"Bless your heart"

[momof1princess]

this is just amazing to me, i've lived in alabama all my life, born and raised, and i've NEVER heard "bless your heart" used as an insult. it's more like this: person 1 - "wow, i've had the most awful day today." person 2 - "bless your heart. i hope tomorrow is better for you.".
i guess i'd better pay closer attention from now on....someone may be insulting me and i may not even realize it.

 

[hereyago]

My DF was from the North and DM was from the South, I swear sometimes you think the war wasn't over .lol. however:

DF would use Bless your heart for good and bad and DF learned which Bless your heart she was using.

He would say, Don't bless your heart me, I know you are being mean. I miss my DF.

I live here in the South and I barely use it, of course I have on my license plate my personality, so it wouldn't be a shocker for people to hear me plain out tell them what I think. I am not very PC, it works for me though.

 

[Jeafl]

One of my all-time favorite books is Bless Your Heart, Tramp by Celia Rivenbark. It is a collection of essays written by a southern woman, and they are hilarious!

I never thought of bless your heart as an insult at all. I think everyone has a stock phrase that they say when they can't think of anything else to say at the moment.

 

[punkin]

It's hard to explain, but it's not meant in a mean-spirited way. Now, it CAN be said "church lady" style, the same way you'd say, "Oh, lovely" when you step in dog poo, and you don't think it's lovely at all, but usually we mean it in a "poor thing, she's stupid" kind of way. Okay, that doesn't sound better.

An example:

If I were to say, "Dh forgot to empty the dishwasher before he left for work, bless his heart," I don't mean that DH is a stupid callous turdbucket, but rather that he got distracted or maybe overslept or just forgot, and I should feel sorry for him and find out his side before I go all postal on him about it when I see him again.

At work, someone might say, "Jane forgot to chart her I's and O's, bless her heart." Meaning: dang, Jane's oversight made extra work for me, but she didn't do it on purpose, poor thing. She probably had a really busy day.

In other words, while there can be insult, there is also pity/sympathy, and literally to bless someone is to pray for them. So yes, we are saying someone needs prayer because they are scatterbrained.

It's really like a foreign language. You can never learn all the nuances unless you were brought up to it.

 

[rie'smom]

I always use "bless your heart" as a compliment or as a commiseration with one exception on a thread here a a while back. Before I joined the DIS, I had never heard of using this phrase in a derogatory way.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

I always use "bless your heart" as a compliment or as a commiseration with one exception on a thread here a a while back. Before I joined the DIS, I had never heard of using this phrase in a derogatory way.

Me too. I always hear it in reference to someone that has done something really sweet. "Jim wasn't feeling well today, but he painted the kitchen anyway. Bless his heart." or "Suzy used all of her allowance to buy her mom flowers. Bless her heart."

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I never use it as an insult. It is a way to commiserate.

 

[Belle0101]

I use it all the time and I was born a Yankee, still live in Yankee territory for that matter.

I've not meant it as an insult. Like tonight, wanting to use it in regards to my DH. He had surgery last Thursday. He's miserable tonight - the pain meds aren't working, he's had the hiccups and heartburn ever since Thursday afternoon, the soap he had to use gave him a horrible rash, he's just miserable and extra cranky. So, bless his heart.

 

[JaneBanks]

The only time I have a problem with someone saying "bless your heart" is when it's said as an insult (to anybody, not just me). I can see the insult from a mile away. It really does irritate the living heck out of me.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I never use it as an insult. It is a way to commiserate.

Me too. I never use it as an insult.

I am from the south and also think it is passive aggressive and down right rude to use it in a derogatory manner. I just don’t find it to be very polite to smile while throwing daggers. It’s fake. Not lady-like at all.

If I want to tell you that I don’t like something about you or what you did or said, I will come out and say it

But I do love to say “Bless your heart” I mean it though.

 

[Buckalew11]

It's hard to explain, but it's not meant in a mean-spirited way. Now, it CAN be said "church lady" style, the same way you'd say, "Oh, lovely" when you step in dog poo, and you don't think it's lovely at all, but usually we mean it in a "poor thing, she's stupid" kind of way. Okay, that doesn't sound better.

An example:

If I were to say, "Dh forgot to empty the dishwasher before he left for work, bless his heart," I don't mean that DH is a stupid callous turdbucket, but rather that he got distracted or maybe overslept or just forgot, and I should feel sorry for him and find out his side before I go all postal on him about it when I see him again.

At work, someone might say, "Jane forgot to chart her I's and O's, bless her heart." Meaning: dang, Jane's oversight made extra work for me, but she didn't do it on purpose, poor thing. She probably had a really busy day.

In other words, while there can be insult, there is also pity/sympathy, and literally to bless someone is to pray for them. So yes, we are saying someone needs prayer because they are scatterbrained.

I have said it in these ways and no, it wasn't an insult.

this is just amazing to me, i've lived in alabama all my life, born and raised, and i've NEVER heard "bless your heart" used as an insult. it's more like this: person 1 - "wow, i've had the most awful day today." person 2 - "bless your heart. i hope tomorrow is better for you.".
i guess i'd better pay closer attention from now on....someone may be insulting me and i may not even realize it.

This is the way I use it 99% of the time.

Me too. I always hear it in reference to someone that has done something really sweet. "Jim wasn't feeling well today, but he painted the kitchen anyway. Bless his heart." or "Suzy used all of her allowance to buy her mom flowers. Bless her heart."

I say it a lot. I'll be honest, if I do not like something, I don't lie. I either do not comment or I'll find something else to say. I remember when a childhood friend came to see me covered in tattoos. I was shocked. She proudly showed me her works of art ll over her chest and back. My comment was, "Didn't it hurt?" That was all I could think of! the pain!

 

[Aisling]

How is this not considered passive/aggressive? The DIS always has threads about how being passive/aggressive is a horrible thing.

I at those threads!

Some people are passive.
Some people are aggressive.
I'm passive/aggressive.


Bless my heart.

 

[Sparx]

Reminds me of a joke;

Two Southern ladies, Maribelle and AnneMarie, were sitting on the porch drinking mint juleps. They have the following conversation, best imagined with an upscale Southern drawl:

Maribelle: AnneMarie, do you see this huge diamond ring?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought this for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: Do you see that Jaguar in the parking lot?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: And you know that mansion I live in?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: What did your husband buy for you, AnneMarie?

AnneMarie: My husband sent me to finishing school. That’s where I learned to say, “Isn’t that special” instead of “screw you.”


(cleaned it up a touch. )

"How lovely!" also fits the bill for this one.

 

[NaLisa]

I've heard the phrase most of my life, but it seems to have devolved from a genuine expression of sympathy (said in person) to an insult (on message boards).

 

[HM]

My MIL uses it, but Really does mean "bless his/her heart" when saying it. It's used when something sad/hurtful happens to someone and she wants to express care.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

My MIL uses it, but Really does mean "bless his/her heart" when saying it. It's used when something sad/hurtful happens to someone and she wants to express care.

Yes. That is how I (and most people)use it.

When I hear people say it to be mean or snooty, I think they are delusional to think they are being polite.

Please don't think all Southern Ladies are brought up that way. It is not the case.

 

[ilovemk76]

A. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to is an idiot, and they don't realize I'm only saying it so I don't have to say what I'm really thinking.

B. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to isn't an idiot, and they can fake it right along with me. After all, if someone deserves a "Bless your heart" from me, they probably don't want to hear what I want to say anyway.

It's usually A or B.

And I usually consider that I'm bein' quite diplomatic. It's better than saying: "OMG. Look at your ugly kid" or "You're stupid for doing __________"

"OMG. Look at your ugly kid" - "Your kids has such pretty eyes." "Your kid has the cutest smile." Really do you think a kid can be ugly?

"You're stupid for doing __________" - "Maybe try doing X next time instead of Y."

 

[ilovemk76]

I've heard the phrase most of my life, but it seems to have devolved from a genuine expression of sympathy (said in person) to an insult (on message boards).

The first way is the only way I have ever heard it.

 

[Mrs. Sojourner]

This thread really made me laugh; thanks OP.

I was a transplant to the south from the west coast...talk about some culture shock!

Anyways, "bless your heart" is one of many things that has grown on me and I now find funny/appreciate to some extent about southern culture. I do notice that it tends to drive northerners bonkers. I have heard many a time (in a very apalled way) "I can't believe that...in the north we would never do that. We would be honest and tell it like it is." (or something along those lines...) Really people, is one better then the other? No. You are either avoiding saying something mean by filling the akward silence or just plain saying something mean. That's just MHO on it.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

No. You are either avoiding saying something mean by filling the akward silence or just plain saying something mean.

Or you can just change the subject I have heard "Bless your heart" said in such a sweet, but evil way. Then the "victim" walks away and the group of little Belles laugh and pat themselves on the back for being so polite

But I do love the saying "Bless your heart" when heartfelt. My Grandmother said it all of the time