Grumpy One /
Sounds like you are going through a lot yourself right now. I take it you are in the military? I know that is a very hard life and even tougher to keep marriages together. Good friend of mine just came back from Iraq to a divorce. I think knowing he was was what helped him prepare ahead of time.
You are so dead on about the mental state thing. Its really really easy to get caught up in feeling bad about yourself and overthinking everything. And the truth is some people just are not meant to be I guess no matter how hard you try. I agree that maybe if I change my mental state and focus on other things I will feel better. Some days its easier than other days to do that. Especially since I see my husband everyday ( we are still in the seperation process) . So there are so many up's and down's.
But I will take your advice and focus on planning my trip. And wow maybe actually myself . That would be a huge change in my life right there. Thanks for the pic comment it made me smile. I forgot what that felt like! lol I think maybe I will have a Xbox night with my kids tomorrow. Nothing makes me laugh more than my 15 year old kicking my butt on Halo. Or I should say nothing makes her laugh more. Anyway thanks for everything and I hope things go well for you as well.
Not military but close enough that it doesn't matter. You're right that it's easy to overthink things. I think it's most important to focus on your own wellbeing first. Not to the point of being overly selfish but many people will be overly generous, to the point of neglecting their own needs. I focus a lot on being fair, probably overly, but it seems to be working. Part of my mental adjustment is that she's no longer my wife, she's my "soon-to-be-ex".
Kids are great, aren't they? I used to play the same online game (Warcraft) my daughter does and she still often asks for advice. It's nice to know that she and I have things in common and that she's not totally afraid of being influenced by a parent like many teens are.
Good luck with the separation. Mine seems to be going relatively smoothly. I think a lot of stress was released when we took that big step and recognized that it wasn't working. Now, we're going to be going through the separating process for a while but since we can both see an end, situations that would have had a lot of stress before get little now.
Something that's easy to forget is that a lot of our cultural pieces were put together way back when people worked a lot more each day, didn't live nearly as long and didn't have the entertainment options of today. I have no doubt they had their own problems way-back-when but they were probably different from the ones of today. You can't apply the guilt of yesterday to the problems of today.
cinderella73 said:
The thing is that most women dont want the " perfect" romance. We just want a regular and good person. Someone that can male us laugh and someone we can count on. Romantic moments come here and there and so do fights. But its the ups and downs that make a relationship stronger.
I think the key is to have a connection, there has to be respect. Things can change but as long as there is respect and understanding and communication, a lot can be withstood.
cinderella73 said:
My husband wants to save this marriage and has always been faithful but he is so caught up in his own world that I often feel lonely. He is emotionally selfish if that makes sense. He always talks but never listens. Its leaving me feeling unwell and sad and since he doesnt seem to care enough to wake up and see the damage he is doing I have to take care of me.
I know I've been guilty of this in the past. I felt I was putting more into the relationship than she was and it was gradually driving me nuts. I'll skip the details but neither of us were communicating well regarding the way we were feeling about the direction of the relationship. I finally broke down and tried to talk a couple of times. Sometimes she'd make excuses or denials or turn it around on me (I had faults, of course) but while I was trying, I don't recall a single time she made me feel she was trying to understand my side.
cinderella73 said:
I actually got up the 2nd day in a row and hit the treadmill and I feel great for once . I had been laying around miserable but not anymore. Because I decided I should matter as much to myself as he does to himself. He doesnt like it but I dont care. He either accepts the new me or moves on.
My husband does not realize that love is not a word but a action. Little things mean a lot to us. Flowers mean nothing but save us having to do the dishes one night because you " care " that we are tired ourselves and you have our hearts. My husband brings home the flowers then forgets to say hello and goes on about his day for 3 hours then goes to sleep. When I get upset and try to talk to him he blocks me out and says he cant handle anymore stress. And he cant because he literally stresses out every little thing. If he could only see how he looked. I dont want to pick up where his mom left off. I know I sound probaly mean but its so hard to be wife to a man that not a man. ( sorry for that little vent
) I know I will feel bad for posting all this but its how I feel. I can always delete later. lol
Working out can be very helpful for your attitude. I know I always feel better after throwing iron around and being in shape always gives you a phychological boost. People tend to feel more confident and that often translates into better posture making you look more confident. I think a lot of people don't understand how their mental attitude affects them physically.
cinderella73 said:
I really believe we all choose to be where we are in life good or bad. He always feels like a victim. I cant go through life dealing with him that way. I feel like I can take charge of my life again and it feels good even though it feels lonely and a little scary. Seems like a lot of you here have gone through that same thing and that gives me a lot of hope and strenth.
I've never met anyone that couldn't change their situation but I've met lots that either won't or can't be bothered. It's one of those very frustrating things for me; I'd rather date a (somewhat) overweight woman with a can-do attitude than a Barbi that acts like a victim.
cinderella73 said:
Sure I would love some guy to wisk me away to a castle and place a glass slipper on my foot. But little things in everyday life speak volumes more to my heart.
There's a benefit to experience, you learn more about what's important to you. When I was young, I had a friend that wouldn't date someone under 30, "they don't know what they want". It took me a while before I understood what he meant.
I did the WDW Honeymoon and it was great, but to get married at Cinderella Castle, watching my bride step out of the carriage, it makes my heart race just to think about it. Now to win the lottery so that I could afford it! 
And she didn't share my love for WDW....so now I don't feel guilty when I take more trips there! 
