"Bless your heart"

[Poohforyou]

Here's my northern opinion on this phrase. You really aren't living by the "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" mantra when you say "bless your heart" because people know what that really means.

My grandmother and mother also taught me that mantra and up here it means really not saying anything or coming up with something nice like "your baby has the bluest eyes I've ever seen".

 

[Frye7127]

Southern born and raised...this term is used to commiserate or sympathize in my part of the world. When said in that syrupy-sweet, sing-song southern drawl, there is no mistaking the intent.

 

[DisneyCher]

I am a GRIT (Girl Raised in the South) and use the expression "bless her heart" when someone does something wrong/stupid, but actually thought they were doing good. I don't mean it as a passive/aggressive insult.

I've also commonly heard it used to refer to someone who is mentally challenged or "not quite right in the head."

 

[wdwmom0f3]

i'm agreeing with minky on this one. In the south, it's the polite thing to say. That's just the way we were taught.

I have to agree with this.

this is just amazing to me, i've lived in alabama all my life, born and raised, and i've NEVER heard "bless your heart" used as an insult. it's more like this: person 1 - "wow, i've had the most awful day today." person 2 - "bless your heart. i hope tomorrow is better for you.".
i guess i'd better pay closer attention from now on....someone may be insulting me and i may not even realize it.

I was born & raised here in Alabama too and I was always taught that it was something polite so say. I think it sounds sweet myself.

 

[Rora]

A. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to is an idiot, and they don't realize I'm only saying it so I don't have to say what I'm really thinking.

B. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to isn't an idiot, and they can fake it right along with me. After all, if someone deserves a "Bless your heart" from me, they probably don't want to hear what I want to say anyway.

It's usually A or B.

And I usually consider that I'm bein' quite diplomatic. It's better than saying: "OMG. Look at your ugly kid" or "You're stupid for doing __________"

That's how it goes down here too!

I was raised in South Florida (not Southern at all) but picked up some sweet Southern habits during my time at University of Florida. It's a different world up there.

 

[tlbwriter]

Here's my northern opinion on this phrase. You really aren't living by the "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" mantra when you say "bless your heart" because people know what that really means.

But in the south, it is not used ONLY to mean "I can't think of anything nice to say." It is also used quite literally as a kind thing to say. That's why it's not p/a. But if you live somewhere where it's ONLY used in a snarky way, then yes, obviously it's going to be completely transparent.

 

[luvsJack]

Its used a lot when talking about children around here. "Johnny fell and skinned his knee" "Well, bless his little heart!" Or shortened to "bless it" (with the syllables being stretched out).

I don't actually think anyone I know uses it insultingly but maybe as a way to soften the words a little.

Like a little old lady telling you that you need to lose a few pounds, bless your heart.

My grandma used to be the queen of softening her words. She and grandpa ran a small grocery store right on the highway. One day as she was walking in the store, some folks that were traveling stopped and just proceeded to empty their trash from the car into the parking lot. Grandma ran to the car and said "Bless your heart, you just opened the door and everything fell out" and the whole time she was putting all their trash back into the car!! They just looked at her stunned and said "yeah. . . thanks. . ."

She wasn't insulting the people. She just made it sound a bit nicer than "PICK UP YOUR TRASH".

 

[Scurvy]

Yes. That is how I (and most people)use it.

When I hear people say it to be mean or snooty, I think they are delusional to think they are being polite.

Please don't think all Southern Ladies are brought up that way. It is not the case.

I agree. It can be a sweet, polite thing to say. Most people I know who say it actually mean it as a nice thing. But it has also become a running joke to many people that "Bless her heart" is code for any mean thing you're "too polite" to say - and it is completely passive aggressive to use it that way. Anyone who thinks they can use it instead of a negative statement without the person they are saying it to (or about) understanding how it's meant is really underestimating their audience. Most people are smart enough to tell the difference between the nice way of saying it and the witchy way of using the phrase. A truly polite southern lady would never use the phrase in the passive aggressive way, except perhaps jokingly with other people who also understand the phrase. I might tell my sister "Well bless your heart" when she tells me she bought the last one of something we've both been wanting and she got it for 90% off (and we'd both laugh about it) but I'd never use on someone in a non-joking way as a substitute for a ruder phrase. As others have mentioned, using it that way is just as rude as the Church Lady's "Isn't that special?", and it's just as insincere and just as obvious.

 

[Kellydelly]

Never realized that bless your heart meant anything but bless your heart .

 

[mommasita]

Very North here, but we use it all the time also. My Grandmother started me with that.

 

[Goofyluver]

"OMG. Look at your ugly kid" - "Your kids has such pretty eyes." "Your kid has the cutest smile." Really do you think a kid can be ugly?

"You're stupid for doing __________" - "Maybe try doing X next time instead of Y."

If I say yes, are you gonna think I'm mean and evil and tell me, "Bless your heart"?

I'd be lyin', and my mama always told me not to lie, if I didn't admit I've seen some goofy lookin' kids (but PRECIOUS, always precious!). So, I say "Bless your heart" instead.

 

[Lehuaann]

Anyone heard of "love your heart?" Acquaintances of ours, who were raised in the mountains of KY, use it.

 

[snapppyd]

I at those threads!

Some people are passive.
Some people are aggressive.
I'm passive/aggressive.


Bless my heart.

me too

 

[darlak]

I think you're missing an important point. "Bless your heart" is a multi-dimensional statement. It can mean many things. You're suggesting we lie to someone to avoid saying something rude. "Bless your heart" can be both a negative and a positive comment. Usually, the only person who really knows is the person who utters it. When someone asks me if i think their baby or their pet is so utterly precious, what should i say? should i tell them the truth, that their baby has cross-eyes and their dog looks like wet rat? Or should I tell a bald-faced lie and say, "Oh he's so cute!" Isn't that the same thing as "Bless your heart?" Bless your heart can be a prayer, a comment, a put-down, and a benediction.

Exactly. I live in Alabama, very near two tornado ravaged areas. I know 2 of the people killed and dozens who have lost their homes. In the past two weeks, I have said "Bless Your Heart" literally hundreds of times and meant it with great sincerity each time.

Of course, there remains the very real possibility that the next time I utter the same words might be somewhat tongue in cheek.