Best Man can't come to FL for wedding?! SAY WHAT?!?!

[DISNEY*lover]

So I just got a call from DF and he said that his BM called him saying he doesn't have leave nor the money for the wedding trip?

Say what?! HELP! Girls, can you help me calm my nerves? We're standing at about 6 weeks out and he just now decides to let us know he can't make it when he's playing one of the most important roles in the wedding?!

 

[BecBennett]

It will all work out ok. It's a bit lousy that he's left it this long to tell you. I'd be happy without attendents, but DF wants them.
They're not really needed, except it's nice to have them share the day with you.

 

[jacqu3lin3]

We found out the day before the wedding that the best man (my DH's best friend) was in the hospital with pneumonia. In his place, we promoted one of DH's brothers to best man. Although it was unfortunate that DH's best friend was not able to make it, his brother did a great job as the substitute BM.

The most important thing to remember is that things like this can happen. You just need to breathe and relax and understand that some things are out of your control. This day is about you and your DF and that is what you need to focus on.

 

[PrincessShea]

If your bridal party is now uneven...who cares? The thing to be stressing about is consoling your finance. What a lousy friend he has/had.

 

[MegKate]

If your bridal party is now uneven...who cares? The thing to be stressing about is consoling your finance. What a lousy friend he has/had.

Agreed. hugs to both of you - unless it's a serious emergency, pulling out at such a late date is horrid. He should have known about leave and money before he agreed to be BM.

 

[Wish on a Star]

I'm sorry to hear that! It seems like he may be one of those wedding party members that you look back in 10 years and say "why did I we chose him anyway"

If it makes you feel any better, my wedding party is uneven, because my DFi's best man is a woman. I think it will all look good in the end.

 

[dhay]

Maybe I see this form an entirely different perspective. I am mot trying to upset you just trying to provide another POV so maybe you realize he is not being a horrible person on purpose and I am sure there is a reason he was chose as BM by your DF and they have been friends all your years.

People are really struggling finacially right now and perhaps somethign happened that you don't know about where he just now realized he can't afford to come. He was counting on a bonus and ot has been revoked by his company. He is no longer making commisons because the economy has been tough. Perhaps his job told him he can no longer take the time off and if he does he will be fired. I know this is hard on you but the bottom line is he has to be able to provide for himself and pay his bills and his mortgage etc.

Granted I don't know all the details, but I think we all get so caught up in our weddings we forget people have other lives and famileis etc and forget they have other priroties that do come first.

I agree it totally sucks you are now just finding out and I am so sorry about it but I have to think that there is a reason he just now told you guys. And I have to think there is a reason he was chosen as BM in the first place and try to focus on that. I am sure your DF is upset so instead of riling him up and making him more upset, try to support him positivley this way and say that there has to be a reason he cancelled like this and to remember why they were friends in the first place,. ya know?

Good luck, and regardless and I am sure you will have an AMAZING Wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[sbsteel]

Maybe I see this form an entirely different perspective. I am mot trying to upset you just trying to provide another POV so maybe you realize he is not being a horrible person on purpose and I am sure there is a reason he was chose as BM by your DF and they have been friends all your years.

People are really struggling finacially right now and perhaps somethign happened that you don't know about where he just now realized he can't afford to come. He was counting on a bonus and ot has been revoked by his company. He is no longer making commisons because the economy has been tough. Perhaps his job told him he can no longer take the time off and if he does he will be fired. I know this is hard on you but the bottom line is he has to be able to provide for himself and pay his bills and his mortgage etc.

Granted I don't know all the details, but I think we all get so caught up in our weddings we forget people have other lives and famileis etc and forget they have other priroties that do come first.

I agree it totally sucks you are now just finding out and I am so sorry about it but I have to think that there is a reason he just now told you guys. And I have to think there is a reason he was chosen as BM in the first place and try to focus on that. I am sure your DF is upset so instead of riling him up and making him more upset, try to support him positivley this way and say that there has to be a reason he cancelled like this and to remember why they were friends in the first place,. ya know?

Good luck, and regardless and I am sure you will have an AMAZING Wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This needs to be said again. I wouldn't stress about being uneven, it sucks but there's nothing you can do about it. Just move forward with grace and enjoy your wedding day.

 

[JandJ]

Try not to stress about it, it seems like a disaster right now, but it's really not <<HUGS>> We lost our best man, DH's best friend, about one week before the wedding. It was upsetting but he got sick and it couldn't be helped. We'd only had him and my MOH to begin with (no other attendants). I asked DH if he wanted my brother or another friend to be best man but he didn't; if it wasn't his best friend he didn't want anyone else and I understood that. So, we had just a MOH and it worked out great! She held both rings and my bouquet and it didn't seem "weird" at all! It was too late to cancel the best man's bout, so my MOH wore it the next day to MK and it was hilarious because she left on the tag that said "best man" You will have an amazing wedding day - try not to let this get you down!

 

[Chilly]

Our Best Man and Bridesmaid have just pulled out, so now we have no attendents but I don't mind.

I sure your wedding will be perfect without a BM.

 

[DISNEY*lover]

Thanks ladies. You've helped me look at things with a different perspective. Love you all!

 

[Pirate's Princess]

I'm sorry to hear about that. But I agree with dhay and the other posters. It stinks and it's short notice but the economy is terrible and it's hard to take time. I know it will be sad without him there but all that matters is you and df. Good luck and I can't wait to read the trip report!

 

[Asdfjklm]

Sorry to hear this but hey it could be worse!

My original best man told me 6 months before our wedding that his wife is due with their first child and the due sate is, yup you guessed it, our wedding date. That was understandable and daddy and baby even recorded a video skit after the wedding that our videographer incorporated into our wedding video which was really cute!

Anyway back to the rant I then asked my coworker and good friend of 3 years+, we both started our jobs together within six weeks of each other after moving in from out of state, and he agreed. I had been going to my parents place almost every weekend because of a terminal illness in the family and I was never told to stay in town for a bachelor party so I never even got one. My now ex friend was not liking his job and unknown to me started interviewing elsewhere. He left town in July to move back to Florida where his new job and old friends were. He said don't worry first thing I do when I get there is buy plane tickets to NY for the wedding.

His new job started a week before the wedding and then he says that he ant flex time like we could at my job - his old job- and he can't come. So with a week to go and my brother the only other one in a tux, another goodfriend of mine filled in his spot in the bridal party and did a grea job.

Here's the kicker though my ex friend is still mad at ME!!!!! Since he has to throw away his $800 in airfare/hotel! The nerve of him. You know what I offered to buy him a one way ticket so that he could leave early and be home in Florida aroun midnight Sunday night and go to work Monday. "No I can't do that I would be too tired!" Not like I didn't have to pay 9000 dollars to the band photographer etc istill offered to buy him another plane ticket so that he could keep his commitment. I have not hearsfrom him since and he was mad at me too because I'd not forthe wessig he would have left the job he hated sooner. If he dis leave sooner ironically he would have accumulated vacation time and there would have not been a problem for him to come back Monday as planned. But of course since he planned his life around my wedding without telling me (I didn't know he was seriously gonna leave) then he darned well better have told me sooner. I would have told him leave sooner sothat you will hae vacaition eligibilty. This weekend is our one ur anniversary and we will be at WDW. I suspect your Disney wedding will go more smoothly than our (non-Disney one) please pardon the typos I wrote this on iPhone.

 

[Asdfjklm]

Only to be ignored. I hope you don't think I hijacked your thread I hope everything goes well for you! I stumbled upon this site after searching google about the subject. I had been looking for a "my best man ditched me" group on facebook but didn't find anything so I turned to google and hre I am. Yea I am still bitter one year later. Mostly because he still ignores is wen I was trying to make peace. And today my original best man whom I am still friends with bit not as close as when I asked him added the guy who ditched us last minute as his friend on facebook. FML