the boy he would kill him if he screamed(there is no amount of talking to your kid about what to do in a mens room that can prepare them for that situation).

Here is the link

http://www.thewbalchannel.com/video/8865504/detail.html - 0.0KB - video

My 10 year old is still small and could be overpowered by a monster like this. So I don't need anyone (especially someone who is not a parent) telling me what age I should stop protecting my child.

 

[beattyfamily]

I have no problem with boys in the ladies room till a certain age; probably 10, not sure though. We must protect our children in this crazy world.

But at some point, there should be a cut off. After all, it is a ladies room. When is a boy too old? When is it wrong? We have ladies' rooms and men's rooms for a reason right? At what point are you crossing the line? Age 11? 12? 13? Once they reach puberty? When (what age) are the ladies in the ladies room justified in their feelings of thinking that a male should not be in the ladies room anymore?

I'm really just curious as to when the cut off is? At some point, they WILL be too old to be in a ladies room, so when is that point? When are you trampling on the ladies' rights (to privacy/modesty) in the ladies' room?

 

[my4kids]

I have no problem with boys in the ladies room till a certain age; probably 10, not sure though. We must protect our children in this crazy world.

But at some point, there should be a cut off. After all, it is a ladies room. When is a boy too old? When is it wrong? We have ladies' rooms and men's rooms for a reason right? At what point are you crossing the line? Age 11? 12? 13? Once they reach puberty? When (what age) are the ladies in the ladies room justified in their feelings of thinking that a male should not be in the ladies room anymore?

I'm really just curious as to when the cut off is? At some point, they WILL be too old to be in a ladies room, so when is that point? When are you trampling on the ladies' rights (to privacy/modesty) in the ladies' room?

Someone posed this same ? on a similar thread once. This was my answer...

I am personally not sure for my family because I have not reached this point yet. But I will know when the time comes. (I'm sure it will be soon as oldest is 10) I will know just like I knew when it was time to potty train, just like I knew when it was time to move him out of a crib and into a bed. I just know that my 10 yr old could still be overpowered easily and is not ready to safely use a mens room by himself....some other parent may have a 9 or 10 yr old that they do feel safe sending into a bathroom, and that is fine, I just think a parent knows when the time comes.....kids vary greatly in the 8-11 age group in size - most have not hit puberty yet, all kids hit different milestones at different times....I just think that if a parent is not quite ready to let them go on their own, that the parents instinct is best and that even though some boys in this age group are getting a little bigger, people need to be tolerant and realize that the parent knows thier child best.

 

[JLTraveling]

Oh my gosh...yet again I have slogged through every single post, and yet again I can't believe what I am reading. Like we didn't have enough to worry about in the world, now we have to raise our kids with an unreasonable fear of "stranger danger" if they set foot in a restroom alone. I was allowed to go to the parks alone or with a same-age friend at 7 years old, and you people aren't allowing your kids to go to a BATHROOM alone?!?!?! I was really surprised to read that kids 10 and under are now required by Disney to be accompanied, because when I was in day camp in FL, the age requirement of all the parks (not just Disney) was 7, and therefore that was the age requirement of the day camp. I was in theme parks and amusement parks all day every day all summer, and the day a kid turned 7, that was the day he/she no longer had to be with a counselor. Out of a summer camp of several hundred kids, NONE was ever abducted, molested, or otherwise harmed. *Could* something happen? Of course. Setting foot outside your house, whether you're a child, teen, or adult, carries an inherent risk. But then again, so does staying in your house -- how many kids and adults have died from fires, radon, SIDS, suffocation... the reality is that life is a terminal condition. Is it reasonable to minimize risks? Of course. But consider this. The role of a parent is NOT to protect your child from all possible harm, at all possible costs. The role of a parent is to teach your child how to be responsible for him or herself. Go through scenarios. Role play. Ask challenging questions. Make sure that your child is well-equipped to deal with things as they happen, and of course make sure that he/she is aware that bad people as well as good people go to Disney, or the mall, or wherever. But barring mental retardation, autism, or another disability, a child should be perfectly capable of going to a public restroom alone by the age of 5 or so. You as the parent are responsible for waiting outside the door, summoning someone of the opposite sex to check on your child if it has been a long time, etc. etc. But if you take your child to the bathroom with at age 10, then what? At the magic age of 11 nothing could possibly happen to him or her? Or maybe the magic age of 12? Where do you draw the line, and how do you prepare the child to be ready for that magical day?
Before you all flame me, no I am not a parent. But I do hold a degree in Child Psychology, and I have been responsible for a caseload full of seriously troubled children and teens. So I'm not inexperienced and naive here.

 

[my4kids]

Oh my gosh...yet again I have slogged through every single post, and yet again I can't believe what I am reading. Like we didn't have enough to worry about in the world, now we have to raise our kids with an unreasonable fear of "stranger danger" if they set foot in a restroom alone. I was allowed to go to the parks alone or with a same-age friend at 7 years old, and you people aren't allowing your kids to go to a BATHROOM alone?!?!?! I was really surprised to read that kids 10 and under are now required by Disney to be accompanied, because when I was in day camp in FL, the age requirement of all the parks (not just Disney) was 7, and therefore that was the age requirement of the day camp. I was in theme parks and amusement parks all day every day all summer, and the day a kid turned 7, that was the day he/she no longer had to be with a counselor. Out of a summer camp of several hundred kids, NONE was ever abducted, molested, or otherwise harmed. *Could* something happen? Of course. Setting foot outside your house, whether you're a child, teen, or adult, carries an inherent risk. But then again, so does staying in your house -- how many kids and adults have died from fires, radon, SIDS, suffocation... the reality is that life is a terminal condition. Is it reasonable to minimize risks? Of course. But consider this. The role of a parent is NOT to protect your child from all possible harm, at all possible costs. The role of a parent is to teach your child how to be responsible for him or herself. Go through scenarios. Role play. Ask challenging questions. Make sure that your child is well-equipped to deal with things as they happen, and of course make sure that he/she is aware that bad people as well as good people go to Disney, or the mall, or wherever. But barring mental retardation, autism, or another disability, a child should be perfectly capable of going to a public restroom alone by the age of 5 or so. You as the parent are responsible for waiting outside the door, summoning someone of the opposite sex to check on your child if it has been a long time, etc. etc. But if you take your child to the bathroom with at age 10, then what? At the magic age of 11 nothing could possibly happen to him or her? Or maybe the magic age of 12? Where do you draw the line, and how do you prepare the child to be ready for that magical day?
Before you all flame me, no I am not a parent. But I do hold a degree in Child Psychology, and I have been responsible for a caseload full of seriously troubled children and teens. So I'm not inexperienced and naive here.

First,

second, It is a way different world since the internet.
Sickos have all day easy accsess to disgusting material that I think
has made it a more dangerous world then when you were a kid.

third, again, you are entitled to your opinion, and no, I can not protect my child from every danger, but I can protect them from this one.

 

[georgia4now]

Oh my gosh...yet again I have slogged through every single post, and yet again I can't believe what I am reading. Like we didn't have enough to worry about in the world, now we have to raise our kids with an unreasonable fear of "stranger danger" if they set foot in a restroom alone. I was allowed to go to the parks alone or with a same-age friend at 7 years old, and you people aren't allowing your kids to go to a BATHROOM alone?!?!?! I was really surprised to read that kids 10 and under are now required by Disney to be accompanied, because when I was in day camp in FL, the age requirement of all the parks (not just Disney) was 7, and therefore that was the age requirement of the day camp. I was in theme parks and amusement parks all day every day all summer, and the day a kid turned 7, that was the day he/she no longer had to be with a counselor. Out of a summer camp of several hundred kids, NONE was ever abducted, molested, or otherwise harmed. *Could* something happen? Of course. Setting foot outside your house, whether you're a child, teen, or adult, carries an inherent risk. But then again, so does staying in your house -- how many kids and adults have died from fires, radon, SIDS, suffocation... the reality is that life is a terminal condition. Is it reasonable to minimize risks? Of course. But consider this. The role of a parent is NOT to protect your child from all possible harm, at all possible costs. The role of a parent is to teach your child how to be responsible for him or herself. Go through scenarios. Role play. Ask challenging questions. Make sure that your child is well-equipped to deal with things as they happen, and of course make sure that he/she is aware that bad people as well as good people go to Disney, or the mall, or wherever. But barring mental retardation, autism, or another disability, a child should be perfectly capable of going to a public restroom alone by the age of 5 or so. You as the parent are responsible for waiting outside the door, summoning someone of the opposite sex to check on your child if it has been a long time, etc. etc. But if you take your child to the bathroom with at age 10, then what? At the magic age of 11 nothing could possibly happen to him or her? Or maybe the magic age of 12? Where do you draw the line, and how do you prepare the child to be ready for that magical day?
Before you all flame me, no I am not a parent. But I do hold a degree in Child Psychology, and I have been responsible for a caseload full of seriously troubled children and teens. So I'm not inexperienced and naive here.

Well put. This over-protective society is turning young men into a bunch of wussies. Stand at the door, let the kid do his business, when he comes out, go enjoy the parks. It's that simple.

Kids have a better chance of being injured on a ride than he does being molested in a crowded bathroom at WDW.

Ok, seriously, now I'm really going to stop posting on this subject! It's just soooo much fun!

 

[JLTraveling]

First,

second, It is a way different world since the internet.
Sickos have all day easy accsess to disgusting material that I think
has made it a more dangerous world then when you were a kid.

third, again, you are entitled to your opinion, and no, I can not protect my child from every danger, but I can protect them from this one.

But can you protect your child from yourself? Now the internet is responsible for child endangerment. I'll see you in five years when you bring little Johnny in for therapy because he's suffering from agoraphobia so bad he can't go to school. Nice work MOM.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

But barring mental retardation, autism, or another disability, a child should be perfectly capable of going to a public restroom alone by the age of 5 or so

5?!? I'm sorry, but that's just not at all reasonable. Are they capable of using the facilities, washing their hands, etc.? Sure. Are they old enough to know what to do if approached by a stranger? While they may be able to recite to you what they should do, a panicked 5 year old very well might not be able to act on their learning.

The role of a parent is NOT to protect your child from all possible harm, at all possible costs. The role of a parent is to teach your child how to be responsible for him or herself.

As a PP said, when and if you ever have kids of your own you may just have a different opinion. My job is to BOTH protect AND teach. And what awful "costs" are there to taking a young boy into the ladies room with you?

 

[fan_of_small_world]

But can you protect your child from yourself? Now the internet is responsible for child endangerment. I'll see you in five years when you bring little Johnny in for therapy because he's suffering from agoraphobia so bad he can't go to school. Nice work MOM.

That is just going too far. How many people have replied on this board that they feel more comfortable taking their child in with them? They are certainly not all going to be suffering from agoraphobia or anything else because their parents cared enough to protect them when they could.

 

[gardendame]

I have a 10 y/o DS and a 9 y/o DD. I also have two older DSs (14 and 21). We have dealt with this bathroom issue for years. It depends on the kid. In my opinion, 9 is old enough to know stranger danger, and therefore old enough to go to the bathroom by himself. If you still insist on taking him into the ladies room, please, PLEASE, be considerate enough to leave with him if other patrons are uncomfortable, especially little girls of the same age.

You have to remember, to some little girls, having a boy in the same bathroom with them is just as humilating (and violating) as being neked! Whether her feelings are right or wrong, this too can be very damaging. I know my DD would rather wet her pants in the bushes than have a boy in the "girls" bathroom. I know, I know, some will say the word "violated" is extreme, but put yourself in the body of a 9 y/o girl. It doesn't matter that Mommy accompanied HER into the restroom, there is still a BOY in there, and she feels a complete loss of privacy.

Be considerate of the other patrons. If there are only a few others there, and no one seems to be bothered, then go ahead. But if it is crowded, and he has to wait (probably humiliated himself), or if someone seems offended, then do everyone a favor and make other arrangements.

As for boys peeking through cracks and under doors, if they are over the age of 3 and still doing this, and their "concerned parent" doesn't do anything about it, then I'd get security involved.

 

[Hannathy]

I have an idea to all the overprotective Moms who want to take their older boys (over 8) into the womens room. Why don't you and your son use the men's room? If you have a son there is nothing in that bathroom that you haven't seen so why put other women and girls out and made to feel uncomfortable. If you say the men won't like it well guess what the girls don't like having old boys in their bathrooms.

I agree with the posters who say whens the cut off ? no one cares about a 8 and younger child but come on at 10 it is time to cut the strings. If they go on a field trip with school believe me no women is taking a 10 yr old in the bathroom with them in fact a lot of the times they are on their own at the park or museum.

 

[traviesojmt]

Oh my gosh...yet again I have slogged through every single post, and yet again I can't believe what I am reading. Like we didn't have enough to worry about in the world, now we have to raise our kids with an unreasonable fear of "stranger danger" if they set foot in a restroom alone. I was allowed to go to the parks alone or with a same-age friend at 7 years old, and you people aren't allowing your kids to go to a BATHROOM alone?!?!?! I was really surprised to read that kids 10 and under are now required by Disney to be accompanied, because when I was in day camp in FL, the age requirement of all the parks (not just Disney) was 7, and therefore that was the age requirement of the day camp. I was in theme parks and amusement parks all day every day all summer, and the day a kid turned 7, that was the day he/she no longer had to be with a counselor. Out of a summer camp of several hundred kids, NONE was ever abducted, molested, or otherwise harmed. *Could* something happen? Of course. Setting foot outside your house, whether you're a child, teen, or adult, carries an inherent risk. But then again, so does staying in your house -- how many kids and adults have died from fires, radon, SIDS, suffocation... the reality is that life is a terminal condition. Is it reasonable to minimize risks? Of course. But consider this. The role of a parent is NOT to protect your child from all possible harm, at all possible costs. The role of a parent is to teach your child how to be responsible for him or herself. Go through scenarios. Role play. Ask challenging questions. Make sure that your child is well-equipped to deal with things as they happen, and of course make sure that he/she is aware that bad people as well as good people go to Disney, or the mall, or wherever. But barring mental retardation, autism, or another disability, a child should be perfectly capable of going to a public restroom alone by the age of 5 or so. You as the parent are responsible for waiting outside the door, summoning someone of the opposite sex to check on your child if it has been a long time, etc. etc. But if you take your child to the bathroom with at age 10, then what? At the magic age of 11 nothing could possibly happen to him or her? Or maybe the magic age of 12? Where do you draw the line, and how do you prepare the child to be ready for that magical day?
Before you all flame me, no I am not a parent. But I do hold a degree in Child Psychology, and I have been responsible for a caseload full of seriously troubled children and teens. So I'm not inexperienced and naive here.

All I could do was smile when I read your post. The reality is that when you do not have children, regardless of how many degrees that you might have, you can not comprehend the parental instint to protect your children. I think that it is up to the parent to chose the line that they wish to draw. I cannot fathom letting either my DD or DS go to the bathroom alone at age 5. As someone with a degree in Criminology, I am very aware of the nutcases out there. I am happy to tell you that even though I still have my DS8 go with me to the bathroom when my husband is not available, he is a perfectly well-adjusted child. I agree that you are probably very experienced with your job, but we will see how you feel when you have children of your own.
This is not intended as a flame to you and I sincerely hope that you do not take it as such, but it is very inappropriate for you to indicate that parents are creating troubled children because they want to protect them. For every case that you find of a parent that is too controlling and overprotective, I can find one of a parent who was neglectful and didn't care enough.

 

[summerrluvv]

I have an idea to all the overprotective Moms who want to take their older boys (over 8) into the womens room. Why don't you and your son use the men's room? If you have a son there is nothing in that bathroom that you haven't seen so why put other women and girls out and made to feel uncomfortable. If you say the men won't like it well guess what the girls don't like having old boys in their bathrooms.

I agree with the posters who say whens the cut off ? no one cares about a 8 and younger child but come on at 10 it is time to cut the strings. If they go on a field trip with school believe me no women is taking a 10 yr old in the bathroom with them in fact a lot of the times they are on their own at the park or museum.

There is a huge difference between a 9 year old boy into the women's restroom and a 35 year old woman going into the men's room.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I've been reading (and responding) to this thread but one thing has escaped me- What on earth are you doing in a rest room that you care who is standing outside of a stall door? I don't care if you bring your 15year old in with you. Do what's best for your family. Of course peeking in the doors and looking up stalls is an issue that parents need to address with their child but seriously- I have never seen anyone walking around nude or doing anything other than washing their hands or maybe combing their hair. Am I missing something?

 

[my4kids]

But can you protect your child from yourself? Now the internet is responsible for child endangerment. I'll see you in five years when you bring little Johnny in for therapy because he's suffering from agoraphobia so bad he can't go to school. Nice work MOM.

Just because of your 2 posts, i have a very hard time believing you are a child phsychologist,,,and no you won't being seeing me or my child - I don't think I would take my child to someone like you.

 

[jaycns]

But can you protect your child from yourself? Now the internet is responsible for child endangerment. I'll see you in five years when you bring little Johnny in for therapy because he's suffering from agoraphobia so bad he can't go to school. Nice work MOM.

Your opinion is one thing...insulting a person's mothering is QUITE another. Insulting their children by extension is just plain uncalled for.

I respect your opinion of when YOU think "any" child should be ready to go alone...but you know what? My opinion about when my child should do something is the one that matters for my children...period.

It's interesting to see both sides of an arguement. It's part of being a good member of society to care what others feel. However, it's just plain ignorant and disturbing to see personal attacks start to fly. You just insulted a board full of parents you don't even know. And FYI, I am sure that most(if not all) of them have wonderfully well adjusted, outgoing, self confident kids.

I can agree to disagree with you (or anyone else) but their is NO need for a disagreement to get ugly and personal. No need at all.

P.S. A degree doesn't hold a candle to parental experience/knowledge. Just ask anyone who thought they knew all about kids before they had them!!

 

[my4kids]

But can you protect your child from yourself? Now the internet is responsible for child endangerment. I'll see you in five years when you bring little Johnny in for therapy because he's suffering from agoraphobia so bad he can't go to school. Nice work MOM.

By the way, your profile says that your occupation is "animal rescue"
so which time were you lying?

 

[Hanover]

I'm not sure what the magic age for our son's going into a men's bathroom alone will be, but for now we try and find family bathrooms and if none are available, they come along with me into the women's. I've already posted our experience in Arundel Mills as to why I do this. My Dh is not always with us to take them into the men's, and I bring them in so I know they are safe with me.

I've never once walked in a woman's bathroom in all my life to see someone doing something that was so private it wasn't done in a stall. I think that some people are feeling uncomfortable about seeing boys in ladies rooms because they just aren't used to it. Maybe all us overprotected parents with boys in ladies rooms will help change that.

I know in many places we shop, there are now even joint fitting rooms. I've never had an issue with feeling akward being next to a man and the doors are just like the one's on bathroom stalls.

Bottom line is you do what your gut instinct says to do and screw what anyone else thinks. I'd rather be judged by someone feeling uncomfortable than worry that my sons are being molested or even killed while I'm outside waiting on them.

Some people I know don't even look like the majority of their gender. What if I had a daughter that just looked like a boy? Would you still feel as uncomfortable? In my opinion, everyone needs to go to the restroom to just do their business, mind their own business, and leave. There are far too many serious issues going on in this world these days.

 

[jordansmomma]

My son is 6 and i dont let him go into the mens restroom by himself. i take him into the girls with me unless there is another male with me or a family bathroom.

 

[welovedis]

I'm not sure what the magic age for our son's going into a men's bathroom alone will be, but for now we try and find family bathrooms and if none are available, they come along with me into the women's. I've already posted our experience in Arundel Mills as to why I do this. My Dh is not always with us to take them into the men's, and I bring them in so I know they are safe with me.

I've never once walked in a woman's bathroom in all my life to see someone doing something that was so private it wasn't done in a stall. I think that some people are feeling uncomfortable about seeing boys in ladies rooms because they just aren't used to it. Maybe all us overprotected parents with boys in ladies rooms will help change that.

I know in many places we shop, there are now even joint fitting rooms. I've never had an issue with feeling akward being next to a man and the doors are just like the one's on bathroom stalls.

Bottom line is you do what your gut instinct says to do and screw what anyone else thinks. I'd rather be judged by someone feeling uncomfortable than worry that my sons are being molested or even killed while I'm outside waiting on them.

Some people I know don't even look like the majority of their gender. What if I had a daughter that just looked like a boy? Would you still feel as uncomfortable? In my opinion, everyone needs to go to the restroom to just do their business, mind their own business, and leave. There are far too many serious issues going on in this world these days.

Thanks for a SPOT ON post! Couldn't have said it better myself.