Boys accompanying their mom into the restroom?

[autumnpalm]

I encountered a situation the other day that made me think about this, and I knew I could count on the DIS to have an opinion!

I was at the movie theater with some girlfriends and we went to use the restroom after the film was over. I was waiting for them in the sink area when I saw a boy of about 11 come out of a stall, wash his hands and then wait beside me for his mom to come out and leave. I was quite surprised and taken aback to see a boy that old in the women's room and it got me to thinking- where is the cut off where a child of the opposite gender should not longer accompany their parent? I suppose this would apply to little girls with their dads too.

I totally understand young children doing this for safety reasons, but IMO a child over 10 should be able to use the restroom by him or herself. I understand there are exceptions in some cases, like a child with a disability, but I am thinking of the average child.

Would this have made you uncomfortable or do a double take? Or am I the weird one here?

 

[happygirl]

I encountered a situation the other day that made me think about this, and I knew I could count on the DIS to have an opinion!

I was at the movie theater with some girlfriends and we went to use the restroom after the film was over. I was waiting for them in the sink area when I saw a boy of about 11 come out of a stall, wash his hands and then wait beside me for his mom to come out and leave. I was quite surprised and taken aback to see a boy that old in the women's room and it got me to thinking- where is the cut off where a child of the opposite gender should not longer accompany their parent? I suppose this would apply to little girls with their dads too.

I totally understand young children doing this for safety reasons, but IMO a child over 10 should be able to use the restroom by him or herself. I understand there are exceptions in some cases, like a child with a disability, but I am thinking of the average child.

Would this have made you uncomfortable or do a double take? Or am I the weird one here?

It wouldn't have me uncomfortable.

 

[krcit]

It wouldn't make me uncomfortable but i wouldn't have my ds in the bathroom with me at 11. He's 9 and he goes in by himself and I wait by the door.

 

[mickeywho?]

When both the parent and child are comfortable to go in separately - then it's time.

I use the buddy-system with my guys as much as possible but would not hesitate to take my 9 year old into the ladies room if I was on my own.

I would think it would be more uncomfortable for the guys in the mens room....

If he wasn't misbehaving in any way I don't really see the issue. What exactly made you uncomfortable?

 

[KristaTX]

Make me uncomfortable? Not unless he was glancing or peeking through the stall.

Make me do a double take? Yep. And I'd feel sorry for the kid that his mom made him come into the women's restroom. How embarrassing. But even worse would be if an 11 year old girl's dad forced her to go into the men's bathroom if mom wasn't around . Do people do that, too??

 

[autumnpalm]

When both the parent and child are comfortable to go in separately - then it's time.

I use the buddy-system with my guys as much as possible but would not hesitate to take my 9 year old into the ladies room if I was on my own.

I would think it would be more uncomfortable for the guys in the mens room....

If he wasn't misbehaving in any way I don't really see the issue. What exactly made you uncomfortable?

Nope, not misbehaving! He was very well behaved AND did a great job washing his hands!

You know, I'm not sure what exactly made me uncomfortable. Probably that it is just a women's area and as a boy nears puberty, I don't find it as appropriate? Uncomfortable might have been the wrong word to use!

But I'm also aware of the fact that I might just be really uptight.

 

[ski_mom]

From a personal standpoint, I would never want my 12 and 13 year old DDs to go into the men's room with DH. At almost 8 years old I usually let my DS go into the men's room by himself, but I will say in some situations I do not. For example, we were at a Cardinals game and there were just way too many people going in and out, but I would agree that my 11 unless there are extenuating circumstances, I would think they would be fine going in the men's room and then waiting outside for mom until she's done.

 

[mickeywho?]

Nope, not misbehaving! He was very well behaved AND did a great job washing his hands!

You know, I'm not sure what exactly made me uncomfortable. Probably that it is just a women's area and as a boy nears puberty, I don't find it as appropriate? Uncomfortable might have been the wrong word to use!

But I'm also aware of the fact that I might just be really uptight.

I wouldn't call you uptight - I think your reaction was an honest one!

Until a couple of years ago - my then 9 year old - was using mens rooms on his own. We had a predator assault an 11 year old in the local Walmart washroom (very busy one - my son had been in it a million times on his own). Now every parent around here is a bit more paranoid and we're a bit more used to older boys coming into the ladies room.

Not a nice place to be (the paranoid feeling) but I've never run into anyone around here that didn't understand. It was a pretty shocking story!

Wish it didn't have to be that way - but like I mentioned, we buddy-system when we can!

 

[Stacerita]

Ahh, wouldn't bother me. As long as he isn't peaking in my stall I could care less.

 

[mickeywho?]

I have occasionally asked a Dad with boys already heading into the restroom to keep an eye out for my son so he can go in on his own. I've done the same for Dads sending their daughter into the ladies room.

Sign of the times...

 

[autumnpalm]

I wouldn't call you uptight - I think your reaction was an honest one!

Until a couple of years ago - my then 9 year old - was using mens rooms on his own. We had a predator assault an 11 year old in the local Walmart washroom (very busy one - my son had been in it a million times on his own). Now every parent around here is a bit more paranoid and we're a bit more used to older boys coming into the ladies room.

Not a nice place to be (the paranoid feeling) but I've never run into anyone around here that didn't understand. It was a pretty shocking story!

Wish it didn't have to be that way - but like I mentioned, we buddy-system when we can!

Oh my gosh, how scary! I'm from Toronto and I just noticed you're in Oakville- wow, that's close to home!

 

[shellybaxter]

It would bother me - eleven is too old. I remember being 10 years old and getting my period. It was embarrassing enough for me to change my pads in a public womens room. It would have been excurisatingly horrible to do so with a boy in the room. Women's rooms are for private womens things and young men shouldn't be in the room

 

[mickeywho?]

Oh my gosh, how scary! I'm from Toronto and I just noticed you're in Oakville- wow, that's close to home!

It was pretty scary! A couple of kids had been approached at the Toys R Us over a few months and then the Walmart assault. I don't know if they ever proved it was the same guy...definitely puts you on alert.

 

[FireDancer]

I think 11 is a bit odd. I've seen fathers take their young daughters into the men's room if their mom wasn't around but I have never seen an 11 year old girl in there.

It wouldn't bother me but I would wonder why a parent feels their 4th or 5th grade child couldn't use the bathroom on their own, even with mom or dad waiting right outside the door (baring a developmental issue of course).

 

[DorkyDisneyMom]

I have a 8 year old who is taller than my 10 year old so maybe he wasn't as old as you think he was.

I'm not sure it would make me uncomfortable unless he was peeking or something like that. We also had a pedator attack a boy in the Burger King restroom. So it freaks me out a bit. It's rare but it does happen.

I also time my kid if he goes into the restroom by himself. I give him about 3 minutes before I start to worry. I try not to take him into the restroom with me but sometimes it's unavoidable.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that an 11 year old is too old but I wouldn't say anything. I would feel sorry for the boy because I imagine that he would be very uncomfortable.

 

[jemmouse]

Being a mom to a 9 year old boy and understanding that this world we live in can at times be very UNSAFE I would not find this to be uncomfortable. What would be uncomfortable would be to read of a boy being abused or assaulted or worse yet kidnapped from entering a mens restroom alone. When I was a small girl there was a case where a teenager shot a needle in a boy in the restroom while his mother waited outside. After a lengthly time the mother went in and found her son lying on the floor. This story amongst others has haunted me since I was a child. If the child is behaving himself what really is the big deal. I mean honestly sometimes the teenage girls that are in the bathrooms and on their cell phone or standing and blocking the mirror is more annoying to me than a young boy waiting for his mom. Plus there are stalls that give women their privacy unlike in male restrooms, don't get me started on that one. I mean who thinks it is inappropriate for a small boy of the age 3-whenever to stand next to a grown man using a urinal with no shields to block, argh this one really angers me.
I guess bottom line is once a mom always a mom for me, and to see another mom just wanting their child to be safe is a no brainer for me. There are times when I myself have to go to the restroom, should I leave my 9 year old standing outside at a Walmart and just pray that he will be there when I get back? Not in my lifetime!
Bottom line what would bother any one with a boy standing in a restroom while a woman washes her hands, I do that in my kitchen sink plenty of times when my son has friends over. A bathroom has stalls, they are NOT in the stalls with you, that is the only place in a bathroom that I feel is off limits after a certain age.
Bottom line what would be worse? Turning your tv on at the evening news and hearing of an abduction, or an assault on a child at the very same store you were at that day. Remember one thing, most boys don't want to be in the womens restroom after a certain age in fear of embarrassment themselves. I know when my son comes in he looks at the floor only or even at times won't leave his stall until I have left mine, trust me they don't want to be there either.
To me the best outcome is always the safest route, and being under the watchful eye of mom is the best route for this mom and her son..

 

[SmallWorld71]

As the mother of an 11 year old boy, I can tell you that there is no way he or any of his friends would go into the ladies' rest room with their moms. I honestly don't think that this was a typical 11 year old boy. My guess is that the boy was either a big kid who was younger than he looks or that there was a hidden disability such as Aspergers etc... The fact that he was doing a good job washing his hands kind of supports this theory. Have you ever seen the hygiene of a typical 11 year old boy?

 

[jemmouse]

As the mother of an 11 year old boy, I can tell you that there is no way he or any of his friends would go into the ladies' rest room with their moms. I honestly don't think that this was a typical 11 year old boy. My guess is that the boy was either a big kid who was younger than he looks or that there was a hidden disability such as Aspergers etc... The fact that he was doing a good job washing his hands kind of supports this theory. Have you ever seen the hygiene of a typical 11 year old boy?

LOL

 

[Planogirl]

As the mother of an 11 year old boy, I can tell you that there is no way he or any of his friends would go into the ladies' rest room with their moms. I honestly don't think that this was a typical 11 year old boy. My guess is that the boy was either a big kid who was younger than he looks or that there was a hidden disability such as Aspergers etc... The fact that he was doing a good job washing his hands kind of supports this theory. Have you ever seen the hygiene of a typical 11 year old boy?

True.