Birthday Party Advice Re: Parents and Siblings

[LiberalPrincess]

As far as a horseback riding party, yes I would have asked to stay. Heaven forbid your child is thrown from a horse, no one at that party has the legal right to ask for medical help on your child's behalf. And whenever I left a party, I would always leave my cell phone number with the parent in the event something did happen.

The same could be said every time my children play at a friend's house, ride in a car with anyone but me and the list goes on. At some point I had to realize that I will not be with my children 24/7. Sad, but true. While I admire your courage for having that many children at a party, I would see it as my responsibility to cover the supervision of kids coming to a party I am hosting. In the same way I would cover the food, it is just what I consider a part of my responsibility as a host. If I thought that I didn't have enough supervision among my friends and family, I would either rethink the size of the party or then specifically ask the invitees' parents to help out. But, I would never assume that because I had invited their children that the parents were required to stay. It is just a different way of looking at things. I would be thrilled to know that the parents were doing something they enjoy or getting things done while I hosted their kids. Just as I appreciate the time I get to utilize when my kids have plans that don't necessarily include me.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

So you invited 35 5 year olds? That is asking for chaos. As the host, part of your duties is to control the party. If you can't do that then you ask friends to help or limit the number of attendees.

As for my daughter's party, the parents had my cell phone and I was not far. The horses they ride are rescue horses and have an average age of 25 (not kidding) so they just plod around in a circle. She doesn't want me at her parties anymore than I want to hang around.

It was at a hall. I invited her pre-K 4 class plus friends' children (35 kids). Had games, activities, musical chairs, a DJ, Aurora and Prince Philip, blow up guitars/saxophones, etc. I was also trying to take pictures, be polite and converse with the parent's who did stay, stay on top of the cook to make sure there was enough pizza coming out, coordinate the cutting of the cake, the giving out of the party bags, etc.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, somewhat. I believe much depends on the age of the children and the activities planned. In my case too many parents looked at it as a free afternoon for themselves and I think that's why many dropped off siblings as well.

As OP has said, if she prefers to have parents stay and doesn't want siblings, why is it wrong of her to say so? If you can't stay, or can't stay without extra siblings, then it's your decision to be made.

 

[Mkrop]

As a widow with young children, I would be really offended if I received such an invitation.

Why would you be offended

I am sorry you are widowed I truly am but this is not an excuse to either bring the siblings or not be there at a party if it is requested. Maybe you might have to hire a babysitter for that time or decline the invite but to be offended, I dont get it.

You are no different than the parent who has a parent working that day, single parents, or someone who has a spouse deployed. They would all have to find coverage for the party or not attend.

My mom was widowed with two young children and I was away at college so I do get it but you have to do what you have to. I would help my mom when I was home but many times she had to get a sitter or set up playdate if she needed to be with my one of my brothers.

 

[Becky2005]

Unless the parents are explicitly invited, why shouldn't they drop their children off? Why would I automatically attend a party to which I am not invited?...If people want the parents to attend a child's birthday party, then they should ask.

Basically Kindergarten and up is drop & go here UNLESS we are told specifically that an adult needs to stay. It wouldn't even occur to me to stay..I do tend to usually ask if everything is good before I leave but I fully plan on leaving.

As to the pool party, I do like the wording of "due to the nature of the party an adult must stay with the child and due to limited space siblings can not be accomodated"....you just have to be prepared that there will be kids that can not come to the party due to not being able to arrange etiher a sitter or someone to be the adult in charge for the party. It is what it is. I don't think either one is wrong.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I have had parties for DS where I specified on the invitation "We regret that we are unable to accommodate siblings."

He has a winter birthday so I never had to deal with a swim party.
I do see how it will be sticky to get parents to supervise their own children AND leave the siblings at home. Good luck!!

 

[Catira]

I attended a pool party a couple of years ago for 12 yr. old kiddos. The Mom hosting the party hired a couple of life guards and a couple of her friends stayed to help out at the pool party.

I would not feel comfortable leaving my young child at any party, let alone a pool party. I had a bad experience at a swim class at a community pool. My child was then 5 yrs. old and he left his small group(6 kids) and the 2 instructors never noticed. He walked over to the deep area and the instructors never noticed the situation. Had I not been there attending the class, who knows what might have happenned. After the class finished, I went and asked them for my son, and that's when they realized he was not with the group By this time, I had sent him to the car with my Mom to wait for me who was the one that would take him to class while I was working.

So, keeping an eye on every child at a pool party would definitely be very difficult. I would ask that a parent accompany the child for safety reasons.

 

[DizBelle]

I never understood why any parent would think that any child other than the one(s) named on the invitation are invited to the party. Why do they think and invitation to one of their children is an invitation to all of their children? Why would the siblings want to go to a party for someone they are not friends with?

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I never understood why any parent would think that any child other than the one(s) named on the invitation are invited to the party. Why do they think and invitation to one of their children is an invitation to all of their children? Why would the siblings want to go to a party for someone they are not friends with?

Funny how adults understand this when it comes to a wedding invitation, i.e., if it doesn't say "and Guest" then you're invited solo, yet it doesn't apply to children's parties?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Funny how adults understand this when it comes to a wedding invitation, i.e., if it doesn't say "and Guest" then you're invited solo, yet it doesn't apply to children's parties?

So true, but I have also seen parents bring kids to weddings when they were not invited. Bad manners can affect all events for all ages!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

So true, but I have also seen parents bring kids to weddings when they were not invited. Bad manners can affect all events for all ages!

Touche! I have seen people assume their children were invited because who wouldn't want Little Billy to come to their wedding?

 

[NEM]

I am also a single mom of 2 young children, and although we may not attend due to no siblings and our situation, we would not be offended. I totally understand that parties are not a free-for-all. I would just decide how important it is for my child that is invited and either make arrangements for childcare for the other or decline. No problem.

I think putting your needs on an invite is fine. If you require a parent to stay, then so be it. Just let them know.

However, due to our situation, we pretty much make our parties open for all. We are more of a more the merrier mind set. And if limits are set, then those are usually very small parties where it is easy to talk to the parents of the invited (like 3 or 4 friends).

 

[NEM]

Oh...and one more thing. We did have a pool party once for 5 year olds. We did not specify that a parent stay, but did include siblings. However, I hired lifeguards whose sole duty was to watch the children - unfortunately parents get to chit chatting or distracted by small talk. I would definitely have some third party folks there to supervise....especially in a water party situation.

 

[Kellydelly]

As far as a horseback riding party, yes I would have asked to stay. Heaven forbid your child is thrown from a horse, no one at that party has the legal right to ask for medical help on your child's behalf. And whenever I left a party, I would always leave my cell phone number with the parent in the event something did happen.

Are you for real? Like anyone would just stand there and not offer medical help to a child in need while they wait for their mommy to show up and say it's okay? Good grief .

 

[Kae]

I have to say I have never had the sibling problem. And I have also not had a party without what i thought was plenty of supervison, I would never make a parent stay. If they want to that is different.

Kae

 

[mjkacmom]

While I agree with the uninvited sibling aspect of your post, your focus on the "invited child" is part of the point in question. Unless the parents are explicitly invited, why shouldn't they drop their children off? Why would I automatically attend a party to which I am not invited? I don't go to school with my children, nor do I stay for all of their ballet classes, sports practices, playdates, and when they get their teeth cleaned I do not automatically assume that mine will be done as well. If people want the parents to attend a child's birthday party, then they should ask. Comparing a birthday party you throw for your child and their friends to a daycare seems a bit off topic to me. If you aren't willing to have children at your party without their parents, it should be made clear.

Can't agree more (although I didn't appreciate a first grader's mom, who dropped her dd off at our swim party, and neglected to inform us she couldn't swim or have left her with floaties). One they're in kindy, I drop off at home parties, and parties out in private venues. I'll stay at bowling, CEC, etc., until about the 3rd grade. I have other kids I need to schlepp around, and I'm not giving up 2 hours of my weekend on a classmate's birthday party.

 

[mamacatnv]

I personally feel that if one hosts a childs party, it is the hostesses responsibility to have age appropriate activities and supervision for the kids. I don't feel it is right to tell a parent they must stay and supervise, if that is the case then the venue IMO is inappropriate. In the case of the OP I would be looking at some other form of activity.

I also agree with adding wording to an invite stating no siblings or uninvited guests.

 

[HLAuburn]

Thank you all for the replies! To address a couple issues...there are lifeguards around the water park. If it was just a pool and you could keep an eye on everyone in one place, it might be different, but the waterpark is pretty big and it will be impossible to keep everyone together.

I guess I have to remember not everyone thinks/parents like me, but I would NOT leave my daughter at a pool party at this age. Too many things could happen, and I wouldn't expect the parents to be able to keep an eye on every child and even though she's a good swimmer, I'm the only one who is going to know where she is at all times. So I guess whether they like it or not, I will ask a parent to stay. I know with siblings this might be an issue, but if we invite 20 kids, it could quickly get out of hand if everyone brings the whole clan!

I don't really want to make this into a debate, but I want to focus on entertaining the guest (adults and kids) and making sure my daughter has a nice party, so if we decide on the waterpark, I think this is the way it's going to have to be.

And FWIW, I don't usually plan so far in advance but my neighbor and I were talking about upcoming birthdays for our younger girls and the sibling situation came up so it got me thinking. Probably by summer she'll want to do something completely different so it won't matter anyway!

 

[mamacatnv]

Thank you all for the replies! To address a couple issues...there are lifeguards around the water park. If it was just a pool and you could keep an eye on everyone in one place, it might be different, but the waterpark is pretty big and it will be impossible to keep everyone together.

I guess I have to remember not everyone thinks/parents like me, but I would NOT leave my daughter at a pool party at this age. Too many things could happen, and I wouldn't expect the parents to be able to keep an eye on every child and even though she's a good swimmer, I'm the only one who is going to know where she is at all times. So I guess whether they like it or not, I will ask a parent to stay. I know with siblings this might be an issue, but if we invite 20 kids, it could quickly get out of hand if everyone brings the whole clan!

As a side note, my DS spent 6 years as a water park lifeguard. Guards are the last line of defense and should never ever be considered the first line. Many people, parents included think "oh a lifeguard, well my child is safe" NO, THEY ARE NOT, nothing replaces one on one adult to child supervision when it comes to water safety.

 

[DeniseinNS]

You shouldn't have to say that siblings aren't invited, obviously if the siblings name is not on the invite then they are not invited to the party. I have never heard of anyone dropping off extra uninvited kids but if it were to happen to me I would address it when it happened and say "I'm sorry but we are only prepared for xx number of kids and cannot accomodate any extra kids that we were not expecting"
For the supervision I would talk to a few of the parents that you know well and ask them if they are available to help out and maybe get a few adults family members as well. Personally at age 6 I as a parent would not be leaving my child at a pool party, I usually will not go in the pool but I will sit on the side and watch my child. You never know what could happen! Last year we dropped our 8 year old at a pool party and one of the boys at the party did not know how to swim and jumped into the deep end and nearly drowned.

 

[ameraumi]

Thank you all for the replies! To address a couple issues...there are lifeguards around the water park. If it was just a pool and you could keep an eye on everyone in one place, it might be different, but the waterpark is pretty big and it will be impossible to keep everyone together.

I guess I have to remember not everyone thinks/parents like me, but I would NOT leave my daughter at a pool party at this age. Too many things could happen, and I wouldn't expect the parents to be able to keep an eye on every child and even though she's a good swimmer, I'm the only one who is going to know where she is at all times. So I guess whether they like it or not, I will ask a parent to stay. I know with siblings this might be an issue, but if we invite 20 kids, it could quickly get out of hand if everyone brings the whole clan!

I don't really want to make this into a debate, but I want to focus on entertaining the guest (adults and kids) and making sure my daughter has a nice party, so if we decide on the waterpark, I think this is the way it's going to have to be.

And FWIW, I don't usually plan so far in advance but my neighbor and I were talking about upcoming birthdays for our younger girls and the sibling situation came up so it got me thinking. Probably by summer she'll want to do something completely different so it won't matter anyway!

This is where you set the rule that everyone stays together as a group. Or break it up and X amount of kids with an adult. If it is a birthday party, why would you want everyone scattered around the waterpark and not enjoying the time with the birthday girl?