BIN LADEN REMOVES HIS NAME FROM OSAMA MAGAZINE
Lifestyles Monthly No Longer Represented His Vision, Evildoer Says
In yet another blow to the already struggling glossy magazine sector, al Qaeda terror chief Osama bin Laden today demanded that his name be removed from the lifestyles monthly Osama, which debuted to much fanfare last year.
The worlds most wanted evildoer said that Osama no longer represented his personal vision and said that the Thanksgiving issue, whose cover features bin Laden in an apron and oven mitts holding a turkey platter, would be his last.
It was a stunning blow for high-flying Osama magazine, which had been one of the publishing worlds few instant hits in recent years.
The magazine, which had been chock full of celebrity profiles of such Osama pals as Mullah Omar -- as well as beauty features with titles like Grow That Sexy Beard! -- was a publishing sensation when it first appeared in January 2001.
But bin Laden soon found himself butting heads with the German publishing conglomerate behind the magazine who felt that the evildoer was hiring too many relatives on the editorial staff and was damaging the magazines image by releasing a plethora of spooky videos to the Al-Jazeera TV network.
The magazine was further hampered by the sudden unavailability of its next two scheduled cover subjects, American Taliban John Walker Lindh and Shoe Bomber Richard Reid, forcing the editors to accept two last-minute substitutes, former Beverly Hills 90210 star Shannon Doherty and singer Phil Collins.
One staff member expressed relief that bin Laden was ending his association with the magazine.
I dont know if Osama bin Laden is dead or alive, but as an editor he didnt know his *** from a cave in Tora Bora, the staffer said.
****Borowitz Reports****
Lifestyles Monthly No Longer Represented His Vision, Evildoer Says
In yet another blow to the already struggling glossy magazine sector, al Qaeda terror chief Osama bin Laden today demanded that his name be removed from the lifestyles monthly Osama, which debuted to much fanfare last year.
The worlds most wanted evildoer said that Osama no longer represented his personal vision and said that the Thanksgiving issue, whose cover features bin Laden in an apron and oven mitts holding a turkey platter, would be his last.
It was a stunning blow for high-flying Osama magazine, which had been one of the publishing worlds few instant hits in recent years.
The magazine, which had been chock full of celebrity profiles of such Osama pals as Mullah Omar -- as well as beauty features with titles like Grow That Sexy Beard! -- was a publishing sensation when it first appeared in January 2001.
But bin Laden soon found himself butting heads with the German publishing conglomerate behind the magazine who felt that the evildoer was hiring too many relatives on the editorial staff and was damaging the magazines image by releasing a plethora of spooky videos to the Al-Jazeera TV network.
The magazine was further hampered by the sudden unavailability of its next two scheduled cover subjects, American Taliban John Walker Lindh and Shoe Bomber Richard Reid, forcing the editors to accept two last-minute substitutes, former Beverly Hills 90210 star Shannon Doherty and singer Phil Collins.
One staff member expressed relief that bin Laden was ending his association with the magazine.
I dont know if Osama bin Laden is dead or alive, but as an editor he didnt know his *** from a cave in Tora Bora, the staffer said.
****Borowitz Reports****
