Boy Trouble

[babymine]

I've been posting on the DIS for years, but am not posting this under my regular user name.

I have a very serious boyfriend. We've been together for over two years, and I love him very much. Lately he hasn't been acting like himself. There are some days when he's fine, but there are other days when he just seems out of it. This has been going on since the end of July or so.

That wouldn't be too much of a problem, but, there's this new guy at work. He's funny, and sweet, and I really like spending time with him. Right now, he's more fun to spend time with then my boyfriend.

Yesterday, he (the new guy at work,) was telling me how pretty I was, and we ended up getting pretty flirty with one another.

So here's the thing, I love my boyfriend, but right now this other guy is just so much fun to hang out with. I would never cheat, but is it wrong that I'm even attracted to this guy and am having fun with him?

 

[NewJersey]

If you truly love your boyfriend and want to be with him, then you shouldn't be focusing on having fun with another guy and flirting with him. You should be trying to figure out what's going on with your boyfriend - talk to him and offer support or advice. Relationships require work (as I'm sure you know), and if you want to be with him, you should try to figure out whats going on and work it out. If not, then talk to your boyfriend and let him know that things have been off lately, etc etc. Good luck.

 

[kdibattista]

If you truly love your boyfriend, I would focus your energy on finding out why he isn't acting normally.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I'd work on the relationship with your boyfriend. My DF and I have had plenty of issues, though that was more with other people then with each others. I hope everything works out for you. I also have plenty of guy friends at work though, so I see nothing wrong with being friends with your co-worker.

 

[babymine]

I know I should be spending more time with my boyfriend, but his issues are just so insane right now. He's having family problems, money problems, and job problems, though none of his problems are directly his fault. But he's just always in such a bad mood right now, and so difficult to talk to. He actually said the other day that he wouldn't blame me if I broke up with him, (though he doesn't want me to,) since he's been such a crappy boyfriend recently.

 

[crzyred]

I know I should be spending more time with my boyfriend, but his issues are just so insane right now. He's having family problems, money problems, and job problems, though none of his problems are directly his fault. But he's just always in such a bad mood right now, and so difficult to talk to. He actually said the other day that he wouldn't blame me if I broke up with him, (though he doesn't want me to,) since he's been such a crappy boyfriend recently.

I think then that you really need to prove to him right now that you will stick by his side and help him through his problems.

I don't see anything wrong with having guy friends, however I think right now your main focus should be your guy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with everyone else, that given the little bit of info you have posted, it sounds like you are very serious with your boyfriend, and perhaps you should focus on that.

BUT.... and this is a huge BUT...

I see some big red flags with your relationship with your boyfriend.

You sound young (or immature). It is not at all about 'who is more fun...' It goes way deeper than that.

If 'fun' is what you are looking for, then go for it!!!

If your relationship is more important... then you need to make a commitment to that relationship.

I am not sure what kind of 'commitment' that you have made with your boyfriend. I noticed that he is still 'boyfriend' and that there is no mention of marriage.

IMHO, based on my experience... if there are serious troubles. And if your boyfriend is not willing to seek help. And, if he is not willing to 'involve' you in working together in finding solutions... Instead, he is saying he would understand if you left him.... Well, to be perfectly honest. This does NOT sound good.

I think that you need to try to take a temporary 'step back'. Take a few days to ask yourself if THIS is the man that you are committed to for the rest of your life. You OWE it to yourself to determine your truthful answer to this question. Straight from your gut.

I only had one major boyfriend before my DH. We were together for nearly three years... We never did set wedding plans... He always had problems or issues that 'weren't really his fault'. etc.... And, I am quite sure that today he is still having the exact same types of problems and issues!!!

Looking back, I know that it just was not 'right'. It just was not meant to be. A short time after we separated, I met my DH. We were engaged in less than six months. And, we were married in less than a year.

Now, I do not know you at all. But, I do know that either you are really commited to this man (and he to you) or not. (in other words, no flirting and having a vicarious relationship with other men.)

To me, I feel that this is the question that you need to answer ASAP.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you guys cannot support each other right now when times are hard then a break up is probably best.

That way he can sort his stuff out and you can date.

 

[manning]

You love him very much. ya right, then why are you flirting with the other guy.

 

[bettyann29]

I personally think you should sit down with your boyfriend and find out whats bothering him or going on in his life that things have changed for him.. obviously there is something..

I think it is wrong to be flirting with someone else while you are with your boyfriend.. this is a relationship that you have with him and by flirting with someone else you are not committing to this relationship.. its different to have guy friends and to have a guy you are flirting with.. total difference..

 

[MELSMICE]

Do you have feelings for the "new guy" or is it just fun right now? Remember, any kind of friendship or relationship is fun & great in the beginning. I'm sure your relationship with your current BF was fun also.

I would try to talk to your BF about his issues. How serious are the 2 of you? I don't know all the details, but maybe you should take a break from each other if you are having feelings for someone else.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

How old are you?? Being a little flirty is not that big of a deal in my opinion. However, if your head is easily turned during times of trouble, then that is a serious issue. You need to communicate with your boyfriend.

 

[Feralpeg]

Not trying to be mean, but it sounds to me like you are looking for a way to justify the new guy. If it is really that much trouble to deal with your current BF, then it is time to move on. Don't justify, just do it. If you really love your current boyfriend, your thoughts would be on how to help him, not another guy. Love isn't always a bed of roses. You have to take the bad with the good.

 

[Amy&Dan]

It could be that you and your boyfriend are in a bad spot and with some time, committment and soul searching can work it out. However, if you feel that one or both of you are not able to give that sort of time and effort to this relationship, then it may be time to move on. This guy at work is just one of about a thousand guys you will come into contact with over a lifetime. When you are truly committed, that sort of thing is mildly flattering but mostly annoying and easily ignored. The good looking guys don't stop appearing once you are married but your interest in them needs to. Two years is not a short term relationship. By now you two should be able to get to the heart of each other's issues. If he won't share that's not good and if you find someone else a sweet distraction that's not either. Just remember, fun, at work guy is a novelty at this point. Give him enough time and he'll be on your last nerve too! But in the end, if your boyfriend will not allow you in, he and you have to expect the obvious, that you will find someone who will.

And I have to say, (and I am not minimizing what bf or you are going through) that if you cannot handle this type of stress in this stage of your life, then better to break up now before you marry and have kids. Because that's when it gets really tough. Imagine going through what you are going though now with a couple of kids, inlaws, joint financial holdings and years and years of a life together all mixed in with it.

Good luck!

 

[JunieJay]

If you guys cannot support each other right now when times are hard then a break up is probably best.

That way he can sort his stuff out and you can date.

Thats my advice. I don't think I would stick with a guy who had numerous problems if I weren't married to him. After marriage, yes, before probably not. That might sound cold, but I believe dating is for sorting out these sort of things. If he's in a bad mood now all the time, what will it be like if you marry this guy?

 

[babymine]

Thanks for all the advice, but I just found something out about my boyfriend this morning that is slightly disturbing, so I think I may have to break up with him.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Thanks for all the advice, but I just found something out about my boyfriend this morning that is slightly disturbing, so I think I may have to break up with him.

What did you find out?

 

[NewJersey]

I'm curious too. What did you find out?

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Thanks for all the advice, but I just found something out about my boyfriend this morning that is slightly disturbing, so I think I may have to break up with him.

Is it gay porn??

 

[thptrek]

Is it gay porn??

Too funny. To the OP, don't leave us hanging.