Birthday parties and allergies

[pannm]

What is the right thing to do nowdays...Now, when every other kid who is invited is allergic to something or another and it's never the same allergy as the other kid????

My girls have invited a total of 10 kids. 4 have allergy issues... 1 kid has a lactose allergy, two kids can't eat eggs, one kid can't eat peanuts- but not horribly allergic, just can't eat them (we aren't planning to have any peanut products any ways).

I cannot believe nowdays HOW MANY kids are allergic to something or other. Honestly, I think that it's insane. I understand it- it's just really frustrating for parents who are trying to throw a kids party!!!

So, any good recipes for a dairy free, egg free cake?? Hahahaha. So, do I make two different types of cake? I don't think that's expected from the parents, but what is a person to do?

And who knows if these kids will even EAT it if I make something 'special' for them??? I would be upset if I had to go to all that extra work and they don't even EAT any of it!

I know that one of the kids who can't eat eggs loves doughnuts and there's a bakery in town that sells 'dairy and egg free' products, but this is a KIDS PARTY...am I expected to do something for the kids with allergies???

I want to try to do SOMETHING special, but I would like it to be a little easy on the pocket book and not much work!

Anyone else have any ideas? I would truely be greatful!!!!

 

[Marionnette]

What is the right thing to do nowdays...Now, when every other kid who is invited is allergic to something or another and it's never the same allergy as the other kid????

My girls have invited a total of 10 kids. 4 have allergy issues... 1 kid has a lactose allergy, two kids can't eat eggs, one kid can't eat peanuts- but not horribly allergic, just can't eat them (we aren't planning to have any peanut products any ways).

I cannot believe nowdays HOW MANY kids are allergic to something or other. Honestly, I think that it's insane. I understand it- it's just really frustrating for parents who are trying to throw a kids party!!!

So, any good recipes for a dairy free, egg free cake?? Hahahaha. So, do I make two different types of cake? I don't think that's expected from the parents, but what is a person to do?

And who knows if these kids will even EAT it if I make something 'special' for them??? I would be upset if I had to go to all that extra work and they don't even EAT any of it!

I know that one of the kids who can't eat eggs loves doughnuts and there's a bakery in town that sells 'dairy and egg free' products, but this is a KIDS PARTY...am I expected to do something for the kids with allergies???

I want to try to do SOMETHING special, but I would like it to be a little easy on the pocket book and not much work!

Anyone else have any ideas? I would truely be greatful!!!!

Mrs. X, we are planning to have Princess' favorite cake for her birthday party. I'm afraid that it has (fill in the blank with allergen) in it. Would you like to send something safe for Pumpkin to enjoy when we serve the cake? I would hate for her to feel left out but I don't want to accidentally serve her something that could cause a reaction.

 

[mjkacmom]

Don't worry about it. I have a child with celiac, so no gluten (ie - no pizza or cake). I either send her with a gf pizza and a gf cupcake, or feed her before the party. The only problem I ever had was when I asked a parent what time pizza would be served, so I could drop off a hot one, and she said she had some naturally gf food my dd likes (fruit, cheese, chex cereal), so I said fine, she could just eat that. The mom forgot, and my dd would never say anything, so she just watched the other kids eat pizza and cake.

Most parents with allergy kids isn't really going to trust you if you make something, because there is always a cross contamination issue. These kids are used to bringing their own food.

 

[zoemurr]

I would talk to the moms. If the child is deathly allergic to anything they wouldn't want them to eat something that was made in your kitchen.

That being said, we have a close friend who is allergic to dairy. For years I made dairy-free cakes so he could eat it. I also bought a small football for a child that was allergic to latex when I gave out balloons.

I love the idea of the special donuts. That wouldn't be too much $ or time. I'd suggest that to the moms and see if maybe you can frost it to match your cake? Kids w/allergies are used to having separate things, and usually don't fuss, but I try to include them if I can.

Have fun!

 

[pannm]

I just re-read what I posted. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to be insensitive! Believe me, I am not. I understand that it is difficult for each of these kids and their parents to have to deal with these allergies (my daughter cannot process High fructose corn syrup/corn sugars)...

I am just trying to understand what is 'expected' nowdays. I want to do the right thing and don't want these kids to get sick either.

 

[Chelley00]

Don't worry about it. I have a child with celiac, so no gluten (ie - no pizza or cake). I either send her with a gf pizza and a gf cupcake, or feed her before the party. The only problem I ever had was when I asked a parent what time pizza would be served, so I could drop off a hot one, and she said she had some naturally gf food my dd likes (fruit, cheese, chex cereal), so I said fine, she could just eat that. The mom forgot, and my dd would never say anything, so she just watched the other kids eat pizza and cake.

Most parents with allergy kids isn't really going to trust you if you make something, because there is always a cross contamination issue. These kids are used to bringing their own food.

DD10 is gluten and dairy free because of allergies. I keep cupcakes in the freezer for her to take to parties, and if food is provided, I send either an allergy free pizza or sandwich with her. I never depend on parents to feed my child, either because they forget because they are so busy taking care of the party, or don't realize what contains allergens or aren't careful enough not to contaminate food (one mom gave the kids Chinese food not realizing soy sauce has gluten. Thankfully, DD is aware and didn't eat) Plus, DD would be embarrassed causing a fuss, so it's just easier for everyone to let me handle it.

 

[luvmy3]

As a mom of a kid with tree nut allergies I just have to say that you don't sound insensitive at all, in fact I'd say you sound like the total opposite. I would never expect the party host to accomodate my child's allergies so I always make sure he has something appropriate if he can't eat what is being served. I imagine all the parents of your dd's friends are used to doing the same, don't worry about anything.

 

[pannm]

DD10 is gluten and dairy free because of allergies. I keep cupcakes in the freezer for her to take to parties, and if food is provided, I send either an allergy free pizza or sandwich with her. I never depend on parents to feed my child, either because they forget because they are so busy taking care of the party, or don't realize what contains allergens or aren't careful enough not to contaminate food (one mom gave the kids Chinese food not realizing soy sauce has gluten. Thankfully, DD is aware and didn't eat) Plus, DD would be embarrassed causing a fuss, so it's just easier for everyone to let me handle it.

You're right...I guess I really should know better, since this is what we usually have to do with my daughter when she goes to my parents house or to a close friends home. She's not gone to any parties since she was diagnosed though, so it's all still a bit of a question for me. We're still 'new' at it I guess.

So, to turn the tables around- when my daughter does go to parties or a friends house...is it acceptable for me to send a few little things with her? That's a great idea and it would save me a lot of stress! I would call the parent to explain the situation of course.

 

[mjkacmom]

DD10 is gluten and dairy free because of allergies. I keep cupcakes in the freezer for her to take to parties, and if food is provided, I send either an allergy free pizza or sandwich with her. I never depend on parents to feed my child, either because they forget because they are so busy taking care of the party, or don't realize what contains allergens or aren't careful enough not to contaminate food (one mom gave the kids Chinese food not realizing soy sauce has gluten. Thankfully, DD is aware and didn't eat) Plus, DD would be embarrassed causing a fuss, so it's just easier for everyone to let me handle it.

I always bring my own stuff. This mom is a good friend of mine, and pretty much begged me to let her provide the food. I live 3 blocks away - I would've preferred to bring a pizza, but it was almost an insult that I was bringing food - it was a little weird. Specific food was mentioned, and she had me okay them. I usually just bring a hot pizza, but since she lives so close, and we're friends, I planned on just bringing it at a certain time. Lesson learned.

 

[MSSANDRA]

You are at least thinking ahead and that is more than most parents do! I keep allergy safe cup cakes in the freezer and take one along anytime we are invited to a party. At this point I do not leave DS at any party with out me. I can access the food (main dishes are almost always ok for his PA) and see what he can do. I always ask the host about the cake and if it is safe, he can have some, if not he is good with his cupcake.

Here is what I would do....Include in your invite, a list of all the foods you plan to serve and any info that might help the parents make choices. Say something like due to all the special diets, I thought a little heads up might be helpful. Maybe end with something like, please let me know if there is anyway I can make this party safer for your child. Most parents will just read to see if you have safe foods and bring what they need for their child.

SIMPLE foods are great. Of course not all are ok for every child but I might include: grapes, cheese cubes, veggies and dip, jello jigglers, gold fish and maybe some of those special doughnuts. I would have the food out for drop off and ask parents to please check the food table before they leave and write down any notes you need to have. Do any of the kids need epi-pens? Do you need these parents to stay?

Pretty big responsibility to feed someone else allergy kid!

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

I have 2 Lactose intolerant kids, and I that has grown out of it, and I have grown into it.

I can honestly say I wouldn't really ever think it would be up to the host of go out of the norm to bring/find/serve something just for my child.

Like a PP said, just mention something to the parents, because they obliously said something to you about it.

My kids know their limits even at ages 4 & 5, they know what they can and can't have and how much too.

Don't beat yourself up about it, but FYI Lactose Intolerant does not always = Milk Allergy, most people get em mixed, but each person has their own degree of what they can tolerat.

I think it's super thoughtful of you to even be thinking about it

 

[tigger51276]

On the invites I send out (whether paper or email), I always include a blurb that food will be served and to please contact me if there are any allergies I should know of. Thankfully I've only had 2 kids so far who have had allergies (peanuts and grapefruit juice). At the tea party my DD8 had 2 years back I did make peanut butter and jelly tea sandwiches, but they were kept on a separate plate away from the other tea sandwiches and I was extremely careful while making them to prevent contamination.

Like others have said, talk to the parents of those with allergies and see if they would like to send something along that would work for those with the egg and lactose problems. Lactose can be an easyish one to get around, but the egg is a difficult one.

 

[Gigi22]

Smiled when I saw the OP's message--it reminded me of a dinner party we held a while back. DH has an allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, husband of friend has an allergy to milk and milk products, and finally I find out that another guest has an unusual blood condition that makes it impossible for her to eat meat. It was fun planning that menu!

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

My son is peanut/tree allergic and I always have cupcakes in the freezer to take to parties. I always call ahead and see what is being served and then bring him a safe version of what they are having (I do no let him eat baked goods from anyone but me). Thankfully all of our friends are very understanding and don't have peanuts/peanut butter at the parties. That is their choice, I don't expect anyone to go out of their way but we do appreciate the thought.

 

[ssawka]

Don't worry about it. I have a child with celiac, so no gluten (ie - no pizza or cake). I either send her with a gf pizza and a gf cupcake, or feed her before the party. The only problem I ever had was when I asked a parent what time pizza would be served, so I could drop off a hot one, and she said she had some naturally gf food my dd likes (fruit, cheese, chex cereal), so I said fine, she could just eat that. The mom forgot, and my dd would never say anything, so she just watched the other kids eat pizza and cake.

Most parents with allergy kids isn't really going to trust you if you make something, because there is always a cross contamination issue. These kids are used to bringing their own food.

ITA! DD also has Celiac and we always make sure we send food for her.

 

[sparklynails23]

You could make some rice krispie treats, with dairy-free butter, of course. You could ice them; most store-bought icing is dairy-free.

 

[fakereadhed]

The allergy moms will let you know when they RSVP. Usually they will ask what you're serving and send substituted with their child. Not a big deal. Besides, the birthday cake is for the birthday child, and they share it with the guests- not the other way around.

 

[sookie]

They can send food if they are super worried. I have a peanut allergic kiddo and that is what I do.
You should be able to use a lactose free milk if the kids just have lactose issues. Lactaid is a good one. Peanut should be easy to avoid. Just finding the egg less cake. I wonder if there are any egg substitutes you can use?
and I wanted to say I think it is SWEET that you are worried. Some people act really badly when a kid is allergic.

 

[Sagginit]

i have celiac and often bring my own food. i will eat pre-made (box food) at parties or things like veggies. i am actually really uncomfortable with others making food for me and i am sure some of the parents feel the same way. if you have a whole foods or health food store check them out. eggs can be tough but i have found a number of allergen free items like cupcakes frozen that have no eggs, milk, nuts, gluten etc. while it is not your job i think it is really nice you are considering your options and trust me, it means a lot to people when you do make accommodations for them. the parents know the deal so if you provide a list of food options and let them decide if they would want to supplement that is a good option.

 

[hipchickie]

I seem to be going against the grain - but personally I can't imagine having a party where i was not serving something everyone could eat.

While my own kids don't have allergies, I will admit that some parents I know would not be comfortable with anything but providing their own food anyway, so not sure what my thoughts are anyway LOL